mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

 I have been married for the last 9 years, I am 38. My husband and I have had our differences over the years but what I am about to share with you has stunned me to the point of no return. It has caused 2 families that were close in my view to splinter.

Maurice asks,

I’m sorry to hear this, so what took place?

She replies,

About 4 months ago I came home to find my house-help in tears. She opened the door for me as usual; I entered only to find police officers in my sitting room. It then hit me that I had seen their vehicle outside our main gate, we live in a block of flats. I asked them why they were in my home and they told me that the house-help with the aid of an unknown lady had visited the police office to report sexual abuse from her boss, she claimed that since her undertaking of her job 4 years ago she had been raped and beaten by my husband. My husband is no saint but I knew that was impossible. In my mind something was just not adding up.

Maurice comments,

You never suspected any goings on of this nature between your husband and your house-help, is that what you are saying?

She replies,

Not in a million years and soon I was to learn the hurtful truth. One of the officers called me aside and told me that he too was skeptical, he had dealt with house-help allegations before and he had found that more than half were usual stories conjured up that were a means to an end. He asked me to stay in the kitchen as he questioned her further.

Maurice asks,

What were you thinking sat in the kitchen waiting?

She replies,

I was nervous; those were serious accusations that faced my husband. I tried to call him but his phone was off which was also a bit odd considering we were attending a dinner function that night. It was almost 7pm when I got home.

Finally the interrogation was over after an hour or so. She confessed to her deceit and said she had been paid ksh20,000 to report the matter and she would be paid another ksh20,000 once my husband was in prison. She at first was hesitating to reveal the name of the person who had put her up to this. However, when she was threatened with jail time the water works started and her verbal flood gates opened up to reveal my worst nightmare.

Maurice asks,

Who was the culprit?

She replies,

I never thought it possible but it was my younger sister by 5 years who had organized the ordeal. Once that was the case and I knew it would affect my entire family I personally threatened my house-help with my own allegations and thereafter she went to the station and retracted her statement.

Maurice asks,

Did you get through to your husband that night?

She replies,

Oh Maurice, the story only gets better. By now it was around 11pm, I decided to get dressed and attend the function. It was no surprise that I found my sister with my husband having the time of their life. I approached them and asked my husband why he was unavailable; he said his phone battery was low. I then asked him if he knew that my dear sister who he was holding in his arms when I walked in had reported him to the police through our house-help.

He turned to ask her what I was talking about and he never did get that reply because she bolted out of the function. He tried calling her but to no avail. It was very difficult to keep calm but I managed to despite putting two and two together and establishing that my own fresh and blood was having an affair with my husband.

Maurice asks,

Did you have a few words with your husband after your sister left?

She replies,

We had more than just a few words, I told him what I had already concluded and requested he not deny the obvious and be man enough to tell me the truth, after 9 years of marriage he owned me that courtesy.

He admitted that they had an affair for 3 years and that he had broken it off with her 2 week prior but they agreed to stay friends. I asked him why he broke it off. He had the nerve to tell me that he was tied of living a lie and that it had suddenly hit him that I was the woman for him not my sister.  He also did not want to hurt our 2 kids who were both in boarding at the time of the saga.

Maurice asks,

What did you do after he admitted his betrayal?

She replies,

I told him that I wanted a divorce and that I was driving home. I also told him that he should not come home till the next day, if he wanted a change of clothes I would leave them with the guards and that in the morning I was leaving to a friends place where I stayed for a month and not wanting to over stay my welcome I retreated to my parents house where I was welcomed with open arms. My sister is currently an outcast, my parents don’t want anything to do with her and have cut all communication with her.

It is so difficult to know that what was once your home, your intact family is now no more. My children are asking where their father is and I don’t know what to tell them apart from “your Daddy and I have taken a break from each other”. When they persistently ask why, I give them a string of lame excuses and yet I know they are old enough to understand what is going on.

What I want to know is how did this all occur right before my very eyes and I had no clue of an affair going on? How could he do this to me after giving him my life?

