mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I know you must get this a lot but in all truth I do not know where to begin my life has been turned upside down by a series of events that have splintered my family.

Maurice asks,

What has occurred to make you feel that way?

She replies,

It would be an understatement to say that my husband has let me down. I can’t find the right words to describe what has taken place. My daughter has moved out of our home and gone to live with my sister and she has sworn never to come back home.

Maurice asks,

What caused her to leave home?

She replies,

It all begun 11 days ago when to my horror I found out that my husband is having an affair with his own daughter’s school mate, our daughter is a second year student at Nairobi campus and unfortunately her best friend confessed to having spent Valentines with my husband and she also admitted that they had been dating for over one year, a fight ensued and my daughter and her friend ended up at a police station, luckily my husband was there to defuse the police case that was looming. Understandably after the revelation my daughter then went home and packed up her essentials and moved to her auntie’s place.

Maurice asks,

And where were you doing the police saga?

She replies,

I work in Eldoret as a civil servant; I usually travel home once or twice a month to spend the weekend with my family. The past 2 years have been tasking on our marriage since my transfer but we had found a way to make things work however the affair is now destroying our family unit. We have been married for 26 years. How can a man do this to his own family, how can he welcome a young girl who is his daughter’s age into our home? Our house help has kept me informed and just a day ago that little girl answered my husband’s phone and we had an exchange of words where she directly told me that she was in-love with my husband and that she understands him better than I ever will. I felt sorry for her, I was once her age and though I am not excusing her actions it is my husband who has taken advantage of a naïve inexperienced young woman. Can you imagine how embarrassing this is with both our families fully aware of what is going on. My in-laws are supportive of me but my mother blames me for leaving my den as she puts it.

Maurice asks,

What has your husband said about his affair?

She replies,

He told me that he won’t deny the affair and he owes me no explanation. He also said I can leave if I choose to, shock on him but I will not back down. How do I get my family back because I keep asking where did I fail as a wife, was it my being away that drove us apart?

Maurice replies,

None of this was your fault in my opinion. You must have done something right to make your marriage last for 26 years. Based on your husband’s reply to you I do not foresee a future that is worth pursuing. If your husband needed you he would have urged you to move back home. For now I recommend that you work on getting your daughter back home and keeping your home ‘mistress free’. Your husband’s choices will most likely come to haunt him but he should not be your priority otherwise he will disrupt your day to day life, your work and peace of mind. The transition will not be easy but it is critical that you concentrate on your daughter’s interests and on yours.

She replies,

Maurice I can not lose my husband at this stage of my life.

Maurice asks,

Are you saying you still love him?

She replies,

Yes I do, it may sound crazy but I am in-love with that man.

Maurice replies,

Because your husband was willing to let you go after you found out about his affair, it tells me that he is not equally in-love with you. I am not encouraging you to walk away from 26 years of marriage but you must face the real fact that your husband most probably can do without you unless he only said that to test the waters. If you decide to ride the storm you will eventually know the truth. I only hope that journey does not lead you to further heartbreak.