mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am a mother of 2 children and I have been married for 7 years. I have known my husband for 8 years. One year out of our 7 years of marriage was somewhat a happy year but the rest have been pain staking years that I have had to endure for the sake of pride and to maintain my family unit. My parents had their problems as do many couples but I had never witnessed what I have gone through for the last 6 years with my parents or with any other couple.

Maurice asks,

What has taken place within the last 6 years?

She replies,

My husband is hardly home and when he is we are constantly fighting over something. He neglects his children. He has never played with them; all he does is buy them toys every month and forgets to provide their basic needs like food, clothing and school fees. I have to beg him to provide, and I have to remind him that he has a family. But he would rather spend his money socializing with friends on their out of town trips which he makes at least twice a month. So you can imagine I don’t see my husband apart from when he comes from work on week days and that is only for 2 to 3 hours before we go to bed. Our sex life is non –existent and has been for years.

Maurice asks,

You mean you have not been intimate for years?

She replies,

Not exactly, if it does happen it’s usually once every 3 to 4 months. I have perused his phone so I know he is cheating with other women. Our marriage is at a totally breakdown. I don’t even know what we have anymore.

Maurice asks,

After you met at what point did your husband propose and during that time did you live together?

She replies,

He proposed after 4 months and by the sixth month our wedding arrangements were underway.

Maurice asks,

So you really did not know each other well enough by the time you got married?

She replies,

When I think back I realize that I personally was charmed by how he was attentive to me and he had the potential of being a wonderful husband and father or so I thought. Are you implying that we rushed into marriage?

Maurice replies,

I am not implying, if anything I am certain that you did or rather your husband was in a hurry to marry at the time.  Is it right for me to assume that your husband is the sole provider in your home?

She replies,

Yes he is. I was pursuing my under graduate when we met and he convinced me to drop out as he would provide everything. I regret the choice I made. I am too reliant on him and that puts me in a disadvantage. Can he change into the man I wanted in my life?

Maurice replies,

It’s unfortunate but men with your husband’s characteristics don’t really change. A man who forgets to feed his children clearly does not have them in mind. If you have to remind him of his parental obligations then you must ask yourself, is his family a priority or a burden? Another obstacle in mind set is that your husband’s behaviors have gone on for too long for him to suddenly change. There’s always a chance but I don’t want to give you false hope. I am giving my opinion based on the information you have availed to me. I recommend that you make sure your kids get the education they need and for you to also empower yourself with the same so that in the future you are not fully reliant on your husband.

She asks,

Should I leave him?

Maurice replies,

That is entirely up to you. However even though life will go on when you leave, you need to asking yourself based on financial implication what are the disadvantages of you leaving and how will your choice to leave affect your children’s welfare.

She replies,

Thanks Maurice. You have actually clarified a few things for me.