mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I had everything I wanted to say at the tip of my tongue but now as I type I am wondering where I should begin. I have been married for 4 years and honestly I regret getting into this marriage. In fact I confess that on my wedding day I had my doubts about the future and true to what I felt back then I am today a very miserable woman. We have one child who is 2 years old and I feel like leaving with him.

Maurice asks,

What is happening in your marriage to cause you to want to leave?

She replies,

The question is more like what is not happening? My husband is not attentive at all. Once in awhile to shut me up he throws money at me and thinks that is what I signed up for, he is mistaken. He is such a selfish man. Since we got married he has changed into a man I do not recognise. I find myself buying all the groceries while he spends his money on trips with the boys. My husband has always been a outdoor person, he loves camping in the wild but you would think that his priorities would have changed especially after our child was born, but that is not the case. I am a mother and a wife and he is still the fun loving man I met 6 years ago. Our sex life is non existent. The last time we had sex was last year in August and before that was in November 2012. I am so tempted to cheat but I fear what he may do if he were to find out one day. He has a nasty temper on him. I am a sexually starved 31 year old woman, I can’t live like this anymore. I have confronted him with all our issues even in writing but he decides to ignore the issues stating that I am a nagging wife and that is why things between us are the way they are.

Maurice asks,

When you met him 6 years ago what kind of a man was he?

She replies,

He was kind and generous, whenever he was around we would have a blast together trotting the Country.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean by whenever he was around?

She replies,

When we met he was working in Dubai and would come home at least 2 times a year. Though we were on Skype everyday.

Maurice replies,

So what you are saying is that apart from the episodes of fun and your Skype based relationship you never got to live together before marriage?

She replies,

No we did not.

Maurice replies,

Based on your side of the story I must say that your foundation was most likely weak and that is why you are in your current predicament. You never really got to know each other. Having fun with someone who in my opinion is on some form of romance holiday visiting his girlfriend is not a basis to step into the shoes of matrimony.

She replies,

I know, I saw that ages ago but ignored the signs. What do you advise because I can not live with a man who has not woken up to the reality of providing and caring for his family? Not forgetting that I need an attentive man in all areas, I am still a woman and I need to be reminded that I am sexy.

Maurice replies,

Simple question, are you in love with your husband?

She replies,

I love him and care for him but I am not in love with him anymore. I don’t even think I ever was.

Maurice replies,

Will your husband change, I highly doubt it but miracles do happen. Do you want to continue a relationship of convenience where you will most likely begin cheating on your husband, do you want to weather the storm till death do you part? The ball is in your court. Only you can map out what future you would like to have. That said, we both know you already have one foot out the door. Are you prepared to face the World, a new start for you and your baby. There are many questions to be answered, choices to be made but all I can tell you is whatever you decide make sure it benefits you as an individual.

She replies,

Thank you, I needed to know that I am not a bad person for wanting to leave. I will let you know what I decide.

Dear Maurice,

I do hope this finds you well. I want to thank you for your advise during our session with my wife last year. We both left with clarity of what we needed to commit to and I believe I have done my part since we last met you. After spending what I thought was a perfect Valentines with my wife she shocked me on the following Monday when she told me she was leaving me. We had spent the weekend in Watamu and according to me it was a memorable time. I cannot believe that after everything she did to me by having an affair she has decided to leave yet I had forgiven her and move on hoping to salvage our marriage and spend the rest of my life with her as I once vowed.

Maurice asks,

What triggered her to reveal such news after your weekend break together?

He replies,

I asked her why now, I asked her why didn’t she leave me last year when I caught her cheating. She told me that she had planned to leave me after Valentines. She wanted to give me a weekend to remember before she left. That is probably the most gruel thing that anyone has ever done to me. Just as you had advised last year I had altered my mindset so that I can give our marriage a new lease of life only for her to turn around and drop a bomb shell. Matheka I have been nothing but loyal to that woman for the last 17 years and now she has turned my World upside down.

Maurice asks,

Where is she?

He replies,

She moved out and is now living with her boyfriend as she calls him.

Maurice asks,

You mean the same man she had an affair with?

He replies,

Yes. How could she leave me for him. She confidently told me that he was the man for her and that she had invested in an apartment, without my knowledge if I may add, where they are living together. It is hurtful to hear from your own wife that she has never connected with you the way another man does. She was bond enough to tell me that our sex life could never compare with what she has now. How can a woman who you gave everything be so heartless.

Maurice replies,

This makes no sense. You both looked committed to the marriage. She was so remorseful at our sessions, if anything I recall her saying she was ashamed of her actions because you were her college sweetheart, her soul mate, the man who stood by her no matter what for all those years.