Maurice asks,

I’m I to assume that your sister and your husband were openly close?

She replies,

Yes they were, from way back before we even got married. They would have lunches, hang out at clubs or at our local, play tennis and golf together over the weekend, I was not much of a sporty person so I allowed my husband to be in the company of my sister because they had similar interests and trusting my sister was not in question I just did not imagine family could back stab you in that way. Before you ask, I did share quality time with my husband, my sister was only filling in the gaps when we had our ‘me’ time.

Maurice replies,

It’s unfortunate that your husband and sister betrayed you. In my view, I think that their relationship bond begun years ago as you have stated they had a lot in common, during the hours they spent together they grew fonder and eventually one thing led to another.

I always tell men if there’s a problem in your marriage, attempted to solve it between you and your wife and if that fails because ‘love’ for some does fade after awhile, then do the right thing and part ways, so that you free each other to avoid hurting each other with acts of adultery. It’s easier said then done but I believe in confronting the issue in hand before seeking side kicks that will only make things worse.

Your husband was weak and from your sister’s actions she was a very determined woman who had to get her way. They grew closer and seduced each other into an affair. When he broke it off she tried to punish him with jail time. Again, your husband made his bed and despite his regret when the damage was already done, he should have been the stronger man and refrained from your sister’s lure.

Whatever you do never ever blame yourself there’s nothing you could have done, you were a loving liberal wife and unfortunately that went against you. Don’t change your character for anyone or towards anyone, people make choices and many of those choices have consequences. You did your best as a wife and mother now concentrate on living your life, again easier said than done but you must move on. Life is too short to dwell on the past that you had no control over.

Dear Maurice,

In 2003, I met this dashing man at a friend’s party and we hit it off as you do.  We exchanged numbers and went on a couple of dates before things got more serious between us.

While still getting to know each other we agreed not to jump onto the normal band wagon and did not become exclusive for almost a year and a half. Eventually we decided to stop seeing other people and became exclusive.

For me it was after about 8 months that whenever I was with another man I would wish I was with this guy who is now my husband. What came as a shock to me is that after asking around I found out that he only took out one girl on a date and went no further with her. This was 2 months after we initially met. I found that very odd, men don’t behave that way, well not the one’s I have known over the years. Anyway we dated for 5 years before we got hitched.

He has always wanted kids so I got pregnant, we have a 2 year old little baby girl. We have been through our trials and tribulations but I have for the last 3 years felt that I have been living a lie.

Maurice asks,

So what are you trying to say?

She replies,

Maurice I have a great man who provides to my heart’s content but I feel like I am missing out on something and I can’t put my finger on it.

Maurice asks,

You either feel you missed out on life because you married early or because you realized that you were never really in love with your husband?

If that is the case then you are not alone, many brides realize that they chose the wrong man for them later in life not because there’s anything wrong with the man, it more about them and their changing needs as they mature. The spark that attracted them to their husband’s just dies one day, I guess that’s another reason why they say tomorrow is not promised to anyone. However until you confirm its all speculation on my side.

She replies,

Maurice I married at 25 and I believe I have lived and thoroughly enjoyed my life in regards to socializing. I started dating at 14 years of age so I don’t believe I am missing out socially, I have clubbed and met all manner of men, I have been there, done that and I have the T-shirts and medals to prove it. I feel guilty because you may have a point about my love for my husband. Don’t get me wrong I care about him and I love him but I think I love him more as a friend than a lover.

Maurice asks,

I am assuming living a lie means that you have not discussed your feelings with your husband? I must also ask; did you only have a baby to fulfill his wish to have a child?

She replies,

To some extent yes I did it for him and no we have not had that talk yet, I fear his reaction. I felt I owed him as his wife to give him a child. Please do not judge me too harshly I can’t help how I feel and I need to make sense of it.

