mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I hope you can make sense of the things I am currently going through because I can’t understand why I am feeling the way I am. I am 27 I met my husband 4 years ago, we dated for approximately 3 years and we have been married for a year and 3 months now.

Maurice asks,

What seems to be the issue?

She replies,

If I’m honest I’m not feeling right in this marriage. I keep feeling like we rushed it due to family and friends telling us how great we are together over the last 3 years. I love him very much but I’m having a problem keeping up with my role as his wife.

Maurice asks,

Do you feel trapped; don’t you have your freedom, your space?

She replies,

Don’t get me wrong my husband is not at fault, it’s me and my feelings. I am confused. Another thing that’s pressuring me is, since our wedding day he has been hinting about starting a family and I am not ready, though I haven’t told him.

Maurice replies,

So you are afraid of his reaction if you tell him how you feel. Either way you need to open up to him and have a candid chat about your expectations and current state of mind. He may be understanding or not but at least you will have eliminated the burden you are emotionally carrying with you every passing day. For how long have you felt this way and are you sure there are no other under linings factors that are leading you to question your marriage?

She replies,

Yes, I am totally in fear of his reaction and I feel guilty for feeling this way. I owe him loyalty but every time we are together I instead feel obliged to play the good wife. I started to have my doubts about our future together when his family visited my parent’s home, at that point it hit me that this was really happening, I know it’s my fault for not coming out with how I felt earlier but there were so many people involved and I couldn’t bare to hurt them by backing out.

Maurice asks,

Are you in-love with your husband?

She replies,

I don’t know if I ever was in-love with him, he is sweet, loving, generous and kind hearted and that really appealed to me once upon a time but now I just don’t feel him like I did. Gosh I know I sound selfish but I can’t help it.

Maurice replies,

Sometimes you can’t help how you feel that’s just life. If I may ask, was there ever a man you wanted to spend your life with before you met your husband?

She replies,

I am not trying to leave my husband for another man in-case that is what you are implying however to answer your question when I was 17 I dated my ex for 5 years but things didn’t work out because he broke my heart after I found him with my best friend at the time. He was my soul mate, he swept me off my feet and it hurt me when he crucified my dreams to be his future wife. I really did love that guy, I gave him my all.

Maurice replies,

Whether you acknowledge it or not that may be your hung-up. You clearly had major feelings for your ex and a year later you met your husband. You need to ask yourself if your relationship was merely based on meeting a man who was to fill the void and mend your broken heart. I can’t force you to be in-love or stay with your husband but what I can tell you is that it won’t hurt to hang-on to your marriage considering you have described your husband as a good man overall. Give him a chance; easier said than done ‘granted’ however the pastures are not always greener on the other side.

Read Full Post »

Dear Maurice,

I am a troubled young woman of 26 years of age. I have been married for 1 year 3 months and already my marriage’s future looks bleak. I met my husband 7 years ago. For the last year I have become his punching bag whenever things don’t go his way or he just has a bad day. I am even afraid to go home not knowing what kind of mood he will be in when we both get home. I have been told by numerous people to leave him and cut my loses regarding our marriage but I still love him dearly. Is it true that once a wife beater a man stays that way?

Maurice replies,

I am equally troubled that you have permitted for the domestic violence to continue for a year. That said, how old is your husband and is he from your ethnic background?

She replies,

My husband is 27 years old and no we are not from the same region. May I ask the relevance of his ethnic background?

Maurice replies,

Well, from your own statement it seems that your battering started once you were married, I am attempting to find a trigger to cause his sudden change of character. Did your husband ever threaten you with a beating while you were dating?

She replies,

Before we got married we never lived together, we only had bedroom affairs for 2 years then I realised that we were not following our religious believes so we refrained till our wedding night. It was hard to refrain from sin but we managed with my consistent following of my faith.

Maurice replies,

So what you are saying is that after 2 years of dating you took away the cookie from your then boyfriend and give him the choice to refrain and await your wedding night to make it special?

She replies,

I was upholding the set of rules within my faith, though I know that I had already committed sin prior; however I believe it was the right thing to do. It also showed me the degree of resilience my husband had by following through with my wishes.

Maurice replies,

I need you to tell me if your wedding night went as planned, was it as special as you would have liked?

