Dear Maurice,
I have attempted to address my issue with my close friends and none have been able to advice me without judgement, in fact things are not too good because a close friend of mine betrayed me by sharing with my husband what I told her in confidence.
Maurice asks,
Talk to me, what is going on?
She replies,
I am 29 and I have been married for 3 years and I love my husband dearly but I am not sexually aroused by him. As my friends say he is a great catch, a very handsome man who treats me like a gem but I just don’t feel him in the bedroom.
Maurice asks,
I need to ask. When you meant him initially during courtship were you ever sexually attracted to him?
She replies,
Not really. Maurice, the truth is this, I am a bisexual woman but I prefer women. Everyday at work I glance at women who I wish I could bed but I refrain because once I open that can of worms the little sex life I have with my husband will fade away. It has been a painful 4 years, the last time I was with a woman is when I cheated but I vowed to keep away from women.
Maurice asks,
What has triggered your lust?
She replies,
I have been to one of your sessions and I remember you saying that many couples put on masks to suit the other and I can only explain my situation as one where I have not been myself for a long time and now I don’t think I can pretend anymore. I need to be me but my husband is so closed off especially in matters relating to sex. I miss a woman’s kiss. There’s a thing my fling used to do with her tongue that gave me orgasms. Sex with her had no time limit, she gave me the drive to explore and discover new sensations. With hubby sex is done in 5 minutes if I am lucky. I find myself masturbating just to get myself there.
Maurice asks,
Why date him, why end up marrying a man who you from the onset you knew would not satisfy your social needs? Was it a love will conquer all expectation on your part?
She replies,
I married him because he is caring and a good provider and yes I did believe that love would overcome all hurdles. I must confess I did not agree with your comment at the session when you said that love and sex cannot be put in the same box but now I know exactly what you meant. I wake up hoping that my desires will erase themselves but it seems I am craving a woman’s touch more and more. If it was a phase I was going through then I wouldn’t be so bothered by my feelings but I know that I yearn to wake up next to a woman. I miss the things I had with my 7 month fling. She induced feelings of pleasure even without touching me. She was my toxic charm. I miss how she would rub me down in the bath tub and our kinky milky play with sex toys. I miss breakfast in bed on a Saturday morning with her and our playfulness. Hubby and I have that but the sensual memorable moments are not there, its just not the same.
Maurice replies,
Now that your husband was told about your desire what is currently your communication status?
She replies,
He wrote me a long message on email declaring his disappointment and in short he has told me that he is willing to let me go if my heart desires for a woman. He says he will not compete. While we were dating he once told me if things were ever not going as per my expectations I should tell him so we can find a solution but after hearing the story from a third party he feels I have been dishonest and he wonders what else have I not told him over the years.
Maurice replies,
My dear. I hear you and I hear where you are coming from however you now have a choice to stay or leave. In my opinion sexual desire is strong and yes whether people like it or not it conquers over love more often than not but in your case you are not in love with any particular woman. You are seeking a stimulus that you acquire only from a woman. Which leads me to the question, is the hunt for that pleasure worth your marriage? If indeed you do attain that pleasure, will it sustain your life, I highly doubt. Its like a cheap thrill, it only goes so far before the craving withers. There is only so much chocolate you can eat in one sitting. Your marriage is long term unless you feel you need to get away without looking at incorporating your husband in your desires. Before you paint him as the conservative guy who is not willing to try new things I strongly recommend that you open up to your husband once he accepts to have dialogue with you and candidly tell him about the real you, its time you openly discussed your sexual preferences. You have nothing to lose at this point, if he is not responsive as per your liking then you can make that choice to stay or leave but at least give your future together a chance. It does not happen often enough but I have seen couples change their social interaction which opens up doors to an assortment of sexual explorations.
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mauricetherapy 
We know the characters we marry and yet we complain later when it is too late. Stick with what you have, no one forced you to spend the rest of your life with the man you agreed to marry. You made a choice, stick by it.
Claire Mugo dont be too harsh on her please.She has explained herself too well and i agree with Maurice that she needs to open up to her husband and tell him again about her sexual preferences and from the feedback she gets…..then she will decide either to stick by it or not……
I do not think her husband will manage to deliver. She should follow her heart if it is a woman she wants then so be it.
Lucky for me my husband agreed to another woman in my life. She should try him out before leaving. If someone values you they will move mountains to please you.
ur lucky
Telling her to follow her heart is misleading her. You cannot have a fling, which is for a moment to pleasure yourself, with a marriage. Like Maurice said, it’s very important you discuss any sex issues, concerns and fears while dating or in boyfriend girlfriend mode before proceeding. You cannot wait till after marriage, when your partner has no clue on your sexual needs and fantasies, to surprise him. That’s being selfish to your feelings, a failure to communicate. Talk over that. Be role players in your sex life, and turn the 5 minutes sex with him to 50 minutes of bliss. Don’t focus on flings while having sex with your man. This is the time to come out, be the tigress in your bedroom, and a cougar in his life. It’s totally wrong to marry one as a provider and hood man, when you are emotionally detached. You’ll suffer for long in the relationship and finally collapse, when there will be nothing left for you to lean on, ideally when you needed him the most. Develop a morally satisfying and fulfilling sex life with him. You have a rare jewel many die to get. Good luck.
Hi Maurice
Am age 20, have sex severally with different women because each of them won’t give it to me again, because they weren’t satisfied by me, Maurice to be sincere have never found sexy sweet because I have short erection, actually it’s 5 minute , am always embarrassed by this,at times I have to wank in order to gain ejactulation. Plus am in love with a beautiful girl but can’t fuck her because I can’t afford to lose her because of my poor performance in bed.