Maurice asks,

My job is not to judge you but to determine why you are in your current predicament. I personally believe that you are a socialite. You met the man who later became your husband in a social forum. You love having fun and so do most people, the only difference here is that despite mentioning your daughter I don’t sense a strong maternal persona in you. It doesn’t make you a bad person, that’s just your character.  If I may ask, are you well off?

She replies,

Yes, we are well off but what has that to do with my feelings for my husband. I should be loving him unconditionally not questioning why I am with him? Are you calling me a gold digger because I am not?

Maurice replies,

Hold your horses no one has accused you of being a gold digger, I also believe that you had money before meeting your husband so unless you object I will take it that I am right. It’s my opinion that you are definitely a socialite, a person that thrives in high society, in high class social places; a person who seeks to network with the elite in society. There’s nothing wrong with being rich. The matter in hand is that during your socialite networking you met this man who you dated and he swept you off your feet with a lot of romance. He pampered you to the point you could not let go of the thrill he induced when you were together. That metamorphosis resulted into marriage and before you knew it a baby came into your life. What you can not let go of is your past social impulses. That is your biggest obstacle.  How often have you had quality time with your husband within the last 3 years?

She replies,

I’m not sure but I know we hardly do things together the way we used to within our first 5 or 6 years together. He is financial consultant so he travels a lot to Asia and Europe. When we do have time to our selves it’s normally at a lavish restaurant. We have dinner then go home to bed or we have sex and sleep. He’s home for a few days then he’s off again, that’s the routine.

Maurice comments,

I recommend you have a heart to heart where you both disclose your true feelings without judging or pointing fingers. If that is hard to do then in my opinion you are not meant to be or don’t care about your future together.

It’s the difficult steps that you find hard to take and share that make or break a relationship. The truth can hurt and be bitter to swallow but if you try and walk away from it then in my eyes you had already planned to walk away from the marriage.

Sit your husband down and tell him he is not in any trouble and that you are not leaving him, that will ease the pressure of the discussion and he will be more willing to open up. You have clearly lost touch over the years and you need to share and I guarantee you will come closer to eliminating your living a lie lifestyle. I can not predict if your discussion will blossom into a better loving environment but it will surely put your future together into perspective. In your current predicament the break of routine is recommended and the truth will somehow gradually set you free of your daily worries.

Dear Maurice,

  I would be grateful to hear you insight on the influence of fathers over their children. I am facing such a problem at the moment. I have been married for 21 years, I am 47. My husband is 56, a proud man and very set in his ways and has been so for many years. Our son is 16 years old, we only have one child; I am fearful of my husband’s parenting methods especially within the last 2 years.  He is a good father, he does provide for his family but recently my son has become very close to his Dad to the point that they go out for a drink on weekends.

Maurice asks,

When do they go for a drink? And is your son taking alcohol?

It’s normally during the day. They go to the club or to the local where my husband socializes with his peers. I asked my son why he liked hanging out with his Dad and he replied “Dad is cool”. My suspicions were confirmed when one of my husband’s friends called me to ask why our son was being introduced to bars at such a susceptible age. I did not have an answer I told him to ask the father. I know that my son has tasted Whisky which he was given by his father but from what I heard it was just a sip.

Maurice asks,

Have you shared your concerns with your husband, you must have some say?

She replies,

Maurice, as I said before he is very set in his ways and can be difficult to get through to if he believes your concerns are irrational.

Maurice comments,

If you don’t mind me saying, I sense pure fear for your husband, is that the case or I’m I reading too much into your context of wording?

She replies,

Your concern is valid; 17 years ago my husband stopped beating me. He would beat me almost daily; that went on for a few years. Once I was hospitalized for a month after an argument. Since my conception he stopped being physical however it was replaced with a ‘don’t care’ attitude. If I’m honest, my husband is somewhat old fashioned, the kind of man who believes that women belong in the kitchen.

Maurice asks,

So you knew the kind of man you married? You still haven’t told me if you voiced your concern and what did he say about it?