She replies,

Now that you mention it, it wasn’t because it was the first time my husband could not engage in bedroom affairs, I tried everything but there were no fire works on the night. He really apologized that night and I told him that it was ok and it must have been the day’s activities that got him tired but I had a feeling there was more to his none performance. Soon after, the violence started. What changed him?

Maurice replies,

The variables of your scenario are varied however this is what I think took place over time. When you set the ball rolling to refraining from bedroom affairs you set another ball of resentment towards you. He was your boyfriend back then so he did a good job of playing along with your wishes and playing happy couple. No fault of your own, but I also believe that you are the relationship head and have been from the conception of your relationship. I am somewhat 100% on this one; you may have stripped your husband’s manhood, his assertion of power in the home, without your knowledge that is and instead of saying something yet again he played along. Again another reason for him to resent you. I mentioned the ethnic angle because your husband may be using irrational ethnic believes about marriage to assert his authority through domestic violence. Then again, it could just be a man trying to salvage the little manhood he feels he has left to establish a footing in your home. Is there anything that could have caused enormous stress on your husband within the last 12 months?

She replies,

If you are implying that my husband is playing the tribal card I would be very shocked if it was true. There is some scary possibility to your claims. What do you advise I do?

Maurice replies,

First thing, your security, your well being is my principal concern. I would advise that you leave your home and once you are in a safer environment, ask your husband to seek psychological help , anger management, before his actions escalate to irreversible injuries inflicted on you. It’s going to be a long road; you will both have to be consistent and committed if you end up following a counseling program. But first, get out and be safe.

Read Full Post »

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 19 years. We have 2 children both over 15 years of age. I am 47 and my hubby is 42. We are both career people and are usually busy at work. Normally getting home after 7pm, this has gone on for more than 12 years. I feel we are losing our connection; we are more like friends sharing a house at times. Intimacy is almost non-existent, we last made love in early December last year and that was under the influence after a corporate event we hat attended. We do have moments of affection but it’s not what it used to be, it appears somewhat forced as if an obligation to each other instead of it being a mutual attraction. What can we do to spice our union and create the connection we once had?

Maurice replies,

Have you been faithful to each other over the years, any domestic scandals?

She replies,

On our 4th year of marriage my husband confessed to cheating on me, he admitted he knew what he was doing but somehow he could not control himself on the night of the indiscretion. That said, we went through our trials for about a year and we received counseling from our Church. I eventually forgave him and I can say we went back to our loving ways.

Maurice asks,

So you gave him another chance, I applaud you for holding onto your marriage. When did you start to feel that something was missing from your relationship?

She replies,

I reckon it’s been brewing for the last 6 years. Every year I would tell myself that things will work themselves out but they never did. We have tried romantic dinners and they are never anywhere near romantic we just end up discussing our downfalls instead of enjoying the evening. I am currently feeling very lonely yet I have a man who comes home. As I said we are career focused clocking 60 hour weeks.

Maurice replies,

Apart from your husband, hasn’t your career based lifestyle affected relations with your kids over the years? Have they voiced their concern to either of you?

She replies,

My daughter who is the youngest has noticed the distant love we have with her Dad and queried on why we are the way we are. I tried to dismiss her query with an excuse but she saw through me and told me she’s a grown young woman who has noticed that things are not right within our home. It was shocking though she is the vocal one in the family, very opinionated. And not easily deceived so we had a brief chat but as her mother there are things I left out. It was not customary to ask your parents questions relating to their marriage while I was growing up but we have raised our children to have an opinion and question things when they smell a rat.

Maurice asks,

What about your older child?

She replies,

My first born son is the complete opposite of his sister. He cares less if you ask me. Due to our busy work schedules I think we neglected him during his most needy childhood period.

Maurice asks,

Are you close with your son or is it your husband?

She replies,

Despite his attitude towards both of us he will come to me before his Dad, which leads me to my next point.  Sometimes I feel like I have 3 kids. My husband will find time to fly out with his boys for a short break and will not even put that effort towards our being together. Why is this?

Maurice replies,

This is my analysis on your predicament but do correct where I go wrong. I am assuming you live a lavish lifestyle considering your emphasis on your career dedication. Despite him being your junior age wise, you were perhaps attracted to your husband when you met because he was either on the path of success or was already pretty successful and a likely candidate to wed. Once you got to know him better you fell in-love and set a road map to being together forever. What has come to be is a distant marriage, why? Because you concentrated more on building comforts of your home and lifestyle, but forgot to nurture your marital bond.

