mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been reading your blog for close to one year and I am in need of your advice. I have been having an affair with my boy’s wife.

Maurice asks,

Are you going through a guilty trip and for how long have you had the affair?

He replies,

That there is the problem, I am not feeling guilty and neither is she. Her husband left for a job abroad 3 years ago. He visits 3 to 4 times a year. This is so complicated, we are in love, its been 14 months of pure bliss.

Maurice asks,

Do they have kids?

He replies,

They have known each other for 5 years but married for 3 years. It was literally 4 months after the wedding that he was offered his current job. They planned to have kids but he left. They are both career people so having kids took a back seat.

Maurice asks,

And you took the front seat. I am curious, despite the fact that people around the globe have affairs when you say he is your boy, were you close and if so why his wife when there are so many women out there?

He replied,

We did not plan to fall for each other. I have known him for 11 years.

Maurice asks,

How much time have you been spending with her since he left?

He replies,

I know I am going to sound like a right brat but he asked me to take care of her while he was away so I have been seeing her every week since he left.

Maurice replies,

Well, something tells me ‘taking care of his wife’ did not involve ruining his marriage but at least you acknowledge that you have been a right brat when it comes to making the right choices. Now that you profess to be in love is your friend in the picture of things, or are you simmering a strategy of how to tell him.

He replies,

We are clueless. We thought to Skype him before he comes home next month. He will be home for 6 weeks and she does not want to pretend and share the same bed with him. We need a way of explaining what happened was not planned, we need him to understand that it was not a way of hurting him its just two people who fell in love.

Maurice replies,

My good man, there is no soft landing for your friend. The news is going to hit him hard. His wife betrayed him with his friend and you, the man he trusted broke the friend’s code ‘wives are off limits’. There is no way he will take this lightly.

I need to ask, by any chance do you know the intervals of his communication to his wife?

He replies,

Yes, he Skypes her every day especially at night between 9pm and 2am. When she is out they communicate via whatsapp.

Maurice asks,

And you know this how exactly?

He replies,

Its been over a year since our affair so I have been around whenever he calls.

Maurice replies,

So she has been spending time at your place?

He replies,

Sometimes she comes over or I go to her place.

Maurice replies,

In short, you have been sleeping with your friend’s wife in his bed?

He replies,

I know it sounds bad.

Maurice replies,

Mate, sounding bad is an under statement, it is crossing the line and beyond, having an affair is one thing but doing it in his territory is unacceptable. I strongly advice that you both face the music, the news must come from the two of you and you must have a mediator present. There is no telling how he will react but your experience will not be a walk in the Park.

The fact is couples fall out of love for many reasons or circumstances and that is part of life. The problem here is that you are no stranger, the man who is about to come home hoping to be received positively trusted you and you took his wife from him. Prepare to face the music and you also need to know that once your circle of friends get a whisper of your affair the men in your social circle will most likely keep you at arm’s length. I hope the sacrifices deriving from this affair will be worth it for the both of you.

———-

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Dear Maurice,

I am 28 and my husband is 29. I have been married for 2 years to the sweetest most loving man you can ever find but I think I have a problem.

Maurice asks,

What is your problem?

She replies,

I live a secret life and for the last 3 years I have wondered why my husband has not noticed or may be he has and just ignores it.

Maurice replies,

You need to expound on the problem.

She replies,

Since I was 18 I have always had a taste for older men who cannot resit me, men much older than my husband, and for obvious reasons. Mainly because they can provide financial assistance and security. I graduated and I have a great job that pays well but I have also gained a lot from men over the years. I own property worth 74 million; two apartments and one town house but my husband only knows of one apartment which he thinks I bought as my own investment. He is the first man I have ever cared for, I can say I have loved men in my past but when I really think about it I loved what they could offer me.

Maurice asks,

So how can I help, do you need to open up to your husband and confess?

