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Husband or Toy Boy….

December 26, 2011 by MauriceTherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am a 38 year old woman. I have been married now for 4 years. I met my husband in 2004 while on holiday in Zanzibar. I was then holidaying with my ex husband who I was married to for 2 years and 7 months. I have a son with my ex and I get to see him over the weekends.

 My ex won custody of our son because at the time of our divorce due to my over active social life and lack of sufficient funds according to the judicial system I was not deemed fit to raise my son. However since then life has been good to me, I changed jobs and now I can say I am doing well for myself. Anyway back to how I met my current husband. During the holiday which was to be the last I would have with my ex husband we met a group of people who holiday together through a social media where they all met and started a social events calendar. I joined the social media group and attended some of their events over the years. In March 2006 our divorce came through and I was a free woman once again. I kept in-touch with one particular guy every day, every week and before we knew it we were an item. People would stare at us because of our obvious age difference. He is 27 and it doesn’t help that he has this baby boy look light skinned but very handsome. In August 2007 I married what I thought was the most charming adorable man I had ever met. Maurice I have given this man all of me, I gave him the key to my heart. I have supported him emotionally and financially, yet he has persisted to disrespect me by coming home late and at times he has his friends over at 3am after their night of clubbing. They then continue their partying in our home till dawn.

Maurice’s asks,

Has your current husband’s character in regards to his social life changed since you met him through the social media group?

She replies,

I know what you are getting at but I have not allowed him to behave in this manner so I am not to blame and as my husband I would have hoped that he would grow up and act responsible. He is not immature otherwise I would not be married to a man that I have nothing in common with. I accept we are of a different generation but when he is being a loving husband you can hardly tell our age difference.

Maurice’s replies,

You are not under attack so please refrain from the defensive impulse. I just wanted to point out that your husband despite his ability to act or be mature he is still a 27 year old man. Does that mean all men his age are immature, not at all, however you did meet him in a forum that only social personalities would be members of, in the other hand I believe you joined because it was a way to get away from the problems that were brewing between you and your ex husband. I’m I getting warmer?

She replies,

You are right on one thing the group was a great distraction and I hoped that this time round things would be different.

Maurice’s asks,

Explain, what do you mean by different?

She replies,

My ex was a control freak, he never gave me space to breath, he never abused me or hit me but he did his best to break me off from the rest of the World. He wanted to own me, I was his property, and thinking back he did jokingly once say that after paying such a hefty dowry I would have to cater for his every need. Maurice I lost my friends, my identity as a woman, I thought I was going to go mad but I held on for my son.

Maurice’s comments,

I hate to put it this way but in my opinion your current husband was your way of replacing attributes in your ex that you disliked. It’s not by chance that you married a younger man. Are you are cougar? I highly doubt. Based on your past you were seeking the perfect one, the perfect soul mate, someone who you can mould to be everything your ex should have been as your man. Unfortunately, we can’t alter someone’s character traits or personality to fit our every expectation. Apart from his lack of respect, do you believe he cares about you, and when he is not partying with his friends do you spend quality time where he fulfills your need for companionship?

She replies,

If you are asking if I think he is faithful to me then the answer is yes. And yes he is very loving and affectionate when we are just the two of us. I am not defending him but I know he knows the difference between good and bad in our relationship. He will at times surprise me with a few antics but he is my man and I love him to death despite what society thinks. Our families do not approve of our marriage and I doubt they ever will.

Maurice’s says,

How do you feel around your husband’s friends, do you join them when they come over to your home or when they are going out clubbing? Has your husband ever shown signs of being ashamed, you know what I mean?

She replies,

It was hard at first. Some of his friends especially the girls were bitchy and to date some still see me as a cradle snatcher. Do I party with them, yes I do and I have had one of my best nights out with my husband. And no, he has always found me attractive though there have been moments when I have taken a step back and asked myself if he would be happier with a younger woman.

Maurice replies,

Words say a lot and sometimes when you read between the lines you can recognize love mixed with fear of the unknown. I may be wrong but I believe you never had real closure with your ex and losing custody was a tough path in your life and it must have made you feel as if you were less of a woman, a failed mother, but you are not. You have described your current life as a new chapter, yes you have a few teething issues but those are just part of life. You have a younger man for a husband but you testify to his loyalty to you, not many women in my line of work have that privilege so avoid becoming your controlling ex and let your husband be the man he is at his age.

