mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am a troubled young woman of 26 years of age. I have been married for 1 year 3 months and already my marriage’s future looks bleak. I met my husband 7 years ago. For the last year I have become his punching bag whenever things don’t go his way or he just has a bad day. I am even afraid to go home not knowing what kind of mood he will be in when we both get home. I have been told by numerous people to leave him and cut my loses regarding our marriage but I still love him dearly. Is it true that once a wife beater a man stays that way?

Maurice replies,

I am equally troubled that you have permitted for the domestic violence to continue for a year. That said, how old is your husband and is he from your ethnic background?

She replies,

My husband is 27 years old and no we are not from the same region. May I ask the relevance of his ethnic background?

Maurice replies,

Well, from your own statement it seems that your battering started once you were married, I am attempting to find a trigger to cause his sudden change of character. Did your husband ever threaten you with a beating while you were dating?

She replies,

Before we got married we never lived together, we only had bedroom affairs for 2 years then I realised that we were not following our religious believes so we refrained till our wedding night. It was hard to refrain from sin but we managed with my consistent following of my faith.

Maurice replies,

So what you are saying is that after 2 years of dating you took away the cookie from your then boyfriend and give him the choice to refrain and await your wedding night to make it special?

She replies,

I was upholding the set of rules within my faith, though I know that I had already committed sin prior; however I believe it was the right thing to do. It also showed me the degree of resilience my husband had by following through with my wishes.

Maurice replies,

I need you to tell me if your wedding night went as planned, was it as special as you would have liked?

She replies,

Now that you mention it, it wasn’t because it was the first time my husband could not engage in bedroom affairs, I tried everything but there were no fire works on the night. He really apologized that night and I told him that it was ok and it must have been the day’s activities that got him tired but I had a feeling there was more to his none performance. Soon after, the violence started. What changed him?

Maurice replies,

The variables of your scenario are varied however this is what I think took place over time. When you set the ball rolling to refraining from bedroom affairs you set another ball of resentment towards you. He was your boyfriend back then so he did a good job of playing along with your wishes and playing happy couple. No fault of your own, but I also believe that you are the relationship head and have been from the conception of your relationship. I am somewhat 100% on this one; you may have stripped your husband’s manhood, his assertion of power in the home, without your knowledge that is and instead of saying something yet again he played along. Again another reason for him to resent you. I mentioned the ethnic angle because your husband may be using irrational ethnic believes about marriage to assert his authority through domestic violence. Then again, it could just be a man trying to salvage the little manhood he feels he has left to establish a footing in your home. Is there anything that could have caused enormous stress on your husband within the last 12 months?

She replies,

If you are implying that my husband is playing the tribal card I would be very shocked if it was true. There is some scary possibility to your claims. What do you advise I do?

Maurice replies,

First thing, your security, your well being is my principal concern. I would advise that you leave your home and once you are in a safer environment, ask your husband to seek psychological help , anger management, before his actions escalate to irreversible injuries inflicted on you. It’s going to be a long road; you will both have to be consistent and committed if you end up following a counseling program. But first, get out and be safe.