She replies,

I have always known but as we women do, we hope and pray, I sincerely thought I could change him over the years. When I questioned his parenting methods the reply I got was “what do you know about 16 year old boys, I am teaching him how to be a man, only his father can do that”. I know my husband sounds rude but he means well deep down. He is just a tough nut to crack.

Maurice comments,

You have certainly gone through a lot yet you defend his attitude towards you, isn’t that a contradiction of what you seek, to bring up your son in a manner that makes you happy. To your knowledge is your son coming home smelling of alcohol, is your son doing poorly in his studies, is your son disrespectful to you and does he tend to side with his Dad?

She replies,

I know I sound strange on one side I am fearful and on the other I am supporting him. For years that is what I have known. The answer to your questions is no. My son is respectful to me and he has never shown to side with his Dad. He follows my instructions as his mother without question. I am just afraid of what he may become.

Maurice says,

You mean you are afraid that he might mimic his father in character and one day beat up a woman or women. I am not saying that your husband’s influence is the best however you have said that despite your husband’s violent past with you he has never shown that side to your son, I’m I correct?

She replies,

Yes you are correct. But as a mother I can’t help but fear for my son, I would hate to have him become his father.

Maurice says,

Currently you problem is not your son because he is not being exposed to a violent homestead. Your main problem is your husband and how you have become accustomed to communicating if you can call it communicating. I am now giving you my opinion.

I don’t think you are happy and I believe you haven’t been for a long time. I know you keep it together to shield your son from seeing his mother hurting inside but you now must take that step and seek counseling before it’s too late. I know your husband is difficult and the mention of counseling may get you in trouble but doing nothing in itself is just as bad. A happy content soul is what you should seek to be because your current state of mind may have fatal repercussion later in life. And don’t be fooled, your son may have noticed your troubles and he too shields you by playing ‘the happy home’. Please get further help from me or from any other counselor even within your faith. Do it for your own peace of mind. Remember in life you must make yourself happy first; you can share in happiness but never rely on someone to make you happy.

Dear Maurice,

I was dating my ex for 2 years then we broke it off when our long distance was not working for us. After not seeing her for about a year we met and went out pub crawling till we ended up at mine. You can only guess we were not playing cards nor chess. Anyway, in the morning I left for work and she later text me to tell me it was good to see me again. She begun to travel to Nairobi more often and we occasionally hooked up for casual sex. That went on for 5 months then I found out that after we broke up she started to date a pal of mine who basically took my place. I was a bit pissed off but I never mentioned it to her, after all I was still tapping it, plus that pussy used to be mine anyway.

Maurice asks,

So lets get this straight, you are still ‘tapping’ your ex even after finding out she is with another guy?

He replies,

Share and share a like, yes I am. There must be something he is not doing for her to be fucking me, don’t you think?

Maurice replies,

It’s only logical that she must be enjoying the thrill, what that thrill is only she can tell us. So how exactly can I be of assistance?

He replies,

What my ex doesn’t know is that since we broke up I have been sleeping with two of her close friends who live in Nairobi.

Maurice replies,

And?

He replies,

You don’t know her, she will flip if she ever finds out. How can I  make sure it never comes out?

Maurice replies,

My good man I don’t envy you because the only reason she doesn’t know is because her friends are enjoying the thrill of fucking you behind her back, hence the phrase ‘back stabbing’. However if for any reason you under perform or piss off any of the two then the odds will be against you.

Personally I would bet against you, why???? the simple question is for how long can you keep up this shag fest without getting bored? And what if one of the girls decides she wants more than just casual sex mates? The variables are not in your favour however enjoy it while it lasts.

If I may, why sleep with two of her friends instead of any other random women?

He replies,

Dude, the friends were gagging for it from way back, my ex had told them about my bedroom skills, it was just a matter of time and I’m not a selfish man so I had to do what a man has to do.

Maurice asks,

So its a ego power thing ‘right’? You still have access to your ex’s vagina plus another two and what triggers your testosterone is the fact that they are all friends.

He replies,

Dude you know it is.

