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 Dear Maurice,

I have been married for the last 17 years to a Kenyan gentleman or so I thought. I am 39 years old. My Nationality is Italian. We have 3 teenage children. We moved to Kenya 2 years ago and to be perfectly honest with you I regret the day we left the UK.

My husband is a financial consultant and I am a house wife, though I do help out in a few charitable organizations. We met in the UK and fell in-love; it was love at first sight when I think back. We both attended the same University but he was 2 years ahead of me.

Maurice asks,

What seems to be the problem?

She replies,

Let me start from the beginning. As I have said we met in campus and after only 6 months moved in together and that was over 2 decades ago. We were soul mate, I know it sounds cheesy but we were. I had never dated an African before and he was the perfect gentle. I thought Italian men from home were the most romantic, I guess he out did himself and swept me off my feet. We have lived a good life in harmony but everything changed when we both agreed to move to his home Country Kenya.

I have received nothing but grief from his family. It’s a bit odd because they were ever so supportive while we lived in the UK. We have flown them over 4 times in the last 10 years and once they arrived we would take them around Europe. We traveled to my home town in Italy for our parents to meet, luckily for us, both our parents were fluent in English and they got on like a house on fire.

What bewilders me is how suddenly your in-laws can turn on you; I had been warned by my husband’s close friend in the UK that some Kenyan men change character when they travel back home, can you shed light on this?

Maurice asks,

Where did all the trouble stem from, did you offend anyone or have a misunderstanding with your in-laws?

She replies,

Not at all Maurice. It’s like they changed into people I don’t recognize about 3 months into our arrival. It started with my dressing which my husband all of a sudden found did not suit ‘a mother of 3’ as he put it. He also said that I was embarrassing him when I address men from his home town, that I should respect African culture. That’s when I recalled the warning I received in the UK. We don’t even hold hands any more, yet we have done that for over 20 years. What is happening to my marriage and where did the man I married go?

Maurice replies,

Over the years I have witnessed this phenomenon of men changing their characters when they settle back home. Some become traditionalists yet while living abroad they were very liberal and adapted to the way of life wherever they lived. If I may ask, why have you waited for 2 years before voicing out your concern, or had you sort help from your husband’s friends or relatives that may support you?

She replies,

I have reached out to a number of close friends and his relatives that I consider close to me and all have told me that it is the way of life once a Kenyan returns home. I don’t believe them and I know it was their polite way of saying they do not want to be involved. To top it all off, my husband has been told to marry one of his own tribe’s women and that is why I am writing to you. That in my view is unacceptable and if he persists I will leave him. I will not share him regardless of what his tradition allows. Last week he returned home after his travels from his home town and that is when he announced that he was in the process of getting a second wife.

Maurice asks,

In all the years have you ever discussed his traditional believes jokingly or otherwise? Did he ever hint that things would be different once back in Kenya?

She replies,

No we never discussed tradition or polygamy and if he had hinted jokingly or otherwise I would have stayed in the UK and avoided all these shenanigans. My life is being turned upside down I truly regret our choice to move here. How do I get him back to his senses?

Maurice replies,

I have dealt with your scenario before, the only option you have is to sit your husband down of which I’m sure you still can, and tell him that you are uncomfortable with his new found traditional lifestyle and that he needs to remember what it took to stay married for 17 years not counting your years in campus together. If you mean the World to him, he will rethink his position and be man enough to prioritise on his immediate family ‘his wife and kids’ and not the wishes of his extended family. In life we must make tough choices to survive a situation or otherwise fail. I will be more than willing to meet the two of you to shed light on the  prospects of your future. Please keep me in the loop and don’t give up on your marriage.

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A lonely soul

Dear Maurice,

 I read your articles almost everyday and I wanted your opinion on some issue I have now had for years. I am 45 years old, married to a bastard of a man and the reason I call him that is because he has given me hell for more than 16 years now. My husband has been a serial dog for years, each time I catch him he has an excuse to why he is acting the way he is. Each time I have forgiven him but its not easy to forget his actions. I don’t know how but he has to change soon before he breaks my spirit.

