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Dear Maurice,

I have followed your work for a long long time and I never thought I would need your generousguy ihelp, but here I am in a situation which I hope you can help with with. I have been dating this guy for 2 years and he is a great guy, very generous but I hate the way he controls my life.

Maurice replies,

What do you mean by controls your life?

She replies,

When we first met he was not as controlling, he would come over to my place and leave without fussing over some things. Nowadays, he fusses over every element of my life. He is so insecure, I realised this when I moved in with him one year ago. I think it even got worse when he bought me my Prado.

Maurice asks,

So am I to assume that he is your exclusive boyfriend?

She replies,

Yes Maurice, I love the guy so much but I hate the way he treats me. I have to follow so many rules and yet he is hardly here, I only get to see him twice a week if I am lucky.

Maurice asks,

If you moved into his place then why do you only see him twice a week?

She replies,

Because he has to go home to his wife and kids. He moved me into what he said used to be his play house, its an apartment where he used to bring girls and his wife has no knowledge of the place. He said he has had it for 9 years. I know he pays for my lifestyle but is there a way for me to change his attitude on caging me.

When I go shopping, I must be picked up by his driver. He monitors my movements through some app in installed on my phone. I have to drink whiskey in hiding with my pals. When we met he said that women should not drink whiskey and beer. I now have to pretend I like the wine he keeps buying for me.

Maurice replies,

You do realise you are dating a married man who in most cases is set in his ways and will enforce his law on you, which means the probability of changing his perceptions is nil. When you decided to couplefistembark on this journey of adventures you set in motion a trail that has gotten you into your current predicament. The truth is, this breed of man will not change. As you said he is catering for your lifestyle and I hate to speculate but if you were to try and put your foot done he would most likely eject you from his life. If you are living in his once play house it only means that he has found some form of stability with you, men do not easily give up the one place they can indulge in sex with multiple women. You are the next phase of his play boy life. There is something about you that enticed him enough to be done with his serial infidelity. I feel it has everything to do with his perceived power of you and the sexual and non sexual delights you offer him.

She replies,

You mean there is no changing him and why is he so insecure about men in general, he dislikes my male friends and at some point he hinted that I need to disconnect with them?

Maurice asks,

If I may ask, how is your sex with him, if you were to compare it with your experiences out of 10 what would you give it?

She replies,

I would give it a 4, because he cums before me and I hardly cum unless I fake it.

Maurice replies,

There you go, I know insecurity especially in a man is ugly and unattractive but you need to understand that every man on this Earth knows of his sexual prowess. Your man’s insecurity is valid in the context of his limited ability to perform between the sheets. He knows there are man who rank much higher than him so he uses his financial prowess to provide for you as his weapon. He also monitors you to keep you in check, which is all driven by his instinct to protect his ego. Team mafisi is real.

Last but not least, men pretend to women but he know that you are not in his life because of the sex, especially when he knows he does not rank highly in sexual realm that is dominated by sexual alphas. He has to secure his greatest fear of you two timing him with another man or men. You have a simple choice to stay or leave.

She replies,

You are right. I know my reasons for being in this relationship. I will do my best to keep my sanity. I am willing to do anything to try get him to trust in me more. Please send me some articles on seduction, perhaps I can implement a few tips. I need to have him play to my tune not the other way round. Thank you Maurice, you have been helpful.


 

To my esteemed readers, this year I have been able to conduct private sessions online with individuals and groups via video call on Whatsapp or Facebook LIVE covering different topics in relation to sexuality and relationship. Do not hesitate to contact me on 0720229351 if you would like to book and schedule an online session. Thank you for your support.

 

 

Dear Maurice,

A friend of mine said you could help me with a problem regarding my boyfriend. We have been dating for 9 months and I really love the guy, to be honest I am deeply in love with him.

Maurice asks,

What seems to be the problem?

She replies,

I think he has been taking me for a ride, I feel we don’t want the same things in life.

Maurice replies,

Please explain.

She replies,laughingblackcouple

When we met it was all fun and games but after our talk the other day I kind of realised that is all he wants from me. I told him that its time to move to the next level, he asked what that meant and I told him that I wanted him exclusively as my man.

