mauricetherapy

Dear Maurice,

I am currently feeling like I am trapped between a rock and hard place. I have discovered something that has distorted the way I perceive my marriage status in terms of mental stability as a wife.

Maurice replies,

Please do share.

She replies,

Where do I start, well I have been married to what I thought was an honest responsible man but evidently after what I have uncovered he is definitely not honest unless the meaning as changed. I am stressed, I am angry and I need you to make sense of this situation for me. My husband of 9 years was once married for 12 years then he divorced his wife under reconcilable differences.  He spent 3 years as a single man and played the field as he once put it until he met me and fell in-love with me. Within a span of 2 years we were married. In case you are wondering my husband is 51 and I am 38.

Maurice replies,

If I may stop you there, does your husband run two families?

She replies,

Yes he does and that is connected to my predicament. At the end of November last year, we visited his other family for one of the kid’s birthday.

Maurice asks,

How many kids does your husband have with you and with his ex wife?

She replies,

We have 2 kids, our youngest is 6 years. He had 3 kids with his ex and when she also found love again she had one more child though she is not married to her current partner.

Maurice asks,

So what happened at the birthday?

She replies,

I happened to be chatting with his ex wife, whom I kind of hate but pretend to like over the years, about the kids and we got talking about the similarities between the kids and their fathers. That’s when I saw something suspicious in her reaction as we spoke about her last born. It got me thinking whether it was really her partner’s child or not.

Maurice asks,

So what did you do?

She replies,

I couldn’t ask her because I had a feeling after knowing her for years that she would not be candid with me so I waited till we got back home and I tricked my husband into confessing by implying I already knew his secret with his ex wife, it was a gamble but it paid off. He opened up with all the guilt painted on his face. He tried to explain that it was a one off just over 3 years ago and that there’s no affair going on.

Maurice replies,

Almost 8 weeks after your revelation you are still living under the same roof I assume, and if so what clarification do you seek?

She replies,

How can I trust him, why couldn’t he tell me, yes I would have been mad but I would have made thinks work due to his honesty?

Maurice replies,

Based on your somewhat calm reaction and ability to forgive I feel as if you either expected or were ready for any future revelations as the one that haunts you now. I believe you know that you want to sustain your marriage but seek an apology that makes sense. Let me tell you, no sincere apology will make sense to you. Your husband defiled his vows and the question now is, are you willing to leave him or are you staying? We both know your answer so I advise that you find closure on that matter and find the strength to seal the past and concentrate on your future. Remember, if the truth came out two families would bear the suffering, and is it really worth all that pain and disorder especially for the kids. I think not.