He replies,

I guess she was not as committed. She has moved in with a man and left me with the kids. I know our kids are grown and resilient but how do you just up and leave and try justify by saying the kids have known for a long time that their parents have problems. What kind of mother does that! That man she is living with is even jobless, she provides for him. I just don’t get it. Now I see why my male friends always warned me about being overly good to a woman. Most of them have affairs with other women and I was the good husband who evidently gets rewarded with back stabbing action for his loyalty. Matheka how do you do it? How do you trust another human being in this case women with all the cases you must have dealt with? I am perplexed and annoyed, was it all worth it. I feel I should have been the bastard of my marriage maybe then I would still have my wife in my life. Is that what women crave, a man who constantly breaks all his vows and their hearts. From my perspective it seems so.

Maurice replies,

I know some women do not deserve the men they have but please don’t label every woman as your wife. If you remember I told both of you that only your mutual choices and dedication will make sure that your marriage prevails. Clearly your wife had other plans considering she had set in motion plans to create another home for herself. In life you cannot vet the one you fall in love with and neither are you assured that your love for each other will mutually survive. Love alone does not solidify marriage or any relationship. Constant partnership and communication is the key that drives the wheel of matrimony.

When I first met you I could tell who was in the relationship to stay, you showcased a persona of a man who everyday makes it his duty to remind his woman how beautiful she is, a man who takes his husband duties as serious as he takes his career, and that was confirmed by your wife. I quote her, she could not fault you at all, you were her perfect man. There is no justification for her actions but in the context of relationship dynamics she may have felt over powered by your natural love for her. Yes, it makes no sense but trust me couples leave each other for the oddest of reasons. No one is guaranteed what people call eternal love or long term partnership.

He replies,

I have somehow in all the confusion accepted that she has left my life but how do I move on, how do I start all over again unless I commit to loneliness?

Maurice replies,

My good man it would be easy for me to tell you to move on like her and have fun and meet new women but that is not the practical solution. What you need is a fresh start, easier said than done but you must strive to find what really makes you happy, it could be a hobby, it could be something you used to do but stopped when you got committed to married life. Make yourself happy first and if you are lucky to meet someone who will add to that joy let that be a bonus. Humans have a habit of seeking happiness from external forces, you then rely on someone to make you happy. That should never be the case.

He replies,

I hear you Matheka. Thank you for allowing me to share my story.

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My ladies only session in Nairobi is on this Saturday 1st March, from 7pm – 11pm in Kilimani. The session will feature a sex talk and a girl who will be showcasing the art of squirting. Fee: Ksh2,500 per person. If you are interested in attending please call me 0720229351 for more details. Kinky lingerie will also be on sale at discounted prices.

Dear Maurice,

I attended one of your sessions last year and I wanted you to clarify what you said about men needing their home to be their comfort zone.

Maurice replies,

Men, just like man’s best friend need to be trained in the context of feeling secure to go home. Every relationship has its ups and down and when it comes to the major discussions and disagreements it is important that everyman feels that his home is a safe haven. When you want to quarrel you need to avoid that negative energy in your home. It is very common for  a woman to pull her man into their bedroom to tackle issues but over time psychologically that bedroom for the man turns into a interrogation room instead of being the room of intimacy. Which means when he goes into that bedroom he is liking expecting the worst and yet it could be the day you want to submit to him sexually. So what am I saying, find a location(s), outside your home, where whenever you want to discuss ‘serious’ matters you and your man can tackle issues at that location.

Over the years I have interviewed women who date married men and many have the same story to tell. “When he is at my place he is relaxed, sometimes he comes straight from work and sleeps for hours, when I ask him why he rushes to my place, he says at his home he can never relax, most of the time there is always an issue awaiting him”. And then I ask her, do you quarrel him about issues? And she says “Yes I do, but I do not put him down and I have taken time to study him so I know when and how to address him”. She then adds “In my home we discuss small issues that won’t scare him away, when I want to address serious matters I take him away from the house”. In short she is saying she does not want the man to associate her home with negative energy which in the context of social science makes a lot of sense.

On a personal level, I would be more inclined to go home knowing that my home is a safe zone. When a man receives a call from his woman and hears “we need to talk” he should not automatically think of the worst, unfortunately that is the case in many homes. We are not perfect as humans but I believe certain choices and social modification can influence positive energy in our homes.

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Please remember the DvD offer ends on 20th January 2014.

You get 2 DvDs:

– A Guide To The Female G-Spot (features squirting)

and

– Kamasutra Sexual Positions (sensual love making)

For only Ksh1,500

Call me to order 0720229351.

*I want to thank those who have made their orders, please give me feedback once you watch the dvds.

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Dear Maurice,

I met this guy online and we hit it off, we chatted for almost one year keeping regular chats going. My problem is this guy came home for holiday and we had a blast for 5 weeks and now he has gone cold after he got back to the States. Did I do or say something wrong, the last time we spoke just after he arrived back he said he did not want to hurt me in anyway and that he is not sure about putting me through a long distance relationship because he once got hurt when his ex cheated on him.

