mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,
I met this guy back in 2008 and we fell in love. After 2 years of courtship, we opted for a traditional marriage. He met my parents and paid a down payment as part of the dowry and after blessings from both parents, we started living together as husband and wife.
In that duration, this guy was perfect in everything only that he was a “mamas boy”, I mean, he would report anything to his mother from what we ate for breakfast, lunch and supper, he also shared what we discussed and what we were planning to do. He continued like that despite my warnings that he was a grown man and should not behave like a child.
Am a christian and I frequently requested him to formalize our marriage by a church wedding but he would tell me that he was waiting for his mother to decide for him. He finally agreed in 2011 but his mother did not approve of it and she was heard by my friend saying she would do anything within her reach to disrupt the wedding since I will own everything from her son and that her son will no longer ‘worship’ her.
The whole family did not help in the wedding contribution and preparation. I had to do everything so as to make the day a success. This guy also folded his hands and I had foot all the bills including paying for his wedding suit. It reached a point where when I greeted my mother-in-law, she would not respond, and she will started calling me names. She even went ahead and brought a young lady with a baby and told me in my face that she was her son’s wife and that I was not going to wed him because she will personally disrupt the wedding.
I believe in the power of prayer, and that is what kept me going and because we did wed in 2012. During the wedding day, it happened that the car which was to bring the lady (preferred daughter-in-law) broke down and by the time she reached the church, we had already been pronounced husband and wife. After the wedding, this guy changed completely and most of the time would put up at his mothers place.
One day, his mother came to our home and told her son that “enough is enough, am fed up with this thing you call a wife and her insults. In fact, since your wedding day she does not respect me anymore and so I do not want to see her again”. The next day this guy packed his things and went back to his mama, leaving me out in the cold. He also told me that he won’t risk his mother’s curse in the name of staying married to me.
I picked up my pieces and moved on with my life. God saw my sorrows and blessed me with a well paying job. When they heard that am now a working, he and his mother started calling me and asking for forgiveness and saying that was the work of the devil, and that I still belong to that family. How evil and two faced can you get, to abandon me and want me back when you hear my life is going well. My question is, how do I pay them back? What criteria should I use to make them feel the same humiliation they put me through?
I came to learn later that the lady they claimed to be ‘the official wife’ left that family after what she was promised was never fulfilled to her.
Please advise me since I do not have anything to do with this idiot and my love for him is since diverted to another lucky man whom am expecting his child at the moment. God has been good to me since now I driver myself and I am enjoying my life. My family has been so supportive and so is my new found love. Waiting for your reply.

Maurice replies,

I am a firm believer of the courtship foundation. Like a block of flats, a relationship requires the initial foundation to be solid with mutual expectations. Especially if the courtship leads to marriage. It is clear that your ex is reliant on his mother to make his decisions for him which is never a good sign. Sadly it is natural for many people to side with their parent despite the emotional damage it does to their spouse. Once you have a marital bond you expect your partner to support you ‘no matter what’, I believe the vow is through thick and thin. Once you got into the formalities of a traditional marriage your husband should have stayed committed to you and not to his mother. It is even more evident that your husband was not committed to you if you had to cover for the costs of your church wedding. Though I must admit I am surprised that with all the negative energy and lack of support from your husband that you still went on with your wedding.

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