Share your short term and long term expectations and just live life one day at a time. If you don’t like something, calmly tell him and tell him why, sometimes it helps to ask someone to put themselves in your shoes. We don’t pick those we end up loving from a line up of perfect people but in your case what stands out is that your union is intact and you are content with each other.

Do not seek perfection but seek to sustain happiness, seek to remain young at heart and keep your communication healthy. Over the years to come you will both learn a lot from each other and be willing to indulge each other in activities, hobbies and even fetishes that you may have.

Posted in Dear Maurice | Leave a Comment »

The older man still going strong….

December 26, 2011 by MauriceTherapy

Dear Maurice,

Is it human nature to heed to temptation? I got married to a very sweet caring man 2 years ago. I am 26 and he is 30.

 We knew each for only 7 months; we met online and fell deeply in-love over those months just chatting and flirting everyday. Eventually we set a date and met for coffee. After 2 months we opted to get hitched because life is short and we both believed that time will make our bond stronger. He is the most romantic man I have ever met but 5 months ago by pure accident I attended a function and met this guy who just confused my World. We work together in the same building and thankfully not the same floor. Our departments are interlinked so we can’t avoid bumping into each other everyday. He is a divorcee and from what he told me, his wife cheated on him that’s the only reason for their parting. I love my husband but I can’t get my work colleague off my mind. I wish I could fault my husband to show justification but I can’t. It’s affecting my sex life, I feel guilty just kissing my husband and he did ask me if there was anything wrong. I did not know what to say I just put it down to being tired from work.

Maurice’s replies,

The answer to your question is, no it is not human nature to heed to temptation, it a choice we make. The same way its not human nature to kill or treat other people with disrespect, it’s our surroundings that expose us to certain behavior with a mix of mental state. I could spend our dialogue judging you but instead I will ask how old is this other man and what has he promised you and have you discussed where your fling is going? Lastly what is he giving you that your husband can’t?

She replies,

He is 44. He understands me or rather the night we met he overwhelmed me with how much he knew about my character, my interests, he even understood why I want to pursue certain interests that my husband just dismisses. I value and respect my husband’s opinion but what is a girl to do when a man has so much in common with her.

Maurice’s asks,

I am assuming he knows you are married to a younger man than him and I might be wrong on this one but has he touched on your age difference between you and your husband or has he shown a degree of maturity that appeals to you?

She replies,

Yes he knows I am married. He hasn’t spoken ill of my husband but I guess he has pointed out that there are things my husband will find hard to take because as a woman of my age I am mentally more mature than my husband who is only 3 years older, I did take offence to that comment when he first said it but when I think about it I have been told by close relatives in the past, that despite our love for each other my husband will not always comprehend my way of thinking nor will he agree to my ambitions.

Maurice’s says,

It’s not always easy to accept certain possibilities but I think that your marriage was born through cyber space. It was a married formed from a bond through a social media platform and words shared brought you together and things escalated from there. I do not think you are in-love but you both fell for each other through infatuation that masked itself as true love. The reasons for my conclusion are in the words you use to narrate your position with your husband and your fling partner. You attend a function and thereafter proceeded to have an affair with a much older more experienced man who probably has over the years learnt the female psyche and with that knowledge he was able to discredit your marriage and you let it happened. This older man has totally gotten you smitten and he has derailed your path and the only reason he is still in your life is because you allow it plus you at some point realized that you do not love your husband and that you see him more as a best friend, a confidant.

The reason why you can not kiss your husband is not really about guilt; its more about your attraction for him is not what it was before. I hope you can find it in you to accept the reality of your marital status and not prolong the inevitable.

Here’s a few tips, avoid office functions (if you can), avoid being confused by random people (isn’t it funny how even the most boring of personalities can be very attractive with a wine glass in you hand), avoid accidentally landing in a bed other than yours; I would rather go on a trip that ends well and ‘guilt trips’ don’t because they most of the time never leave you.

Posted in Dear Maurice | Leave a Comment »

Men watch what you eat….

December 20, 2011 by MauriceTherapy

Back in the day, whether a guy was 15 or 40 his penis would rise dependent on his libido, some men have low, others have high libido but today we have guys who are between 15 and 25 years old not able to get it up regardless of their libido. This is where a man’s penis and his balls host a referendum to establish “what the heck is going on”. The girl is hot, she’s in your bed, she agreed to let you into her secret garden, which for some guys is a very big achieve. 

