Dear Maurice,
I am a broken woman. I cannot believe my own blood, the ones I love and cherish could cause me so much pain. It has been 2 weeks since I left work as I always did, looking forward to the evening to come, only to get home and encounter my worst nightmare.
Maurice asks,
What happened?
She replies,
I met the end of my marriage as I know it. I found my sister and husband waiting for me. Immediately I knew something was off and as I was about to ask, I was told by my husband’s calm voice to sit down. So many thoughts were racing through my mind, I was expecting tragic news about a loved one but instead I was pierced through the heart by a blunt stake. I could not believe her words, my own sister uttered “I am tired of sharing him”. She uttered ‘who do you think cooks and makes love to him when you are too busy, when he is not here he is with me’. At that moment all my abilities to talk had been unplugged. My World was collapsing all around me, she had taken territory. She claimed him. Two years of marriage flashed before me. I needed it to be my oddest dream but it was my reality unfolding. She continued with her flaming revelations, highlighting that I had dropped the ball having married the man of her dreams and not reached the threshold of loving him the way he needs to be loved.
Maurice asks,
What did your husband have to say?
She replies,
He did not deny his feelings and he gave me two options, to allow for their relationship to continue as part of it or as a by-stander or to leave him. He said it was not easy for them to hurt me but neither did they plan on falling in-love as they did. How could she, she was my best friend, I shared everything with her.
Maurice asks,
What is the connection between your husband and your sister, how long have they known each other and for how long have they had their affair?
She replies,
It begs me to ask why she bothered to introduce me to my husband 5 years ago if she wanted him for herself. Maurice, I do not know of the details, it was too much for me to handle. I got some of my things and left. I drove for what seemed to be hours as I headed to a good friend’s. I am not surprised that my husband sought comfort and attention from another, I am just shocked that it was with my sister.
Maurice asks,
Why are you not surprised?
She replies,
My husband for a while now has hinted in numerous of our fights that he feels neglected and if I don’t give him the attention he deserves he will find it elsewhere despite not wanting to go down that path. I would always respond by telling him off in my state of anger and giving him the green light to pursue other women. I never thought it would come to this.
Maurice asks,
Is your sister not worried of the consequences that may befall her if your extended families find out?
She replies,
One of the things she said before I left was that I can go ahead and tell our parents how she took my man and while am at it I should explain to them why I lost a good man. She is convinced that as she put it ‘I dropped the ball’, she is determined to end my marriage. They are both ignoring my calls. I have read many of your articles but I never in a million years thought that this scenario would knock on my door.
I have a lot to digest and maybe some soul searching. Tell me Maurice, what could make my husband pull such a drastic stunt knowing it could be the ultimate deal breaker between us? I guess what I am saying is, I would less hurt if he was only cheating but not ready to let me go as if we had nothing. I feel as if he is disposing of me without a thought.
Maurice asks,
What did you mostly fight about, were they petty fights, were they specific to him or were they general fights about many things in your life? And if possible, can you remember when the threats to find another came about?
She replies,
We fought mainly about his sexual advances from the word go. Even before we got married, I felt I was not satisfying his appetite for sex. My past relationships only demanded for manageable sex cravings, at least 2 to 3 times a week. When I met my husband, the first 10 months were amazing and I could willingly keep up with him, but as our relationship progressed I thought and wished for him to slow down. I wanted to be the one to initiate sex as a sign of my love for him but that never came to pass. He was consistent, part of his daily communication was very sexual and I found it a task to be as creative with wording so I one day told him to slow down and love me for me, and that I was not a piece of meat for him to fuck at a drop of a hat.
Maurice asks,
How long ago did you tell him to slow down?
She replies,
I must have said it about 18 months ago. Thereafter his advances took a nosedive. He was withdrawn, he wouldn’t display much public affection as he did before. I thought it was his way of adjusting to what I wanted him to be.
Maurice replies,
Well, he was adjusting but not to your expectations but to his new perception of you as his sexual mate.
She replies,
Are you saying this is my fault?
Maurice replies,
It is not about ‘fault’, its more about the actions that caused your husband to change his sexual tact towards you. Men are sexual, only the degree various from one man to the next. When a man’s ego, sexual intent, sexual prowess is threatened, a man readjusts and redirects his energies elsewhere. He can either drink and sob about his lack of sexual quenching or in your case with a very sexual man in your home, he most likely shared his frustrations with your sister. Unfortunately for you, she decided to take ownership and became his aspirin.
She replies,
For how long do you think they have been together? Will he snap out of this and have me back home?
Maurice replies,
I can only speculate, in my opinion their affair has been on for a while. People don’t overturn their life at a moments notice. Is going back still an option you foresee?
She replies,
I am no failure and I won’t lose my husband to my sister without a fight. I would rather non of us have him than to see her take over my life. Do you have tips that might aid in my fight?
Maurice replies,
He expects a reaction, one of a scorned mad woman, don’t give him one. It is not going to be easy but you need to be the calm and collected one. It is out of your own choice that you want to win him back, patience is required. To be honest, its going to take time, he needs to realise that he made a mistake or not. That will only occur when the bubble of attraction bursts, assuming he is in a bubble of infatuation that is.
She replies,
I think I know what I have to do to get him back. I should have done it ages ago. Your insight has given me an idea of which I will share when it works. Thank you Maurice.
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