She replies,

I highly doubt he would forgive me so am not sure if that is an option. My issue is that my husband travels a lot and during his travel I find myself involved with my old circle of friends or should I call them ex boyfriends. They still show me attention and its like I am addicted to their lure. Their capacity to provide material wealth and assets turns me on and it has had me hooked for years.

Maurice asks,

Is it just the thrill of being pampered or are you sexually involved?

She replies,

Excluding my husband there are two other men in my life. I have been unable to break away from their hold and I can not understand why because I am not lacking at home. I am sexually active with them and it only feels wrong after the act but still after years of telling myself its not worth it I find myself caught in their web more often than not. Did I mention they are both married.

Maurice replies,

So let me get the facts right, there is nothing wrong with your husband, its you and your addiction for the thrills the other men give you?

She replies,

Correct.

Maurice asks,

If I may ask considering you have been living this other life for years even after marriage why is it a problem now, have the dynamics changed?

She replies,

With each passing year I feel more and more guilty because my husband deserves better. How do I break away?

Maurice replies,

This is my opinion of your scenario. You are not a loner. You hate the feeling of loneliness so when your husband travels your long term craving kicks in and that drives you to these men who are most likely receiving an extra buzz because you are married and still you run to them whenever the opportunity presents itself. When your husband is home do sneak away?

She replies,

No, only when he travels.

Maurice replies,

There you go. Your character does not allow boredom. Unfortunately instead of indulging in hobbies or socializing with positive influences you end up being led astray by your engraved social circle of bad influence. No amount of therapy alone will snap you away from your current trend. Only you can make that conscious choice if indeed you value your marriage. Cheap thrills would make sense if you had no obligations to anyone, but right now those thrills will cost you your marriage.

She replies,

Do I tell my husband about my other assets?

Maurice replies,

Well, considering you said he would not forgive you I would advice against it. Why open Pandora’s box if you are sure of the outcome. Actually telling him is not the problem, what you will face is a line of questioning because he will be curious about how and when you acquired your assets. Are you prepared to take on his curiosity and if yes will you risk telling him the truth, and if you lie about your assets you will create a snow ball of serial deception. The first step to a brighter future with your husband is accepting you have a problem which you have, the second step will be the path you choose to take.

———-

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Dear Maurice,

It was good to finally meet you. I attended a bridal shower where you were the speaker and a scenario you described hit home with me. I am currently in a situation of my own making and I don’t know why it has become such a big deal.

Maurice asks,

What is going on?

She replies,

At the session you describe a woman who was shopping and happened to have met her ex boyfriend with his family. You described her reaction when she saw her ex with his family looking so happy. You said she was not a happy bunny thereafter. I must confess I went through the same thing but my situation did not end at the shopping centre.

Maurice replies,

Expound.

She replies,

At the time I met my ex I was with my husband and it was my ex who saw me and after 8 years I was surprised he still recognised me, I am not the size 8 girl he once dated. Anyway, he came over with his wife and said hello. I thought to myself ‘what an awkward moment’ but little did I know my husband was going to make it worst after we introduced ourselves as old friends from back in the day.

Maurice asks,

What did your husband do?

She replies,

He invited them to join us for a drink the next day and my ex said “yes that sounds great”. That drink up transformed into a dinner, the two men had exchanged numbers and between them decided that a local drink up would not be appropriate so they arranged a double date kind of dinner and to my horror they both love Chinese food. It was the most tense dinner ever. Making up stories of how we know each other and why we lost touch. All this time my ex’s wife was quite sociable but you could tell she had question marks.

Maurice replies,

So from what I have visualized you had an awkward meeting and dinner with your ex, but where is the problem?

She replies,

I hate myself for feeling this way but I was jealous of my ex because he looked happy, his wife was very touchy with him and they stole moments and kissed several times during the dinner.

Maurice replies,

I am guessing you and your husband don’t have those moments currently?