Rejection is not a new phenomenon in the realm of men. We were born to take it, hence why some believe we sleep with ‘anything’ that moves. My question is, why shouldn’t I if yours is on mute!!!!

Now guys, be careful these fast foods you are indulging in, then you rush her home for a ‘quickie’, you know yourselves, are not helping your sexual health. You are eating for too much ‘junk’ food, far too much red meat, mixing far too many drinks in the hope that one will trigger a Viagra effect, dudes it doesn’t work. For most of you it’s a psychological mind set that alcohol makes you maintain your erection. I’m not asking you to turn into vegan just limit your intake of certain foods.

Some of you are gaining far too much weight especially as you get older your metabolism won’t be as effective as when you were 15 years old. Sooner or later you’re too big to even see you penis when you look down, let’s avoid getting to that stage. You may laugh but due to lack of relevant daily vitamins and minerals many guys under 25 can’t get aroused. Some have gained weight to the point sufficient blood can not be sent to the penis. This can have a very stressing effect due to the feeling of being inadequate as a man.

What keeps you sexually active is your testosterone levels, how much is being produced and the flow rate of blood to your shaft. This does not mean that you must attain a certain body weight to gain an erection. It’s more about the content of the many foods that are readily available today. Exercise is great however it does not improve libido, it will improve the flow of blood and it you nourish your body with the right vitamins and minerals you will have a better fighting chance of gaining an erection later in life, like when you are in your 40’s and above.

That said, men who get off by pleasing or shall I say ‘satisfying’ women will watch what they eat and when they eat it. Yes they eat meat, they eat pizza and other fast foods but when they know that’s a potential to perform that day they will eat in intervals of small portions to keep up their energy for the application to come. If you live a healthy lifestyle you will also change how much semen is produced and you may even improve it’s taste.

Here are some herbs and foods that are known to increase libido over time; Saw Palmetto, Gingko, Ginseng extract (great for brain activity), Horny goat weed, Maca, Broccoli, Pumpkin seeds, Spinach, Asparagus, Sun flower oil, almonds and avocado.

Now please DO NOT go out and buy a tonne of each food type hoping in a week your penis will resemble a nuclear rod. Take time and study what each does to help the body’s health. I also recommend you consult with your General Practitioner and discuss your research before trying out any dose. There are no quick fixes. I urge you to watch what you eat and as a rule of thumb, try to eat a full meal at least 4 hours before you have sex. Remember the digestive systems overrides any penis requirements, 4 hours later the demand for blood in your abdomen won’t be competing with Mr Shaft.

Posted in Sex | 6 Comments »

What is it about the house help

December 15, 2011 by MauriceTherapy

Women believe a man will sleep with anything that moves, there’s some degree of truth to it, but it’s not a fact. Men are visual beings who love the thrill of the chase and we need to be constantly paid attention to, enticed, stimulated by blood pumping visuals and generally made to feel manly at all times otherwise we get bored.

When as a woman you have a man who constantly pays you attention and likes to come home the mistake that, over time, women make is when you over look the attention you receive because it’s always there and you then assume it will always be there. Please note this only applies to the guy who is faithful to his partner. Now because the woman is used to the pampering she lets her guard down by placing her man’s needs second or third to all other things in her life at the time. This is especially common with couples who have kids. When you let your guard down in any form of human activity you are setting yourself for a shocking awakening.

Does lack of attention justify ‘cheating’ well that’s a debate in itself but I wont touch on that for now but I will say that men don’t know how not to receive attention so after a few rejections he will undoubtedly look else where. Regardless of his commitment to his woman, a man’s hunger for his ego to be fed must not be over looked. His sexual gratification is fragile and years of faithful dedication to one woman can easily be terminated and end up being a habit to seek pleasures else where.

Some men will seek for this gratification away from home however if you have a house help who has certain features like well toned legs, thighs and day in day out she wears those tight T-shirts and short cheap but sexy minis, and now and again your man keeps bumping into her after she has just washed some clothes looking like she is a participant in a ‘wet T-shirt contest’. Her nipples and well rounded B to C cup breasts clearly visible through the almost ‘see through’ 70% polyester 30% cotton T-shirt then you are doomed if his eyes and her eyes lock on! It’s like a jet fighter that has just locked onto its target and the weapon is armed and fired. You can just imagine how intense the blast will be considering the forbidden fruit and the erotic energy released by lust.