Maurice asks,

How recent was this?

She replies,

He was in Kenya over the festive season from end of November till 2nd January 2014.

Maurice asks,

It has only been 4 days so why are you jumping the gun so soon?

She replies,

I know its only been a few days but I can tell there is a difference in his tone when we talk over the phone.

Maurice asks,

I need to know a few things about your relationship with this guy. Did you ever label your relationship, are you his girlfriend?

She replies,

No, we never labelled our relationship.

Maurice asks,

Did he call you loving names that would suggest you were his woman and did he make any promises about your future together?

She replies,

Online we would flirt a lot and tease each other, he only called me by my name or sometimes he would refer me as ‘babie’. Actually he liked the phrase ‘whats up babie’. He would compliment me and say sweet things.

Maurice asks,

Was he sexual in his flirt? Did he describe things he would do to you if he ever met you?

She replies,

Yes he was very open when it came to the discussion of sex. He had a way with words that would do things to me. Why do I sense you are trying to imply that this guy just wanted sex from me. I do not believe he could be that kind of a guy after all the effort he put in communicating with me when he could have been chatting a woman nearer him.

Maurice replies,

My dear I am surprised that you are attempting to ignore the obvious. In my opinion it was a holiday fling and now he is trying to play you with the ‘its not you its me’ story. No doubt you must have had fun with him to want to hold onto him but you also need to face the reality of that it was just a fling.

She replies,

Why would he hurt me now so soon after he left. I told him so much about my past and he understood me. Why would a man say he is looking forward to seeing you for 11 months only to dump you after 5 weeks. I know he likes me, he told me things that I cannot share so I know he wants to be with me but because of the distance it complicates things.

Maurice replies,

Based on your response I am puzzled why you asked for my advice. I have dealt with this scenario plenty of times and usually it does not end well if you fantasize over a future that will not be. Have you told him how you feel about him?

She replies,

I told him that I did not plan to but I love him.

Maurice asks,

At what point did you tell him?

She replies,

I told him at the airport. Before he came home I had told him that he was my ideal man because of the way he makes me feel.

Maurice asks,

What was his response, did he return the same sentiment?

She replies,

He would say something like ‘I am glad I make you feel that way’.

Maurice asks,

How old are you both and what does he do in the States? And did he mention a future online or off line?

She replies,

I am 28 and he is 39. He lives and works in the States, he has been there since he was 17. His last words were ‘thank you for an awesome time, I will miss you. I will let you know when I arrive’. No, we did not discuss our future.

Maurice asks,

Does he have kids?

She replies,

He has 2 children from a previous relationship. He did say he wanted to have my babies during pillow talk. Was that a joke?

Maurice replies,

I don’t believe it was a joke but I would like to bet that he said that under some sexual spell. It is common for men to author such words while engaged in a sexual act, more often than not its more of a self ego boost trip, affirming to oneself that they can produce semen which can make you pregnant. The thought is positively stimulating, its when you declare that you are pregnant that the nightmare begins. In short, don’t take a man’s words too seriously when he has an erection.

My advice to you is that you take each day as it comes. You probably scared him with ‘I love you’ but only time will tell what his true intention was or is towards you. Long distance relationships are difficult as it is so in your case without any idea of a mutual future please do not have expectations that may lead you down a path of disappointments. Your communication initiation should not be one sided, if you feel you are initiating chats without much effort from him then that will be a sign that your flame is not burning as bright as it once did. If you find yourself hurting emotionally instead of smiling then you know it is time to cut him loose.

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I have a session on Saturday 11th Jan, from 3pm till late, in Nairobi. Fee 2k. If you would like to attend please call me 0720229351 for venue details.

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I have extended the DvD offer to 20th Jan, instead of 1K per dvd.

You get 2 DvDs:

– A Guide To The Female G-Spot (features squirting) and

– Kamasutra Sexual Positions (sensual love making)

For only Ksh1,500

Dear Maurice,

I hope this mail finds you well.

I wanted you to know that after your sessions my husband and I are now back together again. As you know it has been a long journey to where we are today. He forgave me and I forgave him for giving up on us. We took your advise and decided what happened in the past is in the past and for us to make it as a couple we cannot move forward with baggage. You will be pleased to know that 2 months ago I joined him in Bangor and we are more in love than we ever were. We hope and pray that you will continue your work so that others like us can survive the turmoils of life.

My husband and I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

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I have always said that marriage is not difficult. It is the decisions and choices that couples make that make marriage difficult. Every relationship has its ups and downs however over coming your troubles is about mutual commitment. It takes two to tango not one. Those that don’t survive usually have one partner who is not pulling their weight to resolving issues. If you have fallen out of love then come out clean and say it so that you can deliver the truth and give your partner some form of closure. If you still have real feelings for your partner then speak your mind today and seize the moment to let them know how much they mean to you for tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Merry Christmas.