Hi Maurice,
I’ve been married for 5 years and I found out my husband who is 29 has been having an affair for 3 years.We have a 2 year old daughter and he is claiming I leave her behind if I choose to leave. Which is difficult so I have been hanging around and he thinks I’m around to make our marriage work which is not true because I don’t want to be married to him anymore.
I realized he was cheating on me in 2011 when he accidentally left his phone and I found messages between him and another woman, I asked him and he said the woman was following him and that she is the one who wanted the affair which I later came to learn was a lie. I forgave him and we were ok for a while until January 2013. He opened a beauty shop and I heard from a friend that the same woman he was having an affair with was running the place. I had asked to be running it since I don’t have a job, though I am a graduate, and he refused.
I passed by and the woman was there making hair and running the place. When I asked him, he said she only comes and goes until he finds someone permanent. I let it go and told him to fire her which he said he would do. I went back without his knowledge and found him with her. I sat them down and demanded to know the truth. The woman claims to be his girlfriend and the business is theirs because she has invested money in it. As I sat there listening it hit me that this light skinned woman had been in the shadows for years, we had met her in social places and it never hit me that she had anything with my husband. He did not end the affair and he was even sleeping with the woman which really hurt and scared me considering how dangerous it is now to sleep around.
He said I should stick around and look for a job and look after our daughter. It has been hard because he is apologetic and wants to touch and peck me which is kind of disgusting because I don’t want him to touch me. I’m thinking of moving out but I’m scared about my daughter’s well being and staying is hard because I’m not in love with him anymore. I think that every time he opens his mouth he is lying.I can never trust him again. I want to start life afresh and move on from this toxic relationship.
I am 23 years old and I don’t want to waste the rest of my life with tears and heartbreak because that is what his mother’s life is like because his father is also a player at the age of 55. His mother warned me that this is only the beginning and that is how they are. What should I do before I loose my mind with all the stress?
Maurice replies,
My dear it is evident that your husband disconnected from your matrimony years ago. He may be apologetic but only when it suits him. He is probably happy in a marriage of convenience which you are currently involved in. It is also clear that his affair has advanced to something more permanent and considering he implied that you can leave if you wish he has made it obvious that he is not willing to terminate his relationship with the other woman. Based on the facts your only logical option is to leave however there’s the matter of your child’s welfare.Without an income it will be a stressful uphill task to cater for your child’s needs which out weigh any other factors. If your husband is providing at the moment, before you decide to move on with your life I would advise that you look at your options wisely. At 23 you still have a life ahead of you so it is paramount that you seek for work and secure an avenue to generate enough income to sustain yourself and your child. If you wish you can also look into the legal obligations that your husband must abide to in regards to your daughter’s welfare. Health wise, for your own peace of mind I would recommend that you confirm your HIV status.
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