mauricetherapy

 Dear Maurice,

I don’t know where to start, things have just turned on me. Last night was supposed to be a fun time for me and my wife but she decided to change our plans by standing me up on Valentines day of all days. I had really psyched for it but she let me down.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean?

He replies,

Well, my wife of 9 years and I have been living a life that most people would not understand or accept. We have had a female partner for the last 2 years. It was something we both talked about as one of our fantasies while we were dating and eventually we found a compatible bi-sexual woman whom we would see at least twice a month.

Maurice asks,

So what did not go to plan yesterday?

He replies,

As you have guess we were to celebrate Valentines as a threesome but around 9pm my wife send me a text and switched off her phone. She told me to enjoy myself with a few friends who were going to join us by 11pm. I had already booked a surprise Hotel room for the 3 of us and all that went to waste as I ended up at the Hotel alone and disappointed after spending some time with our mutual friends.

Maurice asks,

Do your friends know of your sex life preference?

He replies,

Yes they do. They did ask why my wife was and I had no choice but to make up a story that we had an argument earlier in the day and she decided to go home.

Maurice replies,

So I’m guessing your wife made the night a two-some without consulting with you first, hence ruining your planned night?

He replies,

Yes she did, of late she has been closer to our sex partner and I confronted her about it when I noticed she would pay more attention to her than usual. She did not deny the fact but she affirmed that our relationship was still intact and she thanked me for being an understanding husband. She told me I have nothing to worry about. I want your view on the matter, I knew what I was getting into so I can’t blame her for having feelings for another.

Maurice replies,

Have you seen your wife since last night?

He replies,

Yes I have. I saw here at her work place over lunch time, we went for lunch and she explained what had happen. She wanted space from me to satisfy her fantasy without me for once. She apologised for switching off her phone but she said she didn’t know how to tell me that she had made other plans with the other woman. I am a very liberal person but I feel that she broke our promise to each other that we will be open regardless of the matter in hand. What can we do to avoid such an incident.

Maurice replies,

Has your wife spent a night with the other woman without you before?

He replies,

Yes she has numerous times over the last 2 years.

Maurice asks,

So your only issue with her is that she did not tell you of her change of plans and do you by any chance see other women apart from your third party sex partner?

He replies,

No I don’t sleep around with other women our sex life only involves the woman in question. We are both liberal and had a system that worked but now I’m not too sure if my wife wants to be with me.

Maurice replies,

The problem with fetishes is that despite being a very open couple some desires are difficult to share without hurting someone’s feelings. I don’t want to speculate but I believe your wife just wanted to explore her fetish without you being there. Unfortunately she chose the wrong day to explore, plus she should have just told you earlier on so that you can discuss it.

He replies,

I guess you are right. I am not jealous, I just needed for my wife to tell me the truth, I would have accepted her request to fulfill her desire after all she would be coming back home to me. I know many will judge us but despite this hiccup our relationship works and will continue to work because we have been 95% honest to each other about our sexuality and we deal with each day as it comes. Thank you for your opinion I guess I needed to share.

Maurice replies,

You are welcome. Let me know how things go into the weekend.

Dear Maurice,

  I am 38 years old with 2 kids; 12 years and 15 years. Not forgetting the biggest baby of the house my husband who is 41. I say this because after 16 years of marriage I thought I knew my man well. I thought I had him all figured out but shock on me. For the last 11 years my husband and his friends, his boys, have been having nights out and he never lies to me about his whereabouts. I know he likes visiting strip clubs with his friends. For some odd coincidence they all have similar interests. My husband is like the youngest in the pack but he seems to call the shots when it comes to the social places they should visit. I am writing to you because I got tired of threatening my husband due to his obsession with these clubs, so I did a bit on reading online though some of the remedies did not go down well with me I eventually tried one that stated that if you give you husband the same atmosphere and freedom in your home backyard then you will not have to worry about him mingling with other women.

