mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have dated my boyfriend for 3 years since campus. In early February I traveled with friends to Mombasa where I met this guy. At first we were just friends but 2 weeks after we returned to Nairobi I went back to Coast. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t stay away, I wanted to know what this guy was all about.

Maurice replies,

It sounds like you and your boyfriend are having problems, is that the case?

She replies,

Our relationship is not perfect but I do love my boyfriend, but even so things that guy in Coast said drove me to travel back.

Maurice asks,

So what happened when you went back?

She replies,

We had sex and I loved it. No guy had ever made me feel the way that guy did. It was intense and for the first time I could feel him inside me. We have always had a problem with my boyfriend, he’s not that small but it takes me to concentrate before I can orgasm. Sometimes I can’t orgasm when we have sex so I have to play with myself. It has been frustrating over the years but I’ve never been able to tell my boyfriend fearing his reaction. But now with this other guy in the picture I am confused, I don’t know what to do. Apart from the sex the other guy is older and we click a lot, we can talk for hours, plus he is a sweet guy.

Maurice replies,

Its evident that you have explored the World and found sweeter pastures. But you must be careful, feelings can cloud your judgment and create a false sense of reality. You may have found a sweet guy who’s tongue is full of sweet nothings however he may also tirn out to be your soulmate at the end of it all. Only you can make that final judgment. I know you say you love your boyfriend, but are you off him sexually?

She replies,

Maurice I don’t feel guilty, what does that say, my boyfriend tries to please me in bed and if that doesn’t work he constantly treats me out and buys me gifts. But that is not doing anything for me. Am I a bad person for enjoying sex with another man and wanting to have more? Oh and by the way I did a test and I am pregnant, and I know for sure its not my boyfriend’s.

Maurice asks,

How can you be so sure?

She replies,

I don’t know what that guy in Coast does to me but he made me break my long time promise to myself, we had sex without protection. But with my boyfriend we have always used protection. The idea was to have unprotected sex on our wedding night.

Maurice asks,

Why did you sexually trust in a stranger over your boyfriend?

She replies,

When I returned to visit he insisted that we get tested so we did, how he convinced me I don’t know. Once we knew our status I felt I could trust him and thats how we ended up having sex. I must admit the more I think about his sex the more I want to go back. I don’t know if love is in the air but I am very drawn to the Coast guy. What do you advise?

Maurice replies,

For one the Coast guy is very calculative, he planned every step to gain your trust. Now, I can’t improve your sex life with your boyfriend especially now that you have met ‘Mr Stud’ in Coast neither can I tell you to stay away in the hope that your lust for Mombasa will fade. My advise is that you follow your heart.

And if you really don’t feel your boyfriend as you once did then break it off with him, not for the Coast guy but for your own peace of mind and it’s only fair not to string your boyfriend along as you establish your affair with the other guy. Have you shared with your boyfriend or the other about your pregnancy?

She replies,

No. I definitely can’t tell my boyfriend he will flip.

Maurice asks,

I’m assuming you are keeping the baby? I recommend you redo the test, it could be a false alarm, those tests are not always 100%. If you are pregnant then for sure you need to come clean with your boyfriend unless you leave him before you start showing. My dear you have choices that will define your future to make. In my opinion its important for you to tell the father that you are pregnant so that you learn of their reaction to the news. From there hence forth you will know whether you are in this pregnancy alone or with a partner by your side. Keep me posted on the developments.

 Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 8 years. However my husband and I have known each other for the last 10 years. I am 39 and he is 43. We have 3 kids. Apart from the usual trials and tribulations we have had a good partnership in everything we do. My only concern over the last month is that when I met my husband he had several close female friends who he has known for over 20 years and he seems to have maintained a very strong bond with them.

Maurice asks,

Does your husband only have female friends?

She replies,

I knew you would ask that. He also has his boys.

Maurice asks,

So where is the issue unless it’s a gender concern, do you feel he spends too much time with his female friends?

She replies,

Oh no, he is a good man he gives me my time and he also gives me my space when I need it. I’m just wondering if his close attachment with his female friends may one day lead to something more. He really goes out of his way to be there as their friend.

Maurice says,

Please expound on how he goes out of his way?

She replies,

Well, he is there for them when they fight with their boyfriends or husbands. He will spend hours consoling them, he will pick them up if they need to be picked, and he will even shop with them or for them and drop off the shopping.

Maurice asks,

Does he perform the same for your home, is he there for you in your time of need, does he help out any of your female friends?

She replies,

I know you think I am being over protective or jealous but I am not.

Maurice says,

Now you are putting words in my mouth, I did not say you were reacting in any particular way, I just need to know if your husband’s actions are biased towards his friends only.

She replies,

The truth is, my husband likes to please everyone, yes he does help out with my friends too but I still need to know if there is a chance that he may get closer with one of them, I’m just protecting what is mine and stability of my home.