She replies,

Yes, I guess you have hit the nail on the head. My husband’s age was a major concern especially among my family but his accomplishments were not easy to over look so we got blessings to wed.

Maurice says,

If you are still putting in 60 hour weeks it is going to be a task to rekindle what you had. You need to ask yourselves what is more important at this stage of your life. You have both worked hard to be successful now it’s time you did the same for your marriage. There is no single answer to how you can spice your marriage but first you must remove or limit the obstacles that have you totally non-committed to each other. That will be your first step. There after, find time, plenty of time to spend quality time indoors and out doors without attracting negative energy but attempting to have fun together and share some laughs and take walks together. The list of things you can do is endless however if you think back there are mutual things you liked to do together. Your kids are now grown you have no excuse but to apply the same efforts as you did your career. I can give you a 3 to 6 months fun program of things you can do if you please but something tells me you can revive your marriage if the will and effort is there.

Read Full Post »

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 2 years now. About 6 months ago I lost my job because I rejected my boss’s advances. I have been advised by friends and family to sue but I can’t bear the embarrassment. However the reason I have approached you is because I am now homeless. I told my husband why I had lost my job and instead of supporting me he was convinced I was having an affair with my boss, so much for telling the truth. My husband is a very temperamental man and he has threatened to divorce me. He has involved my parents and they too are mystified by my husband’s reaction. I am staying with a friend but I can’t stay here indefinitely. How can he think I was having an affair?

Maurice asks,

How long did it take you to tell him that you had lost your job?

She replies,

I only told him about 4 weeks ago.

Maurice’s asks,

Why did it take you 5 months to tell him?

She replies,

I was afraid about how he would react, I thought he would confront my boss and make a scene at the office, trust me my husband is a confrontational kind of man and I feared the worst. But I did not expect him to label me as a cheating wife. Maurice I am only 27, married only for 2 years after knowing a man for 3 years. How can he turn his back on me when I need him the most? I am stressed, broke and the way things are going I might be a young divorcee all because I did the right thing and shared with my husband.

Maurice asks,

Have you ever had any quarrels regarding suspected infidelity before?

She replies,

When we met I was periodically in and out of a relationship with a guy I once loved but we had so many issues, that relationship was not going anywhere though I must admit I hoped things would change. But that was the past.

Maurice comments,

You haven’t answered my question?

She replies,

Maurice it was a small issue during our first year together and we resolved it, I really don’t see the relevance.

Maurice comments,

If you want my help let me be the judge of that small issue, so what happened?

She replies,

Well, when I met my current husband he treated me with love and respect but I was still hung up on the other guy I was dating on and off. My husband found out that I was still seeing the other guy and even though we were not exclusive he took it personally and I guess I hurt him. I told him everything; how I had once lied I was at my parents when I was really with the other guy. Back then I made a couple of mistakes but I came clean and I swore I would never ever go behind his back. It took a while but he finally forgave me and here we are married but now I’m afraid he won’t ever trust me.

Maurice replies,

I believe that your husband’s trust for you will take time, it’s easy to forgive but the mind never forgets. The fact that another man, your boss, was the reason you got the sack has most probably triggered hurtful memories of your first year together and that in-turn has bruised your husband’s ego. One factor that goes against you is that you took months to tell him that you had lost your job. In his mind your fears don’t register, all that is running in his mind is whether history is repeating itself and to what extent have you been dishonest. I agree that in an ideal World he is supposed to support you without question but in your case there’s an incident that occurred once and that has never really faded from his mind. I am curious, where were you going every morning considering you lost your job months ago?

She replies,

I was helping out a friend who has a shop. That kept me going as I decided on when to tell my husband the truth. Do you think he will forgive me; he won’t even answer my calls. My friend tried to explain but he told her to mind her own business and that she was part of the problem.

