Dear Maurice,
I hope you can make sense of the things I am currently going through because I can’t understand why I am feeling the way I am. I am 27 I met my husband 4 years ago, we dated for approximately 3 years and we have been married for a year and 3 months now.
Maurice asks,
What seems to be the issue?
She replies,
If I’m honest I’m not feeling right in this marriage. I keep feeling like we rushed it due to family and friends telling us how great we are together over the last 3 years. I love him very much but I’m having a problem keeping up with my role as his wife.
Maurice asks,
Do you feel trapped; don’t you have your freedom, your space?
She replies,
Don’t get me wrong my husband is not at fault, it’s me and my feelings. I am confused. Another thing that’s pressuring me is, since our wedding day he has been hinting about starting a family and I am not ready, though I haven’t told him.
Maurice replies,
So you are afraid of his reaction if you tell him how you feel. Either way you need to open up to him and have a candid chat about your expectations and current state of mind. He may be understanding or not but at least you will have eliminated the burden you are emotionally carrying with you every passing day. For how long have you felt this way and are you sure there are no other under linings factors that are leading you to question your marriage?
She replies,
Yes, I am totally in fear of his reaction and I feel guilty for feeling this way. I owe him loyalty but every time we are together I instead feel obliged to play the good wife. I started to have my doubts about our future together when his family visited my parent’s home, at that point it hit me that this was really happening, I know it’s my fault for not coming out with how I felt earlier but there were so many people involved and I couldn’t bare to hurt them by backing out.
Maurice asks,
Are you in-love with your husband?
She replies,
I don’t know if I ever was in-love with him, he is sweet, loving, generous and kind hearted and that really appealed to me once upon a time but now I just don’t feel him like I did. Gosh I know I sound selfish but I can’t help it.
Maurice replies,
Sometimes you can’t help how you feel that’s just life. If I may ask, was there ever a man you wanted to spend your life with before you met your husband?
She replies,
I am not trying to leave my husband for another man in-case that is what you are implying however to answer your question when I was 17 I dated my ex for 5 years but things didn’t work out because he broke my heart after I found him with my best friend at the time. He was my soul mate, he swept me off my feet and it hurt me when he crucified my dreams to be his future wife. I really did love that guy, I gave him my all.
Maurice replies,
Whether you acknowledge it or not that may be your hung-up. You clearly had major feelings for your ex and a year later you met your husband. You need to ask yourself if your relationship was merely based on meeting a man who was to fill the void and mend your broken heart. I can’t force you to be in-love or stay with your husband but what I can tell you is that it won’t hurt to hang-on to your marriage considering you have described your husband as a good man overall. Give him a chance; easier said than done ‘granted’ however the pastures are not always greener on the other side.
mauricetherapy 
I so relate. I have been married for 14 years, I love my husband but I have never been in-love with him. After all these years I still think about the future I may have had with my X if he hadn’t moved countries.
Maurice, it was a wise call to tell her to stay. The other side of the fence can be equally as bad or worse. I think some marriages are about tolerating your spouse till death do you part. That is my 2 cents.
Aki I am a woman but us women can be foolish at times, how are you thinking about a guy who cheated on you and hurt you, and not seeing the value of the man you currently have
Maurice you have your work cut out if this is what you have to deal with
Janet,
I know we are entitled to our own opinions but i think you are looking at it from only one angle. She met her current husband when she was 23 if we do the math right and her ex when she was 17 till when she was 22. What do we know when we are teenagers and in our early twenties?
What she sees now are the good times she shared with her ex outweigh the one bad time she shared with him and if she could turn back time she’d look past it and work on it-both of them.
She never mentioned her sex life, I’m no expert but you need to look into that Maurice, take it from a woman, I was once a victim of regular dry spells.
Janet, kudos for saying it as it is she is wasting her marital life because of wgat could have been? I feel sorry for you because you are not enjoying your life while your ex moved on.I would suggest you join Alabastron network sort out all your issues and become the wife you were meant to be.Neema age has nothing to do with right and wrong even a child knows what they dont like.Personally I do not believe in being a doormat for anyone
probably it would have been worse with the EX who knows… any way its time she accepted her role and loved it fully…. this man deserves the best from her what wrong has he done..
I’m posting this pretty late – so I hope someone reads it 😉 I can really relate to her story as I was married young, 23 (about the time she met her husband), to a ‘nice’ guy, but for all the wrong reasons. You are still very young, and sounds like you are changing and growing. I’m sure the ‘x’ isn’t the right guy either – but you do deserve ‘love’ and to find ‘love’ and I think you should do this BEFORE kids are involved.
I don’t totally agree with the whole ‘staying’ thing. IF you think there is hope – then yes for sure, if kids were involved – then yes you put in more work.
Leaving my first husband, at 27 (with out kids), was the BEST descion I ever made. It was hard, so hard, especially since I didn’t have a ‘Good’ reason – but to me, being happy, is a good reason!! I knew that wasn’t the man I wanted a family with!
I am truly happy now, remarried, and have an amazing daughter!
Good luck!