mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am a 26 year old woman who has been married for 3 years. Both myself and my husband work and sometimes late hours however for almost 3 years I have been under his unfair illogical rules. He dictates to me when I should be home latest and if I am late I have to convincingly argue my case on ‘why I am late’. At first I used to think it was his insecurities until I realized he is just a dictator by nature, a complete bully. How can he treat me as such yet I have never applied rules on him?

Maurice asks,

You have described your husband as a dictator, my question to you is, was he not a dictator when you were dating, from the time he started to court you?

She replies,

When we were dating he was slightly more liberal in his way of thinking but the minute we got married I suddenly noticed a major change in character over a very short period of time. What I witnessed was not what I would expect from the modern man I married. It’s like he became a different man who I couldn’t recognize.

Maurice asks,

How old is your husband?

She replies,

He is 39 years old. And before you imply it, my husband did not marry me as a trophy wife, he loved me for me and he still does, I just don’t understand why he is so strict with me when it comes to my movements.

Maurice replies,

I had not implied anything in that context however the fact that you brought it up flags up questions pertaining to your defensive response. It might be a context you have thought of and decided to dismiss. At this juncture I don’t want to speculate but I need to know if these strict conditions are related to your social life or are they about a standard curfew set by your husband?

She replies,

I have to be home by 6:30pm every evening. He knows that even without bumper traffic it will take me at least one hour to get home and I leave work at 5:30pm. When I go out clubbing most of the time he will join me even when I am with the girls. When I go to our local supermarket I am sure to receive a few calls to check up on me. When I am home he is settled but the minute I leave he is on my trail.

Maurice replies,

In my opinion, the first mistake was to allow for the conditions to go on for so long. It would have been wise to tackle the rules at the infancy of your marriage or better yet to discuss expectations before you were married. I believe from the on set your husband was playing a role that was not entirely his true character and once you were married he felt that he had the right and power to dictate his terms hence why you are in this predicament. You can either let status quo prevail or stand your ground and tell your husband that he is suffocating you with his regimental rules, tell him the truth and don’t sugar coat your feelings. Don’t expect a quick change in his mind set but be persistent in your quest to make him understand. If he cares about your state of mind,  your freedom and your marriage, he will gradually relinquish his hold on you.

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Dear Maurice,

I am angry; I am disappointed and very frustrated. My life has been turned upside down with just one phone call. I have known my husband for 8 years but we have been married for 5 of those years. Nine years ago I used to work in Mombasa for a foreign couple who ran a holiday resort. I was their resort manager till November 2009 when I moved to Nairobi to further my career in the Hotel industry. The move was also good for my marriage because my husband was based in Nairobi.

Maurice asks,

So what went wrong?

She replies,

In early 2010 the couple I worked for in Mombasa offered me an opportunity to study abroad, they offered to pay for my post grad studies as they knew I had always wanted to elevate my academic profile. Anyway I discussed it with my husband and believe it or not I sacrificed my opportunity for him to gain if the couple would agree to sponsor him instead of me. So I went ahead and requested that they sponsor my husband and they accepted to do it if that was my wish. By August 2010 my husband had left for the United States to pursue his first degree. It is important that you note that my sacrifice was so that my husband could gain a level of education that I already had.

Maurice replies,

Again if I may ask, what went wrong?

She replies,

Over 3 weeks ago my mother-in-law called me and asked me to get in-touch with my husband immediately, on hearing her tone of voice I asked if everything was ok and she replied ‘call him’. I called my husband and asked him what was so urgent for his mother to call me, as she had never done that before. He replied ‘baby I messed up’. In a state of worry with him being in a foreign Country I asked him what he had done. He said that he had impregnated a girl. My first response was to ask who she was and he said he met her over a year ago and that he never meant to hurt me. I spoke to my mother and her sentiment was that I was a fool to sacrifice my life for ‘this man’ as she put it. My question to you is how do I handle this situation?

Maurice replies,

Apart from being angry how do you feel about your husband, how does he feel about you, is he going to raise his child and how does he feel about the other woman?

