Dear Maurice,
You need to help me before I lose my husband.
Maurice asks,
What is the issue?
She replies,
I have messed up big time. It is like I was under a spell. I have been having an affair and now my husband has moved out leaving me and the kids. He says we are done. I need to save my 11 year marriage.
Maurice asks,
Take me through the events that led to this point. And what do you mean you were under a spell?
She replies,
My husband and I have been going through a marital disconnect since last year before xmas and as much as we have tried to resolved our issues we have constantly gotten nowhere. While all this was going on I was swayed by another man’s attention. It had been awhile since I felt like a woman I have been either a mother or wife but never that girl who just feels sexy. This man came along and for 7 months I was in heaven literally. He convinced me that the problem was my husband not appreciating me and after several meetings we shared a bed and from there on it became addictive with all the pleasures that come with that scenario.
Maurice asks,
For how long have you known this man and how did your husband find out?
She replies,
The man is our Pastor. There is no excuse for what I did but on the real I have no idea how I was seduced to the point of having an affair. I accidentally send his text to my husband. Because of the content it
was clear that it was not for him. I knew I was in trouble when he did not bother to call to ask. That day I went home thinking I was going to be killed but to my horror my husband just kept quiet and kept his distance. That night was the coldest night ever and I was afraid to say anything. He woke up as normal and went to work. The whole day there was no communication between us even after I text him several times. When I got home that evening he had packed a few of his things and on the bedside he had left me a letter. The letter highlighted his anger. He had specifically detailed all the times in 11 years he had the chance to cheat but made a choice not to. I felt so guilty and at that point I saw my life flash before me, it was those moments you wish you could take it all back.
Maurice asks,
When did he move out and where has he gone?
She replies,
He left 4 days ago, it was on Monday. He moved back home with his parents. He is staying in their guest house. His parents are not picking my calls. Maurice how do I get him back?
Maurice replies,
I wish I had a magical way of getting back home but you must understand that he is hurting and he most likely cannot handle talking to you so he would rather stay quiet. He has probably asked his parents not to interfere hence why they are not picking your calls. Are you close with his parents?
She replies,
I thought so, I speak to his mother quite often but she must be very disappointed in me after all I have shared with her about loving her son. My life is over.
Maurice replies,
Lets not jump the gun and speculate. Take responsibility of the consequences of your actions and give your husband space. As I said he is hurting and from experience with this kind of case he will contact you when he is ready and something tells me one of his parents is pretty curious to hear your side of the story so be patient.
She replies,
The Pastor keeps calling me. I told him what happened and he wants to help. He wants us to change the story and say it was never sexual and that it was demons that had possessed us to flirt via phone.
Maurice replies,
I have many things I would like to say towards that so called Pastor but I will hold my tongue. My dear he is a virus to your marriage and you need to delete his number and never communicate with him again if indeed you are serious in attempting to salvage your marriage.
I feel for that dude. You cant even trust your pastor with your wife then who can you trust. For her sake I hope he does not play the revenge card. Marriage is about hurdles he should look to his faith and go back to his family and heal with his wife.
Ken,
as much as we would wish him to go back to his family, it is going to take a long time for him to brush that off his head on the intimate zone. His strengths are his personal faith. Sometimes people think we have to be faithful to others, NO! We have to be faithful to ourselves to be able to apply it to others. Same is love. How can you reciprocate love when you don’t have it for the other? I think spontaneity was missing in this relationship. Communication failed, and there went out the window the opportunity to express themselves in all aspects of their life and relationship,most importantly, INTIMACY. There is more to sex or making love, than just removing clothes and climbing on one, or the other. Embracing diversity in a marriage relationship is something I came to respect in any relationship, from my last marriage. I was faithful, and more so to myself. Even when she was enjoying her vocations abroad, I was taking care of my business, and raising the kids. Communication was down to zero, and I knew where it was heading. She had set an exclusive comfort zone, to her understanding. But all that was brewing there was depression, isolation and stress. Not until a man called me and told me my wife was in her house, had done damage to her property, had refused to leave and was calling the police for her. When I asked to talk to her, she surely came to the phone. I didn’t talk. I came home to my children, she assumed it was all normal. My faith in myself helped me go thru the circumstances. At that point, I looked at my beautiful children, and remembered my babu’s words of wisdom~”women are devils on walls, we look at them every day. Women come into our lives, and they leave as they came”. Our family is our children, they will not abandon you, leave you but love you unconditionally. Our friend needs to know his children are everything. He should have looked for a good and safe environment and move in with his children and tell his wife to not come there, until he is ready to talk to her. Am sure she could have respected his wish, based on what she’s aware, the damage she has done to her family. The pastor was the devil in between. God will not forgive him for what he did to this family. The pastor needs to go before his congregation and ask for forgiveness. If I were this man, I would go to that church and summon for a board meeting and have him dealt with.
When situations like this happens in our lives, as they happened to me and my friend here, we have to seek the strength of the Lord to carry us through the next step. Counselling may help, recovering the lost trust will take yrs. Am glad she told me she was leaving and I happily said PEACE be with you wherever you go, for me and my children, we are at peace without you, and is well with our souls. My kids are my pride and joy, we have forgotten and moved on, having wonderful life and fun together. To my friend hurting, go back to your children, their smiles and love will help you heal quickly than isolating yourself. Take my words, it will be, and is well with your heart and soul, because you are faithful to yourself. Uphold that strength in you friend, you are not alone. Bless your heart.
Well said….I think he should take the kids also.
“The man is our Pastor….” – Damn!
Haha…ati “Demon possession..”…vicars taking a piss mate. #forbidden fruit
“on the real I have no idea how I was seduced to the point of having an affair..” One thing that I have observed with women, though it it afflicts most human beings, though it is systemic for women and they are notorious for it is not taking responsibility. You can’t say you had no idea when the idea of the vicar ‘making you feel sexy’ was aforementioned. Man!…If you there’s a lack of intimacy, communication problems, sexual problems, people, especially women…ESPECIALLY WOMEN….need to talk…it’s really that simple. Find a way to get that persons attention, if you’re married go back to your parents, do something before letting another man have what he is not entitled to, under any circumstances, even in a parallel, hedonistic, universe without any semblance of law. Make no mistake, this shit always comes out man…whether mamas make for better players is irrelevant…cause karma cannot be outsmarted…dunia ni dwara…and yes, karma is a bitch. Believe. To all guys who have been through this….be strong!
@peter – I wish i could contact you this wonderful advice,am in the same situation only worse is am self destroying myself and have reached a point whereby i need help from such people. To the victim take heart n remember GOD is greater than all obstacles in life.
Kim, you can reach me @monari2010@gmail.com
I can’t look at another person go down as such. I will do my best to help you. Be blessed.
I feel sorry for the family. She should have just communicated. Take your time to please your woman, she is your wife, the mother of your children but at the end of the day she is a woman with needs so rekindle that flame everyday. Women love with their hearts but when you don’t give her the space to be herself there are consequences to it. I blame the man for what happened, he drove her in the arms of another man just for him to use the language of love to lure her to bed, she just needed attention. Men be wary. Always date your woman from the beginning to the end in old age. Also let’s learn to communicate with your spouse it could save your marriage.
Communication is very important in a relationship..
@maya that is true….it just can’t happen,something is wrong somewhere and they’ve been suppressing it for along time, it’s time they become candid about their marriage…..