Maurice asks,

Oh, I can’t wait to hear what happen next, so you took him from the social arena and gave him your backyard as his playground. How did that turn out?

She replies,

When I proposed the idea, he was ok which surprised me because I thought he would fight me about his strip club obsession. I went for the idea and the next weekend from Friday to Saturday his friends came over with plenty of drinks and watched football or just sat at the garden and made noise. Now here is my problem. I thought my man had the “hots” for strippers but clearly not as much as I thought. For the last 4 months it’s been Friday and Saturday at our garden. I know I shouldn’t complain because my man is home and I don’t need to worry about the unknown but for how long will he and his friends have mini parties at our home.

Maurice asks,

Have you addressed this with your husband, have you told him you are uncomfortable with the current every weekend social gathering at your home?

She replies,

Maurice I am not a stupid woman. I know the minute I utter anything, they will return to their routine, plus we had a mutual agreement that once he shows me that he loves been around me even with his friends around I won’t bother him with complaints. My husband is not a bad man I just didn’t like his habits.

Maurice comments,

Just to ease your mind. You may know this or you may not but majority of men who visit strip clubs only do it for the visual effect. For another percentage of men it becomes an addiction of sexual power. The power to buy a dance, and the power of paying for it. In most professional establishments there’s no bodily contact from the man, he can’t touch her it’s prohibited, for a man it’s just the visual stimulant and the ability to command as she displays her dancing styles. Then again, not all women will feel comfortable with the idea but just for your knowledge if your husband was a frequent brothel patron; now that would be an issue. Thankfully he is not. In short, most men when they fill their visual craving in strip clubs they finish their drink and go home. In my opinion your husband is not obsessed with other women; if he was he would not be turning your home into a weekend getaway. Question, I am assuming your greatest fear was not knowing what goes on at strip clubs?

She replies,

Yes that was my concern, so how do I fix this other matter?

Maurice replies,

You made a pact with your husband. Without saying that you think the weekend thing is excessive and you want his friends gone. The best thing is to tell him that you have something planned on either the Friday or the Saturday. You could go for a movie, a meal or drive out of town and enjoy life together. Honesty you don’t have an issue with your relationship, you just need to have a schedule and make sure it’s not too predicable. I believe your husband wants to be with you ‘till death do you part’ just balance out his bond with his friends without fighting and you will come so some agreement. Relationships are about communication, if you don’t ask or voice out you will never know what fruits may arise.

Dear Maurice,

 I have really messed things up this time round. I have turned to my close friends for help but none are sympathetic and for a good reason.  On 2^nd of this month after we had all settled down in the house my husband received a call at around 7pm and decided to continue with the conversation in a different room. I was tempted to eaves drop but I didn’t. However I did he him say “I can’t wait” then he kind of laughed. That rose my suspicious which was related to another incident that occurred 2 weeks prior and I couldn’t ignore it. When he felt asleep I went through his phone. I did not find any flirtatious texts but I had to know what was going on so I saved the number on my phone.

Maurice asks,

Did you call the number and what incident do you speak of?

She replies,

Yes I did but not on that night I waited till the next day then at 10am I called. As for the incident I am getting to the point where everything will clear up so be patient. A woman answered and I asked her if she knew my husband and she said yes she does. I proceeded to interrogate her about how they know each other, in what capacity and why they were having conversations at night considering she knew he was a married man. She hesitated to give me straight answers which I must admit aggravated me; I was pretty abusive and made it very clear I did not want her to have contact with my husband. She persisted to act calm and tried to convince me that there was nothing sinister between her and my husband.

Maurice asks,

Why did you not give her time to tell her story, from your description it seems you dominated the conversation?

