Dear Maurice,
I have dated my fiance on and off for 5 years and we are soon to marry early next year but I don’t feel right about the future.
Maurice asks,
What are your instincts telling you?
She replies,
I think its beyond my instincts because I am currently acting on them.
Maurice asks,
What do you mean?
She replies,
My fiance is currently out of the Country and will soon be returning for us to wed. As we speak I am with my ex enjoying the festive season in the Coast.
Maurice asks,
Have you been having an affair with your ex?
She replies,
No. When my fiance was asked to travel to the UK for 4 months I decided to have some ‘me time’ to evaluate my true feelings for him. I called up one of my ex boyfriends who I have always had a connection with and we went for an innocent coffee and chatted about my soon to be marriage status. He was very supportive and did not discourage me which surprised me because in truth I wanted him to sweep me off my feet so that I have a reason not to get married.
Maurice replies,
Let me guess. Your wish was granted. I am willing to bet that your Coastal adventure is more than a friends with benefits arrangement. You have confirmed that you are not in love with your fiance, am I right?
She replies,
Yes. Things have happened so fast, its too early to say that I am in love again but the lust for my ex is so powerful. I do not miss my fiance. I feel I can be myself around my ex but that has never been the case with my fiance.
Maurice replies,
Why did you and your ex break up and how long ago was this?
She replies,
My ex was that bad boy who I never saw marital potential but he gave me the best and wildest times of my dating experience. We broke up 7 years ago. Before you ask why him, the answer is because he has been consistent in telling me that I was his one true love. He has dated three women since and he always kept me in the loop of his relationships, listing everything they lacked that I could give him. Most of it was sexual but it made me feel wanted and sexy. My fiance is a nice guy but we have never had that spark, those lusty sweaty nights have never been part of our sex life.
Maurice asks,
So what’s on your mind?
She replies,
Maurice, I do not want to settle and regret, my fiance is rich and he will provide and give me a lavish life, that I am sure of, but he will never fulfill my sexual desires. I have been honest to myself and I know for sure I will cheat on him once we are married. Unlike many women I know that sex is important to me. I do not want to exist in a marriage, a marriage of convenience is not my cup of tea. Too many of my girlfriends are unhappy and its unfortunate but I can’t go through with the wedding knowing that I still have feelings for another man. I could easily make the choice and get married and use him for his money but I am not that kind of girl.
When we met I was independent and earning well so I crave for more than money in a man. I need to laugh and my ex makes me laugh. I need to cry and have someone who is not afraid of showing their emotions and most of all I need a man who understands me. A man whom we can grow and go through the good and bad together.
Maurice asks,
So clearly you have made up your mind?
She replies,
Yes I have, I am having a great time right now but breaking the news to him when he gets back in February will be hard. I have only shared this with my mother.
Maurice asks,
What are your mother’s thoughts?
She replies,
She told me to go with my heart. She said, stopping a wedding is unexpected news and will hurt and disappoint people for a short period but living a lie for the rest of my life is even worse.
Maurice replies,
Well, your mother is practical. There’s no point going through with a wedding just to please people. After all once the wedding day has lapsed it will just be you and your husband under one roof living a lie which may lead you to misery. That life will not be fair to him and you will not do yourself any favours by marrying a man you are not in love with.
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Will your ex marry you or is that something that does not interest you? You also do not state why you broke up 7 years ago. Why not have the best of both worlds? Marry your fiance and keep the ex too. Security is important but so is sexual gratification.
Run run run. I was married to money and all I received was a beating and torment as if that was my punishment for wanting a good lifestyle. I never enjoyed the money but his numerous little girls did. Go with your heart. I would have given up all that money to be with a man who makes me feel special.
I was married for 21 years. Marriage is over rated.
I agree with Linda. My husband has switched off his phone for the last 2 days. No word yet I worry for a man who is most likely entertaining another woman.
Shiru, security is what we all want but at what cost. Are we saying only rich men provide? I think not. What works for you may not work for her and double dealing men is a headache.
Why are we always running to get married. I wish I was also in the coast. At least she is getting some dick. My hubby has not touched me in months.
I feel a group hug coming along.
Maurice your article has illicited emotions. My husband provides well but he has also shown me what a serial cheater looks like. I opted to live with his adulterous ways. He must wear a condom for us to have sex which is rare. What to do.
What others think about you is none of your business. I agree with Linda and Wanja. There’s no point in ‘suffering’ through your own life when there is a happier more satisfying way to live. I believe in living with ‘ooh well’ as opposed to wishing you had tried something
If her ex makes her happy let her stay with him. Whether he marries her or not the bottom line is she is happy. Men with money are everywhere but in many cases that money is never yours to enjoy especially when he constantly leaves you at home to enjoy with ‘his boys’.
My husband is not rich but he earns a living. He is a dedicated loving man who comes home. For 11 years he has made me feel wanted in and out of bed, what more can a woman ask for. Money is not equal to happiness.
The ladies above have experience and i guess they have realized that money will never be equated to love. But the unfortunate thing is that women realize this predicament when it is too late.
There is a reason she dated her fiance on and off. With my little knowledge of relationships she must have had doubts over the years. It is then no surprise that she has chosen to spend time with her ex boyfriend.
@Felix, very true.
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