mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 22 years almost 23 later this year. My husband is 56 and I am 48 years old. We have 3 kids, 2 are all grown up and out of the house. Our last born is still in campus. I can say we live a good life and that our marriage is balanced with us allocating time for each other and also some ‘me time’ to keep our sanity and freedom.  We are both business people and are very devoted to success to give our children a better start in life. I can say we are a close family so if there’s an issue everyone in the family gets to know about it and we share the burden. In our case that formula has worked for many decades. However my greatest problem which to me is a non-issue is my love for outings. Every weekend for as long as I can remember I have always gone out with or without my husband for a drink and to socialize with friends, I believe that is my personality but of late my husband has began to lay certain laws in our household and honestly his rules are not acceptable to me.

Maurice asks,

What laws has your husband laid?

She replies,

He says that I have over done the outing behavior for too long and he would like to see his wife indoors by 7pm. In actual fact he referred to my age and stated that women of my age should not be dwelling in social places. That I must say, after all these years, was hurtful to hear.

Maurice asks,

What was your response to his comment?

She replies,

I just look at him and walked away, I knew I would say something to aggravate the situation so I opted not to comment. Later though, I reminded him that I have been socializing for years so why the change of heart from him, is he trying to take away my freedom?

Maurice asks,

What did he say?

She replies,

He asked why I was so adamant to go out for a drink and why couldn’t I have a drink at home with him; he also asked if I think my behavior is something our children approve of? I told him not to involve our children, they know their mother is young and heart and they understand my character. I told him the issue was with him. I asked him if it was about trusting me while I was out there. He said it had nothing to do with trust but mature behavior. How can we resolve this, what can I say to make him understand?

Maurice replies,

In my opinion, I believe it’s more about your husband running out of steam for the social arena and at one point he expected you to also run out of steam. In his mind at a particular age he thought you would stop going out and evidently you haven’t. The answer is not to stop your outings because that will inevitably lead to resentment which will further create a rift in your marriage. I recommend that you write a heart to heart letter to your husband outlining the trials and tribulations you have experienced over the last 22 years and affirm to him that he has nothing to worry about and that you still love him more than ever. Encourage more quality time together and sustain that lifestyle. Remember to note, that he has accepted you for who you are for decades and he should continue to do so unconditionally.