Dear Maurice,
I would like you to make sense of a situation that has befallen my marriage. My husband and I have been married for 8 years almost 9 years. We have 2 kids. I can say that it has been a very good marriage with the usual ups and downs. I having an extremely loving and devoted husband. I am content however for the last 4 months I have not been a happy woman because my husband refuses to honour his pledge to my parents.
Maurice asks,
What did he pledge and when?
She replies,
When our families were in talks negotiating my dowry it was decided that out of the demands that my family made my husband would pay part of it and complete his dowry obligation within 2 to 3 years. Five months ago we 
attended a family meeting and this pending matter of dowry was brought up by my extended family members and they did not mince their words. They were extremely categorical that my husband had defaulted in his promise to settle with them. To them that was a show of disrespect considering he should have cleared with them years ago. To add salt to injury my husband went on the defensive and kind of rubbished the pledge stating that he had paid for the most crucial customary obligations and that the additional dowry demand was created by a few of my family members as a form of embezzlement in his opinion. As you can imagine my husband’s sentiments were not received well.
Maurice asks,
I want you to be honest with me, is it the dowry issue that troubles you or the way your husband responded at the meeting?
She replies,
Well, he did offend my father and my extended family members, though my mother agreed with my husband’s testimony but did not voice it at the meeting.
Maurice asks,
Do you agree with your mother?
She replies,
Yes she does have a point that my husband covered the most critical part of our customary dowry but he also made me feel that I was not worth what was been asked for. I wanted my husband to just accept their demands and settle it once and for all. Since then there’s been so much tension in our home, I don’t know the way forward, what do I do?
Maurice replies,
This is my take on the matter. I believe you need to stick by your husband, there’s a reason why your marriage has blossomed for almost 9 years, don’t sacrifice that for anything. I am not dismissing your husband’s actions. He should at one point take the step to apologise to your father, that said, if indeed there’s some truth to your husband’s sentiment then you should respect the fact that he stood up for what he believes is right. It might not please certain family members but remember your marriage is between you and your husband, which should be priority number one. For your husband to make any rational decisions regarding the pending issue he must feel and know that you back him up unconditionally.
She replies,
Maurice you don’t have to tell me twice I will stick by my man I guess I was a bit mad with him and I just needed your honest opinion. Thank you.
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To my readers,
Decisions and choices you make today will reflect in the future.
Personally I am not at all a supporter of dowry, why? Because many families have taken what used to be customary with realistic dowry demands and made it a somewhat commercial venture. I have seen the effects of this venture and the affected party is usually only the bride and groom later in life.
All I can add is that it is important for a woman who is getting married to side with your husband to be, he needs your support more than ever before at that stage.
From experience dealing with these cases many women who at the time of the dowry process decided to side with her family and left their husband to be in the cold only plant a seed of resentment. Even though men can be good pretenders, because of bride and pressure they will follow through and pay up but in the future they will in their own way remind you of the time you bailed on them as you put a price tag on yourself. In my opinion a woman is PRICELESS so please when you equate yourself with a 90 cows and goats plus a Range Rover you are merely cheap and so you will be treated.
And to the men. Please control your egos and state what you can afford, that in my book makes you a man, a man will stand his ground, but if you exhaust your savings or take a loan to pay for dowry and the wedding, you are only setting yourself for failure. A marriage that is started on debt is a very flammable marriage.
To those getting married, be a team always, make the right mutual choices and map out a future that you can manage and in doing so your bond will grow and you will pursue your dreams together. Now that is partnership.
mauricetherapy 
Boss today you have spoken. My wife completed sided with her father to the point where I felt like calling it off but we were too far along. I was furious with her but I never showed it. I guess she paid the price when her attitude persisted in our marriage and I left her after 11 years. I am remarriage to a woman who knows how to treat a man.
Dude that is so true, women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maurice Maurice I like your advise but you are too blunt for life waaah!
It is not worth it.
Long story short, I gave her a Windsor wedding, 4 years later she screwed a friend of a friend, she said she was not herself. like I said long story and I left her and so did the guy she screwed.
My dowry was in the mid 80’s. It consisted of 4 goats and traditional brew. Thereafter I had to host a feast for her and her entire family. We are still going strong and she has always been supportive. You are correct, today is it all about material power. It has diluted the traditional principles of honoring and respecting a certain passage in life where you are blessed with a bride.
In case your female readers think it was a poverty thing, we both came from a wealthy background, the difference was unlike today back then people valued their traditions and did not abuse them. I gave my daughter away but like my father in law I refused to sell her. There’s a big difference.