Maurice asks,

That’s a long time to take negativity from a man, why do you stay?

She replies,

Because I love him, he is my everything, without him I would be lost. Despite his actions I can’t bring myself to leaving him. Over the years I have tried but he always has his way of winning me back.

Maurice asks,

Are you financially independent from him?

She replies,

Not exactly. I run a small business and he is the majority share holder.

Maurice asks,

Would you say that apart from loving him there’s a financial attraction?

She replies,

Maurice I really love my husband and yes I rely a lot on his financial ability but it’s not just the money. I went into marriage knowing it was going to last forever. I have tried everything to make him mine exclusively but nothing seems to work.

Maurice replies,

So what you are saying is that your husband does give you the attention you deserve but unfortunately you share it with other women?

She replies,

Yes he gives me attention, he pampers me a lot and showers me with gifts but when he is away I know for a fact that he is with other women. We have all the material wealth a woman can ask for but what is lacking in our home to unconditional love from my husband. I am a lonely frustrated woman. My husband is 49 years old but behaves like he is still in his 20’s. How do you change such a man and steer him in the right direction?

Maurice replies,

My dear, by now your husband at his age is very set in his ways and changing him may be easier said than done. I’m sure you have tried all you can to show him that you are in this marriage for the long haul but still he refuses to change his ways or ignores your efforts. I haven’t met him for a one to one analysis but from experience, you are probably married to the kind of man that may never change and only age will slow him down. The other issue here is that you have allowed his behaviour to continue for way too long. When he realised he can always win you back, that’s when your persistent problems started. Over the years you have taught him that he can get away with his actions. He also most definitely knows that he is your life line in regards to finance.

She replies,

Are you saying there’s no hope?

Maurice replies,

For now unless we have a one to one couple session it is just my logical speculation, if I could meet him and have a candid chat then and only then would I be able to give you a proper assessment of his  relationship attitude, his character.

She replies,

I too believe that we need counseling so that I can voice my concerns openly with a third party present.

Maurice replies,

That’s the only way forward, from the session we can establish a baseline and the truth will soon follow. Let me know if he will agree to the meeting.

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Betrayal

Dear Maurice,

 I have been married for the last 9 years, I am 38. My husband and I have had our differences over the years but what I am about to share with you has stunned me to the point of no return. It has caused 2 families that were close in my view to splinter.

Maurice asks,

I’m sorry to hear this, so what took place?

She replies,

About 4 months ago I came home to find my house-help in tears. She opened the door for me as usual; I entered only to find police officers in my sitting room. It then hit me that I had seen their vehicle outside our main gate, we live in a block of flats. I asked them why they were in my home and they told me that the house-help with the aid of an unknown lady had visited the police office to report sexual abuse from her boss, she claimed that since her undertaking of her job 4 years ago she had been raped and beaten by my husband. My husband is no saint but I knew that was impossible. In my mind something was just not adding up.

Maurice comments,

You never suspected any goings on of this nature between your husband and your house-help, is that what you are saying?

She replies,

Not in a million years and soon I was to learn the hurtful truth. One of the officers called me aside and told me that he too was skeptical, he had dealt with house-help allegations before and he had found that more than half were usual stories conjured up that were a means to an end. He asked me to stay in the kitchen as he questioned her further.

Maurice asks,

What were you thinking sat in the kitchen waiting?

She replies,

I was nervous; those were serious accusations that faced my husband. I tried to call him but his phone was off which was also a bit odd considering we were attending a dinner function that night. It was almost 7pm when I got home.

Finally the interrogation was over after an hour or so. She confessed to her deceit and said she had been paid ksh20,000 to report the matter and she would be paid another ksh20,000 once my husband was in prison. She at first was hesitating to reveal the name of the person who had put her up to this. However, when she was threatened with jail time the water works started and her verbal flood gates opened up to reveal my worst nightmare.

