mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 19 years. We have 2 children both over 15 years of age. I am 47 and my hubby is 42. We are both career people and are usually busy at work. Normally getting home after 7pm, this has gone on for more than 12 years. I feel we are losing our connection; we are more like friends sharing a house at times. Intimacy is almost non-existent, we last made love in early December last year and that was under the influence after a corporate event we hat attended. We do have moments of affection but it’s not what it used to be, it appears somewhat forced as if an obligation to each other instead of it being a mutual attraction. What can we do to spice our union and create the connection we once had?

Maurice replies,

Have you been faithful to each other over the years, any domestic scandals?

She replies,

On our 4th year of marriage my husband confessed to cheating on me, he admitted he knew what he was doing but somehow he could not control himself on the night of the indiscretion. That said, we went through our trials for about a year and we received counseling from our Church. I eventually forgave him and I can say we went back to our loving ways.

Maurice asks,

So you gave him another chance, I applaud you for holding onto your marriage. When did you start to feel that something was missing from your relationship?

She replies,

I reckon it’s been brewing for the last 6 years. Every year I would tell myself that things will work themselves out but they never did. We have tried romantic dinners and they are never anywhere near romantic we just end up discussing our downfalls instead of enjoying the evening. I am currently feeling very lonely yet I have a man who comes home. As I said we are career focused clocking 60 hour weeks.

Maurice replies,

Apart from your husband, hasn’t your career based lifestyle affected relations with your kids over the years? Have they voiced their concern to either of you?

She replies,

My daughter who is the youngest has noticed the distant love we have with her Dad and queried on why we are the way we are. I tried to dismiss her query with an excuse but she saw through me and told me she’s a grown young woman who has noticed that things are not right within our home. It was shocking though she is the vocal one in the family, very opinionated. And not easily deceived so we had a brief chat but as her mother there are things I left out. It was not customary to ask your parents questions relating to their marriage while I was growing up but we have raised our children to have an opinion and question things when they smell a rat.

Maurice asks,

What about your older child?

She replies,

My first born son is the complete opposite of his sister. He cares less if you ask me. Due to our busy work schedules I think we neglected him during his most needy childhood period.

Maurice asks,

Are you close with your son or is it your husband?

She replies,

Despite his attitude towards both of us he will come to me before his Dad, which leads me to my next point.  Sometimes I feel like I have 3 kids. My husband will find time to fly out with his boys for a short break and will not even put that effort towards our being together. Why is this?

Maurice replies,

This is my analysis on your predicament but do correct where I go wrong. I am assuming you live a lavish lifestyle considering your emphasis on your career dedication. Despite him being your junior age wise, you were perhaps attracted to your husband when you met because he was either on the path of success or was already pretty successful and a likely candidate to wed. Once you got to know him better you fell in-love and set a road map to being together forever. What has come to be is a distant marriage, why? Because you concentrated more on building comforts of your home and lifestyle, but forgot to nurture your marital bond.

She replies,

Yes, I guess you have hit the nail on the head. My husband’s age was a major concern especially among my family but his accomplishments were not easy to over look so we got blessings to wed.

Maurice says,

If you are still putting in 60 hour weeks it is going to be a task to rekindle what you had. You need to ask yourselves what is more important at this stage of your life. You have both worked hard to be successful now it’s time you did the same for your marriage. There is no single answer to how you can spice your marriage but first you must remove or limit the obstacles that have you totally non-committed to each other. That will be your first step. There after, find time, plenty of time to spend quality time indoors and out doors without attracting negative energy but attempting to have fun together and share some laughs and take walks together. The list of things you can do is endless however if you think back there are mutual things you liked to do together. Your kids are now grown you have no excuse but to apply the same efforts as you did your career. I can give you a 3 to 6 months fun program of things you can do if you please but something tells me you can revive your marriage if the will and effort is there.