mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am what you could call a newly wed, we have only been married for 8 months and to be sincerely honest I need your intervention on an issue that is reoccurring in my home. Please give me the opportunity to give you a brief history of how I met my husband. We met by mere chance on holiday in Spain. This was 3 years ago. I am 29 and my hubby is 36. We are both career based individual and we play as hard as we work. We holiday at least 3 times a year and that has been our lifestyle ever since we were kids. We both come from the same background so when we met it was pretty easy to relate in many ways. I am an accomplished business woman and my husband is an aviation engineer and trainer.

Maurice asks,

So what is the issue?

She replies,

For the 2 years we dated before getting married my husband was extremely romantic and thoughtful, always pampering me with every chance he had. But since we got hitched he has suddenly remembered or rather transformed into a typical Kenyan man.

Maurice replies,

Please expound on that?

She replies,

We have two maids at our home yet he insists that when he comes home he should find a his favourite stir fry meal cooked by me. As he puts it, it is important for him to be received by his wife with a hot meal when he gets home. Excuse my French but that is absolute rubbish to me.

Maurice asks,

In the time you have known each other have you ever cooked for him?

She replies,

To be perfectly honest I have made him a meal from a recipe booklet at most 4 to 5 times since we met and that was to set the mood, I would rather be his kinky playful kitchen wife if you follow. My husband and I are pretty sexually active and that is the only time I incorporate seductive food. Plus we eat out 3 to 4 times a week.

Maurice my 2 sibling sisters and I were not brought up cooking in our home. We always had workers to perform those duties. I really do not see why his attitude about my cooking has changed and if anything he is a much better cook than I am. I need the man I met to return because currently at times I do not recognize him as the man I fell in-love with. How do I achieve that?

Maurice replies,

I understand your sentiment regarding your husband’s sudden change however as his wife you need to establish a schedule where you surprise him and please him as your husband with a meal from your recipe book and make it part of your lifestyle. The fact is, in the realm of matrimony previous status quo has to change for there to be mutual harmony between a couple. Considering your husband cooks you can both share in the cooking and have fun doing it. It may not be your cup of tea to be the wife that cooks but you must put effort into cooking for your husband at least once or twice a week. From what I can deduce you are what I would call a modern cosmopolitan couple and I am confident you can strike a balance and take turns cooking in your home and also once in awhile cook together and enjoy each others company while you are at it.

Dear Maurice,

I am 35 and I have been married for 9 years. My husband is 42. We have 2 kids who love their father very much however I come to you with a heavy heart. My 8 year old daughter happened to have witnessed what I can only describe as a very abnormal act between my husband and his niece.

Maurice asks,

What did you daughter witness?

She replies,

Well, in her owns words she came to me and said “mummy Daddy was kisses aunty”, the only person she refers to as aunty in our home is my husband’s niece. I was shocked and actually thought she was mistaken until I did my own digging and the house help confirmed that she too had seen them misbehaving within our home. I went further and snooped in my husband’s phone and to my dismay I found incriminating text messages and nude pictures of her that implied that their affair, if I can call it that, has been going on for a while right before my very eyes. I did not suspect a thing. Mind you this is not my husband’s first affair. One year into our marriage he alleged that alcohol was the cause and he had a one night stand with a work colleague. I found it in me to forgive him but things between us never went back to the way they were. It’s like we became friends. Our intimacy declined tremendously to the point where our bedroom affairs were once or twice a month if that.

Maurice asks,

Based on your experience with your husband you seem to have drifted apart a while ago so how can I assist?

She replies,

How do I say this? I confronted his niece who is in campus and she told me that she was sorry and that she was very pregnant. She is two months along. This is my husband’s brother’s daughter, this is unholy, immoral and an act of incest. My husband does not know she is pregnant and I fear the scandal that will take place if our families hear of this affair.

Maurice asks,

You sound like you have intentions to make it go away and that can only be done if your husband never gets to know and his niece claims paternity from another man, is that your plan by any chance?

She replies,

Yes. I need to save face and save the family from long term rifts and other unforeseen possibilities.

Maurice replies,

My dear this issue can not be swept under the rug. Yes it will most definitely bring about family rifts but that process is inevitable. You will attempt to hide the truth but the truth will always emerge even years from now so it is my advice that you tackle the matter as a family and handle the consequences. It will not be a walk in the park but wounds have a way of healing over time.