Maurice asks,

Do the two friends in Nairobi know you are fucking them both?

He replies,

No, why?

Maurice replies,

Your eventuality odds have further reduced, like I said I don’t envy you.

He replies,

What would you have done if you were me?

Maurice replies,

Assuming I was you. I would from the beginning by manner of  ‘hinting’ state my intent to pursue each individual to each one. That way they all have the mind set that you are freelancing and not exclusive, and if your lingo with women is good, you would get each of them curious and competitive enough to fuck you. Which translates to more fucking without having to worry about keeping secrets. Your current ego driven strategy has too many negative possibilities. Plus you know most women eventually talk and share information so your sex triangle is fragile at the moment.

Hi Maurice,

 I really love reading your work and I just wanted to comment of the article about young women of today.

I am 19 and from my little experience with boys, they don’t know how to treat us young women especially our age mates that’s why I for one have dated 7 older guys since I was 15.

Maurice asks,

How old is older?

She replies,

I have always dated guys who are at least 6 to 15 years older.

Maurice asks,

Why do you personally prefer the much older guy? And are they normally married?

She replies,

Older guys have experience and they are willing to spend cash to make a girl happy as for my age mates they are always broke yet they want it for free, you know what I mean.

Maurice replies,

Yes I know what you mean. Are these guys married?

She replies,

Some have girlfriends and some are married but that’s their business. What I look forward to is the attention I get when they are with me.

Maurice asks,

Are you saying that you see these men simultaneously?

She replies,

Yes each has his benefits.

Maurice replies,

I do hope that you practice safe sex?

She replies,

Yes I do, I am careful I love life, but some are so whack it’s pointless sleeping with them. Why are men so different in bed, I was seeing this one who was so sweet, he would buy me loads of stuff but when it came to sex he always disappointed me and I got tired of his excuses of how sweet I was that’s why he came so early. Maurice, this is a grown ass man crying when he comes too fast, at first it was funny until I read about that kind of man and found out that he can’t improve. Is that right?

Maurice replies,

Based on your description of his performance he most likely falls in the category of men who can’t control their urge to climax. And yes its true, those men never change in the bedroom. So are you currently dating one guy or many?

She replies,

I am juggling between 3 at the moment but I like one more than the rest.

Maurice asks.

Is it a finance thing compared to the rest?

She replies,

Apart from the finance this guy who is 32 is adventurous in bed, plus he likes to do it anywhere. He has taught me a lot about my body and he makes me feel things I can’t quite explain.

Maurice asks,

So in short you are sleeping with 3 men at the moment and if so are not afraid to contract some disease because the odds are these men have multiple partners too?

She replies,

Maurice, I make sure they use condoms and I always make sure it stays on. I am not going to deny myself pleasure in fear of an STD, as long as I am having protected sex I will be fine.

Maurice replies,

If I may ask what drives you to these men at such a tender age?

She replies,

Maurice, I may be young but I’m not naive like most girls my age. What drives me! Well I guess its the thrill of being pampered head to toe and the sex is great sometimes. I am a highly sexual girl that I have come to learn and I have been told by those men that couldn’t satisfy me that I am demanding in bed. But they all think they are good in bed, how pathetic.

Maurice replies,

Lastly, do you not feel used by these men? And do you every put yourself in the shoes of those women married to these men?

She replies,

Maurice, you of all people, as the relationship guru, know that both men and women use each other everyday, if a man wants something from me he has to pay for it in one way or another. As for the women married to these guys, that’s not my business I care less and if they were doing their part their men would not be fucking around.

Thanks for the chat Maurice.

Dear Maurice,

I hope you can advise me on the way forward. I am 21 year old. A day before Valentines my girlfriend decided to cheat on me with an older guy who has a family, for the last year we have dumped into him at several social places and she always introduces me to him so I did not think anything of it.

I found out they went to Coast and spent a whole week together. During this whole period she told me she had to travel to shags with her parents for some family thing. So I left it like that and spent Valentines with a few of my single pals.