Maurice asks,

Who was the culprit?

She replies,

I never thought it possible but it was my younger sister by 5 years who had organized the ordeal. Once that was the case and I knew it would affect my entire family I personally threatened my house-help with my own allegations and thereafter she went to the station and retracted her statement.

Maurice asks,

Did you get through to your husband that night?

She replies,

Oh Maurice, the story only gets better. By now it was around 11pm, I decided to get dressed and attend the function. It was no surprise that I found my sister with my husband having the time of their life. I approached them and asked my husband why he was unavailable; he said his phone battery was low. I then asked him if he knew that my dear sister who he was holding in his arms when I walked in had reported him to the police through our house-help.

He turned to ask her what I was talking about and he never did get that reply because she bolted out of the function. He tried calling her but to no avail. It was very difficult to keep calm but I managed to despite putting two and two together and establishing that my own fresh and blood was having an affair with my husband.

Maurice asks,

Did you have a few words with your husband after your sister left?

She replies,

We had more than just a few words, I told him what I had already concluded and requested he not deny the obvious and be man enough to tell me the truth, after 9 years of marriage he owned me that courtesy.

He admitted that they had an affair for 3 years and that he had broken it off with her 2 week prior but they agreed to stay friends. I asked him why he broke it off. He had the nerve to tell me that he was tied of living a lie and that it had suddenly hit him that I was the woman for him not my sister.  He also did not want to hurt our 2 kids who were both in boarding at the time of the saga.

Maurice asks,

What did you do after he admitted his betrayal?

She replies,

I told him that I wanted a divorce and that I was driving home. I also told him that he should not come home till the next day, if he wanted a change of clothes I would leave them with the guards and that in the morning I was leaving to a friends place where I stayed for a month and not wanting to over stay my welcome I retreated to my parents house where I was welcomed with open arms. My sister is currently an outcast, my parents don’t want anything to do with her and have cut all communication with her.

It is so difficult to know that what was once your home, your intact family is now no more. My children are asking where their father is and I don’t know what to tell them apart from “your Daddy and I have taken a break from each other”. When they persistently ask why, I give them a string of lame excuses and yet I know they are old enough to understand what is going on.

What I want to know is how did this all occur right before my very eyes and I had no clue of an affair going on? How could he do this to me after giving him my life?

Maurice asks,

I’m I to assume that your sister and your husband were openly close?

She replies,

Yes they were, from way back before we even got married. They would have lunches, hang out at clubs or at our local, play tennis and golf together over the weekend, I was not much of a sporty person so I allowed my husband to be in the company of my sister because they had similar interests and trusting my sister was not in question I just did not imagine family could back stab you in that way. Before you ask, I did share quality time with my husband, my sister was only filling in the gaps when we had our ‘me’ time.

Maurice replies,

It’s unfortunate that your husband and sister betrayed you. In my view, I think that their relationship bond begun years ago as you have stated they had a lot in common, during the hours they spent together they grew fonder and eventually one thing led to another.

I always tell men if there’s a problem in your marriage, attempted to solve it between you and your wife and if that fails because ‘love’ for some does fade after awhile, then do the right thing and part ways, so that you free each other to avoid hurting each other with acts of adultery. It’s easier said then done but I believe in confronting the issue in hand before seeking side kicks that will only make things worse.

Your husband was weak and from your sister’s actions she was a very determined woman who had to get her way. They grew closer and seduced each other into an affair. When he broke it off she tried to punish him with jail time. Again, your husband made his bed and despite his regret when the damage was already done, he should have been the stronger man and refrained from your sister’s lure.

Whatever you do never ever blame yourself there’s nothing you could have done, you were a loving liberal wife and unfortunately that went against you. Don’t change your character for anyone or towards anyone, people make choices and many of those choices have consequences. You did your best as a wife and mother now concentrate on living your life, again easier said than done but you must move on. Life is too short to dwell on the past that you had no control over.

