mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I just want your honest opinion on a scenario that is currently part of my life. I am 28 years old. I don’t have a girlfriend and to be frank, one would just slow my roll. Anyway, in September 2010 I traveled to the Norway where I stayed with an American family, yah I know odd! They moved there over a decade ago. I was training at some institute furthering my studies as you do. I was there for a good 9 months, my course was only for 6 months but I decided to stay longer and the reason was because I was having an affair with the lady of the house. Dude she is sizzling hot at 44, she can easily give much younger girls a run for their money. You need to see her to know exactly what I’m talking about. Her husband and 2 kids were clueless at first until one of her boys figured it out and told his Dad of his suspicions.

Maurice asks,

Did he punch your lights out?

He replies,

No, but I could see it in his eyes, given the chance he would have minced me into cat food. He just asked me what was going on between me and his wife and I said ‘nothing’, it’s not like I was going to admit it considering I was living under his roof.

We had our mano to mano chat and things went back to normal.

Maurice asks,

When did you start hitting on another man’s woman?

He replies,

Well, the flirting started within 2 days of my arrival. It was just harmless  sharing of jokes, a bit of fun that escalated into a fling. The husband is a sales guy so he would travel for days at a time, giving me ample time to have a taste. No word of a lie but that was the best sexual experience I had ever had. In short, she taught me things I didn’t even know I could do.

Maurice says,

A bit off topic, did you finish your course and what do you do for a living?

He replies,

I run my own business online, its now my fourth year selling commodities online and yes I did finish the course which was related to advancing my business in Kenya because I already sell to the World.

Maurice asks,

So you went over to a foreign Country and could not resist your keepers wife. Who you have an affair with is your business but ‘dude’ seriously, you were in Norway. All those Scandinavian women and you opted to bang someone’s woman. I’m sure there are guys reading this who are on the same page. Were there no girls at this institution?

He replies,

I did not plan to meet such a fine woman and yes I couldn’t not resist her. She was all over me too, so I guess it was a case of two consenting adults acting on their call of nature. Now, about the institute. I had a thing with 2 girls over the period I was there and one is currently pregnant. Lucky for me she was of legal age and her parents have been supportive but also disappointed if you know what I mean. The last thing they expected was their daughter to get pregnant. I am going to take care of the baby and I have already set finances in motion to make sure the mother to my Scandinavian daughter is comfortable. It actually feels good to say that and I’m glad I have been blessed over the years in my business so I can afford the child care.

Maurice replies,

I see you’ve been both busy and an overly naughty boy. So I’m guessing you’re done with your older woman fling?

He replies,

You see that’s just it, she is coming to Kenya to see me in a few weeks time. She has taken time off to be with me. And before you ask, I’m not going to ask her to stay over and leave her husband.

Maurice comments,

You need to be careful with your wording for a minute there it sounded like you felt for the husband of which you don’t.

He replies,

What are you implying?

Maurice replies,

OK, lets not beat around the bush. This is my take on the whole saga. You have certainly not being playing with women’s minds for a short while. You are confident and you are very strategic in what you do, however, I also feel that you have played the field for so long that the fun is wearing thin. You are running away from the one thing you want most ‘companionship’. I know why, its easier to play the player from one woman to the next than to indulge in the unknown World of ‘Love’ as they call it. Underneath that player in you is a man who wants to dedicate himself to one woman but you fear the probabilities the future will throw at you.

Let me break it down, I never asked you about having a girlfriend but you went ahead and dismissed the notion of having a relationship, are getting my drift. You have money. You could have stayed at the institute’s facility but you chose to seek accommodation with a family as if you were on some exchange program! You did that so that you could limit the probability of ‘scoring’ with women. Living with a family gave you better odds of mingling with the locals plus I can bet you saw a photo of the family before you decided which one to live with. Once they accepted your request, half your job was done. Oh in-case you are wondering how I know for sure the institute had accommodation facilities, well unless you went to some backyard college of which you didn’t, Universally institutions have accommodation options. Yes, I’m also well traveled and well versed in many topics.

Despite the fact that you are having an affair with a married woman you know you feel for her but you are so afraid to walk into the darkness not knowing whats on the other side. Get over it, that’s life, and trust me, though I know you have an idea of this but you do know she is not traveling all this way just to fuck you and experience the sites and sounds of Kenya, she could have done that watching Nat Geo Wild. You hear me my good man. Tell me I’m wrong.

He replies,

All I can say is that you have a point or two but I don’t believe I’m afraid it’s just women who I tend to fall for never live up to my expectations.