She replies,

Maurice I was angry, paranoid and praying that my husband of 8 years was not cheating on me. I had asked her how old she is and she said she was 26, that did not help and I think we both know why? I consider myself an attractive 38 year old but like many women sometimes younger women are not usually welcome around our husband’s. Anyway, everything went south when I called again in the evening and this time a man answered. I had indulged in a few tots so I was not rational at that point. I asked him who he was and he confirmed that he was the mystery young woman’s husband. He asked what was going on because by that time I had opened a can of worms that I was to later regret. I told him everything I knew and I forwarded him about 18 texts that were between my husband and his wife. He read them and the last thing I remember was him thanking me and telling me his wife would not be bothering us again.

Maurice comments,

Please tell me that the news doesn’t get worse, I have a mental picture of the variables and they are not good.

She replies,

Maurice, my husband at around midnight called me and told me he was at a hospital tending to a friend, I asked him who it was, to my shock it was her, little did I know that she was a client who provides training services where my husband works. At the time I was making the second call on Friday night, my husband was at a product launch party, he and a few other colleagues received calls that their friend was in hospital due to domestic violence.

I dashed to the hospital where we spent a good 3 hours, she had been beaten badly and her husband had gone underground. I feel terrible, I feel weak as a woman, guilty and responsible because as we sat there waiting to see her, my husband let the cat out of the box and told me that she was actually assisting him to organize our anniversary. It hit me that my suspicion was nothing but a loving husband trying to surprise his wife.

Maurice asks,

Does your husband know about the sequence of events that led to this unfortunate incident?

She replies,

Yes I told him by the end of our hospital visit. He was very quiet in the car on our way home but I could see he was hurting. I also went quiet not wanting to spark any quarrel after all it was my fault that his friend was beaten. We woke up on Saturday, we had breakfast and he kissed me as he left the house. He had errands to perform and I went on with my day. At around 3pm I tried his phone and I couldn’t get through. By 6pm I must have called him over 40 times but his phone was off. Before midnight I received a text from him and it read “I have been a faithful husband for 8 years and after all those years you would question my loyalty to you I do not think I know you anymore”. I attempted to call him back but I guess he switch off his phone after sending the text.

It was a bad call on my part I accept. I shouldn’t have let my insecurities influence my actions. In 8 years, we have never once doubted each other nor have we had such a major fall out. Please, I can’t lose him, I am sorry and if I have to make it up to him for the rest of my life I will. How do I get him back, I know he doesn’t trust me right now?

Maurice replies,

First question, how is the woman doing, have you followed her recovery?

She replies,

She is stable, that’s all the nurse could tell me. As I said, it was pretty bad. She sustained deep cuts to her face. I have been visiting her everyday hoping to meet my husband at the hospital and tell him that I am very sorry.

Maurice replies,

Your first obvious error was to ‘seek’ because whenever you seek you will find what you want to find. However innocent a text or email may be if your mind is already set to find the worst you will for sure read things out of context. It is common with couples, hence why I do not advocate nor tolerate that behavior of scrolling through your partner’s phone. In life if someone is yours meaning they would rather be with you than be else where, it will be evident. You never have to force anyone’s hand to be with you, that’s my motto. In regards to the unfortunate incident, yes you played a part and that was speaking to the husband but you could not have predicted that he would react in such a brutal manner. Your husband did not ask for a divorce, he just sent you a text that reflected his feelings at the time so give him space. Sooner or later he will come home and it will be for you to ask for his forgiveness. If you can’t get through to him once he turns up let me know I might be able to help. One thing is clear, you will need to earn his trust again; you crashed it when you started snooping around. For a while he will not feel as free socially as he was before when you are together and hopefully in time if you don’t show signs of insecurity you relationship bond will prevail.

Dear Maurice,

  May I begin my story by telling you a bit about myself; I am 36 and married with no kids. I have always be a perfectionist, always a go getter and in my career I seem to have managed to achieve my targets however when it came to men I thought I could use the same formula to weed out the time wasters and those that just got under my skin.

I was in search of an equal, a man who is confident, who can be a provider and excel s in whatever he does. I have been married for 1 year 2months and I want out of this marriage. I made the biggest error of judgment.