Maurice replies,

Your husband is hurting and he needs to cool off. Refrain from delegating your responsibility to your friends, they can’t help you. What I recommend is that you text him over and over, not just saying sorry but sincerely telling him that you made an error and you should have shared with him the minute you lost your job. I suggest you also email him, do not use his work email just his personal one. Reassure him ‘repeatedly’ that your intentions were genuine and that no man can ever replace him. Whatever you do DO NOT attempt to make him feel guilty that might back fire on you. Men regardless of how ‘manly’ we portray ourselves, we also need to be soothed with loving words, we need reassuring. Everyman has a little boy that needs some ‘TLC’ once in a while.

Read Full Post »

Dear Maurice,

I have dated my boyfriend for 3 years since campus. In early February I traveled with friends to Mombasa where I met this guy. At first we were just friends but 2 weeks after we returned to Nairobi I went back to Coast. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t stay away, I wanted to know what this guy was all about.

Maurice replies,

It sounds like you and your boyfriend are having problems, is that the case?

She replies,

Our relationship is not perfect but I do love my boyfriend, but even so things that guy in Coast said drove me to travel back.

Maurice asks,

So what happened when you went back?

She replies,

We had sex and I loved it. No guy had ever made me feel the way that guy did. It was intense and for the first time I could feel him inside me. We have always had a problem with my boyfriend, he’s not that small but it takes me to concentrate before I can orgasm. Sometimes I can’t orgasm when we have sex so I have to play with myself. It has been frustrating over the years but I’ve never been able to tell my boyfriend fearing his reaction. But now with this other guy in the picture I am confused, I don’t know what to do. Apart from the sex the other guy is older and we click a lot, we can talk for hours, plus he is a sweet guy.

Maurice replies,

Its evident that you have explored the World and found sweeter pastures. But you must be careful, feelings can cloud your judgment and create a false sense of reality. You may have found a sweet guy who’s tongue is full of sweet nothings however he may also tirn out to be your soulmate at the end of it all. Only you can make that final judgment. I know you say you love your boyfriend, but are you off him sexually?

She replies,

Maurice I don’t feel guilty, what does that say, my boyfriend tries to please me in bed and if that doesn’t work he constantly treats me out and buys me gifts. But that is not doing anything for me. Am I a bad person for enjoying sex with another man and wanting to have more? Oh and by the way I did a test and I am pregnant, and I know for sure its not my boyfriend’s.

Maurice asks,

How can you be so sure?

She replies,

I don’t know what that guy in Coast does to me but he made me break my long time promise to myself, we had sex without protection. But with my boyfriend we have always used protection. The idea was to have unprotected sex on our wedding night.

Maurice asks,

Why did you sexually trust in a stranger over your boyfriend?

She replies,

When I returned to visit he insisted that we get tested so we did, how he convinced me I don’t know. Once we knew our status I felt I could trust him and thats how we ended up having sex. I must admit the more I think about his sex the more I want to go back. I don’t know if love is in the air but I am very drawn to the Coast guy. What do you advise?

Maurice replies,

For one the Coast guy is very calculative, he planned every step to gain your trust. Now, I can’t improve your sex life with your boyfriend especially now that you have met ‘Mr Stud’ in Coast neither can I tell you to stay away in the hope that your lust for Mombasa will fade. My advise is that you follow your heart.

And if you really don’t feel your boyfriend as you once did then break it off with him, not for the Coast guy but for your own peace of mind and it’s only fair not to string your boyfriend along as you establish your affair with the other guy. Have you shared with your boyfriend or the other about your pregnancy?

She replies,

No. I definitely can’t tell my boyfriend he will flip.

Maurice asks,

I’m assuming you are keeping the baby? I recommend you redo the test, it could be a false alarm, those tests are not always 100%. If you are pregnant then for sure you need to come clean with your boyfriend unless you leave him before you start showing. My dear you have choices that will define your future to make. In my opinion its important for you to tell the father that you are pregnant so that you learn of their reaction to the news. From there hence forth you will know whether you are in this pregnancy alone or with a partner by your side. Keep me posted on the developments.

Read Full Post »

 Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 8 years. However my husband and I have known each other for the last 10 years. I am 39 and he is 43. We have 3 kids. Apart from the usual trials and tribulations we have had a good partnership in everything we do. My only concern over the last month is that when I met my husband he had several close female friends who he has known for over 20 years and he seems to have maintained a very strong bond with them.

Maurice asks,

Does your husband only have female friends?

She replies,

I knew you would ask that. He also has his boys.

Maurice asks,

So where is the issue unless it’s a gender concern, do you feel he spends too much time with his female friends?

