mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I hope you are good. I decided to contact you after the Whatsapp session we had with my group last week. It was very informative and quite the eye opener. Oh, I must mention that at first we were very skeptical about inviting you to our Whatsapp because most of the men thought you were fake, actually if it wasn’t for the female vote who were in full support of you the session would not have taken place. But once you commenced with your voice notes and you spoke a lot sense you suddenly became the best speaker we have ever had in our forum. Some of your previous haters are not your biggest fans, it was a job well done. Now, I have an issue that I could not share in the group though I did ask a few questions and I appreciated your responses. I am 32 and a self made successful software developer. For 3 years I have been dating my soul mate. I could marry her tomorrow but I am so afraid to give her my love. Truth be told 4/5 years ago I was a womanizer but since meeting her, life shifted for me. I fell in-love and her sex is off the hook, it feels great to be with her. But even though she professes to love me I don’t think she is ready to be fully mine.

Maurice asks,

Why would you doubt her?

He replies,

She is constantly on her phone, especially at night, chatting, chatting and more chatting. I even tested her concentration span towards me over a period of 9 months and she has failed miserably. How do you text people when out on a diner date. I would expect conversation but all I get is divided attention. I got tired of fussing and now I pretend I am ok but I am not. She also jumps at any out of town plan without a thought of what I think. I have never given her conditions, I don’t support regimental attitudes but there is only so much a man can take.

Maurice replies,

I need to ask. Has she ever been different in the 3 years? How old is she and what does she do for a living if at all?

He replies,

For the first 2 years we were not living together but for the last year I have seen a side of her that I can’t handle. She is 28 and she works as a restaurant manager. She has been in hospitality for the last 4 years. She works crazy hours at times so when we are together I expect her to catch up with me not social media. I miss the way we would fool around in bed and just consume each other in our own bubble. Am I being unreasonable?

Maurice replies,

You are not being unreasonable. However, when you started dating, was it just fun and more fun without future expectations? I ask because I sense that she may not have had long term focus in your relationship. This has nothing to do with her loving you, love is just a psychological condition which does not guarantee mutual future goals or possibilities. One can love someone for particular reasons that don’t have any connection with relationship advancement like marriage. That does not mean one loves you less, it just means that your journey may not be towards the same destination.

He replies,

Okay, wow. I did not look at it that way. So what does that mean for me?

Maurice replies,

Can you say that you and her are close friends, apart from having fun that is sexually influenced, would you confidently say you that you cuddle up to each other and feel like the World would end without each other, do you share a closeness that redefines logic, do you have laughs that leave your ribs hurting, do you go out socializing and instead of allowing your environment to control you you stay united and embrace each moment together, do you sometimes feel like you breath the same air, yours is uncontaminated and pure? If none of the above resonates with your relationship attributes then my friend, your relationship was most likely formed on a weak foundation. Loving someone is sweet and intoxicating, you can even taste it in your mouth but the problem is, that sweetness is not replicated in her mouth for you to share in the delights. She is most likely enjoying the tidal wave not knowing that in the horizon you seek to find calmer shores where you can settle with her.

My professor once told me that love is extremely dangerous because loving someone only guarantees how you feel and that there is no way of measuring another human being’s love for you not unless you are shallow enough to perceive love by material things you gain.

Does that make sense?

He replies,

Boss, you are good. I really love this woman but as I was reading your sentiments it hit me that you have more or less described my relationship.

Maurice replies,

I am not good but thank you. I have just witnessed this scenarios for a long time and I make my deductions based on information shared. Human behaviour is pretty predictable if you understand the variables involved. If I may, when you met her, what were the striking things about her? And please I know you are in love but don’t sell me some lovey dovey story because you did not know her when you made your move.

He replies,

Hahaha… mate she was fly as fuck. She has this coke bottle figure and for sure I wanted to tap that ass. We got acquainted and at some point my mission was accomplished. I had no plans to continue contact but after a few outings I got to know her and enjoy showing her off and here we are years later.

Maurice replies,

You have just described how 95% of men view there initial contact with a woman they end up marrying. It is always good to accept your initial intent as a man, other things just develop as a bonus to the male lust factor. The irony if I may call it that, is that you are now the one in your relationship who can’t get enough of her.

He replies,

So there is no future with her?

Maurice replies,

I did not say there is no future with her. Even if you left her because you were in a hurry to marry, you have likely odds that you might meet someone who’s compatibility is much worse. The pastures are not always greener. I can tell you that despite your current in-love feelings for her, once you marry her, her newly acquired title of wife can easily change your perception of her, instantaneously you can go from the man who could not breath without her to a man who takes her for granted every day because you suddenly view her as your property and not as your soul mate. It happens to a majority pool of men. One day you were the King of love and the next day you are that guy who disappears like Kalonzo or comes home at 4am smelling of another woman.

From one man to another, I know us men pretty well. Love is great but it’s not enough to keep you interested once you begin to feel you own her, you need to understand that your love right now is fueled by your lust factor. You need to nurture and keep alive the side of you that looks at her as your hot coca cola bottle woman/girl. If you don’t that intoxicating flame will be extinguished by a sudden shift of psychology when you picture her as your wife and future mother of your children. My good man, all this love you have will disappear and you might notice any change until its too late. Too many couples fall under that sequence of events and it’s not necessary. If marriage happens for you and her let it be a bonus. It should never be the deciding factor of whether you are going to be together or not. In short, I do not want to save your relationship in the future, I would rather hear you tell me that you found an equilibrium and that you still happily together 10 years from now than hearing that you got married only to experience 10 years of misery. The ball is in your court.

He replies,

Hahaha ati Kalonzo. I hear you bro. What can I say, it has been enlightening and I will apply your knowledge. I agree, I don’t need to be married to quantify my happiness, that makes a lot of sense. I think you need to talk to my boys, out of 7 of them non is faithful and they find me weak when I share my love stories. Thank you. I will keep you in the loop if you don’t mind?

Maurice replies,

You are welcome. Please do . My goal is to keep your relationship flame burning with you making the right choices. Like I said, 95% of men behaviour and think like your boys. Its funny how it is forbidden in many male forums to admit you can love a woman and yet about 50% of those 95% are like a little poddle in their homes.

He replies,

True that, cheers bro.