Maurice asks,

What did he say?

She replies,

His reply was both heart breaking and shocking, he said he was not built for a monogamous relationship. He reminded me of what he had said when we were on our first date.

Maurice replies,

Which was?

She replies,

He had told me that he was not into having one woman in his life and if we were going to have anything I needed to accept it or walk away. Maurice, I thought he was testing me at the time and I stayed on because we hadn’t gotten serious like we are now. I thought by now he would have changed his mind about his polygamous ways. I have given him my all, my body and mind. Why can’t he appreciate all that I have done for him. I have slaved in his kitchen to make him delicious meals and done his laundry only for him to reject me despite the love I have for him. Maurice is this fair?

Maurice replies,

I can only give you my analysis on your predicament based on facts. It is evident that he made it crystal clear that he was not going to be exclusive to you. It is also clear that your thoughts reflect certain expectations that were not shared on your part during your first date. That is where all your problems started. He read you his terms and conditions and you jumped right in and signed on the dotted line. You did not even need to read the fine print, the contract you were embarking on was clear as day.

She replies,

Does that mean I must tolerate his going out ‘with the boys’ where I know he meets other women? Maurice, I don’t think you understand what I have done for this guy. I have never been so sexual with any other guy. For 9 months, I have given my body to him, constantly on the phone wanting more of him. I have gone the extra mile to please him. Which leads me to my other issue with him. He hardly initiates a conversation on chat, its always me. Granted when we are together he makes me feel good but I want more from him. Its like we only have fun together, having sex, going out, eating and more sex. That can’t be all we will ever have.

Maurice replies,

If I may ask, is the sex close to the best or the best you have ever had?

She replies,

OK Maurice, to be honest, it is beyond the best. I am so sexually connected to him and that is why I want more from this relationship.

Maurice replies,

Well, great sex due to the stimulus levels the body receives has a way of bonding you to a person and that is exactly what has happened here. As the connection intensified you grew to know him and at some point you gradually fell in love. I can guess that sometimes he doesn’t even pick your calls because he believes it will only lead to a fight, is that correct?

She replies,

Yes, that is the excuse he uses a lot.

Maurice replies,

It is not an excuse, it is the reality. He knows he can’t deliver what you want from this relationship so he finds avenues to minimise quarrels. The truth is he never lied to you about how he wanted your relationship to work. He gave you the format and you went a long with the program. Right now you have a choice, to stay or walk away before you invest even deeper emotionally.

She replies,

Are you saying he will never change? Will he never want to settle down?

Maurice replies,

Well, only he will decide on what he wants in the future and considering he said he is not built for monogamy, I would not bet against him. There are men who are not designed for the picket fence, children and dog setting. You need to accept what you signed up for or move on. The ball is in your court.

She replies,

Maurice, I love this guy. What if I don’t find another like him?

Maurice replies,nakedblackcouple

Despite his stand on monogamy, the questions you should be asking yourself are, does he make you happy, does he make you feel like a woman…. and to add to the pudding if his sex is as great as you say it is, if I were you, considering you can’t detach his penis, I would stick around.

The fact is you can do far worse with a man who marries you and promises you bliss and ends up feeding you nothing but misery ‘day in day out’ with a combination of horrid sex. Like I said, the ball is in your court.

She replies,

Thank you Maurice. I will weigh my options and seriously consider your consult. Though I wish by some miracle he could see things through my eyes.

 

Lessons to learn:

Never assume a relationship will always move to the next level (whatever that means)

DO NOT associate sex with love (sex is a source of stimulus, it is driven by degrees of LUST)

Having good/great sex does not mean we are dating, it does not mean we are going to get married (it means we mutually have sex with beneficial outcomes)

Appreciate a man who tells you the bitter truth and stop celebrating men who only tell you what you want to hear as a means to an end, either way you will be fucked in more ways than one!

