mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I met my husband 23 years ago when we both had nothing in regards to what people call wealth. He lived in a small studio flat and so did I. We hardly made ends meet after every pay cheque but somehow we pulled through. It was after knowing each other for 4 years that we finally decided to live together and strive for success. We both had a passion for success and we both embarked on a path that could lead us in that direction. We attained our master’s degrees and with God’s blessings our life’s gradually changed for the better. It’s like every dream we had was unfolding as the years went by. Within no time we were living in our own home, a beautiful home. We started a family, we have 2 kids that we dearly love and have given them the best in terms of education and we have a strong bond with them. Neither I nor my husband had that bond with our parents so we thought we would be different. I believe we have achieved that with our kids. However, after that colourful narration of our life’s journey my husband recently shocked me with words he uttered and I am hurt.

Maurice asks,

What was it that hurt you?

We both do well at work and we live a very comfortable life, the issue which according to me is a none issue and that over the years we have shared about our finances; individual and joint investments. What I am trying to say is that my husband and I over a decade ago agreed that despite being a couple we would both have individually owned assets. Couples normally do not discuss eventualities of life like break ups but we did and we agreed we would both be financially secure just in-case our relationship came to an end. Anyway, what hurt me was that my husband eventually admitted that he has been cold towards me for the last year because he feels since my promotion at work I have become the man of the house and that I am never there for him as his wife. He said money has changed me and that he feels irrelevant in our home despite being the provider.

Maurice asks,

Are you saying that you earn more than your husband?

She replies,

Yes I do, much more. And like I said earlier we both do well but because I have a bigger salary it has caused a rift in our home, we are both wealthy with plenty of assets. My husband has always supported my career growth at work so where is all this coming from?

Maurice replies,

Since your promotion has your marital quality time at home changed and is your work keeping you away from home more than usual?

She replies,

I guess our time together has slightly changed but we still make time for each other. Yes my work is now demanding in the office, many late hours and corporate functions.

Maurice replies,

I believe that is your primary problem. Your husband has over time noticed that your quality time has dwindled and that has led him to feel neglected and despite your agreement his ego is most likely bruised by your promotion and the fact that you spend more time with your colleagues than with him. It’s common with some men, he is just feeling threatened and he needs constant affirmation from you that you love him and that he will always be the man of the house. Unless there’s more he is not revealing, your husband just needs some tender loving care, ego boosting once in a while. Everyman has a little boy within him that needs that attention so give it to him. That’s my advise to you.

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In life you have a choice. To apply as much time and effort into your relationship as you do for your boss/company or else watch your relationship wither. From Monday to Friday the average working hours excluding other appointments is 40 hours. The quality time spent as a couple during the week is between 10 hours to 20 hours, that is less than a whole day. Make the right choice and make time for love.