Dear Maurice,
I do not think I can hack what my life is going through anymore otherwise I will go crazy.
Maurice asks,
Talk to me what is going on?
She replies,
I have been married for 11 miserable years. I say this because at the beginning though times were troubling I told myself that eventually things would get better in my marriage. My husband hails from a wealthy family and he has always gotten his way. I am 32 and I feel I wasted years of my life trying to change my husband into a man who did not rely on his family to exist and provide for me and our 2 kids.
Maurice asks,
Does your husband work?
She replies,
No he does not work and yet he tells everyone in our social circle that he does. Like I said he gets anything he wants. He does help out in their family business, he is given an allowance to survive whether he helps out of not. And to be perfectly honest hanging out at their head office and chatting to staff all day does not equate to working.
Maurice replies,
You said you have been miserable, please expound?
She replies,
My kids hardly know their father, he is not always physical available and when he gets home from his socialite lifestyle they are normally asleep. The best he can do is buy their love with gifts, basically he is mimicking the emotionally unavailable father he had while growing up. When we met he once broke down about his neglect from his father and I thought that would drive him to being a different father figure but he is duplicating what he once hated. My husband has also not been the most faithful. He has had 2 affairs I know of and they crashed my self esteem to the point his mother intervened and threatened to cut him off the family wealth if he continued to hurt me.
Maurice asks,
Were you never happy when you look back?
She replies,
My happiest time with my husband was the one year and four months we dated before we got married. After our I do’s it was a downhill spiral from there on. I at this juncture want out of this marriage, I am no long in-love and I shared this with my mother-in-law and she was very understanding and she too said she saw this moment coming. She assured me that the kids fund will be secure till they are of age and that she will see to it that my husband provides for me and the kids whether we are together or not. I need to know if I leave will I have failed as a wife and will I be wrong by taking my kids from their father whom they love so much?
Maurice replies,
Eleven years is a long time to feel miserable and not recall a period of happiness within that time. In my opinion, your marriage turned into one of convenience years ago and you gradually severed your bond at the conception of your marital life. Allow your husband access to his kids, there’s no reason to punish your kids if they love their Dad but move on. It is never easy to make certain life changing choices but you leaving may be the best thing for you considering that you are no longer in-love. It is paramount that you know and believe deep within you that you did not fail as a wife or mother. It is time for you to start a fresh and stop living in despair.
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Saturday, April 27th, another session at the Coast. The ladies were so good to me last month I look forward to returning. Mombasa here I come again.
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