mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am a broken woman. I cannot believe my own blood, the ones I love and cherish could cause me so much pain. It has been 2 weeks since I left work as I always did, looking forward to the evening to come, only to get home and encounter my worst nightmare.

Maurice asks,

What happened?

She replies,

I met the end of my marriage as I know it. I found my sister and husband waiting for me. Immediately I knew something was off and as I was about to ask, I was told by my husband’s calm voice to sit down. So many thoughts were racing through my mind, I was expecting tragic news about a loved one but instead I was pierced through the heart by a blunt stake. I could not believe her words, my own sister uttered “I am tired of sharing him”. She uttered ‘who do you think cooks and makes love to him when you are too busy, when he is not here he is with me’. At that moment all my abilities to talk had been unplugged. My World was collapsing all around me, she had taken territory. She claimed him. Two years of marriage flashed before me. I needed it to be my oddest dream but it was my reality unfolding. She continued with her flaming revelations, highlighting that I had dropped the ball having married the man of her dreams and not reached the threshold of loving him the way he needs to be loved.

Maurice asks,

What did your husband have to say?

She replies,

He did not deny his feelings and he gave me two options, to allow for their relationship to continue as part of it or as a by-stander or to leave him. He said it was not easy for them to hurt me but neither did they plan on falling in-love as they did. How could she, she was my best friend, I shared everything with her.

Maurice asks,

What is the connection between your husband and your sister, how long have they known each other and for how long have they had their affair?

She replies,

It begs me to ask why she bothered to introduce me to my husband 5 years ago if she wanted him for herself. Maurice, I do not know of the details, it was too much for me to handle. I got some of my things and left. I drove for what seemed to be hours as I headed to a good friend’s. I am not surprised that my husband sought comfort and attention from another, I am just shocked that it was with my sister.

Maurice asks,

Why are you not surprised?

She replies,

My husband for a while now has hinted in numerous of our fights that he feels neglected and if I don’t give him the attention he deserves he will find it elsewhere despite not wanting to go down that path. I would always respond by telling him off in my state of anger and giving him the green light to pursue other women. I never thought it would come to this.

Maurice asks,

Is your sister not worried of the consequences that may befall her if your extended families find out?

She replies,

One of the things she said before I left was that I can go ahead and tell our parents how she took my man and while am at it I should explain to them why I lost a good man. She is convinced that as she put it ‘I dropped the ball’, she is determined to end my marriage. They are both ignoring my calls. I have read many of your articles but I never in a million years thought that this scenario would knock on my door.

I have a lot to digest and maybe some soul searching. Tell me Maurice, what could make my husband pull such a drastic stunt knowing it could be the ultimate deal breaker between us? I guess what I am saying is, I would less hurt if he was only cheating but not ready to let me go as if we had nothing. I feel as if he is disposing of me without a thought.

Maurice asks,

What did you mostly fight about, were they petty fights, were they specific to him or were they general fights about many things in your life? And if possible, can you remember when the threats to find another came about?

She replies,

We fought mainly about his sexual advances from the word go. Even before we got married, I felt I was not satisfying his appetite for sex. My past relationships only demanded for manageable sex cravings, at least 2 to 3 times a week. When I met my husband, the first 10 months were amazing and I could willingly keep up with him, but as our relationship progressed I thought and wished for him to slow down. I wanted to be the one to initiate sex as a sign of my love for him but that never came to pass. He was consistent, part of his daily communication was very sexual and I found it a task to be as creative with wording so I one day told him to slow down and love me for me, and that I was not a piece of meat for him to fuck at a drop of a hat.

Maurice asks,

How long ago did you tell him to slow down?

She replies,

I must have said it about 18 months ago. Thereafter his advances took a nosedive. He was withdrawn, he wouldn’t display much public affection as he did before. I thought it was his way of adjusting to what I wanted him to be.

Maurice replies,

Well, he was adjusting but not to your expectations but to his new perception of you as his sexual mate.

She replies,

Are you saying this is my fault?

Maurice replies,

It is not about ‘fault’, its more about the actions that caused your husband to change his sexual tact towards you. Men are sexual, only the degree various from one man to the next. When a man’s ego, sexual intent, sexual prowess is threatened, a man readjusts and redirects his energies elsewhere. He can either drink and sob about his lack of sexual quenching or in your case with a very sexual man in your home, he most likely shared his frustrations with your sister. Unfortunately for you, she decided to take ownership and became his aspirin.

She replies,

For how long do you think they have been together? Will he snap out of this and have me back home?

Maurice replies,

I can only speculate, in my opinion their affair has been on for a while. People don’t overturn their life at a moments notice. Is going back still an option you foresee?

She replies,

I am no failure and I won’t lose my husband to my sister without a fight. I would rather non of us have him than to see her take over my life. Do you have tips that might aid in my fight?

Maurice replies,

He expects a reaction, one of a scorned mad woman, don’t give him one. It is not going to be easy but you need to be the calm and collected one. It is out of your own choice that you want to win him back, patience is required. To be honest, its going to take time, he needs to realise that he made a mistake or not. That will only occur when the bubble of attraction bursts, assuming he is in a bubble of infatuation that is.

