mauricetherapy

 Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 8 years. However my husband and I have known each other for the last 10 years. I am 39 and he is 43. We have 3 kids. Apart from the usual trials and tribulations we have had a good partnership in everything we do. My only concern over the last month is that when I met my husband he had several close female friends who he has known for over 20 years and he seems to have maintained a very strong bond with them.

Maurice asks,

Does your husband only have female friends?

She replies,

I knew you would ask that. He also has his boys.

Maurice asks,

So where is the issue unless it’s a gender concern, do you feel he spends too much time with his female friends?

She replies,

Oh no, he is a good man he gives me my time and he also gives me my space when I need it. I’m just wondering if his close attachment with his female friends may one day lead to something more. He really goes out of his way to be there as their friend.

Maurice says,

Please expound on how he goes out of his way?

She replies,

Well, he is there for them when they fight with their boyfriends or husbands. He will spend hours consoling them, he will pick them up if they need to be picked, and he will even shop with them or for them and drop off the shopping.

Maurice asks,

Does he perform the same for your home, is he there for you in your time of need, does he help out any of your female friends?

She replies,

I know you think I am being over protective or jealous but I am not.

Maurice says,

Now you are putting words in my mouth, I did not say you were reacting in any particular way, I just need to know if your husband’s actions are biased towards his friends only.

She replies,

The truth is, my husband likes to please everyone, yes he does help out with my friends too but I still need to know if there is a chance that he may get closer with one of them, I’m just protecting what is mine and stability of my home.

Maurice asks,

I am also wondering, you have known and loved this man for the last 10 years and you have allowed him to maintain status quo in regards to female friends for all this time so why do you worry now, why after all these years, did you sense something recently, do you read a text that sent alarms sounding, is he giving attention to one of his friends more than usual?

She replies,

No, I have not sensed anything neither do I read my husband’s texts. Years ago we made a promised to each other that if we felt attracted to someone else we should just break it off rather than hurt each other with actions of adultery. However a friend of mine pointed out an article that stated that men do not keep those kind of promises, that they only vow to be honest to keep women secure. The article even said that men can not be purely friends with other women and that got me thinking. Asking myself, what has been going on without my knowledge?

Maurice asks,

When your friend, who I assume is a woman, made you read that article what point were they making?

She replies,

My friend has always believed that I give my husband way too much allowance and that it’s not healthy for a marriage for a married man to have close female friends.

Maurice says,

I knew there was a root cause to all this worry. I’m not surprised it’s one of your friends. I might be wrong but something tells me she’s one of your friends that don’t get along with your husband and I sense your husband is not to keen on her either. My concluding words are, if it isn’t broke don’t fix it. If your husband was to have anything with women he has known for decades it would have happened before he met you, so in short the odds are in your favour. Listening or following advice from friends, especially female ones, can be detrimental to your relationship and ruin the bond you have with your husband. Your husband only feels free with females because he truly believes that you trust him. It’s rare to have a wife who gives such leeway in a relationship so keep being that great wife. The reason why you have been together for 10 years is because you found your own way of living together, your own formula and that is not always the case with many couples. Treasure what you have with him and as long as you don’t feel that you are getting the short end of the stick live your life and concentrate on loving each other and ignore external influences. Friends will always have an opinion, let it be just that ‘an opinion’, don’t take it to heart and never allow external advice to make you doubt your husband.

She replies,

I needed to hear that from a man, thank you, and yes you are right, they don’t see eye to eye on many relationship discussions. Their debates are normally very heated.

Maurice comments,

There you have it, don’t change what already works for you and your husband. I wish you decades of happiness and harmony within your family unit.

I have always believed that ‘relationships’ are not difficult, its the irrational decisions we make within relationships that make them difficult.