mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 4 years. We have one child. I am a stay at home wife. We have a business that I manage but I also have staff who keep it running when I can not be there. I am a very dedicated wife. Despite having a house help I like to keep myself busy with house chores. I really need your advice on my marriage, things are just not working out.

Maurice asks,

What is wrong?

She replies,

My husband is having another affair and this time round it is complicated and I have had enough of his infidelity and lies.

Maurice replies,

So you have been here before?

She replies,

Yes I have, plenty of times. When I met my husband we were both in high school and he was a woman’s man if you know what I mean. He was bright, handsome, a charmer who could melt you and whisk you away. He was very sporty with a great body. He was everything I ever wanted or needed in a man. We dated for 6 years and unless I was ignorant I never suspected or saw signs of him being a serial cheat. After we got married it was not long till he had his first taste of adultery. He was seeing multiple women. A University girl and a social worker who we met at a function. I contacted both women and they confirmed their affair with my husband. I forgave him and erased the events from my mind. That was within a year of marriage. Since then every year has seen another woman enter our life to the point I just gave up and let him be. I told myself that at least he comes home to me. Two weeks ago I received a call from a woman and she asked to see me about my husband. I insisted she tells me but she said she would only be able to tell me face to face.

Maurice asks,

So did you meet her?

She replies,

I was so curious I had to meet her. She had a 3 year old child with her and as I walked up to her table my instincts were later confirmed that the child was my husband’s. I was crashed, she was the under grad he had an affair with. She further let me know that my husband had been housing her and maintaining her lifestyle because she had been in-between jobs for the last 2 years. Why didn’t he trust me enough to tell me about having a child with another woman? I haven’t even asked him about it. I can not afford to have my marriage collapse.

Maurice replies,

For there to be any form of closure you need to talk about it with your husband. Tell him you know but you are not going to judge him, you only need the truth from him, and establish a mutual way forward if indeed you want to maintain status quo in your marriage.

She replies,

What if he chases me away and replaces me?

Maurice asks,

My dear despite your husband’s multiple affairs for some reason you have stayed with him. You have had the choice to leave but I am certain you do not want that option. At this point you have nothing to lose and you need to rationally confront him and be open to whatever he has to say. It is also in my opinion that you need to prepare yourself to share him officially or unofficially. I say this because I do not see your husband changing his ways, as you said when you met him he was a woman’s man. Unfortunately for you that character trait in him has been a constant.