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I want to thank the Mombasa ladies for a fantastic welcome and superb hospitality. I look forward to returning to Mombasa for the next session at the end of April.

Dear Maurice,

I am a mother of 2 children and I have been married for 7 years. I have known my husband for 8 years. One year out of our 7 years of marriage was somewhat a happy year but the rest have been pain staking years that I have had to endure for the sake of pride and to maintain my family unit. My parents had their problems as do many couples but I had never witnessed what I have gone through for the last 6 years with my parents or with any other couple.

Maurice asks,

What has taken place within the last 6 years?

She replies,

My husband is hardly home and when he is we are constantly fighting over something. He neglects his children. He has never played with them; all he does is buy them toys every month and forgets to provide their basic needs like food, clothing and school fees. I have to beg him to provide, and I have to remind him that he has a family. But he would rather spend his money socializing with friends on their out of town trips which he makes at least twice a month. So you can imagine I don’t see my husband apart from when he comes from work on week days and that is only for 2 to 3 hours before we go to bed. Our sex life is non –existent and has been for years.

Maurice asks,

You mean you have not been intimate for years?

She replies,

Not exactly, if it does happen it’s usually once every 3 to 4 months. I have perused his phone so I know he is cheating with other women. Our marriage is at a totally breakdown. I don’t even know what we have anymore.

Maurice asks,

After you met at what point did your husband propose and during that time did you live together?

She replies,

He proposed after 4 months and by the sixth month our wedding arrangements were underway.

Maurice asks,

So you really did not know each other well enough by the time you got married?

She replies,

When I think back I realize that I personally was charmed by how he was attentive to me and he had the potential of being a wonderful husband and father or so I thought. Are you implying that we rushed into marriage?

Maurice replies,

I am not implying, if anything I am certain that you did or rather your husband was in a hurry to marry at the time.  Is it right for me to assume that your husband is the sole provider in your home?

She replies,

Yes he is. I was pursuing my under graduate when we met and he convinced me to drop out as he would provide everything. I regret the choice I made. I am too reliant on him and that puts me in a disadvantage. Can he change into the man I wanted in my life?

Maurice replies,

It’s unfortunate but men with your husband’s characteristics don’t really change. A man who forgets to feed his children clearly does not have them in mind. If you have to remind him of his parental obligations then you must ask yourself, is his family a priority or a burden? Another obstacle in mind set is that your husband’s behaviors have gone on for too long for him to suddenly change. There’s always a chance but I don’t want to give you false hope. I am giving my opinion based on the information you have availed to me. I recommend that you make sure your kids get the education they need and for you to also empower yourself with the same so that in the future you are not fully reliant on your husband.

She asks,

Should I leave him?

Maurice replies,

That is entirely up to you. However even though life will go on when you leave, you need to asking yourself based on financial implication what are the disadvantages of you leaving and how will your choice to leave affect your children’s welfare.

She replies,

Thanks Maurice. You have actually clarified a few things for me.

Dear Maurice,

I am a 31 year old woman who has been married for 8 years. My husband and I have 3 kids and for most of our marriage we have been happy however there are rumours flying around amongst our social circles that my husband had a fling with a mutual friend. This fling allegedly took place over a camping trip that he went for 4 months ago. I unfortunately was not able to join him because I was also out of town visiting my folks. As you can imagine this news has stressed me for months.

Maurice asks,

What do you think about the rumour and how credible is the source?

She replies,

To be honest I don’t know what to think. I keep asking myself why this rumour emerged and the source of this rumour is a mystery to me because it is said that someone who was at the same resort saw him in the arms of our mutual friend. This someone has no name, I have tried to track the rumour trial but all has been in vain.

Maurice asks,

Have you mentioned this to your husband?

She replies,

Yes I did after it was eating me up for too long and I needed clarification. My husband’s response was in form of a question, he asked me how I could doubt his loyalty and that he was very disappointed after all these years of remaining faithful how I could dare accuse him of adultery. I must admit he was pretty convincing because I had never seen him that annoyed before.

Maurice asks,

So you believe your husband?

She replies,

I have never suspected my husband of cheating and I have always considered him a loyal man who loves me and our children but now I am in a mental stalemate. And to complicate matters further he has posted his sentiments on social media and he has also alerted both our folks, now the whole World knows.  He hasn’t spoken to me in a civil manner for the last 3 weeks and my kids are questioning the current status quo in our home. Our friends have taken sides and my husband’s mind has been polluted with my alleged past wrong doings. We are arguing about non-issues of our past. This saga has given birth to a flurry of other problems and I don’t know how to bring some normalcy and resolve our dilemma, what should I do?

