mauricetherapy

 Dear Maurice,

I have been married for the last 17 years to a Kenyan gentleman or so I thought. I am 39 years old. My Nationality is Italian. We have 3 teenage children. We moved to Kenya 2 years ago and to be perfectly honest with you I regret the day we left the UK.

My husband is a financial consultant and I am a house wife, though I do help out in a few charitable organizations. We met in the UK and fell in-love; it was love at first sight when I think back. We both attended the same University but he was 2 years ahead of me.

Maurice asks,

What seems to be the problem?

She replies,

Let me start from the beginning. As I have said we met in campus and after only 6 months moved in together and that was over 2 decades ago. We were soul mate, I know it sounds cheesy but we were. I had never dated an African before and he was the perfect gentle. I thought Italian men from home were the most romantic, I guess he out did himself and swept me off my feet. We have lived a good life in harmony but everything changed when we both agreed to move to his home Country Kenya.

I have received nothing but grief from his family. It’s a bit odd because they were ever so supportive while we lived in the UK. We have flown them over 4 times in the last 10 years and once they arrived we would take them around Europe. We traveled to my home town in Italy for our parents to meet, luckily for us, both our parents were fluent in English and they got on like a house on fire.

What bewilders me is how suddenly your in-laws can turn on you; I had been warned by my husband’s close friend in the UK that some Kenyan men change character when they travel back home, can you shed light on this?

Maurice asks,

Where did all the trouble stem from, did you offend anyone or have a misunderstanding with your in-laws?

She replies,

Not at all Maurice. It’s like they changed into people I don’t recognize about 3 months into our arrival. It started with my dressing which my husband all of a sudden found did not suit ‘a mother of 3’ as he put it. He also said that I was embarrassing him when I address men from his home town, that I should respect African culture. That’s when I recalled the warning I received in the UK. We don’t even hold hands any more, yet we have done that for over 20 years. What is happening to my marriage and where did the man I married go?

Maurice replies,

Over the years I have witnessed this phenomenon of men changing their characters when they settle back home. Some become traditionalists yet while living abroad they were very liberal and adapted to the way of life wherever they lived. If I may ask, why have you waited for 2 years before voicing out your concern, or had you sort help from your husband’s friends or relatives that may support you?

She replies,

I have reached out to a number of close friends and his relatives that I consider close to me and all have told me that it is the way of life once a Kenyan returns home. I don’t believe them and I know it was their polite way of saying they do not want to be involved. To top it all off, my husband has been told to marry one of his own tribe’s women and that is why I am writing to you. That in my view is unacceptable and if he persists I will leave him. I will not share him regardless of what his tradition allows. Last week he returned home after his travels from his home town and that is when he announced that he was in the process of getting a second wife.

Maurice asks,

In all the years have you ever discussed his traditional believes jokingly or otherwise? Did he ever hint that things would be different once back in Kenya?

She replies,

No we never discussed tradition or polygamy and if he had hinted jokingly or otherwise I would have stayed in the UK and avoided all these shenanigans. My life is being turned upside down I truly regret our choice to move here. How do I get him back to his senses?

Maurice replies,

I have dealt with your scenario before, the only option you have is to sit your husband down of which I’m sure you still can, and tell him that you are uncomfortable with his new found traditional lifestyle and that he needs to remember what it took to stay married for 17 years not counting your years in campus together. If you mean the World to him, he will rethink his position and be man enough to prioritise on his immediate family ‘his wife and kids’ and not the wishes of his extended family. In life we must make tough choices to survive a situation or otherwise fail. I will be more than willing to meet the two of you to shed light on the  prospects of your future. Please keep me in the loop and don’t give up on your marriage.