She replies,

We have never had those moments. Seeing my ex with his wife reminded me of how we used to be together. Its like she replaced me. We used to have so much fun together and with our mutual friends. My ex is a fun loving guy and it was no surprise that he is still the same man and with his fun loving nature he still found a woman who agreed to marry him. I recall a close girlfriend told me I would live to regret leaving such a guy. But at the time I had to.

Maurice replies,

Let me guess. You left him because you thought he would never grow up to be a responsible stable husband?

She replies,

I could not believe they have 2 children and they only live about 10 minutes from our home and have done for the last 5 years.

Maurice replies,

Something tells me things for you have changed since that dinner.

She replies,

Maurice, I want to ask him out for a coffee. I am curious about so many things. Why is he so happy and I am not. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband for who he is but we have never shared that magic, that connection that gives you goosebumps.

Maurice replies,

My dear. If you are asking me whether you should go on that coffee date then the answer is no. Why, because as innocent as those coffee dates may seem they also manifest into affairs that damage families. Tell me the truth, if he held you and attempted to kiss you would you kiss him back?

She replies,

Yes I would.

Maurice replies,

Your own admission should tell you that any further prolonged contact with your ex will be detrimental to your marriage and why create an avenue that could also damage his marriage. I know you careless about the other woman but why plant a seed that could break her family. Considering he may be faithfully in love with his wife he may reject you, do you really want to take that risk, either way you will not come out as a winner.

Before you met your ex at the shopping centre did you feel like kissing anyone else? You may not have that magic with your husband but is your marriage working? Those are the questions you need to ask yourself. Temptation is everywhere but sometimes it can lead you to a much darker place. You made the choice to leave your ex so be content with the man you have. You have not described your husband as a horrible irresponsible husband all you seek right now is a cheap thrill from memories of the past and I don’t see the point of embarking on that non productive journey.

She replies,

Maurice, I agree with you but I keep thinking about what could have been. I think I am going nuts, at work I think about him and even while driving home, its like he is haunting me. He and my husband have been communicating so what is a girl to do if that temptation is forced upon you.

Maurice replies,

I highly doubt they are going to become best of friends and regularly hang out so what you need to do is cleverly discourage any further contact. If you have to you need to tell your ex that for the sake of both your marriages further contact needs to be terminated.

She replies,

Why do I not have that magical connection with my hubby?

Maurice replies,

Its simple, your social compatibility was with your ex, not everyone we fall for or marry will be able to bridge or fulfill every social element. You had a criteria that made your current husband the man you would marry. Like I said you need to be content with your husband if you aim to continue being married to him. Your husband may not be that playful fun liberal guy your ex was but you chose him, when he proposed you said yes and when you were courting I am sure you compared him to your past experiences and yet you went along and became his wife. I would like to bet that part of your criteria was his ability to provide security which majority of women seek in a man when they want to ‘settle down’. A chance meeting with your ex should not dictate or redirect your affections. Refocus on your marriage and make the most of it.

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To my readers,

I want to thank you for your support over the years. You are my driving force and without you I wouldn’t have my current readership. Thank you for your referrals and loyalty.

I want to thank those ladies that have allowed sessions to take place in their home.

I would like to urge those interested to text or whatsapp me 0720229351 (whatsapp preferred) so we can create a mixed gender group and agree on a date, place and time to host a mixed forum to discuss ‘why relationships are not working’. The sessions will create a platform for both men and women to express their thoughts on many social dynamics their make relationship a challenge.  It is NOT a forum to judge or be judged. It’s about time the truth about individual sentiments came out so relationships can move forward.

To the men, women have constantly accused you of being ignorant I would like to believe that not all men deserve that label so please contact me and tell me you want to join the mixed forum (indicate your name). Please note: for me to organise an open session its all about numbers. As much as I love to help people in their relationships it has to make financial sense for the session to take place. Numbers also make the individual fee affordable. I look forward to hearing from you.

———-

My facebook friends limit seems to have maxed out.