Maurice replies,

In my opinion, there’s nothing concrete about your husband’s alleged infidelity. It’s all hearsay and it has cost you a state of harmony in your marriage. I recommend that you defuse this issue by apologizing to your husband and making it clear to your parents that it was all a misunderstanding caused by rumour mongers within your circle of friends. It may seem unfair that you have to apologise for something you did not start but the bigger picture is that you will restore your connection with your husband. Marital bonds have been severed over trivial issues and I believe you do not want to risk your marriage based on hearsay.

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I have a session in Mombasa on Saturday 16th March. If you live in Mombasa and would like to attend call me 0720 229 351.

Dear Maurice,

I need you to enlighten me on behaviors of in-laws. I am 23 and my husband is 27. My mother-in-law has always been a handful and since we got married 8 months ago she has been interfering in my marriage. I understand that a mother wants the best for her child, however her alleged support and love for her son has gone overboard.

Maurice asks,

What troubles are you facing with your in-law?

She replies,

I don’t know if it’s just me or my mother-in-law wants to complicate relations between myself and her son. She just won’t stop interfering with our day to day life. She will check up on her son to ask him if I am tending to him as he would expect. She goes to the point of wanting to know what I fed him over the week. She then advises her son on a healthy diet if she does not approve of my week’s menu.

Maurice asks,

I’m assuming your husband ends up sharing with you about his mother’s advice?

She replies,

Yes he does, that’s not my main concern though, I hate it when he implies that I should adopt his mother’s wisdom and change as per her guidance. For the last 3 months things at home have gotten worse. It is my place to advice our house help on the weekly meals and I have found out that my husband instructs her to cook entirely different meals at times, you can guess who from. Once I found out I was very annoyed and instead of seeing my point and standing by me as his wife my husband is adamant to follow his mother’s regiment.

Maurice asks,

Did you have similar hurdles before you got married?

She replies,

Honestly in the 3 years I have known my husband his mother has never quite liked me mainly because I come from a different ethic background. I had to come to terms that people are different and I accepted that she may never approve of me. That said, when it came to the woman my husband wanted to marry he fought for me to be accepted by his extended family. Why then is he allowing his mother to dictate in our marriage? Out of the respect I have for her as I do for my own mother I have opted not to confront her but I feel undermined. I have strongly hinted to my husband that I am not happy but he is either ignoring the fact or he is not getting the message. I need him to snap out of this mummy’s boy behavior and start acting like my man.

What do you advice I do?

Maurice replies,

I recommend that you sit your husband down and have a candid chat. Open up to him and tell him that you respect his mother very much however you as his woman and wife are feeling inadequate because your role as wife has been hijacked by his mother. Your husband needs to feel that you are genuine and are not attacking his mother, if he can comprehend your concerns rationally then I believe he will formulate a way to please both of you, at the same time he will hopefully give you his full support and request his mother to give you the respect and privacy that you deserve as her son’s wife. Your mother-in-law was once a newly wed and I can only guess that she did not tolerate interference in her home. If she truly cares for her son’s marriage she will back off.

Hi Maurice,

I have read your blog for a while now and I have questions to ask you. Some may sound weird but I guess you have heard it all. Just for your information I am 42, never married but I mingle with women a lot and I am very content with my successful life. What I seek is for you to shed light on my character through these questions. I guess I want a better understanding of the man I really am.

Until I was 16 I did not have interest in girls but by the age of 18 I had dated well over 15 girls both younger than me and older. My peers never had the same success rate so what was it about me?

Maurice replies,

The best way to answer that is to tell you that those are the signature signs of an alpha male in the context of male sexual dominance.

I am guessing that while other boys were discussing cars and football you were hatching a strategy on how to conquer your next victim and your approach was much more sophisticated then your average teenager.

He replies,

Very correct.

At the age of 21 it was clear that I was extremely sexually active. It puzzled me how others could only have a sex session for 5 minutes max when I could last for at least one hour or more depending on how much the girl excited me.

Maurice asks,

Did you ejaculate at all during that sex session?

He replies,

No, I would only ejaculate after she confirmed that she was satisfied and noticeably exhausted.