And please, when you have great sex DO NOT over value your vagina and down play the man’s function (when you were screaming his name and flooding the bed with squirt, someone asserted themselves to make it rain so take a moment and give credit where it is due)

#allwomendeservetoorgasm If you are a man and you don’t agree with this hashtag, please step aside and watch #orgasminducers do what they do best


 

 

Dear Maurice,

I have been following your work for some time now and I need your opinion on my current love life. I am dating 3 men. Let me explain. About 2 years ago I started dating this guy and by our fourth month I got bored and met this married man who treated me so well and still does to date. Then a year ago I met the third guy who I am in-love with but I feel the need to dump him because he treats me with a degree of arrogance. He is hardly there for me, he does not make any effort to pursue me. He loves it when its me in need of him. We can even be out clubbing and he decides to leave me there alone not minding how I will get home or even my safety.

Maurice asks,

How can I help?

She replies,

I fell in-love with him because he felt right, there was a sense of ownership, that I can have a man of my own, whom I don’t need to share. He was a distraction from the married man but shock on me. This guy mistreats me and only tries to make me happy when it suits him. He is hot and cold, but mostly cold and yet I find myself hanging out with him, why, only the Universe knows.

To be honest despite my love for Mr ‘mistreatment’, I still regard the married man as my firstbld059668 option. He is mature, focused, pleasant to speak to and has no dramas unlike Mr you know who. I love the way he wines & dines me. I love the fact that I get to dress up and look fabulous for him.

Did I mention Mr ‘mistreatment’ has a temper and likes fighting with men who look at me. I am laughing as I type because I have just remembered that I mentioned the interest of having a private session with you to Mr ‘mistreatment’ and he got so annoyed, he was so insecure. But when I mentioned you to the married man he was so up for it, his exact words were ‘go learn and teach me’. So open minded and believes in his own manhood. I find that sexy.

Whether he has been joking or not, the married man has be consistent in telling me that he can have me as his second wife if I am ready. I have always declined but now I want to give it a try. He has promised a lot and he is the only man who has been there for me financially without pressure for sex. Oh, by the way, we have not slept together in all that time even when we go out of town we just cuddle and spoon till morning. Maurice, this man is mature and responsible and I connect with him.

The other thing I like about him is that he does not speak ill of his wife. Though, I once had a confrontation with her but that is a story for another day. Maurice, this man can give me a good life and provide well for me. At first I was reluctant to invest my feelings hence how I met Mr ‘mistreatment’ but now I want to risk it. Unless I venture I will never know what could have been.

Maurice asks,

You seem to have left out the first guy, am curious to know whats going on there?

She replies,

He is like my spare wheel, he has his use when I need him to do a few things for me but his expiry date is coming up real soon.

Maurice asks,

How old are you and how old is the married man?

She replies,

I am 23, he is 35.

Maurice replies,

I am not one to follow societal rules but have you thought about your family, will they embrace your decision to date a married man and embark on the journey of being his second wife. Is the wife even aware that her husband plans to introduce polygamy to his matrimony! In short, are you ready for possible resistance from a variety of people. What you do with your life is your business but your choices will have consequences. Men can be extremely convincing when they have an agenda that suits them. You need to trend carefully as much as you believe he is being honest with you. You must ascertain that his words have substance so that you avoid being a victim of the euphoria of what could be your near perfect life. Indeed, your goal may be achieved but you must evaluate the down sides of your actions to avoid being just another statistic while the man continues living his life as you wallow in misery and regret.

She replies,weddingdress

Noted Maurice. I told him that I need to see him about the promises he made. He knows am ready to be his and I am willing to weather the storm until my wants and desires are realised with him. I told him if his wife was that good he wouldn’t be with me and anyway am not here to fight her, I just need to secure my place in his life. He wants a baby and I am giving him one without question. But first I need to dismiss the luggage I am carrying so I can concentrate on one man. He must also show that he will cater for me and the baby for the long haul. Maurice, thank you so much for your insight. I appreciate your time.

Maurice replies,

Anytime my dear. Please keep me in the loop.

She replies,

Will do. Have a good evening.


