mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 5 years. I met my husband while in campus and we hit it off and 1 year later he became my lawful husband. We have no kids by choice. He was my first love and also my first sexual partner after marriage. He had dated before so he had some form of experience. I really do not know how to come out and say it but I seem to be changing as a woman. In the last year I have found my womanhood drifting away from status quo.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean by drifting away?

She replies,

My husband has been everything to me, he has been a friend and a mentor in the ways of life but since my own experiences I have realised that something was always lacking in our relationship. I love my husband and yet I feel as if he has limited my exposure over the years.

Maurice asks,

So can you pin point what is lacking in your marriage?

She replies,

For years I have heard women friends talking about sex. It always struck me that some of their descriptions did not relate with what I was experiencing at home. I always heard about the orgasm, how some of them would moan and even scream while having sex with their partners. It was a bit intimidating because I thought that I as a woman was most likely doing something wrong, not adding to the spice of love making.

Maurice replies,

I notice you said ‘you thought’, does this mean you know better, which only leads to one conclusion in my book?

She replies,

Yes I do know better. I have had an affair for almost one year. I am not proud of it but at the same time I am not guilty either. At one point I was curious and I felt my body demanding for sex beyond what my husband could offer which fueled me to venture out.

Maurice asks,

So what did you find?

She replies,

I quickly found out that sexual desire is not linked to the love you share with your partner. After 2 coffee dates a man I met shopping at my local supermarket took me to his bed and overwhelmed me with sexual sensations that I had never experienced. The way he touches me, rubs me down and looks at me is so different to the technical sex I have at home. When am with him he makes me feel sexy. The sex takes me to the greatest heights. I know what it feels like to have foreplay, to orgasm, I also know how it feels to have a man’s lips and tongue on my clitoris. When I am in the shower I close my eyes and imagine each drop as his touch. I never had such erotic thoughts before.

Maurice I may sound selfish but I am angry with my husband for making me settle for less. Why did he not make the effort to be a better lover in bed?

Maurice replies,

I do not play judge nor jury neither do I favor but I must point out that your husband sexually gave you what he could manage based on his endurance and sexual vitality. You only had a change of heart once you explored what has evidently become greener pastures for you.

She replies,

Maurice I hope you are not going to giving me the speech of how I have been a bad girl because I already got it from a few close friends and family thinking that they would be able to think beyond the societal expectation that I should not commit adultery. The only reason I am sharing is because I know from your blog that you do not judge one’s sexual escapades but may shade some light on how to handle mine.

Maurice replies,

My primary domain is sexuality, what people do sexually is not for me to judge. However I am curious to know how you intend to mask your sexual cravings when it comes to your husband. Are you going to end your escapades?

She replies,

I guess what I want to know is if my husband can change into the sexual being I need him to be?

Maurice asks,

Have you hinted to him that your sex life needs more spice, most importantly have you tried to direct him to your arousal zones during the start of your sex session?

She replies,

My husband is a know it all kind of man. The minute I attempt to suggest something regarding sex he will immediately know that I am hiding something. I can not risk him knowing.

Maurice replies,

My dear you already took a risk when you slept with another man so I do not believe directing your husband to understanding your body better is a risk. You just need to be tactful. My other concern is that your husband will not turn into the stallion you seek. That is impossible and you in the other hand will not be able to erase your indiscretion experiences. You have a renewed bench mark set by another man and I do not believe that after 5 years of marriage your husband will deliver to your expectations. Without sounding harsh those are the consequences of not drive testing a vehicle before you buy it.

You need to make a decision about your marriage. I have dealt with these scenarios and most of the time the wife has made a conscious decision on whether to stay in the marriage or not. I personally do not encourage people to settle for less but neither do I encourage people to part with the sole reason being sex. You must ask yourself if you truly are still in-love with your husband and whether you can risk it all for what may seem like greener pastures. It is a life changing decision but you must decide so that you do not have to deceive your husband by living a double life that you will not be able to maintain for much longer without your husband noticing slight affection changes.

She replies,

All I know is that I love my husband for the man that he is but sexually I cannot settle knowing what is out there.