Dear Maurice,
I have been married for 6 years. I am Kenyan and my wife is Dutch. I have been that faithful man that women wish for but now I am struggling with my current mental state. I am stressed.
Maurice asks,
What is the problem?
He replies,
My wife has cheated on me twice, most recently, nine months ago after lying to me that she was attending an eight day seminar in Malawi.Maurice asks,
How did you know she was cheating?
He replies,
I got suspicious and upon investigating I discovered she had gone off with a married man who was older than her father. I confronted her and she did not deny but refused to tell me why and when her affair started. We then separated, she moved out. I have kept this shameful secret about my wife from our two children. I am disturbed because I don’t know what my wife saw in that old man. He is not well up financially compared to me. What did she see in him and what could be the problem for her to move out?
Maurice replies,
The question that comes to mind is whether you still have mixed feelings for your wife. You do not seem to have moved on after your separation hence why you are seeking answers. The mere fact that she had cheated on you previously is a clear sign that all was not well in your marriage. Once she cheated the first time round that should have been the time for you to dig deeper and establish the root cause of her infidelity. Another concern is the emotional state of your children. It is up to you but I strongly advise that you do not distance your children from their mother. Let them have the choice to see her and whatever you do keep your issues with your wife away from the children. They do not deserve to be caught up in the middle. What she saw in the other man is speculation at this point and from what you have alleged it was not financial gain or stability that attracted her to the other man. You have been married for six years and perhaps her ability to love within your marriage withered away at one point, unfortunately nowadays your predicament is common, again I can only speculate. I advise that you seek the truth from her so that you can have some form of closure.
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If a woman has to cheat. there must be major underlying issues at play. I always find it interesting that financial reasons are the ones that come to mind for guys and so the guy is perturbed since the other guy is worse off financially and older than the complainant. Has it occurred to the guy that maybe this older guy simply rocks her world in ways that this other guy prefers not to? Some people are too conservative for their own good and one may be forced to seek elsewhere for gratification. Dig deeper and find out if she tried to spice things up in the bedroom and you had reservations about this. The answer may be staring at you right in the face. Sometimes, women say/complain in subtle ways and men fail to act on these complaints. She is probably more liberal than the guy and is simply tired of a guy who won’t experiment. It’s enough to do a Boko Haram with someone who has more experience or who is more willing to go the extra mile for his woman literally and metaphorically!