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Diaspora Love II

Dear Maurice,

I need you advice. I got your number from a friend last year in November, I was supposed to call you and book you for the squirting private session, I really want to learn how to squirt but there has been developments in my life that have caused me to postpone. My boyfriend has been stressing my life and I need your counsel to decide on what to do.

Maurice replies,

What is going on, tell me more?

She replies,

I met my boyfriend in May 2015 and after dating for a few months I moved in with him. In November 2015 he received word that he had be accepted to work in Dubai. By mid December 2015, he had flown to start his new job. There were many promises for me to join him but that discussion has never been. I am not complaining because I have a good job and I live rent free. He also sends money to cover for my other expenses so I hardly use my salary. The problem is that he keeps threatening to chase me from my house and he also keeps saying he will sell the car or give it to his brother.

Maurice replies,

I need to be clear, so who’s name is on the lease or who owns the house? Regarding the car, who owns it? And why does he threaten you and how many times has he done it?

She replies,

The house is under his name, it is a rental. He owns the car, he bought it for me last year in June 2016. Since he bought the car he has accused me of cheating twice, that is the same time he threatened to have me evicted and the car taken away. The last time he threatened me was in December and he canceled his trip home because he said we are over. That was why I postpone our private session. My ability to squirt was meant to be a surprise for him but he spoilt my plans.

Maurice asks,

Well, I must ask, have you been faithful to him?

She replies,black-couple-cuddling

Maurice, the truth is I get lonely and I once made out with my neighbour but he refused to have sex with me in the house, he said he can’t have sex on another man’s bed. He is married so we couldn’t go to his house. That was in October 2016.

Maurice replies,

At least you have a somewhat considerate neighbour. Is that the only time you have fallen prey to lust? And how did your boyfriend know?

She replies,

I have kissed a few guys while clubbing but it was just a kiss nothing more. I don’t know how his suspicions started but he keeps saying that he has spies in the Estate who tell himunhappy-black-couple about my whereabouts. But he has no actual evidence. He is currently back home and he has not brought up the chasing me away story. It has been 2 weeks since I picked him up from the airport. We have only been out for a drink once, most of the time he drives off and comes back at his own leisure. Maurice, what is going on here, does he love me, am I wasting my time, do we have a future considering he is always posting pictures of him and other women on facebook, sometimes in bathing suits. When I ask he says those are his friends and that he hates women who nag, in short I should keep quiet about his social life.

Maurice asks,

Have you been having sex for the last 2 weeks?

She replies,

Yes. Despite everything he still wants to have sex when he gets home. He has a routine. He gets home, he pours us a drink and I serve him his meal then at some point in the night he indicates or physically suggests having sex. He is not romantic at all so he just tells you ‘lets fuck’. I must admit he knows how to fuck me and that’s about it when it comes to our relationship.

Maurice replies,

The reason I am asking is because you might just be his convenient fuck for now. You may have had a chance at cultivating and nurturing a solid relationship but after his new life in Dubai set in, things may have changed for him. He probably wants to have his cake and eat it too. He knows he holds all the cards, he pays for the house and for your lifestyle. He even bought you a car. Whether you have been loyal to him or not, that really doesn’t matter at this point. If he is fearless enough to post photos of him and other women, that in itself is a red flag stipulating that things are not good on the relationship front.

She replies,

Maurice, are you saying our relationship has no chance? I need you to make it work.

Maurice replies,

I am not trying to demoralize you but stating the facts based on the information I have. For how long is he going to be in Dubai?

She replies,

He is there for at least another 6 years as per his contract.

Maurice replies,

Do you think your relationship will survive another 6 years with you here and him in Dubai. From dealing with couples in long distance relationships I know better than to promise the impossible. As it is you have not been faithful and without any doubt he will not be sexually faithful to you. Like I said, this man most likely wants to have his cake and eat it too. In my opinion, he will have you in his life as long as he can afford it and deems it viable. The day he is done, he will for sure evict you and take away anything that belongs to him. If I were you, I would start planning my back up strategy. You need a car, so buy one. While you are still living within your comforts you need to secure your lifestyle so that if the day comes you are ready to move on. Unless he has a sudden change of heart and makes plans for you to be together I really wouldn’t commit fully to this relationship arrangement. You need to take control of your life and let a man be a bonus but not everything in your life. That will minimize future disappointment.