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Dear Maurice,

In 2003, I met this dashing man at a friend’s party and we hit it off as you do.  We exchanged numbers and went on a couple of dates before things got more serious between us.

While still getting to know each other we agreed not to jump onto the normal band wagon and did not become exclusive for almost a year and a half. Eventually we decided to stop seeing other people and became exclusive.

For me it was after about 8 months that whenever I was with another man I would wish I was with this guy who is now my husband. What came as a shock to me is that after asking around I found out that he only took out one girl on a date and went no further with her. This was 2 months after we initially met. I found that very odd, men don’t behave that way, well not the one’s I have known over the years. Anyway we dated for 5 years before we got hitched.

He has always wanted kids so I got pregnant, we have a 2 year old little baby girl. We have been through our trials and tribulations but I have for the last 3 years felt that I have been living a lie.

Maurice asks,

So what are you trying to say?

She replies,

Maurice I have a great man who provides to my heart’s content but I feel like I am missing out on something and I can’t put my finger on it.

Maurice asks,

You either feel you missed out on life because you married early or because you realized that you were never really in love with your husband?

If that is the case then you are not alone, many brides realize that they chose the wrong man for them later in life not because there’s anything wrong with the man, it more about them and their changing needs as they mature. The spark that attracted them to their husband’s just dies one day, I guess that’s another reason why they say tomorrow is not promised to anyone. However until you confirm its all speculation on my side.

She replies,

Maurice I married at 25 and I believe I have lived and thoroughly enjoyed my life in regards to socializing. I started dating at 14 years of age so I don’t believe I am missing out socially, I have clubbed and met all manner of men, I have been there, done that and I have the T-shirts and medals to prove it. I feel guilty because you may have a point about my love for my husband. Don’t get me wrong I care about him and I love him but I think I love him more as a friend than a lover.

Maurice asks,

I am assuming living a lie means that you have not discussed your feelings with your husband? I must also ask; did you only have a baby to fulfill his wish to have a child?

She replies,

To some extent yes I did it for him and no we have not had that talk yet, I fear his reaction. I felt I owed him as his wife to give him a child. Please do not judge me too harshly I can’t help how I feel and I need to make sense of it.

Maurice asks,

My job is not to judge you but to determine why you are in your current predicament. I personally believe that you are a socialite. You met the man who later became your husband in a social forum. You love having fun and so do most people, the only difference here is that despite mentioning your daughter I don’t sense a strong maternal persona in you. It doesn’t make you a bad person, that’s just your character.  If I may ask, are you well off?

She replies,

Yes, we are well off but what has that to do with my feelings for my husband. I should be loving him unconditionally not questioning why I am with him? Are you calling me a gold digger because I am not?

Maurice replies,

Hold your horses no one has accused you of being a gold digger, I also believe that you had money before meeting your husband so unless you object I will take it that I am right. It’s my opinion that you are definitely a socialite, a person that thrives in high society, in high class social places; a person who seeks to network with the elite in society. There’s nothing wrong with being rich. The matter in hand is that during your socialite networking you met this man who you dated and he swept you off your feet with a lot of romance. He pampered you to the point you could not let go of the thrill he induced when you were together. That metamorphosis resulted into marriage and before you knew it a baby came into your life. What you can not let go of is your past social impulses. That is your biggest obstacle.  How often have you had quality time with your husband within the last 3 years?

She replies,

I’m not sure but I know we hardly do things together the way we used to within our first 5 or 6 years together. He is financial consultant so he travels a lot to Asia and Europe. When we do have time to our selves it’s normally at a lavish restaurant. We have dinner then go home to bed or we have sex and sleep. He’s home for a few days then he’s off again, that’s the routine.

Maurice comments,

I recommend you have a heart to heart where you both disclose your true feelings without judging or pointing fingers. If that is hard to do then in my opinion you are not meant to be or don’t care about your future together.