Maurice asks,

I am also wondering, you have known and loved this man for the last 10 years and you have allowed him to maintain status quo in regards to female friends for all this time so why do you worry now, why after all these years, did you sense something recently, do you read a text that sent alarms sounding, is he giving attention to one of his friends more than usual?

She replies,

No, I have not sensed anything neither do I read my husband’s texts. Years ago we made a promised to each other that if we felt attracted to someone else we should just break it off rather than hurt each other with actions of adultery. However a friend of mine pointed out an article that stated that men do not keep those kind of promises, that they only vow to be honest to keep women secure. The article even said that men can not be purely friends with other women and that got me thinking. Asking myself, what has been going on without my knowledge?

Maurice asks,

When your friend, who I assume is a woman, made you read that article what point were they making?

She replies,

My friend has always believed that I give my husband way too much allowance and that it’s not healthy for a marriage for a married man to have close female friends.

Maurice says,

I knew there was a root cause to all this worry. I’m not surprised it’s one of your friends. I might be wrong but something tells me she’s one of your friends that don’t get along with your husband and I sense your husband is not to keen on her either. My concluding words are, if it isn’t broke don’t fix it. If your husband was to have anything with women he has known for decades it would have happened before he met you, so in short the odds are in your favour. Listening or following advice from friends, especially female ones, can be detrimental to your relationship and ruin the bond you have with your husband. Your husband only feels free with females because he truly believes that you trust him. It’s rare to have a wife who gives such leeway in a relationship so keep being that great wife. The reason why you have been together for 10 years is because you found your own way of living together, your own formula and that is not always the case with many couples. Treasure what you have with him and as long as you don’t feel that you are getting the short end of the stick live your life and concentrate on loving each other and ignore external influences. Friends will always have an opinion, let it be just that ‘an opinion’, don’t take it to heart and never allow external advice to make you doubt your husband.

She replies,

I needed to hear that from a man, thank you, and yes you are right, they don’t see eye to eye on many relationship discussions. Their debates are normally very heated.

Maurice comments,

There you have it, don’t change what already works for you and your husband. I wish you decades of happiness and harmony within your family unit.

I have always believed that ‘relationships’ are not difficult, its the irrational decisions we make within relationships that make them difficult.

 Dear Maurice,

I am writing to you hoping that you can assist me in my marriage. I have only been married for 2 years. It was our second year in November 2011. I am 25 and saved, my husband is 27. I thought my husband was also a man of God but he has changed over the 2 years.

Maurice asks,

How has he changed, is he committing adultery, is he going out or indulging in things against your wishes, please expound on the change of character?

She replies,

He is asking for things that go against what we both believed in, we met 3 years ago. You see, we met in Church and were even part of the choir. We took a liking for each other after a few coffee dates and embarked on a path to marriage. My only worry at the time was that my husband was not a virgin which was a major trial for me. I wanted to marry someone pure of sin out of wedlock. But as they say love is blind and I had no choice but to over look his past life. My husband has not been with anyone to my knowledge and I don’t believe he would do things behind my back. We made a vow to tell each other everything no matter how bad it was and I have faith that we will both stick to that promise.

Maurice comments,

But you still haven’t told me what has gone wrong in your marriage?

She replies,

I know I am delaying the inevitable it’s just I am not used to broadcasting my affairs to strangers.

Maurice says,

Well, you approached me for help so it only makes sense that you share and let’s see the way forward.

She replies,

Ok, how do I say this, my husband has been asking for me to perform in the bedroom in ways that go against my faith. I have consulted with a few of my friends and they seem to think that I am lucky to have a man who wants to only be with me however I am wondering why now, where did he get the sudden urge to want to experiment? He has bought the book they call Kamasutra and he made me go through, he told me that he loves me very much and enjoys our current sexual life however we must spice our bedroom affairs to keep things alive. What has changed in my home, I am puzzled by these requests. The book was shocking enough. I really don’t know how to react?

Maurice says,

I need to know a few things before I give you my honest opinion. How often do you partake in your bedroom affairs on average per week or per month? And if it came between your faith and pleasing your husband which one would you choose?

She replies,

Maurice my faith is a very important part of my life, it is the only way I know, it is how I was brought up, I would hate to have to make a choice. About our bedroom affairs we perform them at least once or twice every 2 weeks. We never had sex outside wedlock so our first year was not as pressuring as the last 2 years.

Maurice asks,

Do you enjoy those bedroom affairs? I know these are private matters but for me to help it is paramount that you tell me, and please don’t sugar coat the answer.

She replies,

Yes I do. But afterwards I feel dirty and I feel as if I have sinned by enjoying too much. If I am honest we don’t have it regularly because of my aftermath feelings.