She replies,

I get your point loud & clear. What you are saying is that I should take as much advantage of him before he boots me out.

Maurice replies,

Well, am glad you said it not me. Just make sure you take care of your interests. Good hunting.

She replies,

Thank you Maurice. I know what to do now, and I will be calling you for that session once he flies back.


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Dear Maurice,

I am an avid fan of your work.

I have been married for 9 years. My husband and I have 2 beautiful children, a boy and a girl. I love my family but I have reached a cross road and I need your advice on how best to handle my dilemma.

Maurice asks,

What is the dilemma?

She replies,

I am 35, and when I met my husband I was 23, very much in love with a fellow woman. We had dated for 3 years. Pressure from my parents was mounting, they completely dismissed my bi-curious somewhat lesbian lifestyle. Mother understood but she had to side with her husband and extended family. Maurice, that was the beginning of my fake life. I have neverlesbianaffair really been in love with my husband. All I know is that he has been a good man to me and an extremely dedicated father to our children. I thought I could learn to love him but that has not been the case. Our sex life has suffered since day one, even though I am sometimes attracted to other men, I have never found my husband sexually attractive. We have sex once every two month and we have even gone for almost one year without sex. Because of this, he has had several affairs that I know of but I have never confronted him. He deserves to be happy like any other man so I ignore his infidelity. I have felt trapped for the last 7 years, at the point I knew I could never love him the way I should. How do I gain my freedom and how do I explain to my children that I need to live a separate life from their father?

Maurice asks,

Does this mean you want to leave your marriage and have you had your own affair within your marriage?

She replies,lesbianaffair-ii

What are my options Maurice. I have lived a lie for too long but my worry is my children. I have had two occasions where I had sex with my former girlfriend who now lives in the UK. She has been home twice in the last 7 years and every time she has been around we have hooked up. There was a time I almost had a one night stand but on the night I backed out. The guy was married and I wasn’t ready to get onto that roller coaster.

Maurice asks,

Does your husband seem happy, is he content with your current living setting?

She replies,

He looks happy, we used to fight a lot about sex but after he begun to sort himself out I can say he is happier than before, we have not fought about sex in over a year. We still do family things and for some reason he still plays his part as my husband and takes me out on dinners and holidays. Like I said, he is a good man.

Maurice replies,

I have dealt with similar cases and the only way for both of you to have fulfillment is for you to tell him the truth. It is the only way for you to maintain your family structure without disrupting your children. It has worked for many couples and I am sure with my mediation it can work for you. Unless your husband is the most selfish man on earth of which I doubt, once he has the facts, I do not see him refusing to mold a lifestyle that suits both of you. The idea is to find the best formula for you and him to co-exist under the same roof.

She replies,

I already feel a sense of relief that there is an avenue we can take. I know my husband will be willing to meet you because he has always sighted that we should consult with a relationship expert but I have always been reluctant because I did not want to meet a traditional counselor who would more or less force me to try and love my husband which would mean living in misery for the rest of my life.

Maurice, if I may ask, why do we have such conducive rules for our African men and yet what I am asking for is given to men free of charge, it is not even a debatable subject when it comes to men. Men can live their family life and still have another fulfilling life outside marriage, why do we women have to beg for the same conditions.

Maurice replies,

I am a liberal, that is a question for the majority conservative men who form our African society. If it were up to me the playing field would be level.

She replies,

Noted.

Maurice asks,

So to be clear, during the mediation you want your husband to give you the freedom to date, is that correct?

She replies,

I want him to know that my feelings for my ex lover are still there and she feels the same. She is willing to relocate for me because I told her I can’t leave my children. But at first we would commit to our long distance relationship until she can figure out her career options in Kenya. She has also tried dating men since we parted and it has failed to work for her too. That is why I know where my heart lies. Let me talk to my husband and schedule our session for possibly next week. I will leave the handling of the mediation to you. Please, make this work for us, for me.


