mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am 26. I have been married for 8 months but my husband and I knew each other for 10 years before we got married. As yet we have no kids it’s just the two of us and already due to certain habits we are constantly arguing at home.

Maurice replies,

What are you arguing about?

She replies,

The first issue is his new found tendency to go out and socialise without even telling me and just  sending me an sms once after he has been out for hours. My second issue is that my husband remembers to clean his car but leaves his garments all over the place especially his inner wear and socks. Why can’t he have the courtesy of leaving our bedroom tidy. I put a lot of effort to make sure our home is tidy and squeaky clean. It is frustrating when I find his dirty linen thrown on the floor. Honestly it is disrespectful to me. It is not my job to pick up after my husband, is it?

Maurice replies,

No it is definitely not your role as a wife to pick up after him. That said, in the 10 years you have known each other, how long have you stayed together to groom each other about home tidiness?

She replies,

Before we got married we had only just moved in together so we have lived together for 11 months.

Maurice replies,

Am I to assume that while you lived apart his habits were still the same at his home and at that time you voiced your concerns about his tidiness?

She replies,

Yes he was untidy but he had a house girl who would clean and tidy his place 3 times a week. Though, I too did clean up the clutter at his apartment once in a while. While we were dating he spent more time over at my apartment. He hardly cooked at his place so I preferred my comfort zone.

Maurice asks,

How often does he go out?

She replies,

He loves his music, so he goes out for karaoke nights. That’s at least twice over the week and is usually home by midnight. On Fridays and Saturdays he will hang out with his pals and be home by around 10pm. My question to you is why can’t he offer to take me out or let me tag along?

Maurice replies,

My dear if you are waiting for an invitation you may wait for a while. The critical thing to do now is to stop his habit of going out without you. How do you achieve that? Simple, while he gets ready, get ready too and leave together. If he is already at the social venue without you, ask him to pick you or if you drive just join him. Despite what many couples think due to their adaptation, in my opinion a couple should never be in a position where they ask for permission to join each other. When you adopt a certain illogical formula of communication it may go against the principles of togetherness, which leads to habits and trends that are usually hard to reverse. You are very much in your infancy of marriage so groom each other to be partners in almost everything in the social arena and in basic home upkeep. As you groom your husband please be patient. Men are like Whisky they take time to brew. I am sure you get my analogy.