Maurice says,

This is your husband my dear. You are not committing any sin that I know of, by enjoying what you share with your husband. Continue with you faith and also remind him of the foundation that formed your union but do not be afraid to explore together, he is yours. You are doing nothing wrong. Personally I believe you are both very lucky to have each other. You clearly care and love each other if you are willing to be open to each other. You have a husband who is, I assume, exclusively attracted to you and by buying that book he has shown signs of being a man who wants to experience his sexuality with his wife only and not outside his home. Trust me on this, not that many men would have bought the book and taken it to their wife. You have a man who is not afraid to express himself, that’s a bonus on your part. Lastly, is your husband home when you need him to be home?

She replies,

Most of the time, he does not disappoint. He only disappoints when he forgets to tell me he will be late otherwise he is a good man and a loving husband.

Maurice replies,

There you go, you have an almost perfect home your husband just needs to learn to communicate to your liking, you can train him over the years that should be a piece of cake. Your only hurdle is your worry of going against your faith. Again, you are not doing anything wrong. Enjoy your marriage and may it be a very long and happy one.

 Hi Maurice,

I just saw your piece on the Nakuru saga. I too was a victim of love with a younger girl. Two weeks ago my girlfriend for 8 months and I were to head to a party together but little did I know she had a double date. I turned up and so did the other dude. Let me confess that for a good 3 hours she was playing us both until by chance I spotted her walking away from the crowd so I followed curiously only to find her in the arms of some other guy who was clearly younger than myself. I did not react, I went back and joined our mutual friends, I wanted to see how she plays her game. Can you believe after about an hour she returned to our table and I asked her where she had gone? She said she was mingling with other friends, so I played it cool and watched her play her game all night till we eventually left the house party. And where did we head to next, a club of course and guess who followed us there, that same guy from the party, meaning she was in communication with him all along. I could see it anyway cause she was on her phone ‘texting’ as I drove to the club.

Incase you are wondering, she is a hot 19 year old and I am 28. Dude you should see her, she’ll blown you away, she’s a beauty but I now know she’s just in this relationship for fun and nothing else so I will also play her game.

I feel like a fool trying to be faithful and all along she’s seeing other guys from what I have seen. That party had some fine ass women and there I was playing the loyal boyfriend.  You are right, no amount of cash can secure loyalty from a woman. It’s only been 8 months and yet I have pampered her from head to toe, taking her to Coast… Watamu daddy! We’ve been to Naivasha several times. New clothes, shoes, you name it, her wish has been my command. Is it worth it really?

Maurice replies,

My good man. I hear you loud and clear but she’s 19. We both know why you are dating her, she makes you feel good about yourself as a man, your ego is up there because of her and I’m sure she’s hot but unfortunately for you she’s willing to share her loving ways. Don’t lie to yourself…. you will not hack playing her at her game, why? Because you have invested emotions into this relationship. If it was just a fling then maybe you could manage to play each other but right now I would bet against you, so do yourself a favour and leave her for your own well being. She’s only 19 but she will break your heart in ways you never thought possible.

Dear Maurice,

What would cause a girl to dog on you even after you have given her everything she has ever asked for?

Maurice replies,

There are many reasons, why do you ask?

He replies,

I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years and in those years she has put me through a lot. Like most people she loves to have a great time and she’s high maintenance if you know what I mean. I can afford it so over the 3 years I have given her a good lifestyle. I provide for her emotionally and financially but it never seems to be enough to make me feel like she’s exclusively mine.

Maurice asks,

You doubt her loyalty to you?

He replies,

I don’t doubt, I know she is unfaithful. I have caught her several times. In fact just this weekend, we were in Nakuru for Rugby and I caught her making out with some random guy. Needless to say, we did not leave Nakuru together, she disappeared after our argument.

Maurice asks,

Considering it seems to be a trend, why does she keep playing you, have you asked her?

He replies,

She always blames her drinking. The fact is she does go out of control when she gets tipsy.

Maurice replies,

But that’s no excuse, and stop making excuses for her otherwise our dialogue is non-productive. I believe when you decide to kiss / make out with someone other than your partner it’s a conscious decision you make whether under the influence or not. If I may ask, how old are you both?

He replies,

She is 22 and I am 34.

Maurice replies,

From one man to another, I think you know what I’m going to say regarding your generation gap. It’s not about it being a stereo type scenario but really what do you expect from a young 22 year old hyper girl. The question here is not if she can love you? The question is, can she love you the way you expect to be loved? I haven’t met her so I’m only speculating, but in my opinion she is not ready to think like you or share the same future path. It’s only fair that you put yourself in her shoes, what were you doing at her age?

He replies,

At her age I was reading hard to succeed in life. I didn’t get to play hard the way she does.