Maurice replies,

Let me guess, due to your endurance some women thought you did not enjoy the sex because you did not cum within their expected time?

He replies,

Yes, I have always found that odd.

Maurice replies,

Well, the truth is, a small percentage of men can perform for one hour without ejaculating so it is only logical that many women will assume that ejaculating within a certain time period like 2 minutes to 10 minutes is a sign of enjoying sex. The fact is a man can always make himself cum without a woman, so it is only practical that a woman’s satisfaction comes first during any sexual act unless you are engaging in Sadomasochism.

He replies,

So am I abnormal?

Maurice replies,

No you are not. You have a high libido with a heightened endurance hence why you can perform as you do.

He replies,

Why is it that I easily go off any woman who asks me “if sex is all I think about” when I am with them?

Maurice replies,

Lol. It is because those women do not understand that your best way of showing your affection if I may use that word is through your sexual ability.

He asks,

Why the lol?

Maurice replies,

Your statement rang a bell.

He replies,

I have always made it clear to any woman I get involved with that it is all about the fun element with no strings attached. They then make a decision to stick around or leave. Many tend to stay but after awhile they change script on me and totally ignore the basis of our relationship, why is this because I hate it when women flip the script when all was going well?

Maurice replies,

My good man I think we both know that women get emotionally attached at one point regardless of the stipulated relationship rules hence why ‘friends with benefits’ usually has an expiry period, more so when the woman’s feelings are upgraded from just loving the wrath of your penis.

All I can say is that I applaud your upfront boundaries which limit the chances of a woman stating that you deceived her. It is always wise to make sure everyone is on the same page before indulging.

He asks,

My last question. What is the normal average number of women a man of my age is said to have slept with in his lifetime?

Maurice replies,

I believe there is no actual number or societal expectation, it depends on the individual, why do you ask?

He replies,

I was working it out before I contacted you and I realised that for the last 26 years I have on average slept with 9 women a month. That is 2,808 women.

Maurice replies,

I am not surprised at all. That is normal for alphas. But I do hope you practice safe sex?

He replies,

Lucky for me late last year I was tested and I am safe. But then again I have always been careful with my personal code of no rubber no sex.

Everyday for the last 14 years I have taken herbal supplements to maintain my libido, and I train twice a week. At 42 I feel great physically and sexually.

So Maurice what kind of man do you think I am?

Maurice replies,

My first deduction is that you are very calculative in most things you do and when it comes to your sexual ability you will move mountains to maintain it.

You do not like complication or misunderstanding hence why you are very open to each woman you meet about your intentions which leaves her with a choice to make, to explore with you or not. That is wise.

The fact that you are not married does not tell me that you fear marriage but you fear the things within marriage that you may not have control over. For instance a woman married to you would have the benefit of guaranteed satisfaction. However you fear that after all that sexual effort she might one day start to take your dedication to her for granted.

In my book you are an alpha male breed that is very sexual, and with men in general being sexual beings you are of the extreme nature. It will take a certain woman with a high sex drive and with an open sexual mind to understand that you aim to please her and your way is primarily through sex. That is the only kind of woman that is compatible with you. It goes beyond just loving each other, she must have that craving for intense sexual activity for your relationship to last. I believe you already know that but needed confirmation. You are not alone. There are men around the World who have your characteristics and all they yearn for is that one woman who will not shed her skin once she says I do or bears a child.

Compatibility is key to every relationship, especially in the realm of sexuality. It is not always guaranteed that one will find or fall for a compatible mate and that is one major dilemma of relationship foundations in today’s World. People are not willing to settle for less and they shouldn’t.

He replies,

Thank you for your honest profiling.

Dear Maurice,

I know you must get this a lot but in all truth I do not know where to begin my life has been turned upside down by a series of events that have splintered my family.

Maurice asks,

What has occurred to make you feel that way?

She replies,

It would be an understatement to say that my husband has let me down. I can’t find the right words to describe what has taken place. My daughter has moved out of our home and gone to live with my sister and she has sworn never to come back home.

Maurice asks,

What caused her to leave home?

She replies,

It all begun 11 days ago when to my horror I found out that my husband is having an affair with his own daughter’s school mate, our daughter is a second year student at Nairobi campus and unfortunately her best friend confessed to having spent Valentines with my husband and she also admitted that they had been dating for over one year, a fight ensued and my daughter and her friend ended up at a police station, luckily my husband was there to defuse the police case that was looming. Understandably after the revelation my daughter then went home and packed up her essentials and moved to her auntie’s place.

