mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 4 years and we have one son who is 8 years old and a daughter who is 6 years old. I have known my husband for 11 years, although we dated for just over one year before we got married. I am 34 and my husband is 39.

Maurice asks,

What seems to be the problem?

She replies,

My husband has turned out to be a totally different man from the one I fell in-love with 5 years ago.

Maurice asks,

What is different about him?

She replies,

It is like he has a schedule of the month, there are weeks where he will be home and others he decides to gallivant around with his friends and the only notice I receive is a text telling me he has plans for that particular weekend and that he loves me. I then receive a few texts to confirm he is fine then he goes quiet. I do not believe that he just spends nights on end with his male friends. I suspected infidelity and called for a meeting with his parents at our home and I was shocked by the response I received.

Maurice asks,

What did the parents have to say about the matter?

She replies,

I voiced my concerns to his parents and their attitude towards the all matter was very lax. I told them that for the last 3 years their son had emotionally damaged me with his social life and at times not being home for 2 nights. I told them that if he continued to behave in such a manner I would leave the marriage. His father just laughed as his mother sat there with no expression on her face.

Maurice asks,

Did either parent respond to your statement of leaving?

She replies,

Yes. His father stood up and walked towards me. He then began to ask me a series of questions.

Maurice replies,

Please expound.

She replies,

He asked me if I was really willing to breakup a home because of my husband’s social life? I replied yes. He asked me whether my husband provided shelter for his family, whether he provided 3 meals a every day and whether my kids were in a good school with fees paid. He even asked me if my conjugal rights were being met to my satisfaction of which I replied yes to all the above.

He then said, little girl when you have major issues please call upon me until then stop speculating on issues that manifest in your head and if my son is indeed playing around with women out there at least he come back home to you.

It was at that point that it hit me that my husband had grown up in a polygamous family and that he was emulating his father while married to me. Is there a chance that my husband may be cheating or has plans to lead a polygamous life?

Maurice replies,

Yes there’s always a chance however based on what you have told me you have no solid proof of any infidelity. And if your husband chooses to marry a second wife you will be the first to know. Men who want to lead a polygamous life usually alert their first wife before making that step. In your case I believe before you jump the gun you need to have a candid chat with your husband, in my opinion you have just had a communication disconnect over the years. You fell into a routine and that routine is now showing its cracks. Sit down and have a sober non-judgmental chat about your life together.

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It is unfortunate that in some cases men will surprise their first wife with such news into their 5th to 10th year of marriage. Please refrain from such revelations. I do not believe that some of you just wake up one day and decide you need a 2nd wife. Polygamy is not an excuse to have 2 women nor is it a way of adopting a marriage of convenience with your first wife who you do not love anymore.

The practice of polygamy is not going anywhere anytime soon. All I advise to those men who know they want to practice polygamy is that they make it very clear, before marriage, to any woman they are getting involved with so that she can make that decision to stay in that family setting or leave.