She replies,

I still love and care about him. He swears that he loves me but he also has feelings for the other woman. And yes he wants to raise his unborn child. And to think I begged him for a child before he left and he refused to conceive with me at the time. I do not want to start a fresh; I have invested too much into this marriage. I want him back home even if he comes with his mistress and child I still want to make it work. Do you think that set up will work?

Maurice replies,

As long as you have the will and drive to make it work, I don’t see why not. However the transition won’t be smooth, adapting to sharing your man won’t be a walk in the park and there’s no telling how two women in one home will react to one another. Personally I foresee a recipe for major domestic conflicts; that said it is your prerogative to embark on this unorthodox path in your marriage.

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Dear Maurice

Since we met and went through those sessions things have really changed with me.  I am so confident and I feel sexy. As you know I haven’t felt remotely sexy for years, I guess an abusive marriage does that to you but that is all behind me. For the last 5 months I have indulged in pampering myself at spas and treating myself to things I had denied myself for far too long. I joined a fun group that travels every month, I have done it all, rock climbing, camping in the bush and partying in the bush. This xmas I am whitewater rafting. Next year we are climbing Mount Kenya and I have been taking up salsa dance class and shaking it the way I used to as a teenage girl. I am a very happy 36 year old woman and I have met great people who just make me feel wonderful as I experience the out doors with them.

And yes I did follow your advise and I am constantly in my birthday suit in my home, it is a benefit when your kid is all grown up and has moved out. The privacy to be in the nude is utter freedom and I love it. I did not know I was such an exhibitionist. Oh by the way, I met my ex husband at the tribe and he could not believe what he saw, you should have seen me in the little purple dress I wore that afternoon. Maurice thanks to you I feel sexy and I am no-longer lonely. I have recommended you to my girlfriends and they can’t wait to meet you and maybe more :-), one especially loved your sex in the kitchen piece plus she has an agenda for you :-). I will never forget our second private session you do have a gift and no one can take that away from you blush blush blush! It is exhilarating to be able to walk out into my back garden in my kinky wear and not have to worry about who watching me and how I look. My ex really played one on me for years he made me feel ugly and worthless yet everyone had always envied my body and beauty. It’s been the best transformation in my life. In time I will one day shock my neighbours and walk around my garden in the nude with my glass of wine, you are welcome to join me but only if you strip down too, though I will make sure the house help gives my Askari strict instructions as to not walk up my drive way but stay by the main gate. Thank you for your compassion and patience and thank you for those motivating sessions. I am a new woman and I will live my life to the full. If you ever need anything do not hesitate to call me, I owe you that.

Enjoy your xmas vacation though I suspect you are most probably booked up till Christmas day.

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Dear Maurice,

I met my husband 8 years ago. We dated for 2 years and have been married for 6. I’m 28 years old and he is 44 years. I was a virgin when I met him. Freshly graduated from campus. I enjoyed having sex with him. We would meet in his apartment and go at it like rabbits. I was horny for him most of the time. The thrill of me partaking in the forbidden kept me going for more.  I later joined Grad school and he would come to my apartment on campus, and the thrill of never getting caught was awesome. We used to also do it at a friend’s house over the weekend when he would come to visit. We finally got married and I had most of my fantasies of sex fulfilled. Lazy Sunday afternoon sex, horny sex on a mattress in the garden, sex in a tent outside in the evenings, in all this I was fulfilled even though I never quite understood the orgasm part.

Maurice replies,

From your description you have had a healthy sex life with your husband, so where is the problem?

She replies,

He seemed to enjoy himself more than I did and I kept pushing for me to feel the same way he felt. I blamed it on the contraceptive I was using at that time. I seemed to get very inhibited all of a sudden. Salvation came when I was expecting my first baby. I wanted sex all the time. I still remember the sweet sensation of my first orgasm when I was heavy with child. I loved the breakthrough. I was broken hearted to discover later on that he was watching porn while I was pregnant. I linked it with my being undesirable. However, how could I be so horny, having orgasms and not be desirable? I gave birth and in two weeks I was back at it. I couldn’t seem to get enough. We were expecting our second baby and I discovered that he was still watching porn. I was probably 3 times more horny than with the first baby. He was so busy at work and I started watching porn too to get a release. After delivering the second baby, I felt my body changed. I had added weight, had XD boobs and a seductive sexy ass. I loved my body since I had been on the thin end most of my life. I started spending more time loving my body and touching it. I felt sexy as a woman.