It’s the difficult steps that you find hard to take and share that make or break a relationship. The truth can hurt and be bitter to swallow but if you try and walk away from it then in my eyes you had already planned to walk away from the marriage.

Sit your husband down and tell him he is not in any trouble and that you are not leaving him, that will ease the pressure of the discussion and he will be more willing to open up. You have clearly lost touch over the years and you need to share and I guarantee you will come closer to eliminating your living a lie lifestyle. I can not predict if your discussion will blossom into a better loving environment but it will surely put your future together into perspective. In your current predicament the break of routine is recommended and the truth will somehow gradually set you free of your daily worries.

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Dear Maurice,

  I would be grateful to hear you insight on the influence of fathers over their children. I am facing such a problem at the moment. I have been married for 21 years, I am 47. My husband is 56, a proud man and very set in his ways and has been so for many years. Our son is 16 years old, we only have one child; I am fearful of my husband’s parenting methods especially within the last 2 years.  He is a good father, he does provide for his family but recently my son has become very close to his Dad to the point that they go out for a drink on weekends.

Maurice asks,

When do they go for a drink? And is your son taking alcohol?

It’s normally during the day. They go to the club or to the local where my husband socializes with his peers. I asked my son why he liked hanging out with his Dad and he replied “Dad is cool”. My suspicions were confirmed when one of my husband’s friends called me to ask why our son was being introduced to bars at such a susceptible age. I did not have an answer I told him to ask the father. I know that my son has tasted Whisky which he was given by his father but from what I heard it was just a sip.

Maurice asks,

Have you shared your concerns with your husband, you must have some say?

She replies,

Maurice, as I said before he is very set in his ways and can be difficult to get through to if he believes your concerns are irrational.

Maurice comments,

If you don’t mind me saying, I sense pure fear for your husband, is that the case or I’m I reading too much into your context of wording?

She replies,

Your concern is valid; 17 years ago my husband stopped beating me. He would beat me almost daily; that went on for a few years. Once I was hospitalized for a month after an argument. Since my conception he stopped being physical however it was replaced with a ‘don’t care’ attitude. If I’m honest, my husband is somewhat old fashioned, the kind of man who believes that women belong in the kitchen.

Maurice asks,

So you knew the kind of man you married? You still haven’t told me if you voiced your concern and what did he say about it?

She replies,

I have always known but as we women do, we hope and pray, I sincerely thought I could change him over the years. When I questioned his parenting methods the reply I got was “what do you know about 16 year old boys, I am teaching him how to be a man, only his father can do that”. I know my husband sounds rude but he means well deep down. He is just a tough nut to crack.

Maurice comments,

You have certainly gone through a lot yet you defend his attitude towards you, isn’t that a contradiction of what you seek, to bring up your son in a manner that makes you happy. To your knowledge is your son coming home smelling of alcohol, is your son doing poorly in his studies, is your son disrespectful to you and does he tend to side with his Dad?

She replies,

I know I sound strange on one side I am fearful and on the other I am supporting him. For years that is what I have known. The answer to your questions is no. My son is respectful to me and he has never shown to side with his Dad. He follows my instructions as his mother without question. I am just afraid of what he may become.

Maurice says,

You mean you are afraid that he might mimic his father in character and one day beat up a woman or women. I am not saying that your husband’s influence is the best however you have said that despite your husband’s violent past with you he has never shown that side to your son, I’m I correct?

She replies,

Yes you are correct. But as a mother I can’t help but fear for my son, I would hate to have him become his father.

Maurice says,

Currently you problem is not your son because he is not being exposed to a violent homestead. Your main problem is your husband and how you have become accustomed to communicating if you can call it communicating. I am now giving you my opinion.

