mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 2 years now. About 6 months ago I lost my job because I rejected my boss’s advances. I have been advised by friends and family to sue but I can’t bear the embarrassment. However the reason I have approached you is because I am now homeless. I told my husband why I had lost my job and instead of supporting me he was convinced I was having an affair with my boss, so much for telling the truth. My husband is a very temperamental man and he has threatened to divorce me. He has involved my parents and they too are mystified by my husband’s reaction. I am staying with a friend but I can’t stay here indefinitely. How can he think I was having an affair?

Maurice asks,

How long did it take you to tell him that you had lost your job?

She replies,

I only told him about 4 weeks ago.

Maurice’s asks,

Why did it take you 5 months to tell him?

She replies,

I was afraid about how he would react, I thought he would confront my boss and make a scene at the office, trust me my husband is a confrontational kind of man and I feared the worst. But I did not expect him to label me as a cheating wife. Maurice I am only 27, married only for 2 years after knowing a man for 3 years. How can he turn his back on me when I need him the most? I am stressed, broke and the way things are going I might be a young divorcee all because I did the right thing and shared with my husband.

Maurice asks,

Have you ever had any quarrels regarding suspected infidelity before?

She replies,

When we met I was periodically in and out of a relationship with a guy I once loved but we had so many issues, that relationship was not going anywhere though I must admit I hoped things would change. But that was the past.

Maurice comments,

You haven’t answered my question?

She replies,

Maurice it was a small issue during our first year together and we resolved it, I really don’t see the relevance.

Maurice comments,

If you want my help let me be the judge of that small issue, so what happened?

She replies,

Well, when I met my current husband he treated me with love and respect but I was still hung up on the other guy I was dating on and off. My husband found out that I was still seeing the other guy and even though we were not exclusive he took it personally and I guess I hurt him. I told him everything; how I had once lied I was at my parents when I was really with the other guy. Back then I made a couple of mistakes but I came clean and I swore I would never ever go behind his back. It took a while but he finally forgave me and here we are married but now I’m afraid he won’t ever trust me.

Maurice replies,

I believe that your husband’s trust for you will take time, it’s easy to forgive but the mind never forgets. The fact that another man, your boss, was the reason you got the sack has most probably triggered hurtful memories of your first year together and that in-turn has bruised your husband’s ego. One factor that goes against you is that you took months to tell him that you had lost your job. In his mind your fears don’t register, all that is running in his mind is whether history is repeating itself and to what extent have you been dishonest. I agree that in an ideal World he is supposed to support you without question but in your case there’s an incident that occurred once and that has never really faded from his mind. I am curious, where were you going every morning considering you lost your job months ago?

She replies,

I was helping out a friend who has a shop. That kept me going as I decided on when to tell my husband the truth. Do you think he will forgive me; he won’t even answer my calls. My friend tried to explain but he told her to mind her own business and that she was part of the problem.

Maurice replies,

Your husband is hurting and he needs to cool off. Refrain from delegating your responsibility to your friends, they can’t help you. What I recommend is that you text him over and over, not just saying sorry but sincerely telling him that you made an error and you should have shared with him the minute you lost your job. I suggest you also email him, do not use his work email just his personal one. Reassure him ‘repeatedly’ that your intentions were genuine and that no man can ever replace him. Whatever you do DO NOT attempt to make him feel guilty that might back fire on you. Men regardless of how ‘manly’ we portray ourselves, we also need to be soothed with loving words, we need reassuring. Everyman has a little boy that needs some ‘TLC’ once in a while.