Before my husband I was dating my ex for 6 years who without a doubt treated me like a woman but the two reasons why I could not marry him was because he was too brutally honest to the point where he would tell me things like, my dress is ugly, my perfume is too strong, a particular hair style did not suit me and he even had the nerve to tell me that I should watch my weight. He just said things that were hurtful. The other issue was that he was not ambitious enough. He was content with his post at work and I knew he could do better but despite pushing him he was neither eager nor motivated to excel. I guess he was set in his ways.

Maurice asks,

Are you saying that you regret leaving your former boyfriend?

She replied,

Yes I do regret my haste to find the perfect man who has just turned into my worst nightmare.

Maurice comments,

I am just pulling at straws but did you find this perceived perfect guy who is currently your husband soon after breaking up with your boyfriend?

She replied,

It was 4 months after our break up. I was heartbroken and when I met my husband he was the perfect gentleman.

Maurice says,

Let me guess. He showered you with gifts, he was profusely generous with compliments of your looks and maybe he told you how he loved your ambition and that he would support you always. Did he by any chance tell you that you would make a perfect wife and did you then get married soon after?

She relied,

Well Maurice he did paint the picture that he would be the best man for me. So in some way you are right especially with the showering of gifts and complimenting me every chance he got, plus we ate out a lot and he was the first man to fly me out of the country. I took unpaid leave at work and we spent 2 weeks at a Spanish resort, it was wonderful, I had never received such pampering from a man before. That is where he proposed and I gladly said yes. That was about 6 months after we met and now here I am very bitter, very lonely, I have a beautiful home living a life of luxury but I know my husband has cheated on me with 3 women. Over the last 8 months I have read his texts and isolated these women. I have done nothing about it because I know he is the type of man who will never change his ways. We were last intimate 4 months ago. I feel stupid to have fallen for his charm and lies, I should have known better but I guess I deserve it for leaving a relationship where I was happy and loved despite the flaws.

Maurice replies,

I have assessed what you seek and this is my profiling of your error of judgment. You crave luxury; you are in a hurry to achieve wealth and love as a package hence your unrealistic formula. There is no one formula that works. You were disappointed by your ex’s choices only because he did not find happiness in material things as you do, actually I’m sure your predicament has shown you that happiest is not found in wealth though that is not to say that we should not be ambitious. Two people who truly find happiness in each other stick it out and make the best of their relationship.

Was your ex poor, you also said he treated you like a woman, does that mean, the only difference in regards to pampering is that your husband has deeper pockets?

She replied,

No my ex was not poor and yes I admit that my husband’s ability to pamper me and provide did appeal to me when I met him. Are you saying that I should try and get my ex back?

Maurice’s replied,

My main point is that you lost a good man based on your expectations. You ignored the qualities that you can not buy. For example, the qualities you ignored were, an honest man, a man who makes you happy unconditionally. I am sure after 6 years of dating you knew he never meant to hurt you with his comments, he was just being himself, he was bold and man enough to express his opinion and trust me it was in good faith, he wanted you to look your best and at times in a relationship you must allow for your partner to criticize, not all criticism is malicious.

I believe I did not say or imply that you should go back to your ex. If it is an option then it’s up to you, he may reject or accept you back or he may have another woman in his life now. What I can advise you, is that who ever you end up with as long as you make each other happy; prioritize on sustaining that environment of happiness which will in-turn nurture an environment of love and a sense of caring for each other. That is a relationship status that no amount of wealth can buy, it’s developed by a couple who yearn for the same values in life.

Dear Maurice,

I am a heart broken man. I met my girlfriend 4 years ago and we hit it off. We met at a mutual friend’s house party and I immediately knew she was the one for me. I should have probably known better than to date a woman who was very materialistic however I could afford whatever she asked for, at the beginning it felt great to provide for her as my woman.

