mauricetherapy

Hey Maurice. I am desperate for your expert advice. Please save me. I have known my so called boyfriend for about 8 years now. Though we started dating early this year. Our relationship is long distance, he works in the Middle East. He is an amazing man and lover and I fell for him
completely. I love this man to the moon and back. He says he loves me too. I could say he shows it but then again. I am not sure exactly how to tell if a man is genuinely in love. When he is on holiday here and we spent almost every minute together. Its thrilling to be with him. The last time he was around after he went back we continued our routine of texting, calling and video chatting and everything was okay.  The problem is, he calls me then I hear from him many hours later. Sometimes he says he was on over time at work, other times his phone was on silent and was not aware or he was sleeping. The latest excuse was in was out shopping the whole day. I started to suspect him because numerous times he didn’t call which was odd because he always calls me after his shift.

One day he didn’t call. The next morning, he still didn’t call or text. We spoke later that day and he didn’t offer an explanation. I got so upset that I asked him for a break to rethink our entire relationship. He agreed. A few days later, I texted him and told him that we are officially done. Again, he agreed without hesitation. At that point his message was loud and clear. If I meant anything to him, he would have fought for me. He wouldn’t have let me go so easily. Now, I miss him so much. I am still in love with him. But on the other hand, I don’t want to be in a relationship where I feel taken for granted. A part of me feels like I made the right call and that I should just wait for a man who can’t stand the thought of not being with me. Not one who finds it very easy to end our relationship. So, my questions are, do you think I over reacted? Do you think am insane to think that if he truly loved me he would have fought for me? Seeing that I still love this man, is there a way to salvage our relationship? If there is, what should I do?

Maurice replies,

I need to know the following;

How long has he lived in the Middle East?

How did your friendship start?

At what point did you start courting each other to end up dating? Was it online courting!

Did you declare your dating status before he came to Kenya or while he was here?

When was your first sexual engagement with him?

She replies,

He has lived in the Middle East for about 3 years. Our friendship began through a friend’s party in 2007. As friends we even traveled on holidays and had a lot of fun. We started courting in December when he was here for Christmas. We officially declared our dating status in March when he had already gone back. Our first sexual engagement was when he was here this year. Then we picked things up again when he was here briefly in July. Hope that helps.

Maurice replies,

I wish men were more open with their intent instead of playing a part they cannot sustain. We love differently and too often do men channel information you want to hear to keep you in your love bubble….in my opinion with the fact that love for men comes in variety of categories, I believe your man embarked on a journey which was created by the lust and fun element….sharing of sweet words, flirting, phone sex (if any) then reality checked in when it hit him that his own words were fighting him.

For a man to agree so quickly it means he loved the euphoric nature of your long distance relationship and is most likely dating someone else or merely playing the field.

Many women approach me who are in the same scenario. Some diaspora men will keep it up for years only for the women in Kenya to one day find out he has another woman through Facebook, or the latest one, where he broke the relationship by posting a family photo on his whatsapp profile after getting engaged to the woman and giving her false hope.

Men will say anything or play a role to suit their ‘need’. When the need expires they rarely tell you but fade away slowly hoping you end it. If they can’t keep up the act they give up at a moments notice.

She replies,

So, in short you are saying I made the right choice? I feel like I did though I miss him and at the same time I am a bit angry.

Maurice replies,

Yes. You did make the right choice.

She replies,

Thank you. That means a lot. Assuming he starts talking to me again, how should I handle it?

Maurice replies,

Men like him rely on your undying love. Don’t fall for his come back charm. He is counting on it if he re-strategies and sells you an emotional story. He may decide to come clean with the ‘I thought I loved her’ story ‘but I really love you not her’ lines….don’t be his convenient fuck friend. It will hurt but you deserve a man who is honest enough to tell you what he really wants. Don’t look for love in a man look for blunt honesty….that man usually is there to stay or as women put it he is there for keeps.

She replies,

Thank you so much Maurice. I chose to dump him cause I know I deserve better despite being madly in love.So, if he comes back, I won’t have a problem resisting him. Thanks again, you’ve been most helpful.