She replies,

Oh no, he is a good man he gives me my time and he also gives me my space when I need it. I’m just wondering if his close attachment with his female friends may one day lead to something more. He really goes out of his way to be there as their friend.

Maurice says,

Please expound on how he goes out of his way?

She replies,

Well, he is there for them when they fight with their boyfriends or husbands. He will spend hours consoling them, he will pick them up if they need to be picked, and he will even shop with them or for them and drop off the shopping.

Maurice asks,

Does he perform the same for your home, is he there for you in your time of need, does he help out any of your female friends?

She replies,

I know you think I am being over protective or jealous but I am not.

Maurice says,

Now you are putting words in my mouth, I did not say you were reacting in any particular way, I just need to know if your husband’s actions are biased towards his friends only.

She replies,

The truth is, my husband likes to please everyone, yes he does help out with my friends too but I still need to know if there is a chance that he may get closer with one of them, I’m just protecting what is mine and stability of my home.

Maurice asks,

I am also wondering, you have known and loved this man for the last 10 years and you have allowed him to maintain status quo in regards to female friends for all this time so why do you worry now, why after all these years, did you sense something recently, do you read a text that sent alarms sounding, is he giving attention to one of his friends more than usual?

She replies,

No, I have not sensed anything neither do I read my husband’s texts. Years ago we made a promised to each other that if we felt attracted to someone else we should just break it off rather than hurt each other with actions of adultery. However a friend of mine pointed out an article that stated that men do not keep those kind of promises, that they only vow to be honest to keep women secure. The article even said that men can not be purely friends with other women and that got me thinking. Asking myself, what has been going on without my knowledge?

Maurice asks,

When your friend, who I assume is a woman, made you read that article what point were they making?

She replies,

My friend has always believed that I give my husband way too much allowance and that it’s not healthy for a marriage for a married man to have close female friends.

Maurice says,

I knew there was a root cause to all this worry. I’m not surprised it’s one of your friends. I might be wrong but something tells me she’s one of your friends that don’t get along with your husband and I sense your husband is not to keen on her either. My concluding words are, if it isn’t broke don’t fix it. If your husband was to have anything with women he has known for decades it would have happened before he met you, so in short the odds are in your favour. Listening or following advice from friends, especially female ones, can be detrimental to your relationship and ruin the bond you have with your husband. Your husband only feels free with females because he truly believes that you trust him. It’s rare to have a wife who gives such leeway in a relationship so keep being that great wife. The reason why you have been together for 10 years is because you found your own way of living together, your own formula and that is not always the case with many couples. Treasure what you have with him and as long as you don’t feel that you are getting the short end of the stick live your life and concentrate on loving each other and ignore external influences. Friends will always have an opinion, let it be just that ‘an opinion’, don’t take it to heart and never allow external advice to make you doubt your husband.

She replies,

I needed to hear that from a man, thank you, and yes you are right, they don’t see eye to eye on many relationship discussions. Their debates are normally very heated.

Maurice comments,

There you have it, don’t change what already works for you and your husband. I wish you decades of happiness and harmony within your family unit.

I have always believed that ‘relationships’ are not difficult, its the irrational decisions we make within relationships that make them difficult.

Read Full Post »

 Dear Maurice,

I am writing to you hoping that you can assist me in my marriage. I have only been married for 2 years. It was our second year in November 2011. I am 25 and saved, my husband is 27. I thought my husband was also a man of God but he has changed over the 2 years.

Maurice asks,

How has he changed, is he committing adultery, is he going out or indulging in things against your wishes, please expound on the change of character?

She replies,

He is asking for things that go against what we both believed in, we met 3 years ago. You see, we met in Church and were even part of the choir. We took a liking for each other after a few coffee dates and embarked on a path to marriage. My only worry at the time was that my husband was not a virgin which was a major trial for me. I wanted to marry someone pure of sin out of wedlock. But as they say love is blind and I had no choice but to over look his past life. My husband has not been with anyone to my knowledge and I don’t believe he would do things behind my back. We made a vow to tell each other everything no matter how bad it was and I have faith that we will both stick to that promise.

Maurice comments,

But you still haven’t told me what has gone wrong in your marriage?

She replies,

I know I am delaying the inevitable it’s just I am not used to broadcasting my affairs to strangers.