I don’t think you are happy and I believe you haven’t been for a long time. I know you keep it together to shield your son from seeing his mother hurting inside but you now must take that step and seek counseling before it’s too late. I know your husband is difficult and the mention of counseling may get you in trouble but doing nothing in itself is just as bad. A happy content soul is what you should seek to be because your current state of mind may have fatal repercussion later in life. And don’t be fooled, your son may have noticed your troubles and he too shields you by playing ‘the happy home’. Please get further help from me or from any other counselor even within your faith. Do it for your own peace of mind. Remember in life you must make yourself happy first; you can share in happiness but never rely on someone to make you happy.

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3some – 1 woman 2 men

Dear Maurice,

 As you know last year in October my relationship was at rock bottom, the spice had decreased especially in the bedroom but with your intervention you managed to counsel us to explore other avenues.

You remember I bought your 2 dvds in Jan and they really helped myself and my girlfriend to open up to our sexual fantasies. Anyway since watching the dvds we have tried a three way with another girl. That was awesome, watching my girl and the other girl playing with each other was stimulating to say the least. Dude you have no idea, you have transformed our sex life.

We also recently tried it with another guy and that worked for both of us, in short we have gone wild and exploring as per what you told us and we are enjoying every moment. If anything the guy is soon coming over with another so called wild girl he knows. Don’t worry I’ll keep you posted on that four-some when it takes place. For now I just need your advise on a small matter. When we were having the three way with the guy I notice he was taking my mama on a roller coaster, it was a bit intimidating but at the same time it turned me on. Is there anything apart from viagra that I can take to maintain my erection for longer, for at least an hour or more? I don’t have a problem with premature ejaculation I just need something that will boost my stamina.

Maurice replies,

First, I’m glad you are not taking viagra, its pretty addictive. What you could try is enzoy vitality drink, it comes in powder form. However before you take anything please consult with your pharmacist or doctor they will advise you further on any short or long term side effects. I’m glad to hear that things have worked out for the best for your relationship but please do play safe in whatever you do.

He replies,

I will. And one thing I have learnt after your counsel is that you have to do anything to save your relationship, as you said last year, those whom hesitate to assert effort will eventually break up. Thanks for all you have done.

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Dear Maurice,

I was dating my ex for 2 years then we broke it off when our long distance was not working for us. After not seeing her for about a year we met and went out pub crawling till we ended up at mine. You can only guess we were not playing cards nor chess. Anyway, in the morning I left for work and she later text me to tell me it was good to see me again. She begun to travel to Nairobi more often and we occasionally hooked up for casual sex. That went on for 5 months then I found out that after we broke up she started to date a pal of mine who basically took my place. I was a bit pissed off but I never mentioned it to her, after all I was still tapping it, plus that pussy used to be mine anyway.

Maurice asks,

So lets get this straight, you are still ‘tapping’ your ex even after finding out she is with another guy?

He replies,

Share and share a like, yes I am. There must be something he is not doing for her to be fucking me, don’t you think?

Maurice replies,

It’s only logical that she must be enjoying the thrill, what that thrill is only she can tell us. So how exactly can I be of assistance?

He replies,

What my ex doesn’t know is that since we broke up I have been sleeping with two of her close friends who live in Nairobi.

Maurice replies,

And?

He replies,

You don’t know her, she will flip if she ever finds out. How can I  make sure it never comes out?

Maurice replies,

My good man I don’t envy you because the only reason she doesn’t know is because her friends are enjoying the thrill of fucking you behind her back, hence the phrase ‘back stabbing’. However if for any reason you under perform or piss off any of the two then the odds will be against you.

Personally I would bet against you, why???? the simple question is for how long can you keep up this shag fest without getting bored? And what if one of the girls decides she wants more than just casual sex mates? The variables are not in your favour however enjoy it while it lasts.

If I may, why sleep with two of her friends instead of any other random women?

He replies,

Dude, the friends were gagging for it from way back, my ex had told them about my bedroom skills, it was just a matter of time and I’m not a selfish man so I had to do what a man has to do.

Maurice asks,

So its a ego power thing ‘right’? You still have access to your ex’s vagina plus another two and what triggers your testosterone is the fact that they are all friends.

He replies,

Dude you know it is.