You may have once been Miss Kenya but if you slip up at home you will soon be replaced ‘sexually that is’ by a woman with limited looks but she rides your man’s ego like the majestic waves that hit the sea shores over the rocks. It doesn’t help that your house help’s nature scent is also very enticing to some men, if anything the human natural scent turns on many men and the constant smell of that sweat can trigger a firm erection and result to explosive orgasms with the lust element in the mix.

Ladies it costs nothing be sexy because it’s not about the most expensive sexy outfit its about the willingness to make a man feel like a man everyday. Take your old T-shirt and cut holes in it ‘be creative’ cut a hole for one nipple to be in full view and the other to be partially seen and take an old stocking and get creative their I’m sure you know the key area of a stocking and surprise your man when both you moods are portrays a night of sexual intent and go with the flow. Whether you think you can dance or not, it’s not an audition, give it a shot and perform some sexy dancing, its all in the movements of the hips, legs, how you touch yourself suggestively and last but not least make sure your facial expressions are sexy, that can make or break a man’s libido.

Posted in Relationships | 2 Comments »

Sexual needs, when are you asking for too much….

December 15, 2011 by MauriceTherapy

Dear Maurice,

My wife and I have been married for the last 5 years, almost 6 in March 2012. My main issue with her is that she refuses to give me what I consider my biggest turn on, I would like her to swallow my semen. And trust me this is not the first time for me to bring it up. Since we started to date in 2001. I thought I could go without, bloke the thought, but now I have realised I need to experience that sexual act come what may. How do I get her to offer what she should be willing to give as my wife. Honestly I have been tempted to cheat on her but I have not succumb yet.

Maurice asks,

From one man to another, why has it taken you all these years to suddenly share with a third party, is it because you have spotted a woman who has the potential to give you that pleasure?

He replies,

Yes, there are many but I would rather do it with my wife. She still does it for me, I always go down on her and swallow all sorts of fluids, I say that because over the years her fluid has had many tastes but I love it. Why can’t she do the same for me?

Maurice asks,

What is her main objection?

He replies,

She says she hates the taste and smell. Granted she lets me cum on her boobs which is another turn on but its not enough for me. I hear semen is also good for women’s, as in they can apply it on their face as a facial ointment is that true?

Maurice replies,

Yes studies indicate that semen aka sperm is good for numerous conditions, for example, women who perform fellatio, otherwise known as a blow job, and swallow at least twice a week can reduce breast cancer by 40%. But I don’t recommend that line as a foreplay ice breaker! On the other hand a decade ago there were studies that said that male sperm can cause STD infections in the mouth depending on the health of the donor.

The issue in hand is your fetish not the cosmetic value of semen. You have every right to experience what turns you on however ‘cheap thrills’ on the side is not the answer. Those cheap thrills could give you an STD or worse end up killing you. Your wife already lets you ejaculate over her breasts so give her some credit for that. As for her swallowing, lets be realistic, semen is an ‘acquired taste’ and your wife at least told you the truth rather than pretend she enjoys it, then one day you find out she has been loathing her swallowing. I believe you get my drift. Would you lick her butt hole and insert your tongue? Some men do it but would you?

He replies,

No I wouldn’t, but Maurice that is not the same.

Maurice replies,

My good man, my point is, you would not lick her ass for fear of tasting her bowel system deposits ‘right’. Same applies to her. Don’t make her feel guilty that she is not delivering because that will kill your sex life and compared to many couples your sex life sounds like its healthy and regular. Mate you met your wife in 2001 and to date you still feel sexually attracted to her. Don’t mess that up offer swallowing of semen.

There are couples with serious problems. Yours is not a problem, it is a matter of acquired taste plus you never know; maybe your wife may have an allergic reaction which over time will put her off sex, instead of humping you’ll be the kind of couple that reads novels in bed with separate lights on either side of the bed. We both know that would be your worst nightmare. So enjoy your sex  life and explore other sexual things you can do together.

Posted in Dear Maurice, Sex | Leave a Comment »

Don’t live beyond your means!

