Dear Maurice,
I have been reading your articles and I appreciate your efforts in assisting today’s generation with their relationship problems or drama. Anyway I have a burning problem. I had been in a relationship with a girl for 18 months. I am 23 and she is 22 and this is my second relationship. When she went for internship she found a guy who she claimed to be really in love with and left me for him, but two months down the line the guy broke up with her, I guess after getting what he wanted (sex).
When she was with that guy she wouldn’t talk to me. She even blocked my calls and never replied my texts. But after the guy broke up with her she started talking to me and warming up to me. I didn’t ignore her because I really love her, but when I asked her if she wants us to date again she declined. I know she is using me because she knows I am a good guy, but I can’t get her off my mind. I don’t initiate conversation with her; she is the one who is always reaching out to me.
It is really hard for me to stop thinking about her. I am a Christian so I have been praying hard for God to give me direction but it seems as if I am stuck in a rut. I keep asking myself ‘did she ever love me’, I don’t know what I am supposed to do. At least I am doing great things for myself to secure my future but I can’t keep this girl off my mind. When I ask her if she thinks we can date again in future, she tells me just to be patient and see what happens.
I hate her indecision, but I don’t want to tell her to stop talking to me because that might ruin any chance for a reunion in future. On the other hand I don’t want to continue talking to her, only for her to walk into another guy’s arms. I feel confused. I have sought help at our school’s counseling department but to be honest, it didn’t help me much. I need help because this is affecting me psychologically. I don’t feel complete without her.
Maurice replies,
You are a young man and a novice with women, especially the generation of young ones who happened to be your age mates. If you allow them they will ruin your future prospects and move on to the next man. I wish I could give you a solution of comfort but guess what, there is none. What you do have however is the opportunity to convert that psychological energy into something productive. After her actions she does not deserve a second chance because she will only hurt you when all is said and done. Consider the 18 months as a learning curve in your life. This is your time to build yourself, women will come in and out of your life but you must steer your own journey, don’t let young women dictate your fate or your future. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself and believe it, that it is her lose to have let you go and that you are going to make yourself into a beacon of success. Its time it became about you not her.
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