mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

About 8 months ago I met this amazing guy and we hit it off and started to see each other regularly and that has now developed into a relationship. When we are together I feel great and he treats me like no other has.

Maurice replies,

I am waiting for the but….

She replies,

I have a man but he is abroad but at one point he will be returning to claim me as his wife. We talk frequently and this other guy knows about him. How can I love two men, is it possible or must one eventually fade away?

Maurice replies,

That is a tricky predicament. Some may tell you to pick the one who is more serious which in a Kenyan context is referring to the man who seems to be the obvious husband material ‘whatever that means’. That was rude of me to assume, you are Kenyan right?

She replies,

Yes I am. My friends have been telling me the same thing. That I should concentrate on the one who will add value to my live. The one who will marry me and take care of me.

Maurice replies,

That sounds very encouraging and somewhat practical but will you be happy with the man who fulfills that criteria. There are plenty of women who have acquired the ‘Mrs’ status but they are miserable at home alone with no emotional or physical connection with their alleged love of their life aka husband. I have a feeling that you want direction from me but sometimes your instincts will favour the right guy for you, the question is will you follow your instincts or will you settle for the man who fits the bill financially.

The worst thing you can do is settle because after a while life will shine a light on the one you should have picked. You will then probably reconnect with him as your side dish and before you know it you will be having an affair that may be far sweeter than your marriage. The other guy might as well be your second husband because of the bond you will most likely have. Living a double life is not easy but you won’t be the first nor last if you ever end up in that predicament.

She replies,

Speaking of husbands and double life, the other guy is married with a family. He is not happy at home but he was honest enough to tell me what I was getting into. The one thing I like about him is that he is real. He does not mince his words neither does he give me false hope about our future. He can never be mine but we cannot leave each other. He does not know this but when he comes to my place I feel complete and his love is so obvious with the little things he does for me.

Maurice replies,

The reality of things is that at one point your man will return to claim you as you put it and if indeed this other guy is in love with you he will definitely get hurt when you pull back from him to give your attention to your potential future husband.

She replies,

Maurice, what do I do? I do not want to regret my choice.

Maurice replies,

I cannot steer you to the right man for you because only your feelings know who that man is. All I can advice is that you go with that man who gives you goosebumps whenever you look at your phone’s caller ID and its him calling you. The man that induces excitement, the one that makes you smile like an idiot in public and people around you are wondering why you are so happy. The man who spoons with you and there is no other place you would rather be but right there in his arms. That is the man you should keep.

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Dear Maurice,

I attended one of your less sexual sessions and I must say your talk was very informative but I did not agree with you on one point.

Maurice asks,

What point is that?

She replies,

You implied that a date should not always lead to marriage, in my opinion you basically told the women looking to get married one day that men are more interested in the physical than a woman’s up bringing and character. Do not get me wrong I am not attacking you I am just concerned that, mind my French, women are out there spreading their legs without any guarantees.

Maurice replies,

Let us define men without all the additions of lifestyle traits that are picked up over the years. Men derive from a variety of social settings but what we all have one thing in common. We are sexual visual beings otherwise you might as well say that all men going out this weekend are looking for woman who likes playing golf, or are more interested in a woman’s intellect, I wonder what happens to that intellect when men are folding women in the back seats of their cars! I can just imagine the conversation “are you an advocate” why she asks, he replies “because your vagina is in contempt”, she replies “I feel your deposition inside me”.

Now, one thing I do know is that women have heard an array of lines from men who make men like me look bad, as if craving sexual exploration is a crime! The truth is ‘unfortunately’ many men will adopt a false character and say anything that appeals to a woman in the hope that her panty drops ‘eventually’. Men like me just say it as it is. No point beating around the bush when when she could be squirting in my mouth. Life is just too short for all this BS.

When was the last time you heard a man telling his boys “guys tonight I am looking for a hot woman so we can share cooking recipes as we get to know each other”, I think his pals would flee fearing to be infected with verbal diarrhea.

Sex is a pass time, I think soon it will be an Olympic sport, and I see Kenya in the forefront ‘gold, silver and bronze’. You can colour it and sugar coat it all you want but at the end of the day unless you are procreating to achieve pregnancy, sex is an avenue that can generate immense erotic pleasure if the application is done right. Sex is primal, it is not flowers in a vase. It is a mix of one’s desire and fueled lust to experience the motions, the journey and finally to climax.

There are no long term guarantees to where a date will take two people but what is clear especially in the man’s mind is that regardless of the number of dates or period taken, he hopes that something sexual will yield from all that coffee and chocolate sampling. If men told the truth they would opt to skip the ‘coffee session’ for a more stimulating one between the sheets.

My advise, take it or leave it, if you want to have sex, have it because you want to have fun, you want sensations running through your body. It is every woman’s right (it should be in the Constitution) to orgasm at least once every time she has sex otherwise what is the point of spreading your legs. Men are biologically programmed to ejaculate but women are not, so gents pull up your socks, assert effort and get her vagina gushing.

*Solid relationship are formed by mutual thinkers who are both aware of the path they have taken and have no unrealistic expectations but enjoy every moment together as if it were their last.

Hi Maurice,

I am having major issues with the girl I am currently seeing. She has gone from sexy to being a pest.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean by ‘seeing’, is she your exclusive girlfriend?