Maurice asks,

How was your sex life at this stage of your life?

Our sex life was still quite intimate. He evolved into the sweet and sensitive lover who spent more time pleasing me than himself. I felt close to him sexually. At the brink of this sexual intimacy, I started getting advances from other men. I blame it on the cleavage. Men would come to me and ask for sex. It didn’t matter that I was married. This was a huge boost to my ego as twisted as it sounds. I was happy to be sexy. I was excited that I could turn men on. This powerful feeling was intoxicating.

I started having this urge to experience sex with another man. I wondered how it would feel to be with another man. Inevitably, I met a man who wanted me. I started an affair, the sex was overly thrilling. In total, I had affairs with 6 men in a span of almost two years. I just seemed not to get satisfied. I want to stop seeing other men. I want this thirst for them to end before I destroy my marriage?

Maurice replies,

I suspect that your first taste of indiscretion gave you a feeling that you had never experienced with your husband, that feeling was engraved in your limbic system and since then you have allowed your urges to take control hence why you have submitted to each desire you seek. At this point only you can control your actions; ask yourself, is what you are getting from your conquests worth destroying your marriage? Are you in-love with your husband or have you reached that point where you have realized love was never the foundation you built your relationship on. Also consider that your sexual compatibility is finally proving that as you matured your libido increased but your husband’s stayed stagnant or decreased. Your predicament is all about your sexual cravings which in most cases override any other logic stemming on morality. Science has proven that what the sexual mind wants the sexual mind usually gets in most cases, why? because there is no known switch off button especially if you do not fear the consequences.

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Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 2 year and 4 months. I am 27 and he is 39. I met my husband a bit over 2 years ago. This may sound like puppy love to you but I fell madly in-love with him when we first met. Though I finally told him I was in-love with him 4 months into our relationship. It felt sweet, with overwhelming sensations running through my body. I had never felt this way for any man before, then again I have only dated 2 men in my life.

Maurice asks,

So what seems to be the problem?

She replies,

That’s just it. I keep asking myself if I gave my whole to him and he gave less, and the reason I ask is because I do so much for him as a routine and I don’t feel that I receive the same back.

Maurice replies,

What do you do for him and what are you not getting back from him?

She replies,

Every evening I get home and I cook for him and serve him, I love cooking for my man. I then prepare his clothes for the next day and may I add that I also polish his shoes. In the morning I wake up at 5am and I start to prepare a full English breakfast for him or rather for us as we both work. Sometimes I pack sandwiches for him for lunch or I’ll have freshly prepared food delivered to his office. During the course of the day I text him several times to make sure he is fine and to also follow up on his day. Basically I am doing everything a good responsible wife should do for her husband. But after all that, he does not say thank you for my efforts, I would love for him to one day just say ‘thank you baby for this wonderful meal‘ but that wish has never come true.

Maurice asks,

If anything what does your husband do for you that you appreciate, does he affirm his love for you, does he compliment you?

She replies,

He provides for us without fail. He remembers my birthday, he takes me out for meals and he does compliment my dressing once in a while. He is fond of calling me his beauty. And yes he tells me how much he loves me but not everyday.

Maurice asks,

Do you believe that your husband genuinely loves you?

She replies,

Yes I believe his feelings for me are sincere. But I want him to acknowledge the things I do for him.

Maurice replies,

My dear let me take you back to something you said, you said that you do things for him as a routine, can I assume that you do this out of the love you feel for him, if so then do the things you do unconditionally. It’s great to be acknowledged but do you want a husband who says ‘thank you’ or ‘I love you’ from his heart or as an obligation?

My advice is that you stop comparing your input with his. Women naturally tend to give more in way of loving and sentimental actions than men but that does not mean your man does not feel the same. Enjoy your marriage and if anything from now on assert your energy in grooming your man to notice the small things you do for him and before you know it, if he is willing, he will learn and accept that you like to hear his appreciation in form of words.

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