Maurice asks,

Do the two friends in Nairobi know you are fucking them both?

He replies,

No, why?

Maurice replies,

Your eventuality odds have further reduced, like I said I don’t envy you.

He replies,

What would you have done if you were me?

Maurice replies,

Assuming I was you. I would from the beginning by manner of  ‘hinting’ state my intent to pursue each individual to each one. That way they all have the mind set that you are freelancing and not exclusive, and if your lingo with women is good, you would get each of them curious and competitive enough to fuck you. Which translates to more fucking without having to worry about keeping secrets. Your current ego driven strategy has too many negative possibilities. Plus you know most women eventually talk and share information so your sex triangle is fragile at the moment.

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Young and wild….

Hi Maurice,

 I really love reading your work and I just wanted to comment of the article about young women of today.

I am 19 and from my little experience with boys, they don’t know how to treat us young women especially our age mates that’s why I for one have dated 7 older guys since I was 15.

Maurice asks,

How old is older?

She replies,

I have always dated guys who are at least 6 to 15 years older.

Maurice asks,

Why do you personally prefer the much older guy? And are they normally married?

She replies,

Older guys have experience and they are willing to spend cash to make a girl happy as for my age mates they are always broke yet they want it for free, you know what I mean.

Maurice replies,

Yes I know what you mean. Are these guys married?

She replies,

Some have girlfriends and some are married but that’s their business. What I look forward to is the attention I get when they are with me.

Maurice asks,

Are you saying that you see these men simultaneously?

She replies,

Yes each has his benefits.

Maurice replies,

I do hope that you practice safe sex?

She replies,

Yes I do, I am careful I love life, but some are so whack it’s pointless sleeping with them. Why are men so different in bed, I was seeing this one who was so sweet, he would buy me loads of stuff but when it came to sex he always disappointed me and I got tired of his excuses of how sweet I was that’s why he came so early. Maurice, this is a grown ass man crying when he comes too fast, at first it was funny until I read about that kind of man and found out that he can’t improve. Is that right?

Maurice replies,

Based on your description of his performance he most likely falls in the category of men who can’t control their urge to climax. And yes its true, those men never change in the bedroom. So are you currently dating one guy or many?

She replies,

I am juggling between 3 at the moment but I like one more than the rest.

Maurice asks.

Is it a finance thing compared to the rest?

She replies,

Apart from the finance this guy who is 32 is adventurous in bed, plus he likes to do it anywhere. He has taught me a lot about my body and he makes me feel things I can’t quite explain.

Maurice asks,

So in short you are sleeping with 3 men at the moment and if so are not afraid to contract some disease because the odds are these men have multiple partners too?

She replies,

Maurice, I make sure they use condoms and I always make sure it stays on. I am not going to deny myself pleasure in fear of an STD, as long as I am having protected sex I will be fine.

Maurice replies,

If I may ask what drives you to these men at such a tender age?

She replies,

Maurice, I may be young but I’m not naive like most girls my age. What drives me! Well I guess its the thrill of being pampered head to toe and the sex is great sometimes. I am a highly sexual girl that I have come to learn and I have been told by those men that couldn’t satisfy me that I am demanding in bed. But they all think they are good in bed, how pathetic.

Maurice replies,

Lastly, do you not feel used by these men? And do you every put yourself in the shoes of those women married to these men?

She replies,

Maurice, you of all people, as the relationship guru, know that both men and women use each other everyday, if a man wants something from me he has to pay for it in one way or another. As for the women married to these guys, that’s not my business I care less and if they were doing their part their men would not be fucking around.

Thanks for the chat Maurice.

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Dear Maurice,

I hope you can advise me on the way forward. I am 21 year old. A day before Valentines my girlfriend decided to cheat on me with an older guy who has a family, for the last year we have dumped into him at several social places and she always introduces me to him so I did not think anything of it.

I found out they went to Coast and spent a whole week together. During this whole period she told me she had to travel to shags with her parents for some family thing. So I left it like that and spent Valentines with a few of my single pals.