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Dear Maurice,

I am happily married but it seems I am the only one in my marriage that is generally happy.

Maurice replies,

Please explain.

He replies,

When my wife was my girlfriend for the first 9 months she was my dream girl doing things that I would like my woman to do for me willingly not because she has to. I am happy being a husband unlike some of my friends who wish they cold reverse time and be bachelors again. I have a click of 6 friends and I think only one is happy in their marriage, the stats are not good. Anyway back to my case. We have now been together for 3 years and frankly I am lonely. If I was to describe my life, it is a routine, I go to work to provide for my wife and I come home by 6pm everyday. When I am going to be late I always tell her and to be honest my party animal days are no longer in my system so by 10 pm I am normally home. I may sound like a boring guy but I am far from it. My life routine is there intentionally so that I limit scenarios of temptation. It is a choice I made when we got married. Many marriages are not working because couple’s have not applied parameters within their marriage. For instance, why should I be in Nakuru for the weekend and my wife is in the Mara, in my opinion, that detachment when it becomes a part of your lifestyle then the fire between you burns out. I have done everything in my power to be that near perfect husband but my wife takes me for granted. I give her what she wants and I do it willingly. But when it comes to my unique needs she is failing. I used to get breakfast in bed but nowadays I must ask for it which kills the romance. Sometimes I will come home only for her to tell me she was not in the mood to cook so I get into the car and get us a take out without making a fuss but deep inside I know I am hurting because there was no effort made.

Maurice replies,

Let me take you back to the first 9 months. I am glad you are sharing your story because your predicament is common and most of the men usually have the same issues. Its always about what they miss in their woman. They miss the undivided attention they used to receive which in my opinion makes all men feel like men. Many men miss the way their woman used to get up in a happy mood and the first thing she would do is give you that morning kiss. Women don’t seem to realise that there are little things that men like about them. It could be a smile, it could be a particular meal or place you used to visit that links the two of you.

He replies,

I relate to all the above. There is a way I love my pancakes in the morning and she used to present them so well but somewhere down the line she has assumed that I no longer need pampering. I miss the days we would shower together and soap each other and basically get silly and playful whenever we got the chance.

Maurice replies,

You have hit the nail on the head. Men love to be pampered just as much as women and some women unfortunately take that for granted. The truth of the matter is that some women do not deserve the men they have because they never know what they had until that person is long gone. Have you talked to your wife. Is she aware that you are actually hurting?

He replies,

Maurice I have told her in all forms of communication. I have even gone as far as writing her a detailed email of which she had the following to say “I don’t know why you wrote that email, if you have your own issues deal with them, stop painting me as the bad person in this relationship”. That was 2 months ago. Since then I have kept a low profile. Its hard to communicate with someone who dismisses your calls for dialogue. Our sex life is dead and I am lonely to the point where for the first time ever I am looking at other women with lust. I am not trying to play ‘mr good guy’ I am just trying to keep to my vows but my wife can’t see that. Before I proposed I made a conscious decision to stick to one woman otherwise why marry a woman only to hurt her by cheating on her. I am almost at the end of the road. I try and imagine if we had a child it would probably be worst if that is possible, I hate the feeling but I am glad that we don’t have a child. I hardly recognise the woman I live with, experiencing trials in marriage is normal I guess but if you ask me after she gained the ‘Mrs’ status she changed. Maurice what do I do I have given my all to a woman who refuses to see she is pushing me away, do I have to focus my attention elsewhere for her to notice I no longer desire her?

Maurice replies,

The answer is not diverting your attention elsewhere and I know at some point one can give up especially when you have tried your best to communicate. I am a big believer of if you have tried and gotten nowhere then focus on other things that make you happy for example when I want to clear my head I go night fishing or find a karaoke bar and sing my heart out. If your partner is committed to your marriage she will notice that you have focused on other things and hopefully question why and from that point you can engage in productive dialogue and mutually move forward. What I will advise against is receiving a stimulus from other women because that is a path that is difficult to break away from and if you truly want to rebuild your bond with your wife then another woman will not aid in that development. The ball is in your court, the choices you make will dictate the direction your marriage will take.