Maurice says,

Well, you approached me for help so it only makes sense that you share and let’s see the way forward.

She replies,

Ok, how do I say this, my husband has been asking for me to perform in the bedroom in ways that go against my faith. I have consulted with a few of my friends and they seem to think that I am lucky to have a man who wants to only be with me however I am wondering why now, where did he get the sudden urge to want to experiment? He has bought the book they call Kamasutra and he made me go through, he told me that he loves me very much and enjoys our current sexual life however we must spice our bedroom affairs to keep things alive. What has changed in my home, I am puzzled by these requests. The book was shocking enough. I really don’t know how to react?

Maurice says,

I need to know a few things before I give you my honest opinion. How often do you partake in your bedroom affairs on average per week or per month? And if it came between your faith and pleasing your husband which one would you choose?

She replies,

Maurice my faith is a very important part of my life, it is the only way I know, it is how I was brought up, I would hate to have to make a choice. About our bedroom affairs we perform them at least once or twice every 2 weeks. We never had sex outside wedlock so our first year was not as pressuring as the last 2 years.

Maurice asks,

Do you enjoy those bedroom affairs? I know these are private matters but for me to help it is paramount that you tell me, and please don’t sugar coat the answer.

She replies,

Yes I do. But afterwards I feel dirty and I feel as if I have sinned by enjoying too much. If I am honest we don’t have it regularly because of my aftermath feelings.

Maurice says,

This is your husband my dear. You are not committing any sin that I know of, by enjoying what you share with your husband. Continue with you faith and also remind him of the foundation that formed your union but do not be afraid to explore together, he is yours. You are doing nothing wrong. Personally I believe you are both very lucky to have each other. You clearly care and love each other if you are willing to be open to each other. You have a husband who is, I assume, exclusively attracted to you and by buying that book he has shown signs of being a man who wants to experience his sexuality with his wife only and not outside his home. Trust me on this, not that many men would have bought the book and taken it to their wife. You have a man who is not afraid to express himself, that’s a bonus on your part. Lastly, is your husband home when you need him to be home?

She replies,

Most of the time, he does not disappoint. He only disappoints when he forgets to tell me he will be late otherwise he is a good man and a loving husband.

Maurice replies,

There you go, you have an almost perfect home your husband just needs to learn to communicate to your liking, you can train him over the years that should be a piece of cake. Your only hurdle is your worry of going against your faith. Again, you are not doing anything wrong. Enjoy your marriage and may it be a very long and happy one.

Read Full Post »

 Hi Maurice,

I just saw your piece on the Nakuru saga. I too was a victim of love with a younger girl. Two weeks ago my girlfriend for 8 months and I were to head to a party together but little did I know she had a double date. I turned up and so did the other dude. Let me confess that for a good 3 hours she was playing us both until by chance I spotted her walking away from the crowd so I followed curiously only to find her in the arms of some other guy who was clearly younger than myself. I did not react, I went back and joined our mutual friends, I wanted to see how she plays her game. Can you believe after about an hour she returned to our table and I asked her where she had gone? She said she was mingling with other friends, so I played it cool and watched her play her game all night till we eventually left the house party. And where did we head to next, a club of course and guess who followed us there, that same guy from the party, meaning she was in communication with him all along. I could see it anyway cause she was on her phone ‘texting’ as I drove to the club.

Incase you are wondering, she is a hot 19 year old and I am 28. Dude you should see her, she’ll blown you away, she’s a beauty but I now know she’s just in this relationship for fun and nothing else so I will also play her game.

I feel like a fool trying to be faithful and all along she’s seeing other guys from what I have seen. That party had some fine ass women and there I was playing the loyal boyfriend.  You are right, no amount of cash can secure loyalty from a woman. It’s only been 8 months and yet I have pampered her from head to toe, taking her to Coast… Watamu daddy! We’ve been to Naivasha several times. New clothes, shoes, you name it, her wish has been my command. Is it worth it really?

Maurice replies,

My good man. I hear you loud and clear but she’s 19. We both know why you are dating her, she makes you feel good about yourself as a man, your ego is up there because of her and I’m sure she’s hot but unfortunately for you she’s willing to share her loving ways. Don’t lie to yourself…. you will not hack playing her at her game, why? Because you have invested emotions into this relationship. If it was just a fling then maybe you could manage to play each other but right now I would bet against you, so do yourself a favour and leave her for your own well being. She’s only 19 but she will break your heart in ways you never thought possible.