Maurice replies,

And there you have it, a confession of some form of fear. Mate I wish we lived in an ideal World but we don’t. We all have to take that leap and with luck you find compatibility in a partner. Now that will sustain a relationship, do you believe you are compatible with you soon to be guest? Have you ever had compatibility but for some reason it just never materialised?

He replies,

Again, I’m not too sure about compatibility long term but I’m sure of our current attraction for each other, the flame still burns bright. I would rather not discuss my past if you don’t mind.

Maurice asks,

I am curious, what made the girls parents trust in you or should I say accept you, and was there no fire works with the girls at the institute?

He replies,

When she told me she was pregnant I was willing to take her in and have her join me in Kenya or I relocate but she said that she was already dating a guy over there and that I was just a distractions, a fling that was good while it lasted. She was point blank, she said she could not see a future with me because she wasn’t in-love with me and that she would never ask anyone to relocate from their home to be with her just because she got pregnant. So really I was following her instructions. For me our time together was great but I too was only there for the fun with both girls. But when it comes to ‘you know who’, she has just shown me unconditional attention and a new perspective in life, I really don’t know how to describe it. I guess when she gets here the future will unfold and what comes will come.

Maurice replies,

Careful, you are treading in new social dynamics and you may find the one or end up hurt. My final words to you are, have your fun, concentrate on your business of which I’m sure is your passion and take each day as it comes. When she gets here, you both need to be very clear where you are going or not so that the airport goodbye can be one of happiness, meaning you have decided to stay together or one of ‘cheers’ for the holiday its been fun but its time for me to go back home. No one is promised tomorrow, live each day as if it were your last and refrain from people’s wives you already have one coming over.

Dear Maurice,

I am a 38 year old woman. I have been married now for 4 years. I met my husband in 2004 while on holiday in Zanzibar. I was then holidaying with my ex husband who I was married to for 2 years and 7 months. I have a son with my ex and I get to see him over the weekends.

 My ex won custody of our son because at the time of our divorce due to my over active social life and lack of sufficient funds according to the judicial system I was not deemed fit to raise my son. However since then life has been good to me, I changed jobs and now I can say I am doing well for myself. Anyway back to how I met my current husband. During the holiday which was to be the last I would have with my ex husband we met a group of people who holiday together through a social media where they all met and started a social events calendar. I joined the social media group and attended some of their events over the years. In March 2006 our divorce came through and I was a free woman once again. I kept in-touch with one particular guy every day, every week and before we knew it we were an item. People would stare at us because of our obvious age difference. He is 27 and it doesn’t help that he has this baby boy look light skinned but very handsome. In August 2007 I married what I thought was the most charming adorable man I had ever met. Maurice I have given this man all of me, I gave him the key to my heart. I have supported him emotionally and financially, yet he has persisted to disrespect me by coming home late and at times he has his friends over at 3am after their night of clubbing. They then continue their partying in our home till dawn.

Maurice’s asks,

Has your current husband’s character in regards to his social life changed since you met him through the social media group?

She replies,

I know what you are getting at but I have not allowed him to behave in this manner so I am not to blame and as my husband I would have hoped that he would grow up and act responsible. He is not immature otherwise I would not be married to a man that I have nothing in common with. I accept we are of a different generation but when he is being a loving husband you can hardly tell our age difference.

Maurice’s replies,

You are not under attack so please refrain from the defensive impulse. I just wanted to point out that your husband despite his ability to act or be mature he is still a 27 year old man. Does that mean all men his age are immature, not at all, however you did meet him in a forum that only social personalities would be members of, in the other hand I believe you joined because it was a way to get away from the problems that were brewing between you and your ex husband. I’m I getting warmer?

She replies,

You are right on one thing the group was a great distraction and I hoped that this time round things would be different.

Maurice’s asks,

Explain, what do you mean by different?

She replies,

My ex was a control freak, he never gave me space to breath, he never abused me or hit me but he did his best to break me off from the rest of the World. He wanted to own me, I was his property, and thinking back he did jokingly once say that after paying such a hefty dowry I would have to cater for his every need. Maurice I lost my friends, my identity as a woman, I thought I was going to go mad but I held on for my son.

Maurice’s comments,

I hate to put it this way but in my opinion your current husband was your way of replacing attributes in your ex that you disliked. It’s not by chance that you married a younger man. Are you are cougar? I highly doubt. Based on your past you were seeking the perfect one, the perfect soul mate, someone who you can mould to be everything your ex should have been as your man. Unfortunately, we can’t alter someone’s character traits or personality to fit our every expectation. Apart from his lack of respect, do you believe he cares about you, and when he is not partying with his friends do you spend quality time where he fulfills your need for companionship?