 

Maurice asks,

My good man how old is your girlfriend?

He replies,

She just turned 20 in January.

Maurice asks,

How long have you dated?

He replies,

We have been going out for 11 months.

Maurice asks,

In your opinion where was your relationship going or where is it going know that she has cheated?

He replies,

That’s the thing. I know she loves to be pampered and treated out but I can’t afford to splash out like older guys. I’m not broke but I can’t fly her to Mombasa without planning way in advance. I feel I failed her as a man despite what she did to me. I want her to be my wife one day, I hope anyway.

Maurice replies,

My guy, you need to wake up and smell the coffee. You are too young to be dwelling over one girl, you still have a lifetime to experience the good and the bad with young girls who later turn into women. At your stage of life you should play safe, I recommend, but don’t put all your eggs in one basket. If you do not enjoy your youthful years now, you will for sure try to relive those years at a time when you should be more focused in life.

He replies,

But I love her.

Maurice replies,

I hear you bro’ but you will sooner or later cure of that infatuation. I know you don’t want to hear this but you must trust me on this one. You can continue to see this girl because I know you will anyway but be careful she doesn’t push you over the edge then you end up doing something you can’t reverse. I know the loving feeling is sweet and very luring at you age but I urge you to be mentally flexible and even if she leaves for the older guy, don’t worry, there will be plenty more women in your life before you find the one for you. For now, enjoy yourself, mingle and learn from experience, don’t ever give up, the right one will fall into your arms but it could be years from now. And in those years explore with girls, be yourself, have safe sex and again don’t give in and put all your eggs in one basket.

He replies,

But I have forgiven her, I want her back, I know what I need to do to keep her happy.

Maurice replies,

You are not hearing me ‘clearly’. Your girlfriend is not ready to go on the same path as you at the moment. She is only 20, if anything she just turned 20. She is still exploring men, yes its hard to hear this but its the truth. Even if you continue your  deceptive relationship she will most likely let you down again and again. Should you do the same???? No. However, don’t put all your hopes on her. Have your fun but don’t lie to yourself that she is exclusively yours, that will be a futile expectation.

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The brown bottle

Dear Maurice,

  I am in need of your help to assess my husband’s addiction is drinking. We have been married for 2 years and the marriage is becoming more and more of a burden on my side. We have one child, a 7 month old baby boy. My husband is never home till late whether its a week day or weekend. If he didn’t have to work during the day he would drink 24/7.

Maurice asks,

For how long have you known your man and has he always drank as he does today?

She replies,

Maurice if you are asking if I knew who I married the answer is yes I did, after 5 years together he promised to change his extensive beer drinking habit before we got married.

Maurice replies,

My dear, I know exactly what you have been through and still going through but it’s very difficult to snap out of an alcoholic behaviour. Have you discussed getting help for him, he does need to attend an alcohol control group to slowly over come his drinking problem. From what you have described your husband has a high dependance on his drink, is that right?

She replies,

Yes he does, I can not remember the last time we spent a weekday without him being under the influence. That’s when he comes home at 9pm and that is early. I miss having a conversation with my husband, I want him to connect with our child but instead I am shielding our child from his mannerisms. I fear him holding our baby just in-case he drops the baby. That’s my life Maurice and I hate it. This was not the marriage I pictured.

I am soon leaving and going to my parents home, I spoke to my mother and she too agrees that our current environment does not suit a baby and for my own mental state, my sanity, I need an alcohol free home. I am tired of asking and begging him, if he wants his family back he must show me some effort that he is willing to abstain from drinking. I know it’s not going to be immediate but I will be patient till the day I feel enough is enough. For now I still love him and I’m hoping he wises up when he finds himself alone. I have emailed you his mobile number, if you can talk to him after I am gone I will appreciate, may be you can pound some sense into him before he loses him family to drinking. All I can do now is pray and hope for the best. Thank you for listening.

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