mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

  I am 36 living a life that I would not wish on anyone. I have been a good wife, to my knowledge; I have slaved for my husband for the last 5 years since December 2007. I have cooked, cleaned and even washed his clothes wish I vowed never to do for any man but I guess love makes you go the extra mile. What I have received from him since day one are conditions and I have followed them without question. He comes home when he feels like it and from our 6^th month of our marriage I have repeated smelt a perfume that I do not wear so I could only assume he must be seeing someone else.

It was all confirmed when I went through his phone and called her. She did not deny, she even admitted that she knew he was married. I asked her why she would breakup my marriage and she told me to ask my husband and cut the phone. I tried to call but she ignored my calls. I then send her a text; from that text she confirmed that they have been seeing each other for 6 years. Maurice I met my husband 7 years ago, how did I not see this? Was I not good enough for him? I know she is 27 and my husband is 39. Is this midlife crisis, I mean why did he do this to me?

Maurice comments,

Don’t blame yourself none of us can tell the future and unfortunately good deeds are a personal choice. It’s great to have them reciprocated but it’s not a guarantee. It’s very clear that your predicament is a tough one for you, how can I assist? First, it’s not your fault, I need you to repeat it to yourself and believe it. Don’t put yourself in a mental state where you start to question your ability as a wife. And no, he is not going through any midlife crisis, he is only 39 but regardless it’s not the reason for his actions.

She replies,

I did ask her through text why he was cheating on me and again she replied “ask your husband”. What is killing me inside is that I am afraid to learn the truth. My husband has been coming home and I have done a good job of pretending everything is fine.

Maurice asks,

Is your reason of pretending that all is well because the other woman has a child with him?

She replies,

Yes, how did you know?

Maurice replies,

It’s the only logical reason that you haven’t hinted that you are leaving him and you have admitted you are afraid of knowing the truth which translates to one thing. You don’t want to push him to her completely; you still want to salvage this marriage despite your anger and hurt. It’s not my place to play judge and jury on this one but what do you aim to achieve by continuing a life with a man who has multiple priorities and this might not be the only woman in his life. I’m not advocating for a divorce or breakup I just need to understand your personal logic in regards to your long term strategy to sustain status quo plus you have confessed to suspecting his involvement with a woman in the early months of your marriage? If I may ask, why haven’t you had children?

She replies,

Maurice I am not going to let a little girl who seduced my husband and probably set out to trap him by having his child ruin my marriage. I am going to do everything in my power to get her out of our life. If we have to legally agree to pay her child care then so be it, but she is not having my husband. We don’t have kids because he never wanted to have kids. He told me he wanted us to enjoy our life together and have kids later after exploring the World together. I know I sound naïve and desperate but at the time it made sense to me.

Maurice comments,

My dear please do not contradict yourself. By attempting to keep her away from your husband you will have to make him aware of the fact that you know she exists and all those truths that you fear may come out and back fire on you. My assessment of your predicament is that you allowed it to happen. Years ago your instincts warned you of another woman but you chose to play it safe. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in support of your husband’s actions but in the same regard if your dress was on fire you wouldn’t take your time to remove it or extinguish the fire. Whatever path you chose to take be prepared to handle Pandora’s box. Believe it or not but your challenge here is not the other woman but your husband and I do not believe he was manipulated into having a child, yes those cases do occur but in your husband’s case it’s highly unlikely. I am only speculating but I think your husband may have premeditated your current status. You haven’t mentioned not being able to have kids yourself so there must be a reason for him to have a child with another woman other than his own wife. You have a choice to make, confront the issue head-on or let sleeping dogs lye and live your life as if the other woman never existed.