OPEN SESSION in March

For those interested in attending my open session please contact me on 0720229351, you can call or Whatsapp me (serious people only).


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Why I married him?

Dear Maurice,

I am struggling in my marriage and I need your advice.

Maurice asks,

What seems to be the problem?

She replies,rich-black-man

Looking back now, I used to date a certain type of guy, the bad boy variety and I rather enjoyed it until I felt it was time to get married. I met my current husband 3 years ago and decided to disconnect with all other men that were in and out of my life. It was time for some stability and I wanted a focused man who I can share life with. I can say that I was blessed with that man who caters for all my needs as his wife but I am bored. He is overly good to me and too predicable for life. He has friends but it is like they avoid him or something. I don’t think he has social skills.

Maurice replies,

Please expound on his lack of social skills.

She replies,

He tries to blend in with general talk but before you know it, his discussions always linger around politics and his line of work, he is a know it all lawyer, which can be quite annoying. He must be centre of attention and he loves to discredit our people’s views. Maurice, even when we go out of town to have fun, he wonders why I cannot get wet with the same discussions as other people with us (couples) are trying to set the mood with light hearted talk.

Maurice replies,

Based on what you have shared, you have your answer to why his friends tend to avoid him. My question is, how can I help you?

She replies,

Like I said, I am bored. Our sex life is extremely bad. With all his big talk, his game is pathetic. He is usually done in minutes and likes to praise his performance which is non existent. I have never had an orgasm by him. I masturbate when he falls asleep, that has been the norm for 4 years. Is it normal for a man never to ask if you have cum? In our 4 years together he has been consistent. He just pumps away and ejaculates then straight to sleep. He has never asked about my orgasm. In some weird way I think he believes he is very good, it is perplexing to say the least.

Maurice replies,

Remind me of why you married him?

She replies,

If you had asked me this question 3 years ago the answer would have been motivated by his financial capacity and his ability to treat me well away from the bedroom. I think or should I say I know I fell in love with the comforts he could offer. He is a generous man who hasseduction101 taken care of me and my parents like you would never believe but at this juncture of my womanhood I need what I used to call ‘good dick’. I know what is out there, because I have had a taste but I know once I venture out it will be the end of my marriage. Unlike some of my girlfriends I do not know how to balance marriage and my sex life separately. They must come as a package. Can I send him to you, for you to teach him how to be more sexually aggressive, and while you are at it, you can kill the romance within him, it is too much and honestly sometimes its like dating a 16 year old who is trying too hard to please. I know you think I am odd or I don’t appreciate my husband but that is how I feel, I can’t help it.

Maurice replies,

It is not my job to judge you. My job is clear, to assess the potential variables and give you my honest opinion on way forward. If I were to ever have a session with your husband, he would have to want to meet me so I can profile him and hear his side of the story. I cannot change his character trait. I can only guide him with information that can improve your sexual life. But for all the above to happen, he must be willing to accept there is a problem in your marriage. That would be the basis of us having the initial session to determine the future and what can be accomplished through his input.

She replies,

If you can work your magic and turn him into the sexual man I need him to be I would be so grateful. I keep thinking about a married guy I used to have casual sex with and that really turns me on. I made the mistake of calling him and his voice just ignited memories of his vigor. He almost convinced me to rekindle our escapades but with both of us being married that would complicate my life, not mentioning the addiction I would fall into. That is why I decided to seek your help.

Maurice replies,

Like I said, for us to move forward, I need to have a session with your husband. Once we are all on the same page, I can work out a program for you to follow and I would also recommend we have a couples session which is fun and full of sexual education that will open both your minds to new beginnings. We can only achieve your desired results if the process is mutual between you and your husband. What you are selling to your husband is ‘its time to revamp your sex life to make it better’. Please note, you are not telling him that he is disastrous in bed, that strategy will not work and will be detrimental to your marriage.

She replies,

Okay Maurice. I will talk to him and hopefully he will accept to see you. Is it advisable for me to share with him some of your sexual articles?