She replies,

If you are asking if I think he is faithful to me then the answer is yes. And yes he is very loving and affectionate when we are just the two of us. I am not defending him but I know he knows the difference between good and bad in our relationship. He will at times surprise me with a few antics but he is my man and I love him to death despite what society thinks. Our families do not approve of our marriage and I doubt they ever will.

Maurice’s says,

How do you feel around your husband’s friends, do you join them when they come over to your home or when they are going out clubbing? Has your husband ever shown signs of being ashamed, you know what I mean?

She replies,

It was hard at first. Some of his friends especially the girls were bitchy and to date some still see me as a cradle snatcher. Do I party with them, yes I do and I have had one of my best nights out with my husband. And no, he has always found me attractive though there have been moments when I have taken a step back and asked myself if he would be happier with a younger woman.

Maurice replies,

Words say a lot and sometimes when you read between the lines you can recognize love mixed with fear of the unknown. I may be wrong but I believe you never had real closure with your ex and losing custody was a tough path in your life and it must have made you feel as if you were less of a woman, a failed mother, but you are not. You have described your current life as a new chapter, yes you have a few teething issues but those are just part of life. You have a younger man for a husband but you testify to his loyalty to you, not many women in my line of work have that privilege so avoid becoming your controlling ex and let your husband be the man he is at his age.

Share your short term and long term expectations and just live life one day at a time. If you don’t like something, calmly tell him and tell him why, sometimes it helps to ask someone to put themselves in your shoes. We don’t pick those we end up loving from a line up of perfect people but in your case what stands out is that your union is intact and you are content with each other.

Do not seek perfection but seek to sustain happiness, seek to remain young at heart and keep your communication healthy. Over the years to come you will both learn a lot from each other and be willing to indulge each other in activities, hobbies and even fetishes that you may have.

Dear Maurice,

Is it human nature to heed to temptation? I got married to a very sweet caring man 2 years ago. I am 26 and he is 30.

 We knew each for only 7 months; we met online and fell deeply in-love over those months just chatting and flirting everyday. Eventually we set a date and met for coffee. After 2 months we opted to get hitched because life is short and we both believed that time will make our bond stronger. He is the most romantic man I have ever met but 5 months ago by pure accident I attended a function and met this guy who just confused my World. We work together in the same building and thankfully not the same floor. Our departments are interlinked so we can’t avoid bumping into each other everyday. He is a divorcee and from what he told me, his wife cheated on him that’s the only reason for their parting. I love my husband but I can’t get my work colleague off my mind. I wish I could fault my husband to show justification but I can’t. It’s affecting my sex life, I feel guilty just kissing my husband and he did ask me if there was anything wrong. I did not know what to say I just put it down to being tired from work.

Maurice’s replies,

The answer to your question is, no it is not human nature to heed to temptation, it a choice we make. The same way its not human nature to kill or treat other people with disrespect, it’s our surroundings that expose us to certain behavior with a mix of mental state. I could spend our dialogue judging you but instead I will ask how old is this other man and what has he promised you and have you discussed where your fling is going? Lastly what is he giving you that your husband can’t?

She replies,

He is 44. He understands me or rather the night we met he overwhelmed me with how much he knew about my character, my interests, he even understood why I want to pursue certain interests that my husband just dismisses. I value and respect my husband’s opinion but what is a girl to do when a man has so much in common with her.

Maurice’s asks,

I am assuming he knows you are married to a younger man than him and I might be wrong on this one but has he touched on your age difference between you and your husband or has he shown a degree of maturity that appeals to you?

She replies,

Yes he knows I am married. He hasn’t spoken ill of my husband but I guess he has pointed out that there are things my husband will find hard to take because as a woman of my age I am mentally more mature than my husband who is only 3 years older, I did take offence to that comment when he first said it but when I think about it I have been told by close relatives in the past, that despite our love for each other my husband will not always comprehend my way of thinking nor will he agree to my ambitions.

Maurice’s says,

It’s not always easy to accept certain possibilities but I think that your marriage was born through cyber space. It was a married formed from a bond through a social media platform and words shared brought you together and things escalated from there. I do not think you are in-love but you both fell for each other through infatuation that masked itself as true love. The reasons for my conclusion are in the words you use to narrate your position with your husband and your fling partner. You attend a function and thereafter proceeded to have an affair with a much older more experienced man who probably has over the years learnt the female psyche and with that knowledge he was able to discredit your marriage and you let it happened. This older man has totally gotten you smitten and he has derailed your path and the only reason he is still in your life is because you allow it plus you at some point realized that you do not love your husband and that you see him more as a best friend, a confidant.

