mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

In 2003, I met this dashing man at a friend’s party and we hit it off as you do.  We exchanged numbers and went on a couple of dates before things got more serious between us.

While still getting to know each other we agreed not to jump onto the normal band wagon and did not become exclusive for almost a year and a half. Eventually we decided to stop seeing other people and became exclusive.

For me it was after about 8 months that whenever I was with another man I would wish I was with this guy who is now my husband. What came as a shock to me is that after asking around I found out that he only took out one girl on a date and went no further with her. This was 2 months after we initially met. I found that very odd, men don’t behave that way, well not the one’s I have known over the years. Anyway we dated for 5 years before we got hitched.

He has always wanted kids so I got pregnant, we have a 2 year old little baby girl. We have been through our trials and tribulations but I have for the last 3 years felt that I have been living a lie.

Maurice asks,

So what are you trying to say?

She replies,

Maurice I have a great man who provides to my heart’s content but I feel like I am missing out on something and I can’t put my finger on it.

Maurice asks,

You either feel you missed out on life because you married early or because you realized that you were never really in love with your husband?

If that is the case then you are not alone, many brides realize that they chose the wrong man for them later in life not because there’s anything wrong with the man, it more about them and their changing needs as they mature. The spark that attracted them to their husband’s just dies one day, I guess that’s another reason why they say tomorrow is not promised to anyone. However until you confirm its all speculation on my side.

She replies,

Maurice I married at 25 and I believe I have lived and thoroughly enjoyed my life in regards to socializing. I started dating at 14 years of age so I don’t believe I am missing out socially, I have clubbed and met all manner of men, I have been there, done that and I have the T-shirts and medals to prove it. I feel guilty because you may have a point about my love for my husband. Don’t get me wrong I care about him and I love him but I think I love him more as a friend than a lover.

Maurice asks,

I am assuming living a lie means that you have not discussed your feelings with your husband? I must also ask; did you only have a baby to fulfill his wish to have a child?

She replies,

To some extent yes I did it for him and no we have not had that talk yet, I fear his reaction. I felt I owed him as his wife to give him a child. Please do not judge me too harshly I can’t help how I feel and I need to make sense of it.

Maurice asks,

My job is not to judge you but to determine why you are in your current predicament. I personally believe that you are a socialite. You met the man who later became your husband in a social forum. You love having fun and so do most people, the only difference here is that despite mentioning your daughter I don’t sense a strong maternal persona in you. It doesn’t make you a bad person, that’s just your character.  If I may ask, are you well off?

She replies,

Yes, we are well off but what has that to do with my feelings for my husband. I should be loving him unconditionally not questioning why I am with him? Are you calling me a gold digger because I am not?

Maurice replies,

Hold your horses no one has accused you of being a gold digger, I also believe that you had money before meeting your husband so unless you object I will take it that I am right. It’s my opinion that you are definitely a socialite, a person that thrives in high society, in high class social places; a person who seeks to network with the elite in society. There’s nothing wrong with being rich. The matter in hand is that during your socialite networking you met this man who you dated and he swept you off your feet with a lot of romance. He pampered you to the point you could not let go of the thrill he induced when you were together. That metamorphosis resulted into marriage and before you knew it a baby came into your life. What you can not let go of is your past social impulses. That is your biggest obstacle.  How often have you had quality time with your husband within the last 3 years?

She replies,

I’m not sure but I know we hardly do things together the way we used to within our first 5 or 6 years together. He is financial consultant so he travels a lot to Asia and Europe. When we do have time to our selves it’s normally at a lavish restaurant. We have dinner then go home to bed or we have sex and sleep. He’s home for a few days then he’s off again, that’s the routine.

Maurice comments,

I recommend you have a heart to heart where you both disclose your true feelings without judging or pointing fingers. If that is hard to do then in my opinion you are not meant to be or don’t care about your future together.

It’s the difficult steps that you find hard to take and share that make or break a relationship. The truth can hurt and be bitter to swallow but if you try and walk away from it then in my eyes you had already planned to walk away from the marriage.

Sit your husband down and tell him he is not in any trouble and that you are not leaving him, that will ease the pressure of the discussion and he will be more willing to open up. You have clearly lost touch over the years and you need to share and I guarantee you will come closer to eliminating your living a lie lifestyle. I can not predict if your discussion will blossom into a better loving environment but it will surely put your future together into perspective. In your current predicament the break of routine is recommended and the truth will somehow gradually set you free of your daily worries.