mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am currently jobless and I have a man in my life who is not adding value as he promised. He has promised me over and over and over but he never delivers.

Maurice asks,

Who is he to you, is he your boyfriend?

She replies,

I have been dating him for 5 years.

Maurice asks,

What are these promises and are you sure you are both on the same boat in regards to the direction of your relationship?

She replies,

Since we met he has only fulfilled one promise. After a few months of dating he started to pay my rent and utilities bills. But he refused to buy my food because I was working at the time. I have to remind him and pester him to do stuff for me. I have to eat. I have a car to maintain. I wanted to sell my car mid last year but he discouraged me saying he would be there for me. What pisses me off is that these days he seems reluctant to pay anything on time.

Maurice asks,

For how long have you been out of work?

She replies,

For 2 years.

Maurice asks,

What have you done to regain employment?

She replies,

If I am honest I was extremely aggressive in my job search for about 1 year then I just gave up. He told me that I should not worry and that he would take care of me. But now it seems like I am a burden to him.

Maurice asks,

How serious is your relationship, do you plan to wed?

She replies,

That might not be a possibility?

Maurice asks,

Why not?

She replies,

He is married with 2 kids.

Maurice replies,

I see. So you understand there’s only so much he can do for you?

She asks,

What do you mean?

Maurice replies,

Regardless of what you were promised, a lot that was said over those benefited him more than you, otherwise why play the game. It was a means to an end. With most men who choose to maintain a side kick there is always a rule book and only he knows all the rules. While together he will only reveal those rules that gain him an advantage over you and those that make sure that you do not interfere with him primary family. I call it social time share management. Men are gifted in a variety of ways, some with the gift of the gab, others the power of their wallet. Every angler has his method of applying his bait and securing his catch.

If I may ask, why is it that you do not have children with him, do you use protection?

She replies,

Before we met I was using the coil because I was not ready for children. Since we met we have always gone for random HIV tests because he has never been keen on using condoms.

Maurice asks,

With the fact that you were not hurrying to have a baby you were his dream come true. Many married men with girlfriends can attest to the pressure they receive in relations to baby making.

Do you trust that apart from his wife he is exclusively sleeping with you?

She replies,

Considering how careful he has been I am inclined to trust that he is not seeing any other woman or women.

Maurice asks,

Based on what you have told me he will never be yours so what do want from him?

She replies,

After what you have said I am no longer sure of the future with him. What do you advise?

Maurice replies,

In my opinion I believe he is reluctant to help because for the last 2 years he feels that the extra burden is not what he signed up for. As you said he committed to paying for your rent and utility bills but when your status went from employed to unemployed the dynamics of your relationship changed for him. He most likely feels like he has two families to look after.

Despite contributing financially his ultimate driving force towards you was the fact that you represented a side of his life that was fun and adventurous, perhaps you even provided for the only home where he did not feel judged but appreciated. But currently with you pestering him your role in his life is no longer a positive reflection. Whether you are with him or not you only have one option. If you believe in yourself you will land that job but you must get back to being aggressive in your search. You must empower yourself and get back on your feet. Do not rely on a man that does not belong to you. He is not obligated to you and the reality is there are plenty of married women who have unreliable husbands. Taking up responsibility is a choice.

Something tells me that you are not going to leave this relationship so do yourself a favour and gain financial independence and learn to live with his unwritten rules.

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