December 6, 2011 by MauriceTherapy

I have said this a thousand times; women STOP your ‘pesa pap’ lifestyles and expectations. Some of you don’t even share your expectations you expect your man to read your mind! We are not telepaths nor do we communicate via blue tooth. Money does not fall from the sky neither should you apply unrealistic pressure on a man to deliver what he can’t.

Not everyman wants to drive a Jaguar and show off, I have seen men in their late 30’s and in their 40’s driving pimped cars, that is ridiculous, you premature ejaculators should get a mature hobby and give room to the teens, how women find you attractive displaced in that pimped car I will never understand the logic. Thankfully some men would rather be comfortable in their jobs and they usually make sure they provide what they can ‘afford’. We have a culture of comparing ‘who has what’ and trust me money does help but it can break up the best of relationships.

Women, no all but many of you, STOP spreading your legs based on the horse power of a man’s car. And to the men, especially to those so called ballers ‘my ass’, you are also part of the problem. STOP courting women with fake lifestyles that you cannot maintain, tell a woman exactly what you can afford to sustain so that she chooses to stay or leave, if she runs off regardless of how ‘HOT’ she is consider that a blessing because she was going to make your life hell in the long run.

Lastly, to those men who are sleeping around with their boy’s girlfriend or wife STOP it, you are breaking an old code between men. I know some of you quarter century dudes have no idea what I’m talking about when I say ‘code’, in short mingle but don’t shit at your door step. If you don’t get my drift go back to school or go ask an older guy what I’m on about.

Personally I think you should face a firing squad if you break the code. If you have to sleep with your friend’s woman to prove to yourself that you are a man then you are less of a man than you think. You probably have self esteem problems and your ego is heightened by such ‘no go zone’ actions. You need help.

Posted in Relationships | 1 Comment »

Greener pastures or are they!

December 6, 2011 by MauriceTherapy

Dear Maurice,

May I begin my story by telling you a bit about myself; I am 36 and married with no kids. I have always be a perfectionist, always a go getter and in my career I seem to have managed to achieve my targets however when it came to men I thought I could use the same formula to weed out the time wasters and those that just got under my skin. I was in search of an equal, a man who is confident, who can be a provider and excel s in whatever he does. I have been married for 1 year 2 months and I want out of this marriage. I made the biggest error of judgment. 

Before my husband I was dating my ex for 6 years who without a doubt treated me like a woman but the two reasons why I could not marry him was because he was brutally honest to the point where he would tell me things like, my dress is ugly, my perfume is too strong, a particular hair style did not suit me and he even had the nerve to tell me that I should watch my weight. He just said things that were hurtful. The other issue was that he was not ambitious enough. He was content with his post at work and I knew he could do better but despite pushing him he was neither eager nor motivated to excel. I guess he was set in his ways.

Maurice asks,

Are you saying that you regret leaving your former boyfriend?

She replied,

Yes I do regret my haste to find the perfect man who has just turned into my worst nightmare.

Maurice comments,

I am just pulling at straws but did you find this perceived perfect guy who is currently your husband soon after breaking up with your boyfriend?

She replied,

It was 4 months after our break up. I was heartbroken and when I met my husband he was the perfect gentleman.

Maurice says,

Let me guess. He showered you with gifts, he was profusely generous with compliments of your looks and maybe he told you how he loved your ambition and that he would support you always. Did he by any chance tell you that you would make a perfect wife and did you then get married soon after?

She relied,

Well Maurice he did paint the picture that he would be the best man for me. So in some way you are right especially with the showering of gifts and complimenting me every chance he got, plus we ate out a lot and he was the first man to fly me out of the country. I took unpaid leave at work and we spent 2 weeks in a resort abroad, it was wonderful, I had never received such pampering from a man before. That is where he proposed and I gladly said yes. That was about 6 months after we met and now here I am very bitter, very lonely, I have a beautiful home living a life of luxury but I know my husband has cheated on me with 3 women. Over the last 8 months I have read his texts and isolated these women. I have done nothing about it because I know he is the type of man who will never change his ways. We were last intimate 4 months ago. I feel stupid to have fallen for his charm and lies, I should have known better but I guess I deserve it for leaving a relationship where I was happy and loved despite the flaws.