 Last week I went over to her place unannounced and witnessed the one thing a man does not wish to witness. I look through her sitting room window after my knocks went unanswered and I saw her with another man having sex on the sofa. My whole World was spinning, I couldn’t move or speak, I did not know what to do so eventually after I had seen enough I walked away and drowned myself in a bottle of Famous at a nearby local. I sat there for about 4 hours, even my thoughts were distorted, all I can remember is asking myself why why why??? how could she do this after I gave her everything she ever desired.

Maurice asks,

So you never doubted her before this incident, and how old are you both?

He replies,

No, I did not suspect her of cheating on me, I guess she’s a good actress. I thought our relationship was going somewhere, I had major plans for us, to have family with her. She is was my everything, I don’t think I can love again. She is 26 and I am 38.

Maurice replies,

You say she is materialistic however majority of woman are, its only the degree that various. Basically most women want to be treated out, bought gifts, pampered, it makes them feel loved, wanted, I’m sure you get my drift.

He replies,

Maurice, when we met she was working, very independent and mature or so I thought. Our first date cost me over 10k, she asked we meet at Serena for dinner. Personally I had only visited Serena for functions but not as a socialising place. I can afford to socialise at such venues but they are not my cup of tea. I am a typical Kenyan nyama choma guy, I like the simple things in life despite doing well for myself financially. Anyway, in the years together I have bought her a car, set a business up for her which is thriving, I pay her rent and utility bills, because I want to, not because she asked me to. How can she then not appreciate me after making her my priority.

Every year I would take her on 3 holidays abroad, I gave her the life a woman deserves and what do I get in return, she stabs me in the back by having an affair with her neighbor who I know very well. This is a guy I have shared drinks with for the last 3 years, we have traveled around the Country on weekend breaks as a group and after all that the guy has shown to have no mutual respect for me. I thought real men have a code that we don’t break, of which one is, our women are off limits. If two men are friends why would you want to vibe my woman when there are so many women to pick from.

Maurice asks,

How old is this guy if you don’t mind me asking?

He replies,

He is 28, such an asshole, I feel like ruining his life.

Maurice replies,

I hear you, its painful to be in your position but as much as this guy is not playing by the rules of true gents, its not him that you should direct your anger to, forgive me but your girlfriend did not slip and fall on top of him, that’s just fact. She consciously and willingly cheated on you and what I would advise is that you back off  and don’t confront her about it, as you have not mentioned contacting her I am assuming you have gone silent on her since last week, true?

He replies,

Yes, because I don’t know if I will be rational about it. I am afraid of how I might react if I see her in person. She has tried to call me several times but I don’t pick her calls or reply to her emails. Her last text said “hi baby I am worried about you, are you ok xoxo”. Women are just full of shit and I will assert my revenge on her, that is the only way I can deal with this.

Maurice replies,

Meaning what, don’t do anything you may regret or that could get you in trouble with the law.

He replies,

Is sleeping with her friends against the law?

Maurice replies,

That is an instinctive response for a tit for tat payback strategy but it won’t change what has occurred neither will it take the pain away. It is a short term ego mending thrill however it’s upto you, everyman has his way of dealing with your situation.

He replies,

Explain this, why am I hating her so  much yet I still feel in-love with her at the same time?

Maurice replies,

Well, you obviously put your heart and soul into the relationship hence why you are hurting and you can’t let go of her. Human feelings and emotions have a way of ignoring all logic.

He asks,

So what are my options?

Maurice replies,

Like I said, for now lay low, let her have a taste of your silent treatment. When you feel you can rationally speak to her just call her and tell her that you know about her and the neighbor then say goodbye and disconnect your conversation. I believe from there it will be your choice to either terminate communication with her or not.

If I may, is her sex one of the prime reasons why you can’t let go, you are 38 so can I assume you have played the field enough to know whats out there?

He replies,

Yes to all the above.

Maurice replies,

I wouldn’t like to be in your shoes. Let me know what you decide but don’t get in trouble because of her regardless of how the sex is, I know its easier said than done but you must refrain from any confrontation that may lead to a over blown fight, you know what I mean. Another thing, do not show her any weakness, if you do she will have the upper hand and manipulate the situation.