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Dear Maurice,

My husband recently came back home after 4 months of travel and was told that a man had visited our home. He has since left and is currently staying at a friend’s. I have tried to explain that it was a mistake but he is not responding and neither are his friend’s.

Maurice asks,

Who was the man in your home?

She replies,

It was a man I befriended a while ago, about a year ago and we became close and on that night one thing led to another and we had sex in my guest wing. We have hardly been married a year, I can’t lose my husband because of one mistake. I tried to explain and I apologised for my actions. I also reminded him that while in campus he once kissed a girl who I thought was my friend and I forgave him. Why cant he do the same?

Maurice asks,

Have things been bad in your young marriage for you to have slept with another?

She replies,

Maurice, our sex life is nothing to shout home about, my husband is loving but his appetite for sex is very low. Before he left we were having sex once every month. Men do it all the time, why is it a big deal when a woman does it?

Maurice replies,

My dear, if that is your way of justifying your actions you will most likely push your husband away for good. Right now his ego has been crushed by these revelations. I am not one to judge but if your sex life was that frustrating your first option should have been to discuss it with your man before jumping into bed with another. I know too well about sexual cravings and the power of lust but you must realise that things will not be the same for a while, your husband needs his space right now. Refrain from constant apologises, just tell him you will be home when he is ready to talk.

She replies,

Is there a chance he might not come back to me?

Maurice replies,

Yes, there is a chance he may decide to leave you but like I said, give him space to think. Do not involve other people, they may do more harm than good.

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Dear Maurice,

I fell in love with a woman who I got to know of through a friend, it more of a hook up. After flirting on phone for 3 months we decided to meet. She lives in another town so she  traveled to me for the weekend. Unfortunately when we met at the bus station she was no where as beautiful as some of the photos she had sent me. I can only guess she had enhanced her beauty at a photo studio. She was also shorter then again she had not sent me a full size photo of her.

Maurice asks,

So what did you do once you saw she was not as per your expectations?

He replies,

To be honest I had no choice but to accommodate my disappointment because she was very happy to meet me. She hugged me and gave me a kiss. She’s a good kisser but her beauty was below my usual standards.

Maurice asks,

You have admitted that you fell in love, can you explain what led to those feelings developing?

He replies,

She is well spoken, we have similar interests and she laughed at my humour, those are qualities that mean a lot to me but also the photos she sent boosted my emotions. It is hard to describe what made me fall for her. She is extremely good at flirting and she would say things that would turn me on.

Maurice asks,

So she spent a weekend at your place?

He replies,

Yes.

Maurice asks,

Did you abstain or did you have sex?

He replies,

I tried my best to calm the fire we had started but it was to no avail. At some point as we had a drink watching a movie she moved closer and kissed me. She then begun to unzip my trouser and she gave me what I can say was one of the best blow jobs. From there things got heated and to my surprise she had a curvacious body and her private part was seductively swollen if you know what I mean.

Maurice replies,

Ok, so she had a great body and a well shaped vagina ‘every man’s dream’ and you have things in common but yet you and I are having dialogue based on her facial look which was not what you had envisioned, am I correct?

He replies,

Yes. Don’t get me wrong, she is a good woman who is very affectionate but I don’t feel the same way as she does. She told me that I was a man she could live the rest of her life with. No one had ever talked to her the way I did. And she also complimented my endurance. I don’t want to her hurt but I also can’t be her man and she has declined the idea of friends with benefits, how do I handle this?

Maurice replies,

Like all men my dear sir you are a visual being and in this case hence the lack of mutual feelings your initial pursuit for this woman was more based on your visual expectations despite the fact that even after your visual of her was not to your liking you still went ahead and slept with her. That was your male primal instincts at work, lust one of the most powerful sexual desires was at play. Your predicament is common among men and all I can advise at this point is that you tell her the truth. There is no way of sugar coating how you truly feel, bad news is bad news. She will be hurt by your rejection but she will heal. It is a far better option than to pretend to like her and prolong the inevitable.

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