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Life is never a straight line and sometimes it throws at you scenarios that test your self worth. The emotion of love is powerful and it can cloud our judgement. It can make the most intelligent do unspeakable things. Love throws all logic out the window once someone is experiencing a rough patch but your life above all is worth more than any one person. I received the following disturbing email and I replied based on facts not emotional disposition.

Dear Maurice,

I am 28 and I am in love with a girl who keeps hurting me with a lot of deception. Even though she communicates regularly I have established that sometimes her communication is her way of monitoring my movements so that she can perform her deeds knowing exactly where I am and what I am doing. The other day I went to her place and found a used condom under her bed. Since then she has gone silent, not answering my calls and it is clear she has been cheating on me. I suspected her betrayal for sometime but I did not want to believe she would do that to me after I have been there for her when everyone was not. I finance her and her campus education and I treat her to the best of my ability. I am lost for words, I am not married and I do not play around with other girls. If anything I was hoping to propose to her after she graduates next year.

I feel like my World has fallen apart. She has been my driving force. I work hard to make sure I can give her a bright future but now I have nothing to live for, I have thought of ending my life so that she can feel the hurt I am feeling. Please help me.

Maurice replies,

Let me stop you there. Your predicament is unfortunate but your ending statement is illogical. Life is at times unfair but you always have a choice, making the right one is not easy especially when emotions are in the way of basic logic but taking your own life is not the answer and it will never amount to anything but death. Do you think killing yourself will make her hurt forever, then you are mistaken. She will hurt if at all she really cared for you but she will hurt for a while and eventually recover. The one thing that will not be reversable is that you will be dead, there is no coming back from that.

Let me break it down for you and forgive me for being brutally blunt but you need to know the real facts. First, life will continue without you. She will move on to the next man and you will be nothing but a statistic to her. While she is riding some other guy moaning above ground you will be 6 feet under ‘silent like a church mouse’.

This is what I recommend, sit down and list all the people you love especially your immediate family and ask yourself how your physical absence in their life will affect them, you will be gone forever, they will only have a memory of you, is that what you want them to go through because of some girl! Is she really worth your life? The people who care and love you unconditionally will host memorials to celebrate your life but she will not be party to those ceremonies. Her life will go on and your’s will be over.  Look at it this way, you fell while running and now you must get up dust yourself off and learn from this experience. Life is short, don’t make it any shorter. Do not contemplate revenge of any kind. You said you usually work hard, well now do it for you, move up in life, acquire your dreams, perhaps your dream car and let her watch you progress without her and trust me she will notice and perhaps she will attempt to redeem herself but again back to choices we make in life, you need to move forward and view her has your past. Take that negative energy you have within you and turn it into something positive, something that will add value to your life.

He replies (6 days later),

Maurice I want to thank you for your honestly. Before approaching you all my friends could tell me is that there are plenty of girls, they did not touch on the emotional element. I actually feel stupid that I wrote to you about killing myself but I guess it was my way of venting and I needed someone to wake me up from the emotional bubble. I invested 3 years of myself and all I gort back was her back stabbing me but like you have said I am going to take this as a lesson learnt and move on my my life. Yesterday she text me “I am sorry baby I love you we need to talk” and truth be told I almost replied but I will take your advice and move on before her negative influence drains me.

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Dear Maurice,

About 8 months ago I met this amazing guy and we hit it off and started to see each other regularly and that has now developed into a relationship. When we are together I feel great and he treats me like no other has.

Maurice replies,

I am waiting for the but….

She replies,

I have a man but he is abroad but at one point he will be returning to claim me as his wife. We talk frequently and this other guy knows about him. How can I love two men, is it possible or must one eventually fade away?