The reason why you can not kiss your husband is not really about guilt; its more about your attraction for him is not what it was before. I hope you can find it in you to accept the reality of your marital status and not prolong the inevitable.

Here’s a few tips, avoid office functions (if you can), avoid being confused by random people (isn’t it funny how even the most boring of personalities can be very attractive with a wine glass in you hand), avoid accidentally landing in a bed other than yours; I would rather go on a trip that ends well and ‘guilt trips’ don’t because they most of the time never leave you.

Dear Maurice,

May I begin my story by telling you a bit about myself; I am 36 and married with no kids. I have always be a perfectionist, always a go getter and in my career I seem to have managed to achieve my targets however when it came to men I thought I could use the same formula to weed out the time wasters and those that just got under my skin. I was in search of an equal, a man who is confident, who can be a provider and excel s in whatever he does. I have been married for 1 year 2 months and I want out of this marriage. I made the biggest error of judgment. 

Before my husband I was dating my ex for 6 years who without a doubt treated me like a woman but the two reasons why I could not marry him was because he was brutally honest to the point where he would tell me things like, my dress is ugly, my perfume is too strong, a particular hair style did not suit me and he even had the nerve to tell me that I should watch my weight. He just said things that were hurtful. The other issue was that he was not ambitious enough. He was content with his post at work and I knew he could do better but despite pushing him he was neither eager nor motivated to excel. I guess he was set in his ways.

Maurice asks,

Are you saying that you regret leaving your former boyfriend?

She replied,

Yes I do regret my haste to find the perfect man who has just turned into my worst nightmare.

Maurice comments,

I am just pulling at straws but did you find this perceived perfect guy who is currently your husband soon after breaking up with your boyfriend?

She replied,

It was 4 months after our break up. I was heartbroken and when I met my husband he was the perfect gentleman.

Maurice says,

Let me guess. He showered you with gifts, he was profusely generous with compliments of your looks and maybe he told you how he loved your ambition and that he would support you always. Did he by any chance tell you that you would make a perfect wife and did you then get married soon after?

She relied,

Well Maurice he did paint the picture that he would be the best man for me. So in some way you are right especially with the showering of gifts and complimenting me every chance he got, plus we ate out a lot and he was the first man to fly me out of the country. I took unpaid leave at work and we spent 2 weeks in a resort abroad, it was wonderful, I had never received such pampering from a man before. That is where he proposed and I gladly said yes. That was about 6 months after we met and now here I am very bitter, very lonely, I have a beautiful home living a life of luxury but I know my husband has cheated on me with 3 women. Over the last 8 months I have read his texts and isolated these women. I have done nothing about it because I know he is the type of man who will never change his ways. We were last intimate 4 months ago. I feel stupid to have fallen for his charm and lies, I should have known better but I guess I deserve it for leaving a relationship where I was happy and loved despite the flaws.

Maurice replies,

I have assessed what you seek and this is my profiling of your error of judgment. You crave luxury; you are in hurry to achieve wealth and love as a package hence your unrealistic formula. There is no particular formula that works. You were disappointed by your ex only because he did not find happiness in material things as you do, actually I’m sure your predicament has shown you that happiest is not found in wealth though that is not to say that we should not be ambitious. Two people who truly find happiness in each other stick it out and make the best of their relationship. Was your ex poor, you also said he treated you like a woman, does that mean the only difference in regards to pampering is that your husband has deeper pockets?

She replied,

No my ex was not poor and yes I admit that my husband’s ability to pamper me and provide did appeal to me when I met him. Are you saying that I should try and get my ex back?

Maurice’s replied,

My main point is that you lost a good man based on your expectations and greed. You ignored the qualities that you can not buy. For example, an honest man, a man who makes you happy unconditionally. I am sure after 6 years of dating you knew he never meant to hurt you with his comments, he was just being himself, he was bold and man enough to express his opinion and trust me it was in good faith he wanted you to look your best and at times in a relationship you must allow for your partner to criticize, not all criticism is malicious.

I believe I did not say or imply that you should go back to your ex. If it is an option then it’s up to you, he may reject you or he may have another woman in his life now. What I can advise is that who ever you end up with as long as you make each other happy; prioritize on sustaining that environment of happiness which will in-turn nurture an environment of love and a sense of caring for each other. That is a relationship status that no amount of wealth can buy, it’s developed by a couple who yearn for the same things in life.