Maurice asks,

And where were you doing the police saga?

She replies,

I work in Eldoret as a civil servant; I usually travel home once or twice a month to spend the weekend with my family. The past 2 years have been tasking on our marriage since my transfer but we had found a way to make things work however the affair is now destroying our family unit. We have been married for 26 years. How can a man do this to his own family, how can he welcome a young girl who is his daughter’s age into our home? Our house help has kept me informed and just a day ago that little girl answered my husband’s phone and we had an exchange of words where she directly told me that she was in-love with my husband and that she understands him better than I ever will. I felt sorry for her, I was once her age and though I am not excusing her actions it is my husband who has taken advantage of a naïve inexperienced young woman. Can you imagine how embarrassing this is with both our families fully aware of what is going on. My in-laws are supportive of me but my mother blames me for leaving my den as she puts it.

Maurice asks,

What has your husband said about his affair?

She replies,

He told me that he won’t deny the affair and he owes me no explanation. He also said I can leave if I choose to, shock on him but I will not back down. How do I get my family back because I keep asking where did I fail as a wife, was it my being away that drove us apart?

Maurice replies,

None of this was your fault in my opinion. You must have done something right to make your marriage last for 26 years. Based on your husband’s reply to you I do not foresee a future that is worth pursuing. If your husband needed you he would have urged you to move back home. For now I recommend that you work on getting your daughter back home and keeping your home ‘mistress free’. Your husband’s choices will most likely come to haunt him but he should not be your priority otherwise he will disrupt your day to day life, your work and peace of mind. The transition will not be easy but it is critical that you concentrate on your daughter’s interests and on yours.

She replies,

Maurice I can not lose my husband at this stage of my life.

Maurice asks,

Are you saying you still love him?

She replies,

Yes I do, it may sound crazy but I am in-love with that man.

Maurice replies,

Because your husband was willing to let you go after you found out about his affair, it tells me that he is not equally in-love with you. I am not encouraging you to walk away from 26 years of marriage but you must face the real fact that your husband most probably can do without you unless he only said that to test the waters. If you decide to ride the storm you will eventually know the truth. I only hope that journey does not lead you to further heartbreak.

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 4 years. I am 27 and my husband is 35. We have a two year old baby boy who misses his father and the reason a must stress on that is because for the last year my husband has not been present in our home as he once was. With his salesmanship job he has always traveled away for a day or two and this was at least once a month. I know his job demands for him to travel but for the last year I have been suspicious of some of his abrupt travel plans out of town.

Maurice asks,

Considering you have confirmed he has always traveled on business, what makes you suspect any foul play?

She replies,

My husband has always had a prior schedule from work which notifies him of his itinerary for each month, but that changed to the point that he would travel even though there was no scheduled trip to see his clients. After living and knowing a man for over 4 years you get to know his routine and how he plans his day to day business, it has never been so spontaneous and rampant. I am afraid of the worst.

Maurice asks,

Which is?

She replies,

The thought that my husband may be having an affair and using his job as a pretext. Despite my suspicion I have given him the benefit of doubt for one year but now I can’t take the not knowing status. I do not know if this is relevant but a few months ago I could have sworn that I heard my husband call me by some other woman’s name but I can’t be sure because it happened so fast during an intimate moment.

Maurice asks,

May I assume you have not confronted your husband with your concerns?

She replies,

How do I even begin, I have severally checked his phone for any odd dialogue with a woman or women and found nothing. I have consistently checked his clothes and bag for any receipts that may indicate that he was not alone on his trip and again my search has been fruitless. I have no proof so any allegations would not be founded. Is there a possibility that he is just a calculative cheat who knows how to conceal his adultery?

Maurice replies,

The truth is the possibilities are endless but unless you casually confront him in the pretext of wanting to find out more about his random trips that are not part of the schedule then you will never know the truth. He may convince you and indeed be honestly working during his random trips or you may sense a few white lies, some form of hesitation in the way he responds to your polite questioning.

Avoidance of tackling this matter will only result to speculative theories when all you need to do is sit your husband down and share a candid chat about your concerns. Though, I strongly recommend that you do not imply that you doubt his loyalty to you, because if you do then he will do what most men do well, he will shut down, after that getting through to him will be futile.