Maurice asks,

My good man how old is your girlfriend?

He replies,

She just turned 20 in January.

Maurice asks,

How long have you dated?

He replies,

We have been going out for 11 months.

Maurice asks,

In your opinion where was your relationship going or where is it going know that she has cheated?

He replies,

That’s the thing. I know she loves to be pampered and treated out but I can’t afford to splash out like older guys. I’m not broke but I can’t fly her to Mombasa without planning way in advance. I feel I failed her as a man despite what she did to me. I want her to be my wife one day, I hope anyway.

Maurice replies,

My guy, you need to wake up and smell the coffee. You are too young to be dwelling over one girl, you still have a lifetime to experience the good and the bad with young girls who later turn into women. At your stage of life you should play safe, I recommend, but don’t put all your eggs in one basket. If you do not enjoy your youthful years now, you will for sure try to relive those years at a time when you should be more focused in life.

He replies,

But I love her.

Maurice replies,

I hear you bro’ but you will sooner or later cure of that infatuation. I know you don’t want to hear this but you must trust me on this one. You can continue to see this girl because I know you will anyway but be careful she doesn’t push you over the edge then you end up doing something you can’t reverse. I know the loving feeling is sweet and very luring at you age but I urge you to be mentally flexible and even if she leaves for the older guy, don’t worry, there will be plenty more women in your life before you find the one for you. For now, enjoy yourself, mingle and learn from experience, don’t ever give up, the right one will fall into your arms but it could be years from now. And in those years explore with girls, be yourself, have safe sex and again don’t give in and put all your eggs in one basket.

He replies,

But I have forgiven her, I want her back, I know what I need to do to keep her happy.

Maurice replies,

You are not hearing me ‘clearly’. Your girlfriend is not ready to go on the same path as you at the moment. She is only 20, if anything she just turned 20. She is still exploring men, yes its hard to hear this but its the truth. Even if you continue your  deceptive relationship she will most likely let you down again and again. Should you do the same???? No. However, don’t put all your hopes on her. Have your fun but don’t lie to yourself that she is exclusively yours, that will be a futile expectation.

Dear Maurice,

  I am in need of your help to assess my husband’s addiction is drinking. We have been married for 2 years and the marriage is becoming more and more of a burden on my side. We have one child, a 7 month old baby boy. My husband is never home till late whether its a week day or weekend. If he didn’t have to work during the day he would drink 24/7.

Maurice asks,

For how long have you known your man and has he always drank as he does today?

She replies,

Maurice if you are asking if I knew who I married the answer is yes I did, after 5 years together he promised to change his extensive beer drinking habit before we got married.

Maurice replies,

My dear, I know exactly what you have been through and still going through but it’s very difficult to snap out of an alcoholic behaviour. Have you discussed getting help for him, he does need to attend an alcohol control group to slowly over come his drinking problem. From what you have described your husband has a high dependance on his drink, is that right?

She replies,

Yes he does, I can not remember the last time we spent a weekday without him being under the influence. That’s when he comes home at 9pm and that is early. I miss having a conversation with my husband, I want him to connect with our child but instead I am shielding our child from his mannerisms. I fear him holding our baby just in-case he drops the baby. That’s my life Maurice and I hate it. This was not the marriage I pictured.

I am soon leaving and going to my parents home, I spoke to my mother and she too agrees that our current environment does not suit a baby and for my own mental state, my sanity, I need an alcohol free home. I am tired of asking and begging him, if he wants his family back he must show me some effort that he is willing to abstain from drinking. I know it’s not going to be immediate but I will be patient till the day I feel enough is enough. For now I still love him and I’m hoping he wises up when he finds himself alone. I have emailed you his mobile number, if you can talk to him after I am gone I will appreciate, may be you can pound some sense into him before he loses him family to drinking. All I can do now is pray and hope for the best. Thank you for listening.

