mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been dating a married woman for 2 years and everything has been swell. The problem we are having is that she wants to take our relationship to the next level as she puts it. Don’t get me wrong I feel for her but for me it has always been about being the other man but not ‘the man’.

Maurice asks,

Does this mean she wants to leave her husband?

He replies,

She hasn’t told me directly but I sense that may be her agenda.

Maurice replies,

I am guessing the initial arrangement was about you being her fling, her side kick and now you feel she is changing the terms and conditions.

He replies,

Exactly.

Maurice replies,

You must have seen this eventuality knowing that women are not very good at sustaining the ‘friends with benefits’ contract.

He replies,

But it was her idea to maintain our affair and take it no further.

Maurice replies,

I am not surprised, women tend to make up the rules and change the terms depending on how attached they get.

He replies,

About a month ago she said the three words and that spooked me. Even though it was during a sexual episode I knew things had changed drastically. Being called ‘baby’ I am used to but to hear her say I love you was a bit much for me. I remember I lost my erection immediately and since then I don’t feel like having sex with her as much as I did. Is that normal?

Maurice replies,

It is your mindset towards her that has changed, she is still the woman you have been sexually playing with but after you heard those words the lust part of male attraction to a woman was severed. Have you told her how you feel?

He replies,

I am afraid to hurt her.

Maurice replies,

Unless you are planning to vanish from her life you need to step up and tell her the truth. Tell her you don’t wish for things to change between you, it may hurt her but at least it will be the truth rather than pretending you are fine which will lead to other problems manifesting like you losing your sexual desire for her which is far more hurtful if you cannot gain an erection. Question, for how long are you planning to have this affair with her?

He replies,

We have a lot in common and we are always having fun around each other so I was going with the flow knowing I will only be her side dish. That is the big turn on, the fact that she is not mine but she gives all her attention to me. I am not the husband type, marriage has never been on the cards. We are both well off corporate people and I love my life just the way it is.

Maurice replies,

Even though I feel you should tell her, I must warn you, telling her how you feel about the love thing does have its downfalls, it might change her mindset about you and dilute your current bond.  Your alternative choice is to let things play out as normal and if she reacts more affectionate than normal and utters those words again you can address it at that point. Be prepared, once you let the cat out of the bag things between you will most likely change.

He replies,

Thanks bro, I hope things work out, I would hate to lose a woman who is so sexually compatible with me.