She replies,

I think I know what I have to do to get him back. I should have done it ages ago. Your insight has given me an idea of which I will share when it works. Thank you Maurice.

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Dear Maurice,

I am going through a very rough patch in my life right now and I need your help to get things back to what they were.

Maurice asks,

What is the problem?

She replies,

I have been evicted from my home and I don’t know what to do.

Maurice replies,

Please expound on the context of your eviction.

She replies,

My long term boyfriend has thrown me out of our home. I came home and found that he had packed all my stuff. He then proceeded to evict me as he threatened to burn all my stuff if I don’t leave immediately.

Maurice asks,

What ignited his actions, did you have a disagreement that escalated to this point?

She replies,

He accused me of cheating on him in our home.

Maurice asks,

Does he have any basis to accuse you, does he have proof to your infidelity?

She replies,

He was told that while he was away I had been dating several men and that it all took place in our home.

Maurice replies,

Who told him, and is the source reliable? In short, are you guilty of the accusation?

She replies,

I was afraid you would ask that question. Maurice I did not cheat on him emotionally. It was all physical for me. You see, my boyfriend who had proposed to me in August last year lives in Geneva where he works and has been working for the last 5 years.

Maurice replies,

So what you are saying is that though you cheated by being with another man or woman, you do not perceive it as cheating but an avenue for you to quench your sexual craving, please note at this point am not clear on your sexual inclination! Perhaps you can confirm?

She replies,

I am straight. I am going to sound selfish but my boyfriend kind of deserved a taste of his own medicine. He was so insecure on the phone and always accused me of cheating and when he came home I found a message on his phone that confirmed he was in sexual relations with a girl who lives in my block of flats.

Maurice asks,

So you were revenging on his cheating ways, is that it?

She replies,

Not really.

Maurice replies,

Well, well, the saga thickens, please fill in the blanks.

She replies,

Once it was confirmed that I was cheating he then started to chat this other girl. All these events have take place within 3 weeks of him returning back home. When he got back, he chased me away to my best friend’s place who also lives in our residential complex.

He then packed my stuff and called me to pick them. When I got to my friend’s he called me and told me, and I quote, “the person you have run to for comfort was the same person who told me you were hosting multiple men in my house”, “your so called friend was my source of information, I even have the names of the men and their car number plates”, “while I was abroad creating a future for us you were busy screwing men driving big cars, I never want to see you again. And by the way, I am never divorcing you, try explaining that to your parents you bitch”.

Maurice asks,

You are married? I thought he had only proposed to you?

She replies,

We secretly got married at the AG’s office so that it would speed up my travel to join him in Geneva. My parents are not aware but his parents were in the loop and had given their blessings. The official wedding was scheduled for next year in May. How can you help me!

Maurice replies,

So allow me to recap. While your boyfriend was away you were seeing several men in his house where you were residing as his girlfriend and secret wife. Once he had enough evidence he decided to throw you out of his house. You do not deny the accusation and you want me to repair the damage, is the correct?

She replies,

Yes Maurice. I made a huge mistake and I need him back. I forgot to mention that he took back his car which I was using so now I am forced to use public transport and he has cut off my allowance. My best friend also threw out after I confronted her about selling me out.

Maurice asks,

So where are you staying now?

She replies,

I am staying at another friend’s place. She has been supportive but I can sense her husband wants me out.

Maurice replies,

Let me guess! This friend who has taken you in lives in the same complex.

She replies,

Yes.

Maurice replies,

Excuse my sarcasm but your complex sounds like a soap opera!

She replies,

I don’t know why the husband dislikes me, his wife is not the Saint she pretends to be. The number of times I have covered for her while she was out with other guys.

Maurice replies,

Let’s stick to your dilemma, clearly birds of a feather flock together in your complex. To be perfectly honest, I do not perform miracles and rarely has your predicament ended with a reunion. The level of betrayal is not easy to forgive or forget and from experience with men in your boyfriend’s state of mind, it will take him a long while to forgive you. His intent is in his words where he states he will not give you a divorce. That tells me he is planning to punish you and even though I speculate, the punishment will be dragged on and he will probably attempt to make your life hell especially your social life. His aim is to make you hurt just like he has. Your man right now is like a wounded buffalo, he is in no moods to reconcile or forgive.

I do not know if you read my last blog post ‘Diaspora Love’ which profiles a calculative man who lured and deceived a woman into falling in love with him only to end up showcasing his true colours of non-committal. In this case your man despite any short falls he may have was planning a future for the two of you and after all his efforts to show his commitment you went ahead and did things behind his back yet you were living under the comforts he had provided.

It begs the question ‘WHAT DO HUMANS REALLY WANT’. Is there ever a winner in relation to all those men and women who put their all in a relationship, hoping to make it work and attain a Disney ‘happy ever after’ story ending.

Individuals have their choice to do as they please but I have always advocated for relationship settings that have what people would call minimal risk. The variables of negative influence, lust, temptation in a long distance are vast and the probabilities of ‘loyalty’ are limited.