Dear Maurice,

  I am 36 living a life that I would not wish on anyone. I have been a good wife, to my knowledge; I have slaved for my husband for the last 5 years since December 2007. I have cooked, cleaned and even washed his clothes wish I vowed never to do for any man but I guess love makes you go the extra mile. What I have received from him since day one are conditions and I have followed them without question. He comes home when he feels like it and from our 6^th month of our marriage I have repeated smelt a perfume that I do not wear so I could only assume he must be seeing someone else.

It was all confirmed when I went through his phone and called her. She did not deny, she even admitted that she knew he was married. I asked her why she would breakup my marriage and she told me to ask my husband and cut the phone. I tried to call but she ignored my calls. I then send her a text; from that text she confirmed that they have been seeing each other for 6 years. Maurice I met my husband 7 years ago, how did I not see this? Was I not good enough for him? I know she is 27 and my husband is 39. Is this midlife crisis, I mean why did he do this to me?

Maurice comments,

Don’t blame yourself none of us can tell the future and unfortunately good deeds are a personal choice. It’s great to have them reciprocated but it’s not a guarantee. It’s very clear that your predicament is a tough one for you, how can I assist? First, it’s not your fault, I need you to repeat it to yourself and believe it. Don’t put yourself in a mental state where you start to question your ability as a wife. And no, he is not going through any midlife crisis, he is only 39 but regardless it’s not the reason for his actions.

She replies,

I did ask her through text why he was cheating on me and again she replied “ask your husband”. What is killing me inside is that I am afraid to learn the truth. My husband has been coming home and I have done a good job of pretending everything is fine.

Maurice asks,

Is your reason of pretending that all is well because the other woman has a child with him?

She replies,

Yes, how did you know?

Maurice replies,

It’s the only logical reason that you haven’t hinted that you are leaving him and you have admitted you are afraid of knowing the truth which translates to one thing. You don’t want to push him to her completely; you still want to salvage this marriage despite your anger and hurt. It’s not my place to play judge and jury on this one but what do you aim to achieve by continuing a life with a man who has multiple priorities and this might not be the only woman in his life. I’m not advocating for a divorce or breakup I just need to understand your personal logic in regards to your long term strategy to sustain status quo plus you have confessed to suspecting his involvement with a woman in the early months of your marriage? If I may ask, why haven’t you had children?

She replies,

Maurice I am not going to let a little girl who seduced my husband and probably set out to trap him by having his child ruin my marriage. I am going to do everything in my power to get her out of our life. If we have to legally agree to pay her child care then so be it, but she is not having my husband. We don’t have kids because he never wanted to have kids. He told me he wanted us to enjoy our life together and have kids later after exploring the World together. I know I sound naïve and desperate but at the time it made sense to me.

Maurice comments,

My dear please do not contradict yourself. By attempting to keep her away from your husband you will have to make him aware of the fact that you know she exists and all those truths that you fear may come out and back fire on you. My assessment of your predicament is that you allowed it to happen. Years ago your instincts warned you of another woman but you chose to play it safe. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in support of your husband’s actions but in the same regard if your dress was on fire you wouldn’t take your time to remove it or extinguish the fire. Whatever path you chose to take be prepared to handle Pandora’s box. Believe it or not but your challenge here is not the other woman but your husband and I do not believe he was manipulated into having a child, yes those cases do occur but in your husband’s case it’s highly unlikely. I am only speculating but I think your husband may have premeditated your current status. You haven’t mentioned not being able to have kids yourself so there must be a reason for him to have a child with another woman other than his own wife. You have a choice to make, confront the issue head-on or let sleeping dogs lye and live your life as if the other woman never existed.