Maurice replies,

If I were you I would let her live her life. Compared to you she is still exploring her path in life which includes ‘having fun’. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this.

He replies,

I hear you but I have strong feelings for her despite how she behaves at times.

Maurice asks,

So you love her?

He replies,

Yes I do.

Maurice replies,

It’s your choice to stay with her, but be ready for more heartaches in the future. She will grow out of it ‘eventually’ however how much more can you take of her playful manner with other guys? Only you can decide whether she’s worth the trouble.

He replies,

I won’t lie to you, I don’t think I can let her go.

Maurice replies,

Then be ready to endure whatever she throws at you. How often do you voice out your concerns?

He replies,

Dude, she apologises and I let it go, only for her to do something else I don’t approve of.

Maurice replies,

Like I said, it’s your choice, if you make your bed you need to sleep in it. I’m guessing she gives you numerous satisfying pleasures hence why you can’t leave her, I don’t blame you but beware because she’s much younger than you. Her social explorations are not fading away any time soon. Another thing, it doesn’t matter how much you spend on her, it will never guarantee her loyalty to you.

Hi Maurice,

 I wanted to let you know that my husband has pulled yet another stunt. On  Thursday at around 3pm he called and told me he will be home by 7pm. He never showed, by 8pm I was calling his phone and it must have been switched off. I cried myself to sleep that night, I was really expecting to spend the Easter holiday with him. I tried him again at midnight and still his phone was off. Yesterday I did not bother calling him but earlier today I called one of his friends and faked an injury, at that point his friend told me that he was in Nakuru and even shared with me the Hotel details after telling him I urgently needed to get in-touch with my husband.

I called the Hotel but I couldn’t locate my husband, he must have registered under an alias name. Anyway, at 1pm I called his phone hoping it was on and a young woman answered, I pretended to be a friend and asked her if my husband was fine and if I could talk to him. She then called out “baby it’s your phone”, I waited for a response and the phone went dead again. He must have noticed it was me calling and hung up. All I can say is that I am now through with him. If he can’t get his hands off these young girls then so be it. I have given my husband 11 years of my life and in return he has given me sleepless night and multiple heartaches. I don’t have words for him and for men in general. My opinion is no matter how much you give majority of men will throw it back in your face. It’s going to take me a very long time to trust any man. I thought you should know.

Dear Maurice,

 I read your articles almost everyday and I wanted your opinion on some issue I have now had for years. I am 45 years old, married to a bastard of a man and the reason I call him that is because he has given me hell for more than 16 years now. My husband has been a serial dog for years, each time I catch him he has an excuse to why he is acting the way he is. Each time I have forgiven him but its not easy to forget his actions. I don’t know how but he has to change soon before he breaks my spirit.

Maurice asks,

That’s a long time to take negativity from a man, why do you stay?

She replies,

Because I love him, he is my everything, without him I would be lost. Despite his actions I can’t bring myself to leaving him. Over the years I have tried but he always has his way of winning me back.

Maurice asks,

Are you financially independent from him?

She replies,

Not exactly. I run a small business and he is the majority share holder.

Maurice asks,

Would you say that apart from loving him there’s a financial attraction?

She replies,

Maurice I really love my husband and yes I rely a lot on his financial ability but it’s not just the money. I went into marriage knowing it was going to last forever. I have tried everything to make him mine exclusively but nothing seems to work.

Maurice replies,

So what you are saying is that your husband does give you the attention you deserve but unfortunately you share it with other women?

She replies,

Yes he gives me attention, he pampers me a lot and showers me with gifts but when he is away I know for a fact that he is with other women. We have all the material wealth a woman can ask for but what is lacking in our home to unconditional love from my husband. I am a lonely frustrated woman. My husband is 49 years old but behaves like he is still in his 20’s. How do you change such a man and steer him in the right direction?

Maurice replies,

My dear, by now your husband at his age is very set in his ways and changing him may be easier said than done. I’m sure you have tried all you can to show him that you are in this marriage for the long haul but still he refuses to change his ways or ignores your efforts. I haven’t met him for a one to one analysis but from experience, you are probably married to the kind of man that may never change and only age will slow him down. The other issue here is that you have allowed his behaviour to continue for way too long. When he realised he can always win you back, that’s when your persistent problems started. Over the years you have taught him that he can get away with his actions. He also most definitely knows that he is your life line in regards to finance.

She replies,

Are you saying there’s no hope?

Maurice replies,

For now unless we have a one to one couple session it is just my logical speculation, if I could meet him and have a candid chat then and only then would I be able to give you a proper assessment of his  relationship attitude, his character.

She replies,

I too believe that we need counseling so that I can voice my concerns openly with a third party present.

Maurice replies,

That’s the only way forward, from the session we can establish a baseline and the truth will soon follow. Let me know if he will agree to the meeting.