Maurice replies,

I have assessed what you seek and this is my profiling of your error of judgment. You crave luxury; you are in hurry to achieve wealth and love as a package hence your unrealistic formula. There is no particular formula that works. You were disappointed by your ex only because he did not find happiness in material things as you do, actually I’m sure your predicament has shown you that happiest is not found in wealth though that is not to say that we should not be ambitious. Two people who truly find happiness in each other stick it out and make the best of their relationship. Was your ex poor, you also said he treated you like a woman, does that mean the only difference in regards to pampering is that your husband has deeper pockets?

She replied,

No my ex was not poor and yes I admit that my husband’s ability to pamper me and provide did appeal to me when I met him. Are you saying that I should try and get my ex back?

Maurice’s replied,

My main point is that you lost a good man based on your expectations and greed. You ignored the qualities that you can not buy. For example, an honest man, a man who makes you happy unconditionally. I am sure after 6 years of dating you knew he never meant to hurt you with his comments, he was just being himself, he was bold and man enough to express his opinion and trust me it was in good faith he wanted you to look your best and at times in a relationship you must allow for your partner to criticize, not all criticism is malicious.

I believe I did not say or imply that you should go back to your ex. If it is an option then it’s up to you, he may reject you or he may have another woman in his life now. What I can advise is that who ever you end up with as long as you make each other happy; prioritize on sustaining that environment of happiness which will in-turn nurture an environment of love and a sense of caring for each other. That is a relationship status that no amount of wealth can buy, it’s developed by a couple who yearn for the same things in life.

 

Posted in Dear Maurice | Leave a Comment »

A clever wife to be

December 1, 2011 by MauriceTherapy

With great pleasure for once in many years I asked a bride to be to list 3 things she expects from her groom once he becomes her hubby, and she replied….

‎1) she would like him to find her attractive always and to continue satisfying her in the bedroom

‎2) be her best friend

3) provide for her though she will also contribute financially, their marriage is just an extension of their union

I totally applaud her for being the ideal example of a true woman.

Now sadly and I mean SADLY…. the first thing I normally hear is that they expect the man to provide, why, because its a man’s place to provide for his woman. That is absolute bollocks, thereafter I assert my wisdom and educate ‘the poor girl’ so that she can be proud to still be married 10 years from now.

For every bridal shower I attend it is my mission to provide enough facts that can sustain a healthy mutual marriage. I am never pleased to hear of break ups but most who do break up only did so because they did not apply the same efforts and enthusiasm in their relationship as they do their jobs/careers.

Oh yes, the other thing was that she, the bride to be, is not delusional unlike many that her and her husband will attain their goals in a short period of time.
She had already discussed with her hubby about her dream home, her strategy to progress in career, and she is more than willing to push him to be a better man, she will develop his strengths. Now that is a union that works; they are not just a married couple they are friends and partners.
They do not apply unnecessary pressure on each other. She knows women can be over powering and irrationally demanding so she limits her requests to her man’s ability. Clever woman, why??? over time because this is not pesa papa love, if you give your man requests that he can manage he will in-turn endeavor to do better, why??? because men only give back to women who allow them to be men and we appreciate those women who know that men have limits of what they can and can’t do.
The other thing is that men, including myself, do not respond well to overly demanding women who at times will attempt to even threaten us with ‘no sex’ or with ‘silent treatment’ all in the hope or illusion that she will get her way. And all I can say is “what an idiot”. It makes me laugh that some women still try and use sex as a weapon! Have you been to a hyper supermarket, if you push a man to the limit the cities and towns we live in are just as plentiful as those supermarkets if you get my drift so ‘stop’ crossing your legs in the hope that things will go your way. Unless your vagina has ‘an upstairs’ or a ‘VIP area’ or has escalators that take the penis to different levels stop playing these ridiculous hard to get games, they are futile to your sexual relationship.
In my opinion, if you want to be treated like a woman, like a lady then act like one, otherwise move to the Congo forest where you can live amongst the primates, they are your cousins anyway!

Any caring man will give back to his woman. Everyone has a role to play. This is to the MEN out there. If you truly care about your woman then, for her efforts that benefit you it is paramount that you show her that you appreciate her. There’s no formula or gift that says I care or I love more than the another. People who think otherwise are just materialistic and should probably face a firing squad. Its the thought that counts, if you don’t believe in the sentiment then ‘good luck’ with finding sincere people in your life.

