mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am a 26 year old woman who has been married for 3 years. Both myself and my husband work and sometimes late hours however for almost 3 years I have been under his unfair illogical rules. He dictates to me when I should be home latest and if I am late I have to convincingly argue my case on ‘why I am late’. At first I used to think it was his insecurities until I realized he is just a dictator by nature, a complete bully. How can he treat me as such yet I have never applied rules on him?

Maurice asks,

You have described your husband as a dictator, my question to you is, was he not a dictator when you were dating, from the time he started to court you?

She replies,

When we were dating he was slightly more liberal in his way of thinking but the minute we got married I suddenly noticed a major change in character over a very short period of time. What I witnessed was not what I would expect from the modern man I married. It’s like he became a different man who I couldn’t recognize.

Maurice asks,

How old is your husband?

She replies,

He is 39 years old. And before you imply it, my husband did not marry me as a trophy wife, he loved me for me and he still does, I just don’t understand why he is so strict with me when it comes to my movements.

Maurice replies,

I had not implied anything in that context however the fact that you brought it up flags up questions pertaining to your defensive response. It might be a context you have thought of and decided to dismiss. At this juncture I don’t want to speculate but I need to know if these strict conditions are related to your social life or are they about a standard curfew set by your husband?

She replies,

I have to be home by 6:30pm every evening. He knows that even without bumper traffic it will take me at least one hour to get home and I leave work at 5:30pm. When I go out clubbing most of the time he will join me even when I am with the girls. When I go to our local supermarket I am sure to receive a few calls to check up on me. When I am home he is settled but the minute I leave he is on my trail.

Maurice replies,

In my opinion, the first mistake was to allow for the conditions to go on for so long. It would have been wise to tackle the rules at the infancy of your marriage or better yet to discuss expectations before you were married. I believe from the on set your husband was playing a role that was not entirely his true character and once you were married he felt that he had the right and power to dictate his terms hence why you are in this predicament. You can either let status quo prevail or stand your ground and tell your husband that he is suffocating you with his regimental rules, tell him the truth and don’t sugar coat your feelings. Don’t expect a quick change in his mind set but be persistent in your quest to make him understand. If he cares about your state of mind,  your freedom and your marriage, he will gradually relinquish his hold on you.