He replies,

Well, she is the only girl I am seeing at the moment so I guess I can define her as my girlfriend.

Maurice replies,

I will take that as a no. Moving on, what has changed in her for her to merit being a pest?

He replies,

At first she was not demanding, if anything she could care less and that is what attracted me to her but nowadays she goes through my phone and steals credit, she even send some to her pals.

Maurice replies,

I need to profile your relationship, how old are you both?

He replies,

She is 22 and I am 28.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean by steals credit?

He replies,

She does not ask for it, she helps herself, I consider that stealing.

Maurice asks,

Does your phone have a password?

He replies,

Yes it does.

Maurice replies,

So I can only assume that her ability to access your credit otherwise known as airtime is due to her having the knowledge of your password which am sure you gave her with the intention of showing her how much you trust her.

He replies,

True.

Maurice replies,

Did it not hit you that that choice would come back to haunt you. Let me guess, does she go through your phone book and gallery asking you all manner of irritating questions?

He replies,

Yes she does.

Maurice replies,

You do realise that you set yourself up for this predicament.

He replies,

Its not just that, she wants to meet my parents as a sign of my commitment to our relationship.

Maurice replies,

Let’s step back a bit, when did you start seeing each other, and what does she do considering her age?

He replies,

Good question which leads to the problem in hand. She is unemployed but she’s in college. I met her at a out of town party through a friend last year in December. Since then we have been hooking up a lot I guess primarily because my boy is doing her friend.

Maurice replies,

So its a ‘shagging’ collaboration of some kind.

He replies,

This started as a ‘fuck plan’ and now it has mutated into a relationship.

Maurice replies,

Clearly you don’t know the rule book. If your only intention is to meet a girl and have sex you should never make it regular, that alters the dynamics and before you know it you are husband and wife.

He replies,

Dude, this chick is so ghetto there is no way I would take her home to meet the folks. First we come from totally different Worlds, she attended public schools in some remote place that I had never heard of and I went to a group of schools. You feel me.

Maurice replies,

Finally, we are getting somewhere. Despite her ghetto traits she must be pretty hot otherwise why bother with her, the problem is that you did not define your relationship. If you had from the onset you would not be in this dilemma. You may have tagged her as your play thing but over the months especially for her feelings for you have most certainly developed and no matter how you sugarcoat it if you intend to tell her that all you want is fun from this relationship then you will definitely hurt her.

He replies,

I really do not know what to do. She is hot and by far the kinkiest girl I have ever met, constantly sending me naughty photos of herself. There are things that are keeping me attached to her but I can’t see her being my exclusive girlfriend.

Maurice replies,

Its all about choices, life is full of them. If you clearly know what you want then you need to man up and tell her. Better to hurt her now rather than drag this relationship and give her further hope that you are her Knight and shining Armour. Having fun in a casual relationship is not a crime but it is important that all parties are on the same page that way no one can allege to have been deceived.

Dear Maurice,

I have been dating a married woman for 2 years and everything has been swell. The problem we are having is that she wants to take our relationship to the next level as she puts it. Don’t get me wrong I feel for her but for me it has always been about being the other man but not ‘the man’.

Maurice asks,

Does this mean she wants to leave her husband?

He replies,

She hasn’t told me directly but I sense that may be her agenda.

Maurice replies,

I am guessing the initial arrangement was about you being her fling, her side kick and now you feel she is changing the terms and conditions.

He replies,

Exactly.

Maurice replies,

You must have seen this eventuality knowing that women are not very good at sustaining the ‘friends with benefits’ contract.

He replies,

But it was her idea to maintain our affair and take it no further.

Maurice replies,

I am not surprised, women tend to make up the rules and change the terms depending on how attached they get.

He replies,

About a month ago she said the three words and that spooked me. Even though it was during a sexual episode I knew things had changed drastically. Being called ‘baby’ I am used to but to hear her say I love you was a bit much for me. I remember I lost my erection immediately and since then I don’t feel like having sex with her as much as I did. Is that normal?

Maurice replies,

It is your mindset towards her that has changed, she is still the woman you have been sexually playing with but after you heard those words the lust part of male attraction to a woman was severed. Have you told her how you feel?

He replies,

I am afraid to hurt her.

Maurice replies,

Unless you are planning to vanish from her life you need to step up and tell her the truth. Tell her you don’t wish for things to change between you, it may hurt her but at least it will be the truth rather than pretending you are fine which will lead to other problems manifesting like you losing your sexual desire for her which is far more hurtful if you cannot gain an erection. Question, for how long are you planning to have this affair with her?

He replies,

We have a lot in common and we are always having fun around each other so I was going with the flow knowing I will only be her side dish. That is the big turn on, the fact that she is not mine but she gives all her attention to me. I am not the husband type, marriage has never been on the cards. We are both well off corporate people and I love my life just the way it is.

Maurice replies,

Even though I feel you should tell her, I must warn you, telling her how you feel about the love thing does have its downfalls, it might change her mindset about you and dilute your current bond.  Your alternative choice is to let things play out as normal and if she reacts more affectionate than normal and utters those words again you can address it at that point. Be prepared, once you let the cat out of the bag things between you will most likely change.

He replies,

Thanks bro, I hope things work out, I would hate to lose a woman who is so sexually compatible with me.