Dear Maurice,

 I have been married for 2 years, I am 32 and my husband is 35. Before marriage we never lived together but we dated for 8 years. We both had our own apartments and led a very independent cosmopolitan life. From the start we vowed never to demand from each other because personally I never grew up in an environment where my mother was pushed around by my father, my parents always had a relationship based on mutual consent. Now my problem is 2 years into our marriage he has suddenly thrown the “a wife must cook for her husband at all times” book at me. The problem has persisted since April of this year. Honestly Maurice, this is not the man I married, his mentality towards me as his wife has changed and I feel it hurting us in the long run.

Maurice asks,

So let me get this right, I am assuming you were never being the cooking type and he knew this from day one?

She replies,

Yes; he knows about my upbringing and it was never a must for girls in our home to learn how to cook. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother. Our brother is a much better cook out of the four of us but that is out of his interest, as for my sisters only one cooks but again she cooks because she loves cooking not because she has to cook to please her husband. There’s nothing wrong with pleasing your spouse but for me cooking was never a priority and I won’t change my lifestyle anytime soon.

Maurice asks,

Ten years is a long time, has he ever brought up this issue before and can you describe your life in regards to ‘cooking’ before he threw the traditionalist book at you?

She replies,

Maurice when we first met we ate out a lot. We both had kitchens and house maids but we chose to wine and dine. That was the life I was used to as I was growing up. I have cooked for him about 6 times in our first 8 years and he has never complained about it nor has he made any insinuating remarks over the years. If anything he has always cracked jokes in the morning stating that we were still alive after having one of my dishes. I could and I still do see it in his eyes, he takes me for me and he knows when I do cook for him, it is out of the love I have for him. It is my bonus way of showing him how much he means to me and he appreciates my effort, but now I feel because I have a ring on my finger he has decided to become someone I don’t recognize. It’s actually scary because I keep asking myself is this the real him and all along was it just an act to pin me down.

Maurice says,

Don’t worry we will get to the bottom of this in no time. Now tell me how do his parents feel about your absence in the kitchen?

She replies,

Only his father had a problem with me. It was no surprise considering his from a different era where women were expected to perform certain duties. In the last 10 years I have had many talks with my mother-in-law and all she has ever asked from me is that I keep her son happy, not necessarily through his stomach, and she only accepted my way of life because herself she was never fond of cooking so in some way we kind of related.  She knows her son is in good hands and he will eat everyday, where the food comes from and who cooks it should not matter as long as its tasty healthy food. We even share jokes about men’s expectations with my mother-in-law. I can say we are close but I don’t want to end up involving her in this non issue. Can her son just snap out of this sphere he seems to have entered?

Maurice comments,

Nothing happens by chance or by some randomness especially in your scenario. Please describe the month of April or March, did you have relatives come over, did you travel to visit relatives, can you recall any other third party that may have been around your husband around that time, it could even be a long lost friend of his?

She replies,

The only thing my husband did was visit his homeland in February because we are in the process of building a getaway home there.  And he was also there in April to check on the progress. How is that relevant?

Maurice comments,

So between February and April your husband has been travelling to his homeland and maybe even staying over for a few days to supervise the building of your home and I’m I to assume that while over there he has had contact with numerous relatives?

She replies,

Yes I guess so. Though I must confess I have only visited his homeland once. As I said earlier we live a certain lifestyle and travelling upcountry is not my cup of tea. His parents live in Nairobi so we don’t need to travel far.

Maurice’s comments,

I have no way of proving it because I wasn’t there during his visits but I strongly believe that there is a negative influence feeding him with illogical traditionalist information on how a wife should behave hence your rift due to his change of character. You may ask yourself how can my intelligent husband fall for such but the truth is it does. Especially if the influencer uses the manhood card and hits at him being foreseen as a weak male in his community if he is seen not to have control over his home. I suggest you have a ‘calm rational’ chat and just ask him questions that will lead him to sharing what he has shared with certain people while he has been away. The truth will finally come out. I don’t know your husband but a question that would induce a ‘facial expression’ that you would notice is “honey because I hate cooking would I be considered a bad wife in your home area?” Try it, the outcome may surprise you.