Once upon a time, I used to believe that there was such a thing as a ‘selfless good deed’ but over time and experiences where people give out positive energy and devotion expecting the same are in many occasions disappointed by their partners who give far less in return. The selfless good deed goes out the window when one expects the same back, expects affirmation and in truth as humans we all seek to be acknowledged if we exclusively commit to one person and assert all our energy to making them happy.

My dear I advice you stay away and give him space to digest and come to terms with his findings. He is currently fueled by emotions of aggression and in time he will flip into practical thinking mode which is the natural wiring of most sane men. Until then keep a low profile in his life and social circles.

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Dear Maurice,

I have a strange husband and the reason I say that is because after all the apologises and promises he has made over the years I keep catch him with other women and girls. He has no preference from what I have witnessed, as long as you have a pulse he is game. You once counselled me after he refused to turn up, that was in 2012 when I was losing my mind. Since then I have formulated my own way of dealing with his rampant infidelity. I got tired of shouting, I realised I was only giving myself sleepless nights while he was enjoying himself out there. I was stressing my soul for nothing.

Maurice asks,

What is your formula of handling your husband?

She replies,

After 18 years of marriage I got wiser and told myself enough is enough. If he wants sex we must go for an HIV test and if all is well we have sex that same day. Considering our sex is not frequent, before sex we check our status then we have it. At first he complained but I told him that I cannot take chances with him so if he wants a piece of me he must abide by my rules or find other women which he does anyway.

Maurice asks,

Are you not put off by his sexual nature?

She replies,

For years I was, but one day it hit me after chatting with a friend that my bitching does not change things and never will. I adopted a new school of thought. I was not ready to sleep outside my matrimony so part of the deal is that for me to leave him alone when he gallivants around the Country with women, he must give me an handsome allowance which is more or less his freedom. He accepted with no hesitation so my bitching must have been really bad for him to part with that amount every month. That is when I realized I married a wild horse, this one cannot be tamed. He used to take time to give me money but when it came to buying his freedom he is never late with his transfer of funds. It amazes me what you men prioritize and I guess that is why our psychological design and make up always differs at some point.

To answer your question, I have trained myself how to own my orgasm as you had recommended. For the last three years I have made time for self stimulation and the sex toy I got from you has helped me understand my arousal zones as you call them. I am far more liberal since meeting you ‘asante sana’ so I have no problem using my husband as a sex object after all you men do it to us. Despite the bullshit between us, my husband’s dick is still a part of him I desire. I focus my sexual energy on enjoying myself whenever we have sex which I never thought possible but as you said the power of the mind is infinite.

Maurice replies,

OK, let me get one thing clear, whenever your husband wants to have sex the two of you get tested?

She replies,

Yes. Like I said, sleeping around is not my cup of tea plus my husband has that vigor that I never found in other men before I met him. In short Maurice I have learned how to share and get the best out of it. I don’t feel like a wife, I am more like a mistress because what I gain now is far more than when I played the nagging wife.

A few months ago I asked him to get one of his women for us to have a threesome, he then went silent. I have text him reminders and he has decided to ignore. Why would he ignore when he used to hint about it in our first years of marriage?

Maurice replies,

For majority of men if you reject one or two of our sexually requests we usually close that chapter with you and acquire the thrill from someone else. I am assuming in the early years you rejected each request and you probably were harsh about it unless am wrong?

She replies,

Yes, I killed most of his adolescent requests, then he stopped asking. I guess that is one of the reasons he started looking for thrills out there. Am I weird because, what annoyed me most about his cheating was that fact that he is good in bed and I hated the thought of other women receiving the same. If he were bad in bed I would not have been as bothered, I would probably have felt sorry for the women, am I strange?

Maurice replies,

Not at all. If something tastes bad then you wouldn’t be bothered who is having it unless you have a serious attachment or fetish for things that taste bad. Now that in my book would be odd.

She replies,

Before I forget, it took me a while to understand what you were saying about love and sex but now I get it. One of the reasons I never fully explored sex is because I thought good sex was based on love or being in love. I don’t love my husband but I love what he has to offer in and out of the bedroom. I have been contemplating whether to say it or not so here goes, it feels great to be the slut in my marriage. I am sure there are women out there in my predicament and this is the only solution if you want to maintain your sanity.

Maurice replies,

My dear everyone finds their formula of comfort, a degree of acceptability. I am glad that you finally woke up to the FACT that lust will always over power love so it is crucial to have each in its own box. When you cuddle as you watch TV or in bed, you display a sign of love and affection. When you yearn for the dish called erotic ecstasy then lust is the fueling factor, it is your V-Power, it is your octane.

She replies,

Maurice, my request to you is that you conduct a study on men between the age of 44 and 55 because many of my girls are facing their own dilemmas with that generation. I think it is a new age of mid life crisis.

Maurice replies,

Good idea, I will need a team of researchers and scientists to accomplish tangible results. There is much research that can be done about relationship and sexual dynamics.

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