Maurice replies,

Well, considering this is a new journey for the both of you. It is perfectly alright to share sexual information that will aid in your path of discovery. I will send you some relevant articles for you to enjoy together, it will also be a good way to find out how open your husband can be to sexual knowledge.

She replies,

I really hope this works out because I cannot see myself having babies and a future with a man who cannot satisfy me. Thank you for your time.


 

OPEN SESSION

I will be having an afternoon open session on Saturday 4th February 2017. Venue: Kilimani, from 3pm to 5:30pm.  The session will feature a discussion on relationship dynamics and sexual matters. The session will also showcase a squirting demonstration and how to give good oral sex. There will be a Q&A segment.  Fee 3k per person. For interested parties, please book your slot with a payment of 1.5k. Call for more details 0720229351.

View session packages: https://mauricetherapy.com/session-packages/

Book your group or one on one session today


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Dear Maurice,

I really need your advice. I have followed your blog for a while now but I never thought I would be asking for your help ‘no offense’. I live in Atlanta and I am soon going back home to Kenya. I have lived here for 12 years. In that time I have studied, worked and dated myblack-and-white-love share of African American, Kenyan and Caucasian women. I am in love with my woman who happens to be Caucasian. I am 32 and she is 27. We have dated for the last 4 years and it has been an amazing 4 years. This is the woman I want to settle with but I have a major problem. My mother does not like the idea of me dating a white woman as she puts it. When we last spoke and I quote, she said ‘have your fun with those people and come back home to real women of your kind’. I had no clue how racist my mother was! It has made me reconsider moving back. What should I do?

Maurice asks,

If I may ask, does anyone in your family support your relationship?

He replies,

My Dad is cool, he is the only person who has spoken to her over the phone but he says this is my fight not his. In short he does not want to be seen as opposing his wife, loyalties and all. My sister and brother would careless to be honest, according to my mother one of them married into the wrong tribe.

Maurice replies,

Are you really in love or are you infatuated by her? I don’t ask to doubt you, but to win this battle you must be 100% sure. This is a woman you are going to relocate to the unknown, to a totally different social climate, it is paramount that she is the one for you. Are you afraid to hurt or disappoint your mother’s wishes?

He replies,

Good question. I am partly to blame for my predicament. I told my mother that I was dating a white girl on our 2nd year and from what I can tell she thought it was a rebound from the Kenyan girl I used to date prior. You see, my mother knows her folks despite only dating for 14 months. Once my mother knew I was dating a steady Kenyan she took it upon herself to know her folks. Even though we were taking it one day at a time, my mother had her own futuristic plans for us. I love and respect my mother but I do not want to choose between home and the woman I love. I am sure you have dealt with such cases before. I need your professional opinion so I can make my decision.

Maurice replies,

I should have asked you this, has your woman ever been to Kenya?

He replies,

No, this will be her first time out of the Continent.

Maurice replies,

With the fact that you are uprooting her to Africa apart from your mother you need to have the following in check. You need to have secured your own home and an income stream(s), you must be in a position to give your woman the same lifestyle or better while in Kenya. You also need to address her career (assuming she has one). While coming to Kenya will seem exotic and like a dream holiday when the dust settles she needs to be working. It is important for her own sanity for her to have something to do after you settle in that is.

Now about you and family. What I have witnessed over many years of dealing with this kind of case is that you need to follow your own life and prove to the World (your mother) that your decision is final and they must see that truly you are both in love and living life to the fullest. One thing that any parent comes to appreciate with time is your ability to stand firm for what you believe. If you always give in they consider you weak without telling you to your face, to the point where they begin to micro manage your every move. You must affirm to your mother that you love her and you must also shine your unwavering commitment to your woman for all to see, that is the only way  you will gain respect from those who doubted your decision. Come home and create your own comfort zone. That is what being a man is all about.

He replies,

Okay Maurice. If I didn’t know better I would have said you were a mind reader. You have literally gone over my checklist. All the above are covered or should I say will be covered. My woman does have a career and luckily she received an offer to advance in Kenya. It is now up to us to decide on whether to move or not. At least you have shed some clarity to the family matter and I am forever thank you for your insight.


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