Dear Maurice,
I have been married for 2 year and 4 months. I am 27 and he is 39. I met my husband a bit over 2 years ago. This may sound like puppy love to you but I fell madly in-love with him when we first met. Though I finally told him I was in-love with him 4 months into our relationship. It felt sweet, with overwhelming sensations running through my body. I had never felt this way for any man before, then again I have only dated 2 men in my life.
Maurice asks,
So what seems to be the problem?
She replies,
That’s just it. I keep asking myself if I gave my whole to him and he gave less, and the reason I ask is because I do so much for him as a routine and I don’t feel that I receive the same back.
Maurice replies,
What do you do for him and what are you not getting back from him?
She replies,
Every evening I get home and I cook for him and serve him, I love cooking for
my man. I then prepare his clothes for the next day and may I add that I also polish his shoes. In the morning I wake up at 5am and I start to prepare a full English breakfast for him or rather for us as we both work. Sometimes I pack sandwiches for him for lunch or I’ll have freshly prepared food delivered to his office. During the course of the day I text him several times to make sure he is fine and to also follow up on his day. Basically I am doing everything a good responsible wife should do for her husband. But after all that, he does not say thank you for my efforts, I would love for him to one day just say ‘thank you baby for this wonderful meal‘ but that wish has never come true.
Maurice asks,
If anything what does your husband do for you that you appreciate, does he affirm his love for you, does he compliment you?
She replies,
He provides for us without fail. He remembers my birthday, he takes me out for meals and he does compliment my dressing once in a while. He is fond of calling me his beauty. And yes he tells me how much he loves me but not everyday.
Maurice asks,
Do you believe that your husband genuinely loves you?
She replies,
Yes I believe his feelings for me are sincere. But I want him to acknowledge the things I do for him.
Maurice replies,
My dear let me take you back to something you said, you said that you do things for him as a routine, can I assume that you do this out of the love you feel for him, if so then do the things you do unconditionally. It’s great to be acknowledged but do you want a husband who says ‘thank you’ or ‘I love you’ from his heart or as an obligation?
My advice is that you stop comparing your input with his. Women naturally tend to give more in way of loving and sentimental actions than men but that does not mean your man does not feel the same. Enjoy your marriage and if anything from now on assert your energy in grooming your man to notice the small things you do for him and before you know it, if he is willing, he will learn and accept that you like to hear his appreciation in form of words.
Where do we find women like her? My wife cooks when she remembers she has a husband who has a stomach. Our kids have flown the nest.
Maybe if you were more attentive to her and less of a typical kikuyu man she would cook for you. Have you thought of that, useless.
It is good you outlined “if he is willing” because in my experience some men are not willing to be groomed so they don’t learn. But at least her man knows her birth date and takes her out some of us are not that lucky.
Good advise though.
Good advice
Dear lady,
You need to ask yourself why you do the things you do for him. Do you enjoy doing them for him or do you do them expecting that he will do sthg for you or even acknowledge you? If you enjoy doing them, by all means continue doing so. However, if you are doing them so that he can “reciprocate” in a way (whichever way) then you need to ask yourself why. Anything we do while expecting a certain response can become tiring and resentment can build if you feel unappreciated. Be careful not to find yourself in the trap of trying to manipulate him through “loving acts” as this will only hurt you.
On the other hand, give the brother a break coz the man may be reciprocating in the best way he knows how, by providing for you … yes, men are from mars and we speak different languages. You state that you believe he loves you. He may not love you in the way that you want to be loved but that does not negate his love for you.
It may help to find out his language of love and also your own. There is a book called the 5 Languages of Love and that may help you.
In the meantime, do not give up on your man and your marriage just yet 🙂
man with the magic hands that was a good read
I felt that this was not a question for Maurice to answer, but you did a good job telling her like it is Maurice. On the other hand, she is a wonderful wife, and she has a wonderful husband. Men may not always say as often as ladies do or expect, but we love you ladies. The best way us men reciprocate back is by providing and making sure you are comfortable so that you can keep doing what you do. Sometimes when a man is too good for nothing, in other words, too good a woman won’t know what to do with it, she ventures out and hell breaks loose. This is not the case with our sister here. Bravo for the wonderful job you doing. Just write a note for him when you deliver that hot meal and ask him sincerely why he never says “thank you”, and note to him that it keeps you wondering if he really appreciates it. If he is not open, he will open up and life will be fantastic. Am happy this is one rare story we get to read with happiness, unlike the sex craze we used to. Keep it up sister.