Dear Maurice,
I attended one of your sessions and you mentioned that people marry for the wrong reasons and I think I am one of those women who married for security. I was in the back ground so you may not have noticed me but I was keenly listening to your talk. You made a lot of sense but it hit me hard that you were describing my life at some point during the session.
Maurice asks,
So what exactly did I describe?
She replies,
You described the woman who marries based on a criteria that the man fulfills. I married into a wealthy family where my husband has never had to work hard or struggle.
Maurice asks,
So where is the problem considering many women seek security over other more fruitful facts about compatibility?
She replies,
I have everything but I am unhappy.
Maurice replies,
Please if you may in relation to material things list things that you have that most women seek without giving away unique things that may relate to you.
I have been married for 9 years. I drive an S Class, I also have a VX. We live in a mansion which has 14 rooms inclusive of our guest wing. My husband provides but that is all he does. Our two kids go to one of Kenya’s top private schools. I receive a monthly allowance of ksh250,000 to do with what I please.
Maurice replies,
Where is the problem then?
She replies,
He is never around. I live a life where I see more of my friends than my husband.
Maurice replies,
What does your husband do that keeps him away from you, is he that busy?
She replies,
He works for their family businesses. He is a Director. His life is going to the office ‘briefly’ and golfing with his peers. They have their own itineraries for each week and weekend. All his friends are high flyers. Once in a while the wives are treated to a get together where we all meet up at some exclusive resort and enjoy a week or two together. The last time I shared quality time with my husband was 7 years ago on our second anniversary. My girls keep me entertained.
My husband is talented in the art of throwing money at me and the kids but his time is too expensive for us. I miss a man’s attention to the point whenever any random man compliments me it actually brightens my day but at times I am wondering if all these men are seeing my beauty how come my husband does not.
Maurice replies,
Let me take you back, you more or less implied that you married for the wrong reasons, does that mean there was once someone who did not cut it because their financial ability did not match your husband’s?
She replies,
Yes, I dated this guy who adored me, he was overly loving but he was never going to be anything more than a memorable phase in my life.
Maurice replies,
Do you miss him?
She replies,
Yes I do.
Maurice asks,
Why, after you dismissed him, and would you give it all up to get him back?
She replies,
He loved me for me, the small things he did out weigh so many things my husband has done but I now realise that because my husband’s treats and gifts were all because he could afford them, they had nothing to do with love. It is unfortunate that through emotional hardship I have learned that a man’s financial ability does not equate to love. A year ago at a Hotel we visit for dinner I was pulled aside by one of the women who work there and she told me she was only telling me because she went through a bad marriage, she revealed that my husband normally books for exotic European and Asian girls. He pays top dollar for them to be shipped over for his pleasure.
Maurice asks,
Why stay, or are you the women who states ‘they would rather cry in a Range Rover than be happy on a bicycle’?
She replies,
I stay for the kids, even with my thriving business I cannot pretend to afford the lifestyle and schools they go to. I only have to wait 5 years then I can leave this misery. I keep myself busy with swimming at home in the nude, he hasn’t crushed my sexy side but I wish there was a man to share those moments with or at times I swim at the Country Club, running my business and enjoying life with my girl friends who I must say have been true friends over the years. Life gives you the signs but you ignore them, my best maid was not thrilled when I told her he had proposed and I said yes, her comment was “girl I love you but get ready to be the trophy wife”, I took it lightly but in retrospect she went with her instincts and I ignored them. To answer your question, my ex boyfriend was married but his wife and two girls passed on in a road accident 2 years ago.
Maurice asks,
Have you rekindled what you had with him or are you planning to?
She replies,
I was there for him when he lost his family and we have been pretty close but we have not allowed for an affair to manifest because we are afraid, what if this time round the relationship fails us. Don’t forget, if my husband found out I would be thrown out and as I said I have 5 years to accrue as much as I can from this marriage. When I break the news that I am leaving him, he will not have a fighting chance in court, I will have all the evidence I need to gain from our separation.
My question is this, how can a man show you love for 2 years then he proposes to you only to disappear and have other interests?
Maurice replies,
My dear, the signs were there in the beginning but you subconsciously ignored them plus you were clouded by the wealth and patches of romance that you experienced. Its like being drugged with romantic notions. When a man has money in abundance, he can play any role and lure any woman depending on his effort. With that money and power he can camouflage his true nature and his true character. In doing so because women are visionary he can cause you to have a vision of a false colourful future hence your predicament.
The sad true is that men like your husband are always labelled by many women as the potential boyfriends and husbands. The truly genuine man out there who earns his keep through his efforts and sweat in this day and age is noticed by luck or by that rare woman who wants to grow with her man. She does not seek wealth first but wants a man who will pay her unwavering attention, a man who will keep her happy. The riches will come through their joint efforts and determination to succeed, but that scenario is rare.
Away from the above story, in my professional opinion gold digging used to be within caves but today its rampant in our urban dwellings. As nine men told me a few weeks ago, that to get a woman in Nairobi you must have money otherwise it is futile to find a decent woman (whatever that means), and if you don’t live in a certain lavish postcode then you need to settle for the lower caliber of woman. It made me ask myself, how many men out there think that way and if they do is it their fault for thinking that all women crave money or is it an unwritten rule in our society today.
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I am hosting a session on Saturday 18th October from 7pm, off ngong road near Mucai Road for more details whatsapp me, text or call me 0720229351. The fee is 2.5k per person. Both women and men are welcome. I am recommending that couples attend. I do not have slots for a big group so first come first serve.
The 3 hour session will be interactive for people to voice their views on relationships and it will cover the social dynamics that result to relationships failing. If you learn how to avoid a few social elements your relationship might survive but it takes two to tango.
Book your slot now.
Maurice, your blog is an eye opener
Differentiating materials from love is so hard nowadays, But the unfortunate ones only learn the difference when it’s too late.
Thankyou for enlightening us on marriage
Lucky you girl, some ladies don’t have that luxury but i get your misery.
From experience having a lot of money never brought happiness. My ex had it all but that is all he could offer. Companionship is more than just having a healthy bank account but I see young women being wasted by men and God forbid they marry that man. Misery and psychological torture will be the order of the day.
Its all about who can gain from whom and ballers marrying beautiful women only to mistreat them.
hope shes happy… id love to go swimming nude with her!