Just to give an example, I’m not big on my own birthday and neither do I expect a gift(s) but if someone gave me a hand made birthday card opposed to them going to purchase an expensive card with a shit midi file ‘battery powered’ melody which I will eventually bin after a few days. I would appreciate their effort of going through the trouble of making the card themselves, and it actually tells me how much I mean to them. And I would keep the card the same way I keep unique wedding cards.

Posted in Relationships | 10 Comments »

And some people say sex is not important ha!!!!

November 28, 2011 by MauriceTherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. He is sweet but lacking experience in the bedroom department. I am frustrated because I have never cum once with him I always have to fake it and its getting a bit tedious.

Maurice asks,

I feel your frustration however this is a question I have asked so many times its also becoming tedious for me, when you first slept with him you clearly did not enjoy the sex, then you repeated the same act over and over and now its been one year. Did you think his penis was ‘playing hard to get’ or should I say ‘hard to please’? It may seem a bit harsh but its a logical question.

She replies,

Maurice please be nice. I did not fall for him just for sex. I love him and I thought he would improve and learn to satisfy me after a while. My girlfriends told me about certain positions that would make it more enjoyable for me and I have tried them all.

Maurice asks,

Let me guess, none have worked otherwise you wouldn’t be writing to me.

She replies,

One almost worked, I felt something different but then he came and the feeling went. He then fell asleep.

Maurice comments,

I see, so your girlfriends fed you with sex tips that elevated your man’s penile sensations but not your own which was the ultimate goal in the first place. In the one year have you enjoyed sex at all I know I implied you haven’t but I would rather hear it from you?

She replies,

I do enjoy when he goes down on me but that’s about it. He really does try to please me but he just doesn’t get me there.

Maurice comments,

Please expound on ‘he doesn’t get you there’, I would hate some readers to think he was actually driving you somewhere.

She replies,

Lol. Maurice he gets tired fast. When he cums I am pleased because at least I know I excite him. But I need him to do the same for me. I know I can orgasm but not with him.

Maurice comments,

Hmmm…. and how do you know this?

She replies,

During the weekend of Sevens I met a guy on the Saturday and on that night we ended up in Naivasha. He was with his pals and I was with 2 of my girls. In short one thing led to another and we had sex. It was, I am lost for words, this guy made me feel things I had not felt before even tough I had cum with another guy years back. We have each other’s numbers but I am avoiding his calls because I know where it will lead. I have already been unfaithful and I don’t want to repeat it though the temptation is there. The other down side is that this other guy made it clear that he is not looking for a relationship but he is willing to have a no strings attached thing with me. I want stability and I don’t want to share a man with other women which I know will be the case with the Naivasha guy.

Maurice replies,

My dear. First thing, your boyfriend’s penis is not going to learn new tricks and he is surely not going to mutate into the ‘between the sheets’ stud you want him to be. And despite the signs of no thrills, no fire works you continued to date him and took advise from friends who are not about to grow a penis anytime soon, no pun intended.

The question now is are you prepared to settle for less? You strayed because you needed to seek that vaginal stimulation that you so yearned for and lucky for you the guy you met delivered to your satisfaction. However you still have a dilemma ‘don’t you’, I know you want this new guy and the odds are you will have sex with him again. You knew what you were doing when you traveled to Naivasha and as a woman you knew that the chances of sleeping with this Sevens attendee were pretty high. I know you may not like his terms of ‘friends with benefits’ which is really what he was saying but can you really let go of that chance to receive a second dose of his magical rod?

She replies,

Maurice you are not helping. You are supposed to steer me away from temptation and tell me how to make things right with my boyfriend.

Maurice replies,

I am only stating facts and the probability of you and your boyfriend lasting another year is bleak, I wish I could tell you otherwise but I have dealt with too many of these scenarios not to know the realistic odds. Unless you surprise me and stick with your man unconditionally your only option is to break up with him. I am not saying this because I think sex is the long lasting answer to sustaining a relationship but where you have one person who is sexually active and demands for nothing less than satisfaction then it’s almost impossible to switch that sexual part of you. If your partner can not keep up with your appetite he is as good as a restaurant that only serves small portions of vegan meals while you seek a chunky steak served with a generous portion of girthy potato wedges.

Whatever you chose to do remember you can’t switch off who you are sexually and you should never do it for anyone. Explore your sexuality and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You said the only time you enjoy sex with your boyfriend is when he goes down on you. That’s great but unless he is willing to suspend penetration to constantly go down on you which is impractical in itself your options are limited to only one.

