mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I have been married for 4 years, I am 26 and a house wife. We have one child, a baby girl who is 2 years old. I am not happy in my marriage and I haven’t been for some years. I have turned to friends and family but in short they all tell me to stick the stormy weather. But my question is, I should stick it out until when. I really do not feel like I am in a relationship leave alone a marriage. My husband from the beginning was a very stubborn man, a man’s man kind of guy, his characteristics were very attractive to me when I met him 6 years ago but now he is not just stubborn but he is selfish, inconsiderate and not at all loving towards me.

Maurice replies,

Please expound on his current behavior. And if I may ask does he provide for you as he is supposed to?

She replies,

I am glad you asked. My husband despite being a man who earns a lot of money has to be reminded that he has a baby to feed. Sometime he will leave enough cash to buy milk and bread, how do I feed and cater for our baby’s needs on that budget, secondly how do I sustain our home on those kind of budget yet this is a man who can comfortable afford to spend on expensive outings and holidays whenever he feels like. Let’s just say if he leaves ksh1,000 for food Christmas must have come early. I have really struggled with my sanity. I am also suspecting him of cheating on me. He did it once and I forgave him but in the last 5 months he has been coming home late.

Maurice asks,

When did he last come home late and what was his excuse?

She replies,

Last week, on a week day he got home at 6:30am. Having not slept the whole night with worry about his safety, I asked him where he had been and why would he come home in the morning? He replied that he had gotten so drunk that he could not drive. I then asked him where he slept. He said he managed to drive to their work’s car park and he slept in the car. What a lame excuse if you ask me. Could he not get a cab home? I may be 14 years younger than him but I am no fool. My question to you Maurice, is there a chance that he will change his ways and be fully committed to his family and did he ever love me? One of the reasons I married him was because I thought he was a much older responsible mature man who had overcome boyish behavior but clearly not.

Maurice replies,

There’s a misconception that men naturally become more responsible with age, this is incorrect. The truth is, older men have experience and with that wisdom and knowledge of life they are more equipt to make choices. Men do not change or shed skin and become reborn, they just have the ability to make the right or wrong choice. In my opinion your husband was most likely not ready to have a family that he can commit to fully. He may have found the idea of having a family positively stimulating but it is a whole other kettle of fish to actual provide for a family. Tell him how you really feel and what your expectations are considering you have a child and ask him if both of you can receive some counseling.