Dear Maurice,

Dude I like what you are trying to do here but society in my opinion sucks.  I am proud to be Kenyan but I am not proud of what our society has become. I was married to the love of my life for 7 years. On the 5th year I traveled about for further studies, not just for me but to better life for myself and my wife. She had the choice to join me abroad but she did not want to interrupt her career and I understood where she was coming from. After all you are meant to consider each other’s aspirations and dreams in a marriage.

Maurice replies,

It sounds like the perfect balance.

He replies,

  Yes it does on paper but the reality is that my boy was tapping my wife about 4  months into my departure. This was my boy, the one guy I trusted with my life. with my wife. I was there for him when he went through a messy divorce and that was his thank you to me, what a friend absolutely hopeless. I am so glad we hadn’t started having children that would have been a mess. I don’t even know why I am telling you all this, maybe I just needed an outlet and you provide the best forum for it. I guess I also want other men to know that trusting your male friends is at your own risk. I would like to believe there are men out there who are real pals but they must be a rare breed.

Maurice asks,

How did you find out about the affair?

He replies,

A year before I came back home I suspected something but I had no idea it involved a friend of mine. My wife’s attention changed, she would not text or call or facebook me as she did before. When I would try and call she would not always answer my calls and later make up some excuse to why she didn’t answer or reply. I was afraid to acknowledge a breakdown in our marriage, I wished for it to be my own insecurities but the truth eventually came to me via other friends plus my wife owned up to it saying she was lonely and vulnerable at the time. She asked me to forgive and that she had learned her a lesson and would never repeat it again.

It was too late for me. I learned a valuable lesson, which was being a good man to your woman never pays. I have given up on women in totality.Before I got married a played all the games men play with women so when I got married it was time for me to change my ways and dedicate myself to one woman. For what I now ask myself? I had all the chances to fuck around while away but I fought temptation and was loyal at all times. Another thing that hurts is that my wife made me vow numerous times that I would be faithful to her unconditionally and I kept that promise as her man, again for what!

Maurice replies,

Mate I would be lying to say I know what you are going through but don’t punish all women for one woman’s mistake. You are right to some point, not all women appreciate a good man but there are those who do so don’t give up on women.

He replies,

Maurice I play by my own rules nowadays, I put myself first. After I gave up our life and left her the house and car I started a fresh. I went from the picket fence mansion to a one bedroom apartment but I am happy. I don’t answer to anyone and won’t be doing so for a long while to come. More like never. No one can give me back my 7 years of dedication so I am not willing to entrust another woman with my time and love. My policy with women is simple, we hookup, we have fun, we fuck, and fuck some more then we part ways till we need each other for more fun.

Dear Maurice,

  I need your help urgently. My husband has packed up and left to his parent’s home. How it got to this point is anyone’s guess, it was all very innocent but now I’ve been left alone, we have only been married for 2 years.

Maurice comments,

Start from the beginning and don’t sugar coat any detail, it might be the difference between harmony and silent treatment or worse divorce.

She replies,

Well, over the Christmas season we all went to Mombasa.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean by ‘all went to Mombasa’?

She replies,

For the last 4 years we have been going to Mombasa with our friends, they are all dating or married. We were a group of 8 couples. We have never had any issue while on holiday; our friends have had their usual couple misunderstandings but never to cause someone to move out, in-fact my husband and I have always been the referees when it comes to our friends. We have maintained a solid union till now. He is not taking my calls I have only managed to talk to his mum and she has tried to get him to talk to me but he is adamant to punish me. He knows I hate this silent treatment and its killing me. I love him and what happen can’t be our end.

Maurice comments,

Was it that bad because despite our dialogue you haven’t told me what caused your rift?

She replies,

Sorry, I was building up to it, you know us women, anyway on Christmas eve we held a small party at our apartment of about 20 people approximately. We bumped into people we knew and we decided to host a bash instead of going out.

Maurice asks,

Just out of interest how old are you and your husband?

She replies,

I am 26 and he is 32. Why do you ask?

Maurice says,

I’m just profiling you as you tell your side of the story, so please continue.

