mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am in a major dilemma and I need your advice. To be quite honest this dilemma begun a long time ago, it’s only now in 2013 that I am no longer in denial. Christmas was my calling card when I realized that the last time we actually had fun as a family was years ago. I have been married for 22 years and we have 2 kids who are all grown up and have flown the nest to pursue their university education. For the last 2 years we have had to force our kids to be home for Christmas. They would rather spend it with extended family or with their friends. My husband and I have always known the reason why the kids avoid being home but we have been in denial for a very long time.

Maurice asks,

What have you been in denial about?

She replies,

Our marriage experienced a disconnect about 4 years ago.

Maurice asks,

What caused that disconnect and please explain your dilemma?

She replies,

My husband traveled abroad on a work related project and he was away for 16 months. During that time he was away we were in-touch daily but it was not enough to maintain our marital bond. We communicated for awhile but with each call we were running out of things to tell each other and before we knew it we could go for days without talking. A combination of distance and our busy schedules just made it harder to rekindle what we once had. Since he returned home we have pretended that all is well but after what I heard a few days ago I have realized that there’s more to our lack of communication.

Maurice asks,

What do you mean?

She replies,

I over heard my husband talking to another woman. He told her that he loved her once but he can’t be with her because he has a family to take care of and that he loves his wife very much, he told her that what they had in Brussels was special but she needed to let go. He then hung up. That night while we were sleeping he held me so tight till morning. I should be mad but I am not. I want to save my marriage. I am in-love with this man, I don’t care that he may have had an affair in Brussels. I want to reconnect with my husband. What should I do?

Maurice replies,

First thing, you should never let him know that you over heard his conversation that will send him into living a guilt trip and most likely hamper your reconnection. Based on his actions your husband wants you as the woman in his life so have a heart to heart moment and tell each other what you miss most. To rekindle you must avoid discussing the negatives of the past. Instead you should fall back into doing the things you used to do and enjoy together. Make time for love, make it your number one priority because nothing you may be doing in your life is more important than your marriage right now. Men are usually slow at this rekindling but it is obvious that your husband wants to be with you, so if you have to lead him make the initiative to create that setting where you can nurture a loving environment. Before you know it your husband will take the lead and most likely use ideas you subtly gave him to pamper you as you rekindle your union.

She replies,

He must be living with guilt and I will help him forget the past. I am not excusing him but I was not supportive as his wife while he was away and that may have led him to seek another woman’s attention. One thing I have learned about you men over the last 22 years, is that you are more emotionally demanding, like toddlers, than women are and if you don’t receive attention you succumb to cheap thrills. Thank you Maurice.