She replies,

Maurice I understand what you are saying but I can not hurt him I would rather continue as we are. I know I won’t be able to resist this other guy so what will be will be. I can have my boyfriend to love me and I can keep the other guy as my thing on the side. This is not what I was hoping to hear by writing to you but you have pointed out a lot that I had over looked.

Maurice replies,

I hear you. But for how long do you think you will double deal. I am willing to bet that if you continue to see this new guy you will fall for him and your time spent with your boyfriend will gradually wither and he will notice. Then arguments will start and you will tell him that he is paranoid and that all is well its just that you are busy at work or wherever, you see, one action will cause a ripple effect that will raise other issues between you and your boyfriend. Having the two men in your life is not going to be a bed of roses especially if the new guy is an alpha male, then your boyfriend will be truly fucked. Make a choice and stick with it. If you make the wrong one then expect consequences. Oh before I forget, did the Naivasha guy fall asleep after sex?

She replies,

No, why?

Maurice comments,

I am profiling him. So you guys cuddled and had pillow talk I assume?

She replies,

Maurice I was the one who fell asleep after what seemed to be the longest sex I have ever had. In the morning he told me that he just lay there watching me I thought that was sweet of him.

Maurice comments,

I don’t envy your boyfriend. Do let me know what you decide even though I can bet on it that your eventual choice is obvious.

 

Posted in Dear Maurice, Sex | 4 Comments »

My ex is still part of my life….

November 27, 2011 by MauriceTherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been happily married to a wonderful loving man for 8 years. I am 40 this year. We have 3 kids and hoping for a four to close the chapter. However, I can’t seem to let go of my ex boyfriend who has been in my life for the last 24 years, though we only dated for 4 years.  

Men have always come and gone but my ex has been the constant in my life. I can go to him about anything and he usually comes through for me but his girlfriend is not happy with our bond. She only found out we keep in-touch when she went through his phone she then called me and the rest I’m sure you can work out. Anyway my husband knows all my male friends but I have never disclosed to him about my ex as a former boyfriend, he only knows that we grew up together and once in a while we all go out for drinks with other friends.

Maurice’s asks,

Have you really let go of your ex, were you in-love or was it just puppy love considering you knew each other in your teens?

She replies,

Yes I did love him, as for being in-love I am not sure but I know I care about him a lot. He has been there when others were not.

Maurice’s says,

Would you say he is like your soul mate of sorts? 24 years of knowing someone is a long time.

She replies,

I never thought of him in that way but I guess he is my soul mate, my confidant. He is there when I need someone to talk to apart from my husband who I can not fault because he too is there for me.

Maurice’s asks,

Now that I have a better understanding of what your ex means to you, what exactly do you want from me, you said you are happily married so why lie to you husband about your past, do you want me to validate your relationship with you ex to ease your guilt?

She replies,

Maurice my husband would not understand my friendship with my ex, he would blow it out of context yet it’s an innocent friendship. I am not involved romantically with my ex and haven’t been for many years now.

Maurice’s says,

I sense guilt. You have used the word ‘bond’ twice and in words I deduce a lot especially if someone is trying to down play a status in their life. In your case I have the feeling that you still have strong feelings for your ex and the reason for your break up is probably the only reason why you are not married to him but the reason could not sever your bond as you call it. If your friendship with your ex, which in my professional opinion I believe is not healthy for the long term survival of your marriage, was innocent and not romantic in anyway I don’t believe you would be writing to me. You found a good man and married him and you live with the guilt that even though you may not be involved with your ex you still keep him around because of attributes in him you still find attractive. You may never stray and break your marital vows but in my experience with your love triangle scenario the truth always has a way of coming out. You need to ask yourself if this bond with your ex is worth a future rift between you and your husband and on whose side would you be if it came to a choice between your loving husband and your ex lover? Note that I haven’t mentioned your kids who would also be affected if your marriage experienced a bumpy patch or ended. It’s all about your priority and loyalty to one man, we don’t always have the choice to have our cake and eat it too. Decisions have consequences and sometimes if we make the wrong ones however harmless we think they are its most of the time too late to undo the damage of a broken heart.

Posted in Dear Maurice | Leave a Comment »

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