Read Full Post »

Dear Maurice,

What would cause a girl to dog on you even after you have given her everything she has ever asked for?

Maurice replies,

There are many reasons, why do you ask?

He replies,

I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years and in those years she has put me through a lot. Like most people she loves to have a great time and she’s high maintenance if you know what I mean. I can afford it so over the 3 years I have given her a good lifestyle. I provide for her emotionally and financially but it never seems to be enough to make me feel like she’s exclusively mine.

Maurice asks,

You doubt her loyalty to you?

He replies,

I don’t doubt, I know she is unfaithful. I have caught her several times. In fact just this weekend, we were in Nakuru for Rugby and I caught her making out with some random guy. Needless to say, we did not leave Nakuru together, she disappeared after our argument.

Maurice asks,

Considering it seems to be a trend, why does she keep playing you, have you asked her?

He replies,

She always blames her drinking. The fact is she does go out of control when she gets tipsy.

Maurice replies,

But that’s no excuse, and stop making excuses for her otherwise our dialogue is non-productive. I believe when you decide to kiss / make out with someone other than your partner it’s a conscious decision you make whether under the influence or not. If I may ask, how old are you both?

He replies,

She is 22 and I am 34.

Maurice replies,

From one man to another, I think you know what I’m going to say regarding your generation gap. It’s not about it being a stereo type scenario but really what do you expect from a young 22 year old hyper girl. The question here is not if she can love you? The question is, can she love you the way you expect to be loved? I haven’t met her so I’m only speculating, but in my opinion she is not ready to think like you or share the same future path. It’s only fair that you put yourself in her shoes, what were you doing at her age?

He replies,

At her age I was reading hard to succeed in life. I didn’t get to play hard the way she does.

Maurice replies,

If I were you I would let her live her life. Compared to you she is still exploring her path in life which includes ‘having fun’. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this.

He replies,

I hear you but I have strong feelings for her despite how she behaves at times.

Maurice asks,

So you love her?

He replies,

Yes I do.

Maurice replies,

It’s your choice to stay with her, but be ready for more heartaches in the future. She will grow out of it ‘eventually’ however how much more can you take of her playful manner with other guys? Only you can decide whether she’s worth the trouble.

He replies,

I won’t lie to you, I don’t think I can let her go.

Maurice replies,

Then be ready to endure whatever she throws at you. How often do you voice out your concerns?

He replies,

Dude, she apologises and I let it go, only for her to do something else I don’t approve of.

Maurice replies,

Like I said, it’s your choice, if you make your bed you need to sleep in it. I’m guessing she gives you numerous satisfying pleasures hence why you can’t leave her, I don’t blame you but beware because she’s much younger than you. Her social explorations are not fading away any time soon. Another thing, it doesn’t matter how much you spend on her, it will never guarantee her loyalty to you.

Read Full Post »

Hi Maurice,

 I wanted to let you know that my husband has pulled yet another stunt. On  Thursday at around 3pm he called and told me he will be home by 7pm. He never showed, by 8pm I was calling his phone and it must have been switched off. I cried myself to sleep that night, I was really expecting to spend the Easter holiday with him. I tried him again at midnight and still his phone was off. Yesterday I did not bother calling him but earlier today I called one of his friends and faked an injury, at that point his friend told me that he was in Nakuru and even shared with me the Hotel details after telling him I urgently needed to get in-touch with my husband.

I called the Hotel but I couldn’t locate my husband, he must have registered under an alias name. Anyway, at 1pm I called his phone hoping it was on and a young woman answered, I pretended to be a friend and asked her if my husband was fine and if I could talk to him. She then called out “baby it’s your phone”, I waited for a response and the phone went dead again. He must have noticed it was me calling and hung up. All I can say is that I am now through with him. If he can’t get his hands off these young girls then so be it. I have given my husband 11 years of my life and in return he has given me sleepless night and multiple heartaches. I don’t have words for him and for men in general. My opinion is no matter how much you give majority of men will throw it back in your face. It’s going to take me a very long time to trust any man. I thought you should know.

Read Full Post »