Maurice replies,

That is a tricky predicament. Some may tell you to pick the one who is more serious which in a Kenyan context is referring to the man who seems to be the obvious husband material ‘whatever that means’. That was rude of me to assume, you are Kenyan right?

She replies,

Yes I am. My friends have been telling me the same thing. That I should concentrate on the one who will add value to my live. The one who will marry me and take care of me.

Maurice replies,

That sounds very encouraging and somewhat practical but will you be happy with the man who fulfills that criteria. There are plenty of women who have acquired the ‘Mrs’ status but they are miserable at home alone with no emotional or physical connection with their alleged love of their life aka husband. I have a feeling that you want direction from me but sometimes your instincts will favour the right guy for you, the question is will you follow your instincts or will you settle for the man who fits the bill financially.

The worst thing you can do is settle because after a while life will shine a light on the one you should have picked. You will then probably reconnect with him as your side dish and before you know it you will be having an affair that may be far sweeter than your marriage. The other guy might as well be your second husband because of the bond you will most likely have. Living a double life is not easy but you won’t be the first nor last if you ever end up in that predicament.

She replies,

Speaking of husbands and double life, the other guy is married with a family. He is not happy at home but he was honest enough to tell me what I was getting into. The one thing I like about him is that he is real. He does not mince his words neither does he give me false hope about our future. He can never be mine but we cannot leave each other. He does not know this but when he comes to my place I feel complete and his love is so obvious with the little things he does for me.

Maurice replies,

The reality of things is that at one point your man will return to claim you as you put it and if indeed this other guy is in love with you he will definitely get hurt when you pull back from him to give your attention to your potential future husband.

She replies,

Maurice, what do I do? I do not want to regret my choice.

Maurice replies,

I cannot steer you to the right man for you because only your feelings know who that man is. All I can advice is that you go with that man who gives you goosebumps whenever you look at your phone’s caller ID and its him calling you. The man that induces excitement, the one that makes you smile like an idiot in public and people around you are wondering why you are so happy. The man who spoons with you and there is no other place you would rather be but right there in his arms. That is the man you should keep.

———-

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———-

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Dear Maurice,

I attended one of your less sexual sessions and I must say your talk was very informative but I did not agree with you on one point.

Maurice asks,

What point is that?

She replies,

You implied that a date should not always lead to marriage, in my opinion you basically told the women looking to get married one day that men are more interested in the physical than a woman’s up bringing and character. Do not get me wrong I am not attacking you I am just concerned that, mind my French, women are out there spreading their legs without any guarantees.

Maurice replies,

Let us define men without all the additions of lifestyle traits that are picked up over the years. Men derive from a variety of social settings but what we all have one thing in common. We are sexual visual beings otherwise you might as well say that all men going out this weekend are looking for woman who likes playing golf, or are more interested in a woman’s intellect, I wonder what happens to that intellect when men are folding women in the back seats of their cars! I can just imagine the conversation “are you an advocate” why she asks, he replies “because your vagina is in contempt”, she replies “I feel your deposition inside me”.

Now, one thing I do know is that women have heard an array of lines from men who make men like me look bad, as if craving sexual exploration is a crime! The truth is ‘unfortunately’ many men will adopt a false character and say anything that appeals to a woman in the hope that her panty drops ‘eventually’. Men like me just say it as it is. No point beating around the bush when when she could be squirting in my mouth. Life is just too short for all this BS.

When was the last time you heard a man telling his boys “guys tonight I am looking for a hot woman so we can share cooking recipes as we get to know each other”, I think his pals would flee fearing to be infected with verbal diarrhea.

Sex is a pass time, I think soon it will be an Olympic sport, and I see Kenya in the forefront ‘gold, silver and bronze’. You can colour it and sugar coat it all you want but at the end of the day unless you are procreating to achieve pregnancy, sex is an avenue that can generate immense erotic pleasure if the application is done right. Sex is primal, it is not flowers in a vase. It is a mix of one’s desire and fueled lust to experience the motions, the journey and finally to climax.