She says,

We drove to the nearest supermarket to buy our party supplies and as we were shopping we bumped into a guy I once had a fling with back in secondary school so I hadn’t seen him in ages. I introduced him to my husband and they also had a chat as men do and off we went. We shopped, and in the car my husband asked how I knew the guy and I told him and he was fine with it as it was not the first time for my hubby to meet an ex of mine, gosh I even find it odd calling him an ex cause we hardly dated. We only met like 4 to 5 times in our last years of secondary school. I had a major crash on him but we lost touch and that was that.

So, we drove back to the apartment and set up for the great evening to come and surprise, at around 11pm my ex pops through the door with mutual friends that we had invited. He was as surprised to see me as I was. Now, this is where things just went south. He walked over and pecked me on the cheek but he also slapped my ass ‘suggestively’. I then said to him “watch out I’m now a married woman”. Little did I know my husband and 2 of his friends saw the entire incident and had words with the guy, so I found out once my husband and his friends left after about 30 minutes. They said they were going for more drinks but I could tell by a glance I received from my hubby that something was wrong but I let it pass.

Maurice, my husband returned at around 4am and I could tell he was under the influence which was not like him at all. He yelled about how I embarrassed him and how could I dare invite my ex and to add salt to injury allow my ex to touch me. My mother had once told me if a man every got drunk and started to complain about something I would only make it worse by trying to defend myself so I took the verbal yelling and the insults. All the time I was calling him ‘baby’ as I always do and trying my best to stay humble and convince him that I had not invited the man in question. I told him to check my phone if he didn’t believe me and I reminded him that we vowed never to doubt each other but for some reason that night he was not willing to hear me out.

Maurice comments,

The fact that you kept your cool was a wise thing to do; I guess your mother knows how to handle a man’s mood swings.

She replies,

I guess so but my husband still packed a few of his things and left. He booked into another Hotel, slept and got a flight back to Nairobi the next morning. He switched off his phone and text me on his way back telling me how disappointed he was and that I had ruined a good thing, that he would never betray me and that his vows to me were real and that he needs to think about our future. What happen in regards to the guy touching me was out of my control. How was I to know he would behave in that manner after he had earlier met my husband?

Maurice replies,

This is my opinion on the matter. I can see why your husband may have gotten annoyed but considering how you describe your bond he should have backed you up and stood hand and hand to make it very clear that you are taken woman and you have a man by your side. If you have a pact as a couple then you should follow it to the ‘T’, otherwise what’s the relevance of the pact. I believe that’s why you vow to be there for each other through thick and thin. True, it was out of your control. If you ask me, I believe it was your husband’s friends that fueled the fire. I believe if they hadn’t left the party things would not have escalated to your current predicament. I am assuming that you and your mother-in-law are in good terms?

She replies,

Yes I explained the whole story to her and she too thinks that her son jumped the gun. She has told me that he is not going anywhere and that I give him time to cool off, she even brought humour into our dialogue by saying that she was awaiting grandchildren so her son needs to move back home immediately. Imagine I spent New Year’s alone at home, my friends tried to get me to go out but I’m in low moods and I miss my baby. How do I get him back?

Maurice replies,

Tell your mother-in-law to tell him if he won’t talk to you he should at least read your text messages. In them make sure to remind him of your pact, you may have done that already but do it repeatedly. Tell him how much he means to you and that you wish to be in his arms, basically baby him as if he were a little boy, play with his ego and uplift him. Lastly, tell him ‘you belong to only one man and when he is ready his wife will be waiting for him so you can make loads of babies’. Those words would have many men running home. The idea is to sooth him and make him feel like your King, your everything. At that point, a man who wants to go home will go home. Later, once he’s been home for about a month, yes a month. Never uplift your man then put him down you might create a rift that can’t be reversed. After the 4 weeks you can ‘calmly’ tell him how you feel about how he reacted. It’s not a set formula, take what I have advised and apply it based on your man’s character, only you know how best to apply the above.