There are no long term guarantees to where a date will take two people but what is clear especially in the man’s mind is that regardless of the number of dates or period taken, he hopes that something sexual will yield from all that coffee and chocolate sampling. If men told the truth they would opt to skip the ‘coffee session’ for a more stimulating one between the sheets.

My advise, take it or leave it, if you want to have sex, have it because you want to have fun, you want sensations running through your body. It is every woman’s right (it should be in the Constitution) to orgasm at least once every time she has sex otherwise what is the point of spreading your legs. Men are biologically programmed to ejaculate but women are not, so gents pull up your socks, assert effort and get her vagina gushing.

*Solid relationship are formed by mutual thinkers who are both aware of the path they have taken and have no unrealistic expectations but enjoy every moment together as if it were their last.

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Hi Maurice,

I am having major issues with the girl I am currently seeing. She has gone from sexy to being a pest.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean by ‘seeing’, is she your exclusive girlfriend?

He replies,

Well, she is the only girl I am seeing at the moment so I guess I can define her as my girlfriend.

Maurice replies,

I will take that as a no. Moving on, what has changed in her for her to merit being a pest?

He replies,

At first she was not demanding, if anything she could care less and that is what attracted me to her but nowadays she goes through my phone and steals credit, she even send some to her pals.

Maurice replies,

I need to profile your relationship, how old are you both?

He replies,

She is 22 and I am 28.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean by steals credit?

He replies,

She does not ask for it, she helps herself, I consider that stealing.

Maurice asks,

Does your phone have a password?

He replies,

Yes it does.

Maurice replies,

So I can only assume that her ability to access your credit otherwise known as airtime is due to her having the knowledge of your password which am sure you gave her with the intention of showing her how much you trust her.

He replies,

True.

Maurice replies,

Did it not hit you that that choice would come back to haunt you. Let me guess, does she go through your phone book and gallery asking you all manner of irritating questions?

He replies,

Yes she does.

Maurice replies,

You do realise that you set yourself up for this predicament.

He replies,

Its not just that, she wants to meet my parents as a sign of my commitment to our relationship.

Maurice replies,

Let’s step back a bit, when did you start seeing each other, and what does she do considering her age?

He replies,

Good question which leads to the problem in hand. She is unemployed but she’s in college. I met her at a out of town party through a friend last year in December. Since then we have been hooking up a lot I guess primarily because my boy is doing her friend.

Maurice replies,

So its a ‘shagging’ collaboration of some kind.

He replies,

This started as a ‘fuck plan’ and now it has mutated into a relationship.

Maurice replies,

Clearly you don’t know the rule book. If your only intention is to meet a girl and have sex you should never make it regular, that alters the dynamics and before you know it you are husband and wife.

He replies,

Dude, this chick is so ghetto there is no way I would take her home to meet the folks. First we come from totally different Worlds, she attended public schools in some remote place that I had never heard of and I went to a group of schools. You feel me.

Maurice replies,

Finally, we are getting somewhere. Despite her ghetto traits she must be pretty hot otherwise why bother with her, the problem is that you did not define your relationship. If you had from the onset you would not be in this dilemma. You may have tagged her as your play thing but over the months especially for her feelings for you have most certainly developed and no matter how you sugarcoat it if you intend to tell her that all you want is fun from this relationship then you will definitely hurt her.

He replies,

I really do not know what to do. She is hot and by far the kinkiest girl I have ever met, constantly sending me naughty photos of herself. There are things that are keeping me attached to her but I can’t see her being my exclusive girlfriend.

Maurice replies,

Its all about choices, life is full of them. If you clearly know what you want then you need to man up and tell her. Better to hurt her now rather than drag this relationship and give her further hope that you are her Knight and shining Armour. Having fun in a casual relationship is not